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How do you make peace with a girl's history? (self.asktrp)

submitted by cyanidez

Hi guys,

I've always had trouble dealing with girls' pasts. Everytime a girl and I get closer and she starts telling me about her history, I can't help but reflexively judge her as a slut. Especially for any one-night stands or cases where she "gave everything" to a guy who just fucked her for a few months. Or when she just gave it up on the first night.

The extreme hypocrisy here is that she fucked me on our first date, she is willing to give everything up for me by this point, the other day she told me she loves me and if you compare her history with mine, mine is a whole lot more scandalous.

Still, I cannot help it. It's almost like I get mad at her for her "bad choices". Almost as if she "did it to me"... it almost feels like cheating? How strange is that. This is probably not a healthy way of viewing it but at the moment I'm just honest - I can't help myself.

Do I have any right to feel this way?

Where is the error in my thinking and what is the correct mindset to have?

Really appreciate any help, I'm suffering under my own mind at the moment.


[–]Derfaust 102 points103 points  (11 children)

You are very unlikely to get to a point with this girl where this is going to stop bothering you. It is going to mess with your head continuously and it will make you act out. You already know its not going to work long term but you really want it to...because... why? Scarcity paradigm. Get out. Get out now. Man up and face yourself and let go.

Next time you meet a nice girl who starts talking about her past relationships...stop her. Yes, you know she has a past, but you also know that the knowledge will eat you up. But its better to not know, at least for now until you arrive at a mentality where you can overlook such things.

Furthermore girls who bring all this shit up early on are damaged and they're going to continue bleeding all over you. Get out. Now. Save yourself. Because you cant save her.

[–]Bruchibre 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Best comment here.

[–]lookoutitscaleb 15 points16 points  (6 children)

This comment seems like the best advice.

I had the same problem. I was with a great girl actually. I knew she was with tons of duders. I was in her house while my best friend at the time fucked her, my now roommate fell asleep on her as she was going down on him. All three of us would joke about both occasions. I hooked up with her trying to get over a previous relationship. We hooked up and continued to and I was like you know she's not that bad of a person. Let's make this work.

We dated exclusively. Every other day a new dude came up to me to "give me props" she was one of their "favorite lays" "crazy you got her to be exclusive with just you she wouldn't with me". Even dudes I thought were losers would tell me about their experiences with her. I just let it go because I "loved her". Inside it killed me and I slowly lost attraction to her. She could tell and she did too, she ended up breaking up with me.

I was like "TF" "i'm the HB8 here and YOU are breaking up with ME!???". It tore me up, led me to TRP. Now at my stage in life she was actually a great girl. She had her problems but we all do, I just was too much of a pussy. If you're at that pussy stage in life no amount of advice or arguing with yourself with change that. You are still daydreaming of a fantasy world that is very scarce and very rare. But you KNOW it doesn't exist for you here now. You need to experience enough to actually realize they're just a person and the reason you're offended is because they don't fit into the fantasy box you created, and them not fitting in it means that it's not a stable box.

Your world view is changing.

[–]aDrunkenWhaler 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Bro, sorry to break it to you, but you had oneitis for an all mighty whore. It's one thing to have a few relationships and a few one night stands for an n count, but fucking and blowing everyone that came within a 10 meter radius of her is a different matter. She wasn't a great person, she was a fucking mess, and you were the town's laughing stock.

[–]lookoutitscaleb 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Most definitely.

I wouldn't say being a whore makes someone a bad person though.

[–]aDrunkenWhaler 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I wouldn't say being a whore makes someone a bad person though.

I beg to differ. She is a pittiful example of human, succumbing to her impulses, no restrain, no self esteem, spreading diseases, morraly corrupt and not to be trusted. If she donates to charity and takes stray cats to the vet, that's fucking great, but it doesn't negate the fact that she is someone people should avoid for their own good. Law 10: Infection: avoid the unhappy and unlucky.

There is a Captain-save-a-hoe in all of us. Experience teaches you to see that hoe for what she really is.

[–]lookoutitscaleb 2 points3 points  (0 children)

K bud.

[–]RomeNeverFell 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow dude.

