106
107

My gf exhibits inappropriate behavior around homosexual men (self.asktrp)

submitted by RexPillerson

The other night I went to a gay club with my gf for her birthday. We are both straight but she had 2 gay friends who came with us so we decided to check the place out. I have been with her for about 6 months and thought that she was great and she checked all the boxes for a LTR. This night however she was acting like I've never seen her act before. She was talking to every gay dude at this club like they were best friends. They were flirting with her and would be touching her hair, touching her thighs and picking her up and spinning her around, and she was loving it. She has never done that at a normal bar/club, but because these guys were gay she seemed to allow it. I was so fucking embarrassed by the way she was acting with these gay dudes in front of me. Her behavior was so noticeable that 3 of HER friends came up to me and said "are you okay with that?"Obviously I wasn't but I can't control her and I don't even try to control her so I just gave them a neutral answer.

The way I handled the situation was to not mate guard at all. I just observed her behavior, decided to dread her by not looking at her, not touching her, and not giving her the slightest bit of attention. Then later that night I told her that I am no longer interested in being with her.

My question is was I too harsh in completely cutting off an otherwise great 6 month relationship with this girl because of how she was acting with these homosexuals. Personally I don't care what your sexual orientation is, I don't like it if a guy is touching you inappropriately and you allow it to happen. But I could just be over reacting. I honestly don't think she would cheat on me, that's not the problem. The problem was how she chose to behave around these gay men. She thinks that just because they're gay it's fine to flirt with them. Keep in mind she NEVER acts this way with straight men. Any input would be greatly appreciated.


[–]Fenrir_123 199 points200 points  (5 children)

"My gf exhibits inappropriate behavior "

Doesn't matter to who, where, how or why.

You made a good call, don't worry about it.

[–]yumyumgivemesome 25 points26 points  (4 children)

Interesting that /u/rexpillerson used "exhibits" instead of "exhibited." Basically, he's implying that this isn't an isolated incident, which is why I agree he was right to dump her.

But suppose it was an isolated incident, then does "My gf exhibited inappropriate behavior" still 100% always mean it's time to dump her? At some point, isn't it on us to help them correct the inappropriate behaviors, or do we expect them to know exactly how to act 100% of the time?

[–]Fenrir_123 33 points34 points  (3 children)

There is a good post posted an hour ago on TRP (https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/9ap10i/training_your_woman_subliminal/)

It explains how to express our rules effectively.

But to address your point about an isolated incident. It depends on the context. Sometimes we all make mistakes or commit poor judgement but in this guy's case it wasn't a mistake or poor judgement. It defies common sense. Imagine: You being in a LTR and one night you and your girl go to a lesbian bar and you proceed to lick the titties of every girl there. Pretty cool right, but not from your GF's standpoint.

About 80% of all "inappropriate behavior" is common sense for both of the sexes. So in this case, my opinion is that either she was shit testing him hard, or she was finally showing her face without her mask.

Relationships aren't that hard to navigate, and most people with minimal social calibration will instinctively know how to distinguish right from wrong.

OP's decision to dump her was appropriate.

[–]yumyumgivemesome 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Great points.

[–]3nebder 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We could write a bot that automatically posts this to every new asktrp thread and basically consider r-asktrp solved

[–]mrHappyPotatoe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that post in trp is trash actually. There some good points under comments section why.

[–]Retstortion 189 points190 points  (8 children)

I’m gonna tell you something real quick. A “gay man” she’ll do this with, won’t hesitate to fuck her.

Just cuz some men fuck with dudes don’t mean they won’t fuck a woman. Plenty of bisexual men at gay clubs.

Your girl is a whore

[–]oyoungpadawan 40 points41 points  (4 children)

Oh yeah this, gay men will be in relationships with men but they often fuck women too just for fun. And they get offered plenty.

[–]Zahlix 35 points36 points  (3 children)

I am actually a little bit jealous. Just imagine being in love with your gym bro and going for variety in your spare time...

[–]11-Eleven-11 50 points51 points  (1 child)

We got a suspect in here

[–]Ganaria-Gente 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Once u pop

The fun don't stop

[–]2dfx 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Soooo... GLO

[–]Khiv_ 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Came here to say that. I have gay friends and sometimes I go with a group to gay clubs and girls in our group will often make out with gay guys in said clubs.

