What the fuck is up with horse girls. (self.asktrp)

submitted by bostonburrito

Before I started actually getting laid I thought the "horse girls are crazy" thing was just a meme. But living in a rural city I've now had my fair share of five self-proclaimed horse lovers and not one of them didn't have at least one screw loose. Is there a legit reason behind this conundrum?

[–]Neuermann 208 points209 points  (16 children)

Horse girls are crazy cat ladies with more money.

[–]Luis_McLovin 24 points25 points  (0 children)

This, as well as horse girls are typically surrounded by other horse girls and not men. They can be quite thirsty.

[–]trpanak1n 22 points23 points  (0 children)

well said

[–]menial_optimist 11 points12 points  (1 child)

100% truth. I dated a horse girl. She had BP disorder. Biggest slut ever, as in, not even my 15 year old wild sex drive could keep up with her demands. If we weren't walking or sleeping, she wanted to be fucking. Something always seemed off about her, she was pretty though so I rolled with it and didn't really care.

I got the feeling she could one day work herself into a fit of rage and stab a guy 96 times to death.

[–]DaboclesTheGreat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Can I get her number, bro?

[–]Senior Endorsedmax_peenor 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yes. Money and an obsessive personality tends to be a powerful forge of The Crazy.

Source: My sister is one

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

deleted What is this?

[–]Aarxnw 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Say that again, but slower...

[–]JorixKienu 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I'll add that dog ladies are just crazy cat ladies that develop craziness early in their lives.

I'm sure about this fact as I'm guilty of LTR more than one of them before I realize my own craziness.

My bad, try to do as I preach and not as I have done.

Loving dogs "pets" more than human being is a madness mark but linking females who show this trait is even more madness.

[–]420PussyEater 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A subset I have seen is the pit bull lady. My ex loved her dogs more than herself. I'm convinced it's worse than normal pet love because of the hate pits have centered around them.

[–]Borsao66 -2 points-1 points  (5 children)


Came here to say this.

shakes a tiny fist of rage

Anyhow, my version is "Horse women are the crazy cat ladies of the large animal kingdom.".

[–]CrashXXL 13 points14 points  (4 children)

His was better

[–]Kommanderdude 63 points64 points  (6 children)

Idk. But my cousin is a horse girl. She's also a former stripper and has 3 kids from 3 different men and has custody of non of them. Barely has money for anything but her horses sure as hell have everything they need.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (4 children)

What the fuck

[–]Kommanderdude 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Yeah and get this. One of them doesn't even know he has a kid with her. She suckered some rich guy into believing it was his. When the relationship inevitably went south his parents convinced him to get a paternity test. Luckily good money buys good lawyers and he was able to wash his hands of her and her kid. Then she managed to find some blue pill cuck that decided to legally adopt that child. And now she's pissy because he ended up with full custody of the kid since she's a total shit show.

[–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Think about it, you have to have "good money and good lawyers" to have the 'privilege' of not raising another man's child in cases of paternity fraud.

[–]Kommanderdude 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yeah I don't think she pursued it too hard. Once he got the DNA test. They were married also. She got nothing from the divorce. It's really his fault for being a blue pill captain save a ho. They met at the strip club and he fell in love when he got a dance from her.

[–]JlmmyButler 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hi. i love you. bye.

[–]1MrTheFalcon 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]The-Hardball-Player 42 points43 points  (2 children)

Bro they are all insane. Fucking nuts. A girl I went to school with took her graduation and senior pictures with her horse. She uploaded every picture to instagram and has 50 pictures on instagram of a single day with her horse while she's posing with it. They are all absolutely bat-shit crazy.

[–]Frigzy 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Horses are gigantic babies that can make them orgasm without having their number.

Femininity solved. The rest of their existence becomes irrelevant.

[–]SpinPlates 43 points44 points  (19 children)

I've plated 3 horse girls. 1 being a casual rider and 1 being professional jumper and the other a professional barrel racer.

The casual rider was a spoiled rich girl who abuses opiate pills and the jumper was a hippie chick that didn't give a fuck about anything in life except her horse. She was very involved in the breeding business on her parents farm where they made so much money selling stallion sperm. Sometimes I wonder if having to hold the giant fake horse vagina and collecting sperm fucked her up.