[–]cyanidez[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude, thank you for sharing that.

[–]DadOnDabs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This to the letter.

[–]AmazonAlphaMale 1 point2 points  (0 children)

SGM recommends quite the opposite. He recommends getting a girl to open up to you sexually including her past sexual relationships, kinks, and fantasy’s.

[–]jackandjill22 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Hm

[–]LongBeachBlackTips 132 points133 points  (6 children)

“She’s not yours, it’s just your turn”

[–]markinsinz7 22 points23 points  (0 children)

One of the hardest truths of trp. Like top 3 atleast

[–]LaimbeerAdvocate 23 points24 points  (4 children)

And AWALT

[–]btrpb 7 points8 points  (3 children)

And lift.

[–]lauris652 5 points6 points  (2 children)

And read books

[–]durdendino 6 points7 points  (1 child)

And go get a life.

[–]AmazonAlphaMale -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

And get a wife

[–]Greek-God-Brody 20 points21 points  (13 children)

Don't LTR a girl with a rich sexual past if it bothers you. Don't LTR a girl raised without a father around.

If she ticks a lot of the green flags, then consider LTRing her.

I'd rather accept a girl who's had a few stable relationships than one who's been riding the CC year after year and only having had 1-2 LTR's.

[–]RomeNeverFell 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd rather accept a girl who's had a few stable relationships than one who's been riding the CC year after year and only having had 1-2 LTR's.

Most girls did both.

[–]1morescoobysnacks 5 points6 points  (11 children)

Don't LTR a girl raised without a father around.

Do we have any actual studies on this or did that dork Rollo blog about it and we can't resist his dick?

[–]Greek-God-Brody 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Haven't looked into it, honestly. My ex confirmed this rule.

[–]1morescoobysnacks 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Not a very good sample size. We're in a big echo chamber around here. Everyone should try to be more objective. I'm going to check myself because if there is any real evidence that's obviously an easy flag to check for.

[–]chumjetze 0 points1 point  (0 children)

read my comment above

[–]chumjetze 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Look at my comment just above

[–]HannibalBacara 5 points6 points  (3 children)

It's not a dealbreaker for me I've just noticed in my travels that IN GENERAL, girls with either bad or nonexistent father figures were usually not the type of girls I'd want to LTR because that usually seeps into other aspects of them as a person.

But there have been a few girls I've met who didn't have father figures that had low n-counts and were absolute sweethearts to me so it's retarded to say that it is a dealbreaker.

Dealbreakers for me are stuff like admitting to having cheated on past boyfriends, doing drugs besides weed, or admitting to having a train run on her. Stuff like that lol.

[–]chumjetze 1 point2 points  (2 children)

63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. Of Health/Census) – 5 times the average.90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes – 32 times the average.85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. (Center for Disease Control)• 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes –14 times the average. (Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26)• 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average. (National Principals Association Report) Father Factor in Education – Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school.• 70% of youths in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average. (U.S. Dept. of Justice, Sept. 1988)• 85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. (Fulton Co. Georgia, Texas Dept. of Correction)

I can continue if you want me to...

[–]HannibalBacara 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Ok cool I agree with you but for me a dealbreaker is something that would prevent you from LTRing a girl 100% of the time.

You're gonna tell me that if a girl is good in almost every other way besides having a good relationship with her father you'd just never consider promoting her.

Get off the internet and go actually meet people.

[–]chumjetze 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is talking more about not having a relationship with the father at all. Not just not having a good/great relationship.

Since we all reap what we sow, I wouldn't even consider a relationship with one of them. Just asking for trouble

[–]Turkerthelurker 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There are ample studies showing that having a mother and father are the single biggest predictors of a child's success.

At the very least, the lack of a father would mean she had to have had another positive male role model in her life to identify the traits of a good man. She would need to see how a good woman, wife, & mother would nurture those traits.

So no, that mindset isn't IMPOSSIBLE for a girl without a father around to develop, but it becomes way less likely.