Some of my gay friends will make out with girls, especially when drunk, and even fuck them. I've seen some of my heterossexual friends kissing men when drunk. In other words, life is more than black and white, people will do whatever the fuck they want (sometimes they need an excuse like being drunk or the other party being "gay"), and you should just ditch anyone who doesn't behave the way you want them to.

[–]thechaosz 11 points12 points  (1 child)

That's gross. Hetero men WILL NOT make out with dudes even hammered. Your friends are bi or closet

[–]Khiv_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, call them whatever you want, I'm just saying that men that posed as hetero did this.

[–]Killing__Time_ 70 points71 points  (1 child)

She never acts this way 'in front of you' perhaps. To me it is a red flag, because I find it stupid that women want gay best friends as if it's some trophy.

[–]rebuildingMyself 49 points50 points  (0 children)

That's my theory as well. She thought she could be her typical slutty self just because it was gay men doing it to her. The "good girl" facade she put on OP for six months was just that: a facade.

OP did the right thing by cutting her loose

[–]ShotgunTRP 101 points102 points  (5 children)

Your only mistake was not leaving earlier to go another club and game there.

[–]imtheoneimmortal 13 points14 points  (4 children)

lesbian club, and touch girls

[–]red_matrix 31 points32 points  (3 children)

Lesbians HATE men publicly. But will fuck you when they're wasted and want some "dick" when their feminazi friends aren't looking.

[–]imtheoneimmortal 4 points5 points  (1 child)

this shit kinda happened to me, so true

[–]13D00 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Story time!

[–]thechaosz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Real talk here

[–]cherenkov144 30 points31 points  (1 child)

Lol, fuck that. Doesn't matter if the other guy touching her is gay/straight, old/young, black/white. If she thought that it was harmless because they're gay she should've at least considered how you would've felt and reacted. Her behaviour means she's either very inconsiderate or just dumb, both of which are cause for ending the relationship. I would move on and let this one go.

[–]rebuildingMyself 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Women, as well. My ex was surprised that I wasn't comfortable with her being slutty around women. "It's just girls!" her hamster told me. Unless it's a girl we both fuck in the bedroom, it's cheating to me.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 81 points82 points  (12 children)

I went to a gay club with my gf for her birthday.

^ I see where you went wrong.

Your gf is a "fag hag". It's generally NBD, unless she runs into a bi-boi or some shit.

Your real problem is: No frame.

How do I know? Do you think that any woman I am with would possibly suggest that we got to a gay club? Exactly. It wouldn't even occur to them. And that's your problem.

[–]i_like_herr 11 points12 points  (10 children)

I am interested in hearing from you as to what he should've done in the situation? Like his girl is hanging out with other dudes, what to do?

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 14 points15 points  (4 children)

A. He shouldn't be in that situation because he should have trained up his girl to "act right". That he did not demonstrates lack of frame.

B. Depending on the nature of the infraction, she either gets a "Code Red" or she gets nexted.

C. That said, I seldom experience behavioral issues because I set out what my expectations are at the beginning. What those expectations are depends on the nature of the relationship. If a girl is a plate, then IDGAF what she does. My surviving (figuratively-speaking) OLTR would never dream of getting handsy with a strange man, gay or straight. I set out the rules clearly, and I enforce them. Simples.

[–]TheTrenTrannyTrain 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Do you verbalize your boundaries directly to your oltr, or do you only infer them and see how they act?

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I spell it out for them, once they bring it up, i.e. when they ask for exclusivity and I tell them I am not monogamous, but I am selective. They try some version of "But I could go see other men" and then get a sourpuss look when I tell them, "Go ahead; it will only teach you what a prince I am." After that it's just a negotiation.

My OLTR1 (and, until recently, my OLTR2) did a self-imposed "I am not taking cocks other than yours" on their own to get access to more of my time and attention. OLTR2 later made an attempt to lock me down 100%; I declined and she walked, which is fine, she has every right to do that, just as I have every right not to agree to be monogamous. Her BFF has been making overtures, which I find amusing.

There's another girl I'm fuck buddies with who just took the pledge, as it were, yesterday. She's bi, and I don't mind if she lezzes out on the side, when I'm not around. I think she mostly wants more and better access to my harem, really. We'll see if it sticks before she gets more privileges.