And last was the Barrel girl. She rides rodeos. She's around REAL cowboys with REAL money. Ever heard how the Olympics are just giant orgys for the athletes? That's how I felt the rodeo was when I went with her. A bunch of young, in shape southern kids with a nice trucks and ATVs and giant coach buses. Every night after the races it was party time. County music and fire ball whiskey.

I slept with a lot of women and to this day I still think that barrel girl was the biggest slut I've ever been with.

[–]DadOnDabs 19 points20 points  (1 child)

"Casual rider".

I'm going to start calling my plates casual riders.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Do an AMA.

[–]SpinPlates 8 points9 points  (0 children)

If I did an AMA I'd have better shit to talk about than horse girls.

[–][deleted]  (10 children)


    [–]BPasFuck 5 points6 points  (6 children)

    That ain't shit. You should see what happens with bulls, when they have one that doesn't feel like fucking some bullshit bovine fleshlight.

    Out comes the 'Electro-ejaculator.'

    [–]Willow-girl 0 points1 point  (5 children)

    If you think that's crazy, you should see what we have to go through to get that semen into the cow, lol.

    [–]BPasFuck 0 points1 point  (4 children)

    ey, vets with plastic gloves that go up to the armpit/shoulder spring to mind! But I think that was post-insemination.

    [–]Willow-girl 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    No, your (gloved) left arm is inserted into the cow's rectum to guide the positioning of the breeding gun. Ask me how I know this, lol.

    [–]BPasFuck 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    So, what I'm getting here is that there is a high psychological cost associated with the production of sirloin.

    [–]Nyquil-Junkie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I've watched her do it... often, one has to scoop the shit out of the colon/rectum to make manipulation of the cervix easier.

    Hamburger just lost all its appeal after that.

    [–]Willow-girl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    We do what we have to do. Personally I'd rather breed A.I. than have a bull in the barn. The only good bulls are in straws AFAIC!

    [–]SpinPlates 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    Yes. They don't want to risk injury to the male or female so they place a female horse in front of a stallion and have him mount a fake horse. He sees the female and he is stimulated. The farm hand has this giant horse fleshlite thing that the male horse cum inside of. That one load is worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. They take the semen and artificially inseminate the females.

    [–]failingtheturingtest 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    They probably just use a regular pornstar fleshlight. I've seen the abuse those sheilas can handle. /s

    [–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    They probably had sexual relations with animals. More women do that than you think.

    [–]SpinPlates 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Actually you are spot on. Not as gross as getting fucked by a horse but most horse girls get orgasms from the saddle when they ride. Makes another layer of connection with the animal.

    [–]1MrTheFalcon 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    AMA, AMA!

    [–]SpinPlates 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I did your AMA. Go upvote

    [–]9Size 8 points9 points  (1 child)

    I grew up in a rural part of Germany. Out of ~15 girls in my class about 10 were horse girls. They all have a screw loose. Met some more horse girls later on in my life and there definitely is a correlation. I did not even know the horse girl meme but that shit got confirmed throughout my life by several other dudes, which dealt with horse girls ;)

    [–]ayylma088 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Also from Germany here. I am actually tryint to phuck this German/Bosnian chick that is also a horse rider. So far only messaged a few times on IG and whatsapp. How do I pull it off?

    [–]Bear-With-Bit 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    This by far is the most entertaining thread on asktrp. -the city dude

    [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (5 children)

    Love me an equestrian.

    Crazy enough to be sluts in the sheets, but without the daddy issues and BPD.

    [–]Borsao66 2 points3 points  (4 children)

    Since when? Everyone of them I've met has both.

    Including my ex-wife.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    My sample might be too small, but all 6 of the equestrians I've plated have been like this.

    They were Greenwhich/WASP-types if that makes any difference.

    If you're talking about West Coast, I've got no experience there.

    [–]Borsao66 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Western states here. Texas, Colorado, New Mexico.

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Thanks for the heads up.

    They're more "settled down" around here, but not without their own issues.

    [–]Velebit -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    texas is not a western state

    [–]Viking_RnP 6 points7 points  (3 children)

    My uncle has always had horses and when I was a kid and his strongest horse still had a lot of vitality my baby sitter at the time was a horse girl.