[–]chumjetze 3 points4 points  (1 child)

63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. Of Health/Census) – 5 times the average.90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes – 32 times the average.85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. (Center for Disease Control)• 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes –14 times the average. (Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26)• 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average. (National Principals Association Report) Father Factor in Education – Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school.• 70% of youths in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average. (U.S. Dept. of Justice, Sept. 1988)• 85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. (Fulton Co. Georgia, Texas Dept. of Correction)

I can continue if you want me to...

[–]1morescoobysnacks 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn. Thank you.

[–]IFuckingHateAllergy 56 points57 points  (5 children)

I used to be in your exact position. Nobody can actually blame you when you feel the way you do. We're all wired to feel that. That's just your subconscious telling you that that type of girl is very rarely LTR material. However your desire for her affects how you view her and creates a conflict in your mind. You want her to be someone only you had. But the fact that she isn't is what makes that conflict.

How I dealt with it, I simply approached it from an IDGAF state. Zen state if you want to call it that. If it bothers you then it matters to you. Don't let the things you have no control over bother you, her past being a prime example. You only have two choices here, you should focus on that. The former being, You just enjoy the ride and see where it takes you. You can't change her past so why worry about it? If it bothers you so much, your only second choice is to find someone else who doesn't have a very promiscuous past so you can maintain your peace of mind.

Your statement tells me you care more than just having sex otherwise her history would be a non-factor.

[–]Ramp_Up_Then_Dump -1 points0 points  (2 children)

What if there was significant amount of girls that "only you had"?

[–]markinsinz7 1 point2 points  (1 child)

What? U trying to say there's girls put there that have fucked no one but you?

[–]Ramp_Up_Then_Dump 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not in west. There are that girls in other countries if you deflower them.

[–]HannibalBacara -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

This is the right answer

[–]jackandjill22 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Hm

[–]Endorsed ContributorWe_Are_Legion 43 points44 points  (9 children)

The ancient monks used to have a technique for dissolving pain, so that they could find inner peace:

When your emotional pain arises... pay attention to your pain. Observe the feelings that arise. Do not fight them. Do not think about the feelings. Do not let your feeling turn into thinking. No words, judgements or memories. No past nor future. Simply observe the feeling. Rather than resist the pain, go into it more deeply. Surrender to the reality of what is, in the here and now... which is not the memory... but only the feeling of pain itself.

Stay in the present moment. Look at the pain with calm, and acceptance. Know that it is not part of you. Observe it like an outsider.

Observe your pain. Smile at it.

Within a few moments, the pain will pass away. And that portion of it that you managed to dissolve will never return (not until you create new pain which is a consequence of having a uncontrolled ego.). Over a few sessions of this, this entire body of pain will have dissolved from your life.

[–]catalina-out 4 points5 points  (1 child)

pay attention to your pain. Observe the feelings that arise. Do not fight them. Do not think about the feelings. Do not let your feeling turn into thinking. No words, judgements or memories. No past nor future. Simply observe the feeling.

As in focus on the physical sensation that your body is experiencing as "pain", rather than the causation of that pain?

[–]Turkerthelurker 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As in focus on the physical sensation that your body is experiencing as "pain", rather than the causation of that pain?

Yes. The problem for OP is that he feels guilt for a feeling that is totally normal. The message that has been engrained in media and "popular opinion," contrasted with his gut feeling, has put him in a state of cognitive dissonance - which is extremely uncomfortable. This is the ego being at odds with his self.

So meditate on it. Feel the lump in your throat, or the weight in your stomach, and acknowledge it is valid. Acknowledge the physical side affects of whatever that uncomfortable feeling may be. Once the manifestations of those feelings have been addressed, one can address what's causing them.

I liken it to sucking at public speaking. Often times it is the effects of one's nervousness, and the feedback loop of hearing their shaky voice, their fast speech, their sweaty palms that makes them so bad at it. The prescription given to help addresses the side effects. It lowers your heart rate, so the shakiness and quivering don't manifest in your body and speech. With those side effects gone, one can continue their speech more clearly, and enter a positive feedback loop. And once they've experienced that, they can stop using the meds.

[–]SpiderAlpha33 2 points3 points  (5 children)

Ah, Mindfulness. Being mindful about the situation has indeed solved a lot of my problems.