Anyway, I mostly don't care, but IME, girls perform better when you give them structure and boundaries. Once you achieve true abundance, you stop caring so much.

[–]TheTrenTrannyTrain 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Thanks, so far I have not figured out whether being direct or indirect will work for me. Good to see another's experience.

[–]TheMistakesWeMake 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's not so much direct or indirect, it's more about Vasiliy's outcome independence. He sets the boundaries, and if they break them, the appropriate action is taken (dread, nexting etc.).

Saying "I won't LTR a girl who does XYZ" has two very different meanings dependent on whether who is saying it has outcome independence or not. Vasiliy does, so it comes from a position of strength. If you're desperate to cling on to a girl, it comes across as mate-guarding and needy.

[–]Fulp_Piction 3 points4 points  (0 children)

As V said, set boundaries clearly, if boundaries are crossed, withdraw.

Can't control a bitch, all you can do is hold frame and maintain your self-respect.

[–]NabroleonBonaparte 8 points9 points  (3 children)

To get the right answer, you must ask the right question.

“His girl” and “hanging out with other dudes” don’t belong in the same sentence. You can’t have one if you have the other.

The real question becomes: What shortcomings lead him to commit to a girl that hangs with other dudes?

[–]i_like_herr 9 points10 points  (2 children)

This is such bs. The guy literally says that she has never done anything of that sort before. My question was also what to do when she does something like that, all you've done is manage to twist my words and write three sentences on it and not give actual advice.

It would've been easier to just say next her....

[–]NabroleonBonaparte -1 points0 points  (1 child)

“Seek to understand and then to be understood”

You can’t learn by being dismissive.

He’s the one at the bar with a girlfriend that is getting groped in front of him, why would you listen to him when he says “she’s never done anything like this before”? He’s obviously missed several red flags up to this point.

My goal wasn’t to answer your question, I believe there’s more qualified posters here. My goals was to point your mind in the right direction.

The point of my comment was, which was echoed by Vasiliy, is to not save a sinking ship, but avoid boats with holes in them.

He lost by not vetting properly and getting in the situation in the first place.

A good fighter can punch hard, a master never has to raise his fist.

So the question I suggested was where is he fucking up where he chooses to be in this situation?

[–]i_like_herr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

See now this is better, you were saying a lot without actually meaning anything in the first comment. Thank you.

[–]TimPartendale 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Agreed. First, she brought it up. But secondly, OP went with her. He could’ve hard passed on the night all together.

[–]Kabuki431 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Major red flag. I would hard next.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (10 children)

How did she react when you told her you are no longer interested in being with her?

[–]RexPillerson[S] 30 points31 points  (9 children)

Crying, apologizing, etc. She acknowledged that what she did was unacceptable and begged me to give her a chance.

[–]Endorsed Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Behaviors have both functional and symbolic purpose. This is why behaviors are present in groupings with other behaviors that have similar symbolic meaning.

That's why dudes who chew dip also drive a truck. Etc. Girls who do yoga also drink green juice.

Anyway girls who go to gay clubs usually have all sorts of degenerate Globohomo behavior. Feminism, support of trans, twerking, being concerned about manufactured issues etc.

After you breakup with her shell caim you were abusive 100%

[–]kittenssavedmylife 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Being concerned about manufacturing issues. I lold

[–]InstigatingDrunk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

LOL fuck man sounds like my ex. i'm so glad i GTFO'd out of that. sadly enough they all think their behaviour was correct.

[–]1UnluckyPenguin 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You made the right choice. Understand why from our experience.

I dated this girl many years ago, let's call her Double-Ds. She was hanging out with a group of girls and this one gay guy who was a manly-man (tall/buff), and she thought it was appropriate to bust out her tits in front of him because he wanted to see them and he's gay anyways.

She proceeded to cheat on me eventually with some other dude as expected. But the truth about girls with gay guys is the validation when they 'convert' a guy that's 'super' gay. It's the same reason they post attention-seeking photos on social media.

I too went to a gay bar with a group of friends ([betas] shouldn't do that, it's disrespectful to gays). Women were instantly ready to go home with me if I would 'convert' to being straight for them. I never even said I was gay, they just assumed it because I was there (and good looking?).