    It was a lot of years ago but people still talk about how she would go off to these Rodeos and stay for 3 or 4 extra days after it's over. She always came back all bruised up and said it was from riding or she fell off. How that produces a lot of finger sized bruises I don't know.

    Eventually she started getting older and had a preemie born with chlamydia on it's face. She cried and blamed him for it. As far as I know now she sits in her parents house collecting child support from the guy and several others she also had children with.

    My uncle told me he thought she jerked the horse off because she would spend A LOT of time in the stall with him. She would be out of site and you could see the horse looking all wide eyed and shit. Lol

    Horse is still alive today and doing extremely well. Got jerked off by a hot blonde human chick. He had a good life.

    [–]Velebit 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    horse sex ends within a minute, she cannot be staying for long if she was jerking a horse's dick man, most of these girls admire how "majestic" those animals are

    tbh that is even more stupid than if she was jerking the horse off, that at least makes more sense

    [–]1TopTRP 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Part of horse hygiene is cleaning their dick, so yeah the girls are definitely familiar with horse cock.

    [–]Nyquil-Junkie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I had a woman farrier once, she trimmed my horses feet. Every time she was here, I got the "you HAVE to clean their sheath, it MUST be kept clean!!" and without fail, before she left she would either grab the poor horses schlog and check or whip out her bottle of sheath cleaner and clean the big boy's wiggle stick on her own, I never asked her to do it. I always thought that was kinda strange. My horses dick was always squeaky clean, and he was always happy to see Sharon arrive for hoof trim day.

    Horse women are a little touched.

    [–]DadOnDabs 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    There are a few theories on this. My personal theory is that the horse represents what they want but could never have in a man. Trustworthy but unpredictable, strong but gentle, silent and mysterious. Plus look at those horse gains. If only I could have quads like a horse 😍😍😍.

    Brb going to breed with a horse.

    [–]Venge97RI 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    I know a girl who hits the trifecta of crazy , loves horses ( used to hang out at a tack shop) , into high horsepower muscle cars , and 3 kids with 3 different guys ....

    Fucks like a pornstar though , good thing I got away from her ...

    [–]1TopTRP 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Is there a legit reason behind this conundrum?

    My Dad calls it the "My Little Pony syndrome".

    My family has a horse barn on the main property. Aside from the permanent horses my parents also buy horses from Europe to import and have my sister train, then re-sell at a large profit here in the states.

    Anyway there are a few contributing factors.

    Most of the parents of these girls are pretty crazy to begin with. The mothers especially are the "real housewives" kind of women and there is often a lot of drama between them, using their girls as tools in a never ending quest to tryin' one up their frenemies.

    Add this in with the whole living a privileged life and being treated like a princess due to money and you're already pre-disposed to being a little crazy.

    The biggest factor though that most people aren't aware of, and explains their behavior in bed?

    The girls are taught to BEAT the horses.

    If the horse doesn't cooperate or do what you want? You hit it.

    My sister will regularly punch a horse in the neck and even bite them if they don't cooperate.

    I asked her about the biting in-particular, and she said that horses understand biting as a form of showing dominance.

    The girls are taught these things before they are even teenagers, that to get what you want from this massive animal who's bigger and stronger than you, you need to physically beat it.

    How do you think that translates into how they treat men who are also bigger and stronger? Same shit, they have no inhibitions about getting aggressive with you.

    Side tip while we're talking about horses. If you can, get a picture of you with a horse and put it on your tinder.

    [–]mrizzle1991 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Horses are expensive as fuck and take so much time to care for. So theirs literally no time for shit else. So horse girls don't really care about anything else which makes they crazy after some time. I'm not a psychiatrist though, just what I think.

    [–]JackGetsIt 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    I have a suspicion that it's often simply autism (that's highly undiagnosed in girls)

    This doc is an hour but I found it fascinating.


    There's often a lot of boy obsession as well. Think Tina from Bobs Burgers.

    [–]GreenPiller 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Interesting. I was just thinking last night if this chick I met has Aspergers or something.