[–]Greek-God-Brody 18 points19 points  (4 children)

Mindfulness will not change her N-count, though.

[–]SpiderAlpha33 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hahaha fuck no!

[–]Kurush559 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Thats not the goal. The goal is to fix OP's cognitive dissonance and alleviate the suffering its causing him

[–]RedHoodhandles 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You can meditate all you want and become super chill with the fact that you LTR a slut. You can dissolve the cognitive dissonace that you experience. But it won't solve the problem. Dissolving your LTR into thin air is the solution to your problem.

If you have a fucking nail in your fucking foot you don't meditate about the fleeting pain that you are experiencing. You fucking pull the nail.

[–]Kurush559 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Didnt realise he was talking about an ltr. I'd always advise against ltring a hoe, but if youre plating girls , all you can do is get over their slutty pasts, presents and futures.

If she breathes she a hoe.

[–]KarmicPrism 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love you bro. Monks have the best knowledge of the mind no doubt. #buddhagang

[–]failingtheturingtest 37 points38 points  (1 child)

Do you have the right to feel this way? Who had the right to tell you what you can and cannot feel?

It's not that it's "right" to judge her. Just like it's not "right" to find that ugly girl over there unattractive. But I do. It's how we're built. And you judge her because all your instincts tell you that her past proves her to be a dangerous gamble. Accept a commitment with her and its on HER terms. She can fuck you over when the moment feels right and you are the one that wears it.

[–]cyanidez[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

And you judge her because all your instincts tell you that her past proves her to be a dangerous gamble.

This really helped alleviate some of the internal conflict I was feeling. You're 100% right, she's a dangerous gamble. I just coulnd't find the words like you have, but instinctively this is exactly what I've known this whole time. Giving it a clear label like this makes it immediately lose a lot of its power. Thank you.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 32 points33 points  (3 children)

I've always had trouble dealing with girls' pasts. Everytime a girl and I get closer and she starts telling me about her history, I can't help but reflexively judge her as a slut.

If she wants to have lots of men that's fine, but she's not LTR material.

The extreme hypocrisy here is that she fucked me on our first date, she is willing to give everything up for me by this point, the other day she told me she loves me and if you compare her history with mine, mine is a whole lot more scandalous.

This is not hypocrisy. YOU ARE MALE SHE IS FEMALE. It's different - both in how we feel about each other, and also statistically. Men can still happily pair bond regardless of # partners. Provably not so for women.

Still, I cannot help it. It's almost like I get mad at her for her "bad choices".

Don't get mad at her for not being what you want her to be. Accept her as she is, and behave and live your own life accordingly.

This isn't "forgive" because of course there are consequences. It is "accept and treat as she is".

Do I have any right to feel this way?

Yes. You're a man.

Where is the error in my thinking and what is the correct mindset to have?

​Error = men and women are the same.

Correct mindset = men and women are different. Paying full price for thoroughly used goods just makes no fucking sense.

[–]twofones 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Right. This has been true for thousands of years and isn't gonna change because cosmo said it should.

[–]jackandjill22 -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

Yep. But they're going to insist that you do.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

they can insist on anything they like, not my problem

[–]StinkyDiaper 56 points57 points  (2 children)

Two choices:

Enjoy the sex you’re getting.

Be jealous other men got it, too.

Stop focusing on dudes, bro. You got titties in your face - you won. She thinks you’re hot and loves to bang you. Enjoy that shit before your actions begin to dry her the hell up and she leaves.

[–]jackandjill22 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Stop focusing on other dudes? What the hell is he supposed to do. Basically what your verbalizing right now is by definition "enjoy the decline".

Enjoy tittys in your face. Yea, thanks that definitely is the correct perspective here. Instant gratification much? Where's the quality?

[–]Red_Ninja7 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Sounds like you're actually thinking of being in a LTR with her. Don't. Take all the red pill advice and enjoy her in the short term, but this type of chick wouldn't be good for a LTR. Don't even be exclusive with her.

[–]plenty_of_eesh 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Doesn't this forum teach that "all women are like that?"