[–]1morescoobysnacks 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don't like being a contrarian in these spots because I don't do LTRs. And Vasiliy and Gary are very experienced guys so their advice shouldn't be ignored.

What I'll say is that if you're going to be in an LTR, you need to set your boundaries early on. You didn't. She didn't go there alone to fuck you over. She went there with you and was just having fun in your presence. I don't think it's a big deal. Just physicality isn't going to lead to anything so you don't have any worries. If one of the dudes tried to isolate her, then you have a problem. If she wanted to cheat, most of the time you wouldn't know it ever happened.

You didn't have this experience before so now you need to figure out what your boundaries are and lay them out for some girl you're going to commit to. If you really like this girl, you could set them going forward and see if she fucks up again. Throwing away a nice piece when it's ultimately your fault isn't how I approach these situations. Most girls I date are 19~24 and they just legitimately have no idea that it would be disrespectful to do these things. They just actually don't know. They're dumb. Alcohol makes them dumber.

[–]VikkBlack 15 points16 points  (0 children)

You got seriously cucked. Your first mistake was going to a gay club with her (you’re straight ffs, no way you were okay with this) the second was your stupid idea that you apply dread while she didnt even give a fuck about you, flirting with others guys. You should have left immediately. Next

[–]randarrow 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You did a favor for yourself and the gay guys. There have been multiple reddit threads where gay guys just complain about this, straight whales showing up in gay bars and being inappropriate.

[–]ArcheHoe 7 points8 points  (0 children)

YOU DODGED A BULLET

ITS GAY GUYS FIRST THEN STRAIGHT

[–]_Last_Man_Standing_ 9 points10 points  (19 children)

I love to do pickup in gay clubs... :)
I'm usually the only straight guy there... and there's always loads of straight girls acting extra slutty coz it's a gay club...
I remember a club in Eastern Europe where I used to go to this club and I had 100% track record of f-closing... aaah... good times...

[–]econquest 5 points6 points  (18 children)

Did you ever have any negative reaction when they "realized" you weren't gay? Do you think they felt triumphant with you, like they "converted" you? (I.e. converted someone there.)

Or was it obvious to them that you were straight from.the start. (From first eye contact with them or first time you touched them.)

[–]_Last_Man_Standing_ 1 point2 points  (17 children)

Did you ever have any negative reaction when they "realized" you weren't gay?

naaah... never...

Do you think they felt triumphant with you, like they "converted" you? (I.e. converted someone there.)

I had a situation like this once I guess...
Me and one of my lesbian friends went out... and at some sage 2 lesbian girls came up with intention to pick my friend up... xD
so as one of them was chatting up my friend the other was acting as a wing men and chatting me up...
I started kissing with her 3 minutes into the conversation... xD
and there was a awkward situation when she realized I'm not gay... (for a while she was all "triumphant" for hooking up with me)...
but I can't imagine a situation like this with straight chicks... coz they don't approach...

Or was it obvious to them that you were straight from.the start. (From first eye contact with them or first time you touched them.)

Yes... I think this was the case...
at least in Eastern Europe... because I was literally the only straight guy in there...
the way I see it: sexual tension in gay clubs is always super high... way higher than in any other place...
and all this straight girls that were used to be the center of attention would be horny... but without any release...
I think it was very easy to see that I'm not gay... but that I'm very comfortable even in the gay environment... (confident)
and I always had a feeling they couldn't wait for me to show up...
like you say... I would show up and "eye contacts" coming at me from all directions... with immediate IOI when "first touch" is established....
sometimes I felt like I'm at the buffet table... and all of them are there for me to pick... xD

I went to some gay clubs in Western Europe as well...
but it's not the same... there's always other straight men... and it's just not the same...

[–]itoshirt 4 points5 points  (8 children)

Typing like this... it’s kind of annoying...

[–]econquest 2 points3 points  (4 children)

it's really not. it shows that it is a stream of thought and not like some super-edited thoughtful post or something.

[–]itoshirt 1 point2 points  (3 children)

It makes it seems less stream of thought because of all the drifting pauses. It makes it sound like he’s unsure of what he’s saying, sleepy, apathetic, or just slow. When people type like that I picture them averting their gaze and mumbling.

