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Why are gay men generally well dressed, in good shape and well groomed. While Lesbians are generally overweight, full of tattoos and piercings and un hygienic? (self.asktrp)

submitted by [deleted]


[–]OlBastard 115 points116 points  (2 children)

Gays know what other gays want.

Lesbians have no idea what other lesbians want.

[–]caius_iulius_caesar 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's because gay guys know what they want and Lesbians don't.

[–]raceAround126 21 points22 points  (3 children)

Well this whole thread is just screaming for a list of people to instaban from life. Hahaha. But I'll give this a go.

I used to work as a bouncer and some of the gay hotspots in London were my regular paycheck. While I'm not gay myself, the vastly increased paychecks for gay events was congruent with my financial needs as a university student. Gay nights paid more but they were a lot harder to work. It was rare to get a night where there wasn't some incident to deal with.

Anyway. Gay men come in two formats. They're either groomed to the fucking hilt, or have past that time in their life and are well in that don't give a shit anymore camp. Yet even the ones that don't give a shit I could hardly describe as smelly compared to their straight don't give a shit counterparts.

My personal belief is that they are well groomed because

  • they have other men who can help them out in that department,

  • they have other men who can be ruthlessly bitchy if they're wearing the wrong fashion or look bad

  • they have to!

To reiterate the last point, men are dirty fuckers. I don't mean gay men specifically, just men in general. Shit, if a girl is offering me a no strings night of passion, there's not much that will make me say no if she's any way good looking. The idea that a woman can go up to a guy and say "Fancy a fuck?" and get a positive response is utterly true; I've seen this as a bouncer and even had it happen to me once. The same is not true the other way round.

So given that all men are easy, this means that gay men are all competing on themselves. And some of them will go as far as carrying makeup mirrors around with them. Yes, I mean you gay guys with those boxy lumps in the back of your levis.

Lesbians... yeah... frankly, I just don't believe them. They say they're only attracted to women, but I struggle to really believe it. Lesbian bed death is a real thing and I think for a reason. Most of the lesbians I have run into seem to have a real problem with everyone and every thing around them. Especially straight men. Which as a bouncer went down very well for me! Having to tell a militant lesbian she's not coming into a club is not a fun experience let me tell you.

But yeah, quite frankly I honestly feel it's a form of attention seeking. An extra feather in the arse of solipsism. To me, this sort of attention seeking goes hand in hand with stupid tattoos and piercings which, despite being a metalhead, I think looks stupid on anyone male or female.

Given what I said, the goal of being a lesbian is not a sexual one. Therefore why wash? Why look good? Most lesbians seek victimhood. The few I worked with who were "out" so to speak seemed to constantly take offense at everything possible and that's all there was to it.

So personally, it's because I don't think it's actually 100% real. I honestly feel that there is usually something else to it, some deeper need to be noticed. While I am sure that there are women who are completely gay purely for sexual reasons, I think they are vastly out numbered by the attention seekers. I've never met a girl speak of another girl in a highly sexual manner unless they were actually bisexual.

Just my $0.02 having worked in a lot of gay clubs.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Style code or behavior issue with the militant lesbians that didn't get let in?

[–]raceAround126 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Usually it was down to behavior issues. Really if you're acting up in the line, what makes you think giving me lip will get you entry?

It wasn't too common that we knocked people back for style on gay nights. Most of them knew how to dress.

[–]PlaneHijacker -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

£0.02

FTFY

[–]tomysotomayorfuxboys 58 points59 points  (6 children)

Gay men imitate feminine stereotypes while lesbians imitate masculine stereotypes. A feminine stereotype is dressing well and looking pretty, while a masculine stereotype is being tough and grimy.

A stereotypical girly girl would like fashion, shoes, and shopping while a stereotypical manly man might be a sweaty blue collar truck driver, construction worker or oil rig worker with a beer belly and tattoos.

[–]miraistreak -3 points-2 points  (4 children)

Plus men care more about physical appearance than women do, so vanity becomes more important.

[–]pillpapa 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That's actually true. Women are attracted primarily to social status (note that the "halo effect" means your looks do influence your social status) while men are attracted to youth and beauty.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You must be new here

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

  1. Gay men know what they themselves find attractive. In this case, generally, what they themselves find attractive is the same as what other gay men find attractive.
  2. Gay women don't know what they themselves find attractive any more than straight women do, consequently they don't understand what other gay women find attractive.
  3. Women are more sexually fluid than men. An unattractive straight woman can much more easily "go gay" than an unattractive man, assuming there's no opposite-sex options

[–]1grubek 7 points8 points  (0 children)

There are well dressed well kept lesbians, they just don't stand out.

If you are talking about the butch look, my guess is because they want to look manly and domineering and too much refinement hurts that image.

[–]Hunter2isit 30 points31 points  (23 children)

those are just stereotypes. Source: I live in the bay area and my ex wife decided to eat tacos

[–]dandeezy 30 points31 points  (13 children)

Stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason.

[–]Interversity 7 points8 points  (10 children)

Could easily be a huge confirmation/observation bias though.