Isn't it really obvious that women have easy access to a lot of guys these days and isn't it pretty much expected they have had sex before?

Even one night stands... not a big deal.

There are many factors around deciding to LTR but I just don't think "has a sexual history" should be one of them...

Cheating? For sure. That is knowledge you can work with. Hundreds of one night stands? Okay maybe quantity says something here (but finding that out is nearly impossible).

But you can pick up cues about how she treats people, how she interacts with family, all the little red flags, tendency to deceive, etc...

OP I know it stings, and what the sting tells you is that you are getting one-itis, but to the extent that LTRs are advisable, the requirement for virginity is actually detrimental. Enjoy that someone with experiences and choices is draining your nuts, and worry about her other craziness flags.

[–]1morescoobysnacks 3 points4 points  (0 children)

n count doesn't mean anything for multiple reasons.. 1. you'll never know the truth, 2. CDC data says it's a virgin or nothing.

Alternatively, STOP FUCKING ASKING ABOUT THEIR N COUNT. My friend does this to himself non-stop and then complains to me about it. Stop self sabotaging.

But you can pick up cues about how she treats people, how she interacts with family, all the little red flags, tendency to deceive, etc... [..] OP I know it stings, and what the sting tells you is that you are getting one-itis, but to the extent that LTRs are advisable, the requirement for virginity is actually detrimental. Enjoy that someone with experiences and choices is draining your nuts, and worry about her other craziness flags.

Bingo.

[–]bostezo22 6 points7 points  (2 children)

I understand you a lot bro. Here the people is telling you that enjoy the ride, you have won, etc... but, once more, it is not about HER is about YOU, isn't it?

It's strange since I am the one always who gets bored of girls and cheat on them and move on. And I have my creepy past and bad choices. But I think men and women are different, we should fuck and girls should be selective? Hell, welcome to real life, welcome to TRP.

I feel the same with any girl who tells me she gave everything to ONS chad, and got mad when they tell me about their drunk threesomes and gangbangs (really pisses me off). But I learnt bro, girls nowadays by 21 years old have been railed once and again. It is hard, I know. So what you have to do is DONT GIVE A FUCK and prevent yourself from LTRs.

[–]EL_Miore 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I feel that. My ex told me about a threesome she had with her ex and her best friend who I also knew for years and I had no idea. She was all "I didn't wanna do it, but Ali forced us" I was like "Yeah, ok" and never spoke to her again.

[–]bostezo22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The same for me, man. "I was drunk, they came to muy place, I couldnt help It" bullshit

[–]Freedom__Fighter 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You either date good virgin church girls and fuck missionary, or you stop being a pussy if you want to touch a hot oven and deal with the fact that she, a human, has made plenty of mistakes including acting a slut. If you can't stomach a slut's past, you simply move on.

[–]oytrp 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's a valid feeling that you should listen to.

Not LTR worthy.

[–]markinsinz7 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm just surprised this doesn't affect EVERY other guy here. I guess they call this the anger/denial phase.

Im not there yet but i suspect Eventually you yourself hook up with so many women that it doesn't phase u anymore. Every girls just another slam piece. You just enjoy the ltr for the experience and when it ends you let it go blissfully.

Until one day u wanna have kids and u look around u and realize... fuck. I've seen guys so naturally alpha that all the training n practice in the world I could take and they'd still beat me hands down (not that it matters) but point being these Chad's marry up these hoes - all the fuckin time.

It's a case of 'this is the best it'll ever get and might as well since I want a family'.

As for the many men preaching no marriage, suppose the laws change and become more favorable to marry in case of divorces. What then? Tons of men will line up to wife up these same hoes. In the end to each ones own - hopefully you find a bro irl who shares the same values as you - that can ease the pain of loneliness

Enjoy the decline.

[–]omega_dawg93 8 points9 points  (0 children)

OP, just know that you're only dealing with the history she thought you can handle.

the REAL history is in her head, with her medical records, and probably with her best friend.

you do NOT... REPEAT, NOT want to know her TRUE sexual past.

multiply the number she gave you x3... then, add 7.