[–]econquest 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Okay but compare what you just wrote:

It makes it seems less stream of thought because of all the drifting pauses. It makes it sound like he’s unsure of what he’s saying, sleepy, apathetic, or just slow. When people type like that I picture them averting their gaze and mumbling.

It's edited, well-written exposition like good documentation or a technical article. It doesn't sound like someone speaking.

The impression his typing has on me is just rendering conversation. (You probably wouldn't do great reading script dialogue either.)

Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

[–]itoshirt 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yea... I guess... you’re right. It is preferable to type... this way... it’s just like um... rendering conversation... ... :’(

[–]econquest 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you're not doing it right. (But you did VERY clearly communicate a tone. it's just a different one from his - his doesn't incldue 'um', or a :'(

which is why I read it differently.

so actually you do communicate a style well just now, what I read in what you just wrote is just different from how I read his, that's all.

:)

[–]_Last_Man_Standing_ 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I... apologize... dude... It's... a... habit... I have... from... way... back... in... the... 90ies... when... forums... were... cool... and... everybody... would... have... their... own... signature... stile... of... writing...

[–]econquest 1 point2 points  (0 children)

it's absolutely fine, no problem at all. keep it.

[–]econquest 1 point2 points  (7 children)

hey, thanks. this was an awesome write-up. could I ask how tall and how well-built/goodlooking you are? (I'm slightly above-average but not like top 10% of men or something.)

[–]_Last_Man_Standing_ 0 points1 point  (4 children)

I'm 6"1' with above average face (but not Chad)
and 5-6 years ago when I was living in EE I was skinny at 77-78kg... (ectomorph body type) and I was BP back then... xD
I'm bigger now...
But I don't think that's important... it was just the fact I was the only one in there... and that I was very confident/had fun and didn't mind all the gay guys around me trying to pick me up... lol...
and that made me top 1%... xD

I'd say in that environment anybody can do it... if you don't mind the gay guys...
back then I was delighted with my discovery and I tried to show it to some of my friends...
most of them didn't even want to go in there... and two that went in with me were so obviously uncomfortable just being there that they didn't manage to pull anything...

[–]econquest 1 point2 points  (3 children)

I'm 6"1' [ ... ] I'd say in that environment anybody can do it...

see? Plus:

. and two that went in with me were so obviously uncomfortable just being there that they didn't manage to pull anything...

so...not anyone can do it ;).

Still, even if you were above average in at least that, it doesn't mean it's not a goldmine :).

I think you should go ahead and write up a field report if you want. however if it's 5-6 years ago you might not remember everything. thanks for the details.

[–]_Last_Man_Standing_ 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Still, even if you were above average in at least that, it doesn't mean it's not a goldmine :).

It's definitely a gold mine if you find the right place... ;)
In the club I discovered this I had 100% f-close track record... like literally every single time I went there I had sex with HB7-10 (and I could pick 'em out like it's a buffet)...
the geyer the club the better... (if there's other straight men it won't work)

so...not anyone can do it ;)

everybody who is confident enough in his own sexuality not to mind the advances of gay men and to take the attention of gay men as a compliment can do it... (even if you're an average Joe)

ps.
but anyway I'll write an report about it one of this days and I'll send you the link via PM...

[–]econquest 0 points1 point  (1 child)

great, thanks! looking forward to it, if you have the time. don't forget to focus on the small interactions, like don't just say "I was flirty" if you can be more specific. but you might not remember.

[–]wheresMYsteakAt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Confessions of a glory hole God.

[–]_Last_Man_Standing_ 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Actually I should write a nice big report about this in TRP Field Reports...
It's an interesting topic now when I think about it... :)

[–]econquest 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree! Go for it. I almost wanted to ask you a detailed report on the steps toward fclose that you followed :).

[–]lololasaurus 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I've sometimes thought that a good test for whether something is a broken modern way to handle things is to just drop it into another time where masculinity wasn't treated the way it is today.

So like if a bunch of ladies-in-waiting complained to the lord of the castle that they feel unsafe with all his weaponry in the same castle, what would he do (after uproariously laughing and telling them to GTFO of his castle then). That's how men should respond to modern women complaining that they don't feel safe with a gun in the house. The whole scenario is utter nonsense; only in today's world would someone complaining about this be marginally considered because the role of a masculine man defending what things he chooses to defend is somehow up for negotiation.