[–][deleted]  (9 children)

[deleted]

    [–]RidleySmith 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Yeah, cos they exists in movies.

    I worked in a gay bar for a semester (not gay) and only about 10% of the lesbians are "butch" and maybe only 30% of the guys are how you described.

    [–]1Reddthrown -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    Yeah, someone came up with them out of their ass.

    [–]iluminatiNYC 14 points15 points  (7 children)

    Not complete BS though. The medical industry has noticed that lesbians tend to be more overweight than their het counterparts, while gay men tend to be less overweight. I agree on the grooming, but the stereotype has a limited degree of merit.

    [–]Blerks 6 points7 points  (6 children)

    Part of it is observation bias and visibility, though. The most memorable (and obvious) gays are the flamboyant ones, and dressing stylishly is part of that. The most memorable and visible lesbians are the ones who overtly reject femininity, dressing in masculine clothes and seeing maintaining a slim figure as a sexist double-standard.

    I agree that the difference between the ways men and women approach relationships must have an effect, it's just hard to tell how much that is. I'd love to see some actual research on this, but I'm not holding my breath for a collaboration between psychologists and non-feminist gender studies professors. :/

    [–][deleted]  (5 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]aguy01 6 points7 points  (2 children)

      Adjusted multinomial logistic regression analyses showed lesbians have more than twice the odds of overweight (odds ratio [OR]=2.69; 95% confidence interval [CI]=1.40, 5.18) and obesity (OR=2.47; 95% CI=1.19, 5.09) as heterosexual women.

      [–]Blerks 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      Huh. I'm a little surprised that out of nearly 6000 women only 87 self-reported as lesbians, 1/2 the number of bisexuals and 1/3 the number of "something else." Also, you're more likely to call yourself bisexual if you were born in the 80s, whereas in the 70s just straight-up lesbian is the way to go, and if you were born in the 60s you just hate labels. Actually, the sharp dip in heterosexuality in the 40-45 age group makes me wonder if the "something else" is inflated by people considering themselves asexual.... Anyway, their conclusions still checked out even excluding the "something else"s.

      Anyway, despite the low number of self-identified lesbians the stats do look legit, although there weren't enough women to do an age breakdown, which would have been interesting. Also, best cover-our-asses line in the study: "We prove the need for weight reduction interventions in this population, but do not provide specific information for the development of culturally appropriate interventions for this population."

      Also, the article in reference 45 ( http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1300/J155v03n04_04#.VbR490Kr-SI ): says that in a qualitative study bisexual women did report more appearance pressure when they had a male partner than female.

      Thanks for the article, that was a really interesting read.

      [–]caius_iulius_caesar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I'm not at all surprised. Lesbians are very rare. Every study shows them to be far rarer than exclusive male homosexuals.

      Fat Lesbians are a thing.

      [–]roteBart2015 17 points18 points  (3 children)

      Gays compare themselfes with top women, they want AF as well. Lesbians compare themselfes to lowest men, they think it will shiw everybody how easy it is even for a bump when he has a penis. Thats why lesbians often have short hair.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

        [–]Big_ol_Bro 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        they think it will show everybody how easy it is even for a bum when he has a penis

        That's how I interpreted it.

        [–]joe_bruised_ego 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Because men and women value different things. Men are far more impressed by physical attractiveness, whereas women like power and confidence.

        [–]Alleyria 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Look at what straight guys use for attraction: attitude, charm, social skills, dominance. These are all attractive qualities to women, hence, a woman trying to attract women will embody these.

        And what do straight girls use to attract men? Their looks. Men are far more visually oriented in their attraction, so guys who want to pick up guys look good to attract guys.

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Men prioritize physical attractiveness much more highly than women, and this tendency is not dependent on sexuality; i.e. gay or straight.

        [–]Zaorish9 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        I'm surprised people here aRe not answering this right. Men are attracted to appearances more, women are attracted to behaviors more.

        [–]AceroInoxidable 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        It's very simple:

        Looks matter more for men.

        Question answered.

        [–]Goodthink84 4 points5 points  (3 children)

        Lesbian women do not have a man in their life nor do they try to look good for men. Without male influence, women generally are not capable of maintaining their health and appearance, just like children. One can see this with feminists as well. Gay men may or may not be marginally better-groomed than straight men, I don't know. Given how they tend to be hypersexual, the focus on appearance makes sense.

        [–]caius_iulius_caesar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        One can see this with feminists as well.

        Good point. It's often quite difficult to tell the difference between a Lesbian and a feminist.

        *typo

        [–]TurgidMeatWand 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        Gay men aren't hypersexual, they are just more likely to get laid because Anti-Slut-Defenses are virtually nonexistent in men.

        [–]caius_iulius_caesar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        It's true they're not hypersexual, but because both partners have the same sex drive more sex is had.

        [–]Endorsed Contributorleftajar 4 points5 points  (3 children)

        Gays prioritize appearance because men are visually stimulated.

        Lesbians are a more complicated matter.