[–]Tousen71 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Is she the mother of your kids? No? Then have fun, hang out, and hook up, but DQ her from anything serious.

[–]punchyson 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have to takes on this, neither is what you want to hear.

  • All women either are sluts, or want to be. Even the churchy prude who really has a single digit n-count has sexual fantasies that would melt your brain. Women are far dirtier than men are, believe it.

  • What you are really worried about is if one or more of those guys got better sex from her, if you are the biggest and best etc. All you can really do in our modern dating reality is work at being the best fuck of her life. If all she can think about is getting fucked by you, problem solved.

[–]2CainPrice 3 points4 points  (0 children)

When you're obsessing about a girl's sexual history, you're focusing on a bunch of incorrect issues.

The main one in your case is that you're putting your current woman on a pedestal. Not your current woman, specifically, but your current woman 10 years ago, or something like that.

You think that your current woman, back before she started having casual sex, was somehow better and more special than she is now, and if only you'd caught her then, before she had a sexual history, then you'd have the perfect girlfriend.

But the fact is that your woman is, was, and will be a slut. When placed into circumstances where she had opportunities for casual sex (including her first date with you), she had casual sex. She's a casual sex girl. That doesn't make her less enjoyable as a human being, that doesn't make sex with her any less good or less fun, and it doesn't make her a bad person any more than your history makes you a bad person.

You're not going to marry this girl anyway, so just enjoy your time with her, enjoy the sex, enjoy how she makes you feel, and when things run their course, wish her well and go enjoy other women.

[–]AllForTheGains 9 points10 points  (4 children)

Only a cuck settles with a used up whore.

[–]SteveStJohn 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Someone hasn't ingested AWALT.

[–]packetdata 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dude, it's kinda the right mindset idk why you are thinking so much about this. This thinking is in the right direction of deciding wether she is a plate or LTR material.

[–]bazwalt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've told every girl I've been with that i have no interest in their past. Nor should they have any in mine. The pay is the past.

[–]Auxfite 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Been there done that.

It’s just your intuition letting you know you’re dating a whore that won’t last long. Whores aren’t LTR. Just pump and dump. I bet she’s an alpha widow

[–]muddynips 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The problem here is a girl talking about her past. Women are completely ephemeral when it suits them, so if she’s talking past it’s because she wants to.

You need to move her down not for doing those things, by for holding on to them.

If that doesn’t help just remember that it’s not forever, it’s just your turn. If the turn is still worth taking when you know it’ll end soon, then you don’t REALLY care do you?

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you just have no confidence. The past is what it is; history. Get over yourself.

[–]RedHoodhandles 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've been where you are right now and I tried to make it work. I won't tell you the red flags that I ignored aside from her promiscuity but let me tell you this.

It was messing with my head and eating me inside. And I couldn't trust her. Later it turned out that I was right to distrust her. Or wasn't I and her behaviour was just a consequence my behaviour. I will never know. It doesn't matter now.

What I do know is this. No matter you much you enjoy her aside from sex, don't try to LTR a slut.

[–]Garathon 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Be stoic: don't worry about shit you can't change or affect. It's just your ego having trouble with the fact that you're not the only one she's ever had but remember that the others were before you, it's you she's with now.

[–]duehvdke 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Two words: waterslide mentality (the easier to digest version of AWALT imo). If I go on a fun waterslide, and some other people also go on the waterslide (before or after me) why should I be mad at them or the slide? After all, I got to go on a waterslide, and that shits fun.

[–]omega_dawg93 4 points5 points  (0 children)

but it's no fun when you enter her... and her pussy feels like a waterslide.

[–]twofones 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's not hypocritical if your body count consists of women and her's does NOT consist of women. Because it's not the same.

If you had the same *MALE body count she would judge you all the same.

These two simple ideas are very new and difficult to grasp on both sides but quite simple when you think about it. You cannot judge your past as *more scandalous* than hers unless you have the same MALE body counts.

The truth is NOBODY wants to invest in someone who has a lot of casual sex with men because this shows low personal agency.
Casual sex with women requires higher SMV whether you are a guy OR girl.

Men don't want women who have casual sex with a lot of men.
Women don't want men who have casual sex with a lot of men.