Or in this case, how would a man from any other age act if a woman was acting in this manner toward other men, gay or not? Her asking you to go at all shows a lack of frame on your part in my opinion.

When you start to apply that test (obviously applying it to yourself as you correctly did, not taking action on her person as may have happened in ages past), I think that stuff like this becomes super simple to address.

Next. You did the right thing.

[–]Retstortion 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Next

[–]izotonias 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You did a good call OP. All went well. You kept good frame and acted accordingly. Nexting is good. With any hope her hamster will go mad for awhile. While you fuck someone else. Good work brother.

[–]Meowmixez98 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Dump her.

[–]RedSkeller 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your rules, she broke them and apparently, others also thought it was inappropriate. You made your decision, so follow through and hard next.

[–]MisunderstoodAsian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well done, you handled it perfectly.

[–]Bing_Bang_Bam 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Six months is plenty of time. It all goes downhill after that anyway.

[–]lazydogg9 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So what plausible deniablity, "they are gay so nothing would ever happen between OP's girl and them " tell her nice played and get out. Such behaviour doesn't warrant for a second chance. You did good. Hard next

[–]1RPLawyer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That ending surprised me! I was expecting a "I acted distant the next day bla bla bla" but no: you hard nexted because of a behaviour that warrants a hard next.

Good on you.

[–]InscrutablePUA 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She clearly thinks it's OK because they're gay and therefore not a sexual threat.

If it made you uncomfortable, then listen to that and plate her immediately. Trust your instincts.

[–]lazydogg9 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Such behaviour doesn't warrant for a second chance. You did good. Handled better than most people. Hard next

[–]metallica11 1 point2 points  (0 children)

some girls who are very touchy/playful will treat their gay friends like they treat their best girl friends when they are drunk/uninhibited and being ultra weird/playful.

Im talking kissing/ass slapping, etc. checking out each others privates in a playful way (dead fucking serious....you havnt seen girls comparing their "trim" jobs), down to downright silly tehehe handjobs (omg its a penis...omg....can I rub it....its okay cuz you are gay). USUALLY it isnt sexual at all, just pure ridiculous silliness. having hung around my fair share of girls and their gay friends...trust me.

I was friends with a gay guy and his best friend, who was a pretty attractive brunette girl. they would change in front of each other/etc. sometimes he would get a hard on..she would slap it and giggle (and he would run away and said...omg dont do that).

[–]Bedtimeshine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nope you played it right. Women getting close to gay men Is still fueled by attraction and a form of sexual tension.

[–]Soderbergh 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Let me give you an old-timer perspective: girls just want to have fun and gay guys let them 'legally' have all the fun they want on a night out, because "he's GAY, honey, relax!" There are lots of girls like this. I have found these girls usually fall in 2 categories: you tell them to cut it out and they stop it, or they don't stop it. It's been 6 months, I would give her a chance, especially if she articulates that she knows how fucked up it was, but if she does it again drop her, of course.

[–]dtyler86 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Jesus guys, lighten up. This sub acts like a every girl that has once flaw is a raging skank. My gf is a sweet, honest, fiercely loyal Colombian girl, which means she’s also fiercely jealous. I’ve dated PLENTY of girls. If anyone here finds a flawless girl, please do share (it doesn’t exist).

If this is girl is awesome and she acted ridiculous, I’d be pissed as hell too. If you’ve already stated your will to be with someone who doesn’t act like that, gauge her response. Is she devastated? Is she sorry? Is she pining for you? Or is she being a defensive bitch?

[–]yumyumgivemesome 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hypothetically speaking, if OP's gf was merely being dumb and naive around the new experience of being around gay guys, how should OP have acted early on in order to nip this type of behavior in the bud? People are human and make mistakes. No woman is going to act in line with exactly what her man expects from her 100% of the time. The moment the girl starts being extra flirty or permissive with the gay guys, what should OP have done in order to give her a chance to correct her behavior?

[–]the__aggressor 0 points1 point  (5 children)

Probably shouldn't be hanging with fags in the first place. Doesn't say much about your standards. The only time a man of value would interact with one is for business dealings... maybe. And maybe for a haircut.