    [–]Coach-Red-Pill 2 points3 points  (7 children)

    No idea why this is. But it is. Oddly enough, normal girls are rather afraid of horses, and avoid them if at all possible.

    [–]to_glory_we_steer 9 points10 points  (6 children)

    I think the psychology has a lot to do with riding and caring for a huge, muscular and mostly pliant animal with a cock that could put the most gifted guy to shame

    [–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (5 children)

    Bouncing up and down all day on that saddle too must play a part. It's a large, expensive, glamorous, and slightly dangerous sex toy. Ticking a lot of boxes there for certain types.

    [–]beginner_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Shit, this makes too much sense.

    [–][deleted]  (3 children)


      [–]dannymason 2 points3 points  (2 children)

      Women can have orgasms just from riding.

      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      An ex was a crazy horse girl that did competitive fancy low jump riding (can't remember what that shit was called). The required form is to sit up and down on the saddle rhythmically the whole time to "look cool" or something. It was obvious her crotch was rubbing and making continual contact, and she had a big ol' smile on her face.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)


      [–]video_descriptionbot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Description And we mean the kind who ride them, not Sarah Jessica Parker. Please donate to Popp Culture via Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/redonkulaspopp http://www.Redonkulas.com produced in association with LightcraftEntertainment.com Follow us on Facebook and Twitter! http://www.facebook.com/redonkulaspopp http://www.twitter.com/redonkulaspopp
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      [–]claptilley 1 point2 points  (2 children)

      1 horse girl under my belt. All it took. Stalker for the good dick.

      [–]Velebit 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      can you elaborate? what did it take? how did she stalk your good dick? xD wtf?

      [–]claptilley 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      She was soft nexted. Wouldn't stop. Hard nexted wouldn't stop. Message new ladies asking them "how her pussy tastes"? Called at 3 am...and just breathed...

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Live across from a C-level actress (she usually plays the hot piece of ass who has a story arc for 2-3 episodes, then gets written off the sitcom, etc) in Los Angeles. Went on a couple dates when she first moved in that went absolutely nowhere. One big reason why?

      Over lunch one day she "confessed" that she calls a pet psychic weekly to get updates on the emotional and mental state of her pet horse that resides at her parent's place in Pennsylvania.

      A pet psychic.


      [–]Bulk_king11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Wow never noticed this. I used to bang 3 girls who rode horses. All 3 were bat Shit crazy. I think you're onto something

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)


      [–]video_descriptionbot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Description And we mean the kind who ride them, not Sarah Jessica Parker. Please donate to Popp Culture via Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/redonkulaspopp http://www.Redonkulas.com produced in association with LightcraftEntertainment.com Follow us on Facebook and Twitter! http://www.facebook.com/redonkulaspopp http://www.twitter.com/redonkulaspopp
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      [–]argcisman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I was an exchange student where my host-sister was a spoiled horseriding girl. She broke up with her boyfriend a couple of days before I arrived in their family and then tried and get it with me for the first couple of months. When she realized I didn't want her she turned into a stone cold bitch and didn't ever greet me or talked to me for the remaining time of my exchange year.

      [–]Shieldless_One 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I think it has something to do with the feminine attempting to tame the masculine and literally developing an obsession over it.

      Horses at the asshole boyfriends that can't leave the girl and ignore her text messages.

      [–]1MrTheFalcon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Crazy, yes. Good BJs, yes. Marriage material, eh...

      [–]DSetupDTitleDMenu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I live in a rural area and I've met my fair share of horse girls. Not living in a place with a whole lot of people tends to leave you on your own devices more than you'd like if you're not "all about the community" and shit, and I hate to rely on stereotypes to analyse the truth, but yeah, horse girls are all in their own world full of sweeping plains and horse dick. Social isolation + living in a fantasy world + big, strong horses = horse girl.

      I'm gonna plate me a few of them. They waste no time in dolling themselves up, are shameless about being sluts and tend to have fantastic asses. They also own like forty different pairs of jeans and lingerie, so there's plenty of stuff for them to wear for my viewing pleasure.

      [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorFieldLine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      She just hates you because you're not a horse. Don't take it personally.

      [–]TopOfTheEighth -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      You can't compete with the masculinity of the horse is another angle that's been explored.