Keep your investment limited.
A man's disapproval of a woman's (male) body count is directly proportional to his investment in her.

A woman's slutty past undermines your investment her. (Also if women's slutty pasts were with other women, they would get a pass just like straight guys get a pass, but as a society or even redpill community somehow we haven't drawn that simple distinction yet)

Do not invest where other men did not have to and you will be fine. Only invest in women that require men to invest in her.

[–]TheStumblingWolf 7 points8 points  (0 children)

When I was in such a situation I realized, after a lot of tough reflection, that it was my ego talking. I was afraid I wouldn't measure up. Once you learn to focus more on your own needs, than receiving validation from fulfilling others', you learn to not care because all that matters is this moment right here, right now.

[–]Brickles09 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You are developing oneitis, be careful.

[–]seedster5 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You walk away. Bro I have walked away from those women. Walked away in the sense that they were no longer relationship material and saw them as plates or people to just be friends with. For 3 years I did that. Until I found the girl I want to settle with. You want to decide what you want. I will never accept one night stands. Boyfriends are one thing but absolutely no one night stands.

[–]waynebradysworld 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Do everything they've done with anyone else and more. Anal, cum on her face, all those type of things. Then you can be at peace with the fact she has given you at least everything anyone else has had.

Would feel much worse if u found out some other guy used to face fuck her but she doesn't want to do it with you. As long as nothing is off limits for you, you'll get over it.

Doesn't mean you have to always do degenerate shit and degrade her either. Just that it is on the table and she is willing.

[–]TheTrenTrannyTrain 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"It's not reasonable to expect a woman to spend her entire life, before she's ever met you and before you exist in your universe, practicing to one day be your girlfriend. Women enjoy sex, they enjoy being loved, they enjoy loving, and they even enjoy feeling less alone for an hour with a guy they don't love. Even sweet, virginal girls enjoy sex and love. They just haven't figured it out yet. Your girlfriend can't go back and un-suck any dick. She did what was right for her at the time, in a universe where you didn't exist yet. Maybe it was fun, maybe it was lame, maybe it was love, maybe it was lust. Doesn't matter. She did what she wanted at the time. Since time machines don't exist and she can't go back and un-suck any dick, let's think about what you'd want her to do going forward with you to be the best possible girlfriend, without worrying about her past for time being. Is she fucking you well, often, and enthusiastically? Is she good to you? Is she grateful when you're good to her? If all of that is true, then she's doing everything you could possibly ask of her and everything a good girlfriend ought to do, short of somehow magically knowing she was supposed to save herself for you and have zero sexual experiences until you appeared in her life. Which is silly. You don't want a girl that's afraid to touch your dick and has never seen one before anyway. Let girls figure that shit out in high school so they don't freak out with you."

Credit to u/cainprice. I'm personally facing the same conflict as you OP, knowing that some of my plates had previous ONS when they all told me they "aren't looking for fun."

[–]BasomTiKombucha 1 point2 points  (1 child)

[–]cyanidez[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good share, thanks.

[–]sjdfhskdjfh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't. It eats me up inside...

She would have to be a perfect 10 for me to overlook it

[–]jackandjill22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's weird whenever redpill address questions like this it's basically a bunch of existential ambiguous bullshit answers. Probably because they don't have an answer for this because it's apart of the problem.

[–]RomeNeverFell 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel exactly the same brother. Stay strong.

[–]genethedog 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Their reason the "past" is different for men and women is gluttony vs. supply and demand and the fact that they have to let someone inside their body. You'd fucking think with all the higher risks for women and sex that they'd learn some control and moderation. They haven't. Most are filthy pigs eating from an endless trough until they are so full they puke.

For men, we're the kid in the candy store that's only allowed to have one candy and we don't have a free choice because the candy has to want you too.

The instincts you have are going off. "Warning warning, slut, run!" Because she's a feral animal now. Her ability to bond is gone and she will cheat on you and fuck you over when she gets bored or your candy. Don't try to rationalize it, just lay back and accept it and don't be surprised when it all falls apart because it will

[–]Morphs_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't ask too much or else it becomes too graphic. Then you start to imagine the guys and everything turns into a huge mindfuck competition. Ask only if you know you can handle it (3somes, gangbangs, etc.)