Edit: You definitely handled the situation right though, I mean, after going to the gay club.

[–]dtyler86 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Name says it all...

[–]the__aggressor 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Tell me, really, do you really want to go to a gay club? If you do, fine, but most men don't really want to be around a bunch of feminine men that may or may not try to hit on you and in general won't share any values of yours in any sense. So if, let's say, you don't like spending time around gay guys, you shouldn't be influenced by your plate or gf to do so, because you are relinquishing your frame.

[–]dtyler86 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I’ve been to one once as a (then) good gay friend of mine eroded my collective friends’ will to go somewhere else so we begrudgingly threw in the towel and went for an hour. I absolutely did not have a good time, but fortunately, gay guys seem to be pretty aware of what other guys are or are not gay and I was not hit on or even glared at one time. The drinks were expensive, people were polite and it wasn’t a flagrant display of dick swinging. I left, did not have a good time, would never go back again but my friends respected that I finally opened my mind enough to give it a shot. They also promised me that apparently a lot of straight girls go there because they are indeed friends with tons of gay guys and they have cleaned up in the past.

Taking the red pill does not come with an obligatory hatred for gay people. I live in South Florida. Some of my coworkers, high school friends that came out and completely shocked the world after their college years, along with just the random number of gay people in society, while I don’t want to go on double dates and watch these people make out with each other, a lot of them are really good people, smarter than me and contribute far more to society then about 85% of my heterosexual friends. Take the statements as you will, but going to a gay club one time in my life didn’t hurt anyone. Now I know, I know I will not go again, but telling some other guy who I presume is probably younger that his girlfriend is a whore because she wants to hang around “faggot“ hangouts doesn’t seem very constructive or honest to me.

[–]the__aggressor 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I never said his girlfriend was a whore, I don't think she is, I actually disagree with most of the other guys here about that. In my experience I think girls treat gay guys like other girls and her behavior at the bar showed no impropriety whatsoever, assuming the guys she was having fun with were indeed gay and particularly faggy. Nor do I have hatred for gay people, I just disdain their lifestyle, besides the hard work and discipline many of them exhibit.

My point is more that he lost the battle, (frame) by agreeing to go with her to a gay club. If he went with some friends that were girls or guy friends, it wouldn't have been an issue at all. I think his breaking up with her was justified in the sense that he gave up his value to her and would have to fight pretty hard to regain it after that incident, time probably better spent looking elsewhere.

[–]dtyler86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gotcha. Makes more sense now. Maybe it’s just my opinion, but it seems to me that trying to be easy-going goes along way with girls that you are in a relationship with rather than trying to maintain frame in looking like a jealous or sometimes insecure person. The real problem with being guys having taken the red pill is that we are all talking about how we perceive things, most girls have absolutely no concept of how we think, why we feel the way we do and if you try to explain to them the ways we perceive their roles and hours, I’m sure you are rather familiar with the ideology being on excepted and men specifically alpha is generally tend to look like apathetic bastards. When my girlfriend so she wants to go to a nightclub that is a total meat market we’re rich man go to buy off young girls with their wealth and turn them into sugar babies, I literally can look my girlfriend in the eye and tell her ok. I’m heading to a strip club, see you tomorrow. She folds, apologized and then understands her childish pov. So the breaking of frame, it’s not always breaking frame to me it’s sort of seems like having a flexible frame. I see a lot of guys that are totally hard-core alphas that never break frame and often their girlfriends do you actually cheat on them. The guys are to intro focused to even notice because they think they have their girlfriend in the palm of their hand

[–]420PussyEater 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I go to gay bars all the time and I’m straight. I do open mics anywhere anytime as a comedian. I’ve run into women at these bars and have even been so lucky to have sex. Sometimes it’s just getting a number. There’s no place that is “safe” for you to act inappropriately.

[–]mrHappyPotatoe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you have defined what is acceptable and whats not with what kind of a man you are and what kind of a woman you want in your life for what reason then who are we to give you advice?

I with my reasons and morality, I would have done the same thing. Ltr for me should be submissive little girl who can behave in public.

[–]daveofmars 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"It's okay because they're gay" is just a cover.

