I called off a wedding a month before the wedding and broke up with my
fiancee 3 months ago. We had been dating for about a year and a half and known
each other for close to two years. Having been the one to call off the
wedding, you would think that I would have it easy. It's been far from easy! I
have had spells where I just break down. I try to talk to people about it and
it doesn't really help. It's one of the hardest things I have had to go through.
What acted as a catalyst for the break up was me facing an impending
layoff at work. My fiancee had just graduated with a masters. As she
was working minimum wage in retail, I was the one pulling all the finances
(also while she was in school). She said she wanted to contribute, but with
her student and credit card debt she wasn't really able to. I was fine with it.
You make sacrifices for the ones you love. However, given the layoff
notices, I suggested we try to cut back on things that aren't necessities and
that she try to find work in her field. Up to this point she hadn't sent a single
resume; she claims she was stressed out.
Both our parents live far away and visiting them requires a flight. Because
of the financial burden, I haven't been able to visit my parents for 2 years
and she would have seen her parents for the wedding having seen them
only 6 months ago. I suggested we not visit her parents this Christmas to
save up because it could be a while before either of us are able to find
work. When I suggested that, she got really upset and sad and started to
guilt trip me and said that I was preventing her from seeing her family
hinting that I was controlling. She later went on to say that all I cared about
was money. At this point I began to feel used because she hadn't made any
effort to contribute. She went on to say that she hadn't asked me to
contribute. At that point I couldn't see the point of being in a relationship
where I wasn't appreciated. I was so stressed out dealing with layoffs at
work and then coming home to deal with her that I couldn't take it any
more. I felt like I was losing my mind.
At that point other things that weren't deal breakers in the past became an
issue. She would constantly be in touch with her exes and had pictures of
her with them all over FB. She stopped when I said it bothered me only
after creating a big fuss. Her friends were also disrespectful. Her best
friend called me her 'sugar daddy' which I found offensive more so for my
girlfriend than for me. When I talked to my girlfriend about it later she took
her friends side and said I was over reacting. It always felt like she put her
exes, friends and family before our relationship. In the end I felt like she
didn't have my back.
She still wanted to give it another shot. She said she would change. At that
point I had already decided to go back to school and update my skills and I couldn't have her derail that again. I couldn't deal with with the instability in
my life any more. I have broken off contact with her, and have no intentions
of staying in touch.
You are probably wondering why I hadn't broken up sooner. I guess there
were good parts and the hope that things could change and I guess I
always looked to what could have been. I guess that's what makes this
entire thing so difficult. We make decisions based on past events and how
they may shape the future, but at the end of the day we have no clue how
the future would have turned out. based on the way she treated me, I felt
getting married and continuing the relationship would have been the wrong
thing to do.
There are good days, but there are also days, like today, when I feel lonely