Second, get more experience. Your n count is too low so a woman with sexual experience intimidates you. I had the same with my ex. After we broke up I doubled my n count and had a lot of awesome experiences. My ex will always be a slut though.

Last, most (all?) girls with a high n count are plate/FwB material at best.

[–]Carcrash1985 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Doesn't matter, shes not yours, its just your turn.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The only reason you feel the need to make peace with a girl's history is because you still have blue-pilled delusions of unicorns and marriage.

[–]JerryLawlerPigFace 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of to hardest things to come to grips with is the fact that she won’t change just for you, no matter how much you eventually try to rationalize it. You know it deep down, that she’s not LTR material. But you wonder...Male I can make it work with her? Nope. This is a fundamental “problem” on behalf of the girl.

Accepting this is crucial for getting over the anger phase. Something I myself have not done yet either

[–]COORDOORS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you feel guilty because you’re trying to turn hoes into housewives. it never works. even billionaires get fucked over.

treat hoes as hoes and never upgrade them past fuck buddy. they aren’t worthy of LTR’s. simple as that.

[–]joner888 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No you provaly dont have any right to feel that way. Realise that its in the past and its out of your and hers control now. Although i think its natural to judge a girl youre seeing when you find out about stuff shes done in the past. Maybe because many of us wants a "pure" girl or someone who isnt a slut , idk thu

[–]2chazthundergut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Full disclosure- I love sluts. I know what whores all women are, and I fucking love it. So take this with salt.

I've adopted the female mindset for these types of issues.

All I care about is what she is doing for me right now in this moment.

The only time her past would bother me is if she gave someone else more than she gives me.

If she used to be a slut but now she's "discovered" what a good girl she is- fuck that. Next.

[–]freew33zy -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Just fuck other girls while with her, then who cares who else has or will fuck(ed) her. I'm not saying be in an open relationship, but I used to hate that my current LTR even had an n-count of 3... well--I've fucked a double digit amount of girls while being with her now. Guess who doesn't give a single fuck she fucked a couple guys now? Lol.

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T -1 points0 points  (0 children)

My dude, this isn't about anyone else's history, just yours.

You're obsessing about irrational feelings of shame and guilt about whatever given things in your past. This is self-pity and self-loathing. It's a sickness, although it's a common one. This kind of self-loathing is almost like having a small seizure. You deal with this by being critical and judgemental when other people remind you of the things you hate about yourself.

We've all done some stupid, shady, childish, incredibly impulsive shit. If you haven't, then you don't know what it really means to be alive.

The next time you feel anger or shame or self-loathing about the past, force yourself to relax and not give a fuck about it, because it doesn't matter like you think it does. Laugh at your mistakes and don't take yourself so seriously.

[–]4thAndLong -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This post makes you sound pretty beta tbh. She's already shown you she isn't LTR material (fucked on the first date). Sounds like you have oneitis which is dangerous because that also goes hand in hand with being in her frame. You should take a step back from this relationship and evaluate yourself and re-red pill yourself.

[–]kaazsssz -1 points0 points  (3 children)

All women are sluts. So are men. We are humans, we are animals, we are designed for fucking. Accept that reality. I dunno lol.

[–]wobbleelbbow 1 point2 points  (2 children)

That's your beta brain talking. Men and women are not the same.

[–]kaazsssz 0 points1 point  (1 child)

So what’s the truth then?

[–]wobbleelbbow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

sidebar, I guess

[–]Jimmy_Greenteeth -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I have always had trouble with this; even when accepting and understanding that she's not mine its just my turn etc. I have found myself constantly thinking about all the guys that have came on my LTRs tits on a one night stands and all the other degenerate filthy shit she's done. The truth is I have found only one way to get over it and that is to fuck other girls; even if your in a monogamous relationship. With every new girl I fuck I find that I give less and less of a shit about my LTR's past. Which leads me to believe that caring about a partners past is absolutely a pre-requisite to oneitis so be careful.