My feeling is that she's a bit of an attention whore at a deep core level but won't let it happen around straight men because (at least) she knows the consequences of doing that. So, she's scratching that itch in (what she thinks is) a safe way by going to gay men. She can justify it, feel good about it, whatever, but that doesn't change the psychological need.

But that's all I can see from 3 paragraphs. It's my best guess.

Were you right in doing it? I dunno. I see this as a definitive red flag. Could even be a deal breaker. But I didn't see what she did so you'd be the best judgement on that.

[–]8700nonK 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I personally think it's more like she was missing the validation/fun/excitement from before LTR. And she thought of a way to get it without cheating on you.

Now if it was the right decision or not is hard to say, but it does show she was not quite content with the situation so you either find could have found a way to draw her back in or let her go. If you felt that bothered maybe it was the right decision.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

but because these guys were gay she seemed to allow it

And they're gay just because they're at a gay club? But you're the only straight guy there?

She acted like this because she has plausible deniability with you while you're there. "It's ok, they're gay". How do you think she acts in straight clubs when you're not there?

Then later that night I told her that I am no longer interested in being with her.

Good. Behave like a slut, get treated like a slut.

[–]NabroleonBonaparte 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This post is dripping with oneitis, specifically that last paragraph.

How did you properly vet her to be relationship material within 6mnths? That’s still the honeymoon phase.

If she’s straight and so is the important man in her life (that’s you), why are you guys at a gay bar? Idc if there were gay friends, it’s not their birthday or their gf.

There’s this thing called bisexuality and plausible-deniability (a catchy way of saying your girl has a believable excuse if she gets caught). Just because you see a dude kissing other dudes doesn’t mean he isn’t eyeing your girl.

Fun Fact: Gay guys are way more aggressive than straight men. When you live a lifestyle that society rejects, shaming no longer stops you from doing what you want.

The reason you’re so shocked about her behavior is because you jumped in a LTR without vetting and now she’s showing you what you ignored.

In Closing: Stop treating dating like a fan club and start treating it like your hiring for a C-level position in a business

[–]lauris652 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Fellas I have a question about dealing with girl's reaction after I withdraw attention. Heres the scenario.

I stop showing her my attention. Then she starts saying that I am mad at her for somewhat reason and I am acting like a little girl. ANY response of mine will make her think I am mad at her. So I just ignore her. She says something like 'We can talk/text me when you will calm down'.

So how does this attention withdrawal treatment work?

[–]Morphs_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She's gaslighting you. By saying that stuff she tries to frame as if you're the one with a problem. It's a manipulation technique.

If you withdraw your attention when she's around you, be sure to display a relaxed state, as if you don't care. If you are actually pissed off, then I get her reaction. It's better to withdraw attention by not texting her for a while.

Personally I would be done with her after a while if her remarks keep on bothering me.

[–]econquest -3 points-2 points  (3 children)

Lol at all these red pillers who've never been in a relationship.

If you and she communicated it would be great. You completely ruined her birthday without giving any feedback to her. When her friends came up to you to ask if you were okay with it, why not say "no"? Why not tell her? Why not stop her? (In the sense of letting her know.)

Hey OP, it doesn't happen this way but can't you imagine going to a lesbian club where all these cute girls are hugging you and touching you.

And it's your birthday.

Way to ruin her birthday and throw your relationship away over red pill "truths". Have fun on the meat market circuit.

But what do I know. I suck at spinning plates, I always just have a girlfriend or am single.

[–]VikkBlack 8 points9 points  (2 children)

You are bluepilled af if you think he should have been okay with the situation, it was very disrespectful.

[–]econquest 3 points4 points  (1 child)

No, he didn't need to be okay with it. But I can't imagine not opening my mouth and telling my hypothetical girlfriend (of 6 months!) that. how do you have a girlfriend for 6 months, but with 0 communication like that. I would have just told her on the spot, while it was happening - not broken up with her later in the night. plus even her friends were watching out for their relationship but he didn't even tell her friends that he's not okay with it. come on.

[–]nabosch 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I see your point, yes communicating with your girl that something like that is not cool with you is necessary, but OP failed by letting it happen for too long. He should have pulled her aside and told her that no other man touches her after the first gay dude did in the club.

[–]AceroInoxidable -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

You're an idiot. So she has some fun, on her birthday, with people without sexual tension, and you decide to dump her?

She dodged a bullet.