        Unlike gays, who have measurably different brains than straight men, "Lesbians" as a category don't really exist. Rather, think of "Lesbians" as "women who choose to be sexual with other women."

        There are generally two types:

        1. Lipstick Lesbians
        2. Butch Lesbians

        The former tend to be normal -- sometimes even attractive -- women who were abused when young. Men feel so profoundly unsafe that they choose to be with women instead.

        The latter tend to be women who are so naturally ugly and unfeminine that they opt out of dating men entirely. They then adopt more masculine ways of interacting to match their butch appearance. These are the gross, overweight Lesbians you're referring to. They can sometimes pair with Lipstick Lesbians, to fulfill the masculine part of the Yin/Yang.

        Now, why do Butch Lesbians look the way they do? Like men, their relationship value is more about the dominance they can provide to their submissive partners. Therefore, appearance isn't as important as demeanor and social behaviors.

        [–]JackRayner_ 4 points5 points  (2 children)

        Another bit of info: Lesbians earn more money than gay men. Why? Because they are working with female hypergamy in full effect.

        All of the data available at this point has left me believing the following: Lesbianism isn't as much about sex as it is about dysfunctional women getting their needs (partly emotional) met. Lesbian bed death is a thing, though I think something needs to be alive before it can die, and compared to gay men (or straight men and women), lesbian have very little sex.

        If science ever gets to the point of fully explaining homosexuality in fullness (and ideologues aren't steering the ship) I predict that we're going to learn that male homosexuality and female "homosexuality" are very different beasts.

        [–]caius_iulius_caesar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Indeed male and female homosexuality are different beasts.

        Lesbians have so little sex for a single, very obvious reason - there is no man involved. Men want sex more often than women, because androgen levels.

        [–]Endorsed Contributorleftajar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        That is a fantastic insight. I had no idea as to the low incidence of actual sex in lesbian relationships. That would support the idea of it relationship about meeting each others' emotional needs.

        [–][deleted]  (3 children)

        [deleted]

        [–]caius_iulius_caesar 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        What are the ones you know like?

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

        [deleted]

          [–]caius_iulius_caesar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I don't see what that has to do with being well groomed.

          [–]Squeezymypenisy 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          Those are stereotypes.

          [–]NiceTryDisaster -1 points0 points  (0 children)

          Same thing I said on a similar type of question recently on here.

          [–]1throwaway-aa2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I think half of it, is that the opposite is usually true for the genders. Women generally are better dressed (on a WHOLE) than men, and men are generally more masculine, overweight, unhygienic. When you're looking for your own gender, it makes sense to emulate the other gender... because at the end of the day, what you want reflects who you are (imagine your identify as a masculine straight male and how that would be affected if you for some reason or other wanted to get POUNDED in your ass by a muscular dude... you'd start showing signs of femininity).

          More than that, it makes it easier to be identified, and identify others. A women who has some weird buzzcut and is wearing something a man would wear is just much easily identifiable as a lesbian and then other lesbians will be willing to talk you to find out. Same thing with being a gay guy.

          Everyone saying those are stereotypes: So? Women dressing better than men is also a stereotype... that doesn't mean you won't find tons of men who dress better than women, it just is demarcating things on a whole, not necessarily representing an absolute indicator of all people. If someone said "Human have 2 feet" and then someone has a birth defect and only has 1 foot, do we say "well not all humans have 2 feet.... that's a stereotype"? Cmon people use common sense.

          [–]randarrow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          The dandy gay men type are rare, only a stereo type because they stand out. Most gay men I knew were actually slobs, think foul bachelor frog types.

          [–]Crisis88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Anything to do with men being a more visual sex, and thus to attract other men having to appear the part; while with women being more about behaviour and emotional reaction to it their appearance becomes secondary?
          Just spitballing, I've not got hard science as far as the lesbian aspect of my theory there

          [–]stefanobettega 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          'Cause gays tryin' to be women while lesbians tryin' to be men.

          [–]user6580 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Gays are more prone to embrace feminine traits i.e. grooming and fashion. (this isn't always the case my bro is gay and more of a slob than me)

          Lesbains embrace masculine traits such as tattoos piercings and being a slob.

          [–]TRP VanguardArchwinger -1 points0 points  (0 children)

          Girls go lesbian because they're lazy and don't want to put the effort in to attract a decent man. Or they're broken due to past trauma or experiences. Gay men are born that way, and are still men, so many of them approach the situation with the methodical and thorough nature men are known for.

          [–]LastRevision -1 points0 points  (1 child)

          I think the most vocal and visible lesbians are faux lesbians in that they are post wall, bitter man hating women who understand thag they can cut a better deal with other women rather than through pursuing lesser men due to their diminished value. These are your most vocal lesbians, so they stand out and take pride in "rebelling against the beauty standard."

          [–]caius_iulius_caesar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Often those women have been previously married to men.

          [–]redpillersinparis -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

          It's actually very simple.

          Gay men want to look feminine, butch lesbians want to look manly.

          Now it's up to you to understand why the feminine look is different than the manly look.