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Girlfriend broke up with me yesterday due to our relationship being long distance. Today she kept calling me. What should I do? (self.asktrp)

submitted by TRPKaty

Recently moved to University, 7hrs away from our hometown, and I come home every month due to work obligations.

I’ve been at my new University for two weeks so far. Girlfriend of 6-7 months told me yesterday that she didn’t think she could do the long distance thing.

I’m fine with this as I haven’t been taking the relationship seriously. I’ve been spinning plates and maintaining abundance as I knew this was bound to happen. Especially because since I’ve been at my new Uni she’s been a lot more distant. She started hanging out with her “cousin” more often than usual and even told me that the university she wanted to attend she doesn’t anymore. I just played along since I was doing my own thing as well.

After she broke up with me I wished her the best to which she said “we aren’t even going to talk about it?” to which I said “I have nothing to say. You made your choice, I’m willing to work through it, you aren’t. Goodbye” to which she said “wow ok. I wish you the best too”

I understand LDRs don’t work out. I just just going through the motions with it.

I did care for this girl as we have many wonderful memories and she did hit a lot of the boxes on the LTR material checklist:

Father and mother is in life She doesn’t party, drink or smoke She doesn’t disrespect me in front of others We split the bills 50/50 when we went out Great communication Have a lot in common

Until obviously this. A girl who cannot handle an LDR (as silly as they are) isn’t LTR material.

Anyway, today she kept calling me while I was in class. I guess this was due to the fact that she saw my snapchat of me with another girl and she wants closure or validation to which I owe her nothing. Her friend also snapped me. I deleted them both off of snapchat and haven’t responded since.

I understand if I “give in” to her and tell her I’m willing to work things out, she will do a complete 180 and revert back to “I don’t want a relationship right now” or “I can’t do this LDR thing”

Am I right in my assumptions? Why is she calling me? What should I do? Ignore and continue to spin plates and lift? Engage her? Play along? Hard next? Soft next?

Any advice is welcome or appreciated.

EDIT: Thanks for the gold kind stranger.


[–]lietruth 123 points124 points  (13 children)

Why is she calling me?

She wants closure. In her mind, she isn't fully resolved in the relationship of what you two "could be". She's trying to solidify that you're a beta and she made the right decision. Do not give her this closure. Ignore calls.

[–][deleted]  (10 children)

[deleted]

    [–]TRPKaty[S] 25 points26 points  (7 children)

    Amazing explanation of what happened. Couldn’t have said it better. Thanks for your input. I appreciate it.

    [–]CutLiver 13 points14 points  (5 children)

    Yeah man, you handled it perfectly. Didn't lose your shit, and you're not giving her the satisfaction of "being friends". Never do that.

    Personally, I think no-contact is appropriate in a lot of cases, but sometimes I leave contact open because I figure why not? At the very least you can turn her into a sex-pal. Usually they'll come back, then you just treat them as a plate. But I never contact my exes. No birthday messages, holiday messages, anything like that... If they contact me I'll respond but if they don't mention meeting up I end the conversation after 2 or 3 texts. It works for me because in my mind the relationship is over, and it's gone forever. If any part of you still wants her back then I wouldn't recommend doing that though.

    [–]TRPKaty[S] 21 points22 points  (4 children)

    Screw being friends with an ex. I see a lot of people suggesting I turn her into a plate as well. Honestly I don’t believe exes are worthy of being plates. To me (this is just my opinion) I believe once you end it with a girl you end it. There’s no going back and you can’t salvage anything. Turning an ex into a plate reeks of oneitis to me and scarcity. If you (Not you, I’m just speaking in general) maintain abundance and have high SMV then you’d understand that there are better outside options. Exes are used goods. There’s so many women out there to choose from. That’s just my opinion.

    [–]CutLiver 1 point2 points  (3 children)

    That's the key though. You aren't friends with them. You never contact them for any reason, and if they contact you it's purely to hook up. You go about your life with one more name in your little black book. They're the lowest thing on your list of priorities. I do get where you're coming from though and there are definitely reasons to cut some of them loose for good when it's over. It really depends on how your relationship was and how things ended.

    [–]TRPKaty[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

    Ah ok I didn’t think of it like that. I understand they can never be LTR material or GF material again. That make sense though. Thanks for breaking it down. I think the way I’m seeing it as that she’s 7hrs away so making her a plate isn’t really ideal or worth it.

    [–]Inchado 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Don't listen to that guy. Don't plate ex's. That's scarcity mentality. It can only bring trouble. Get some fresh pussy as you seem to be doing.

    [–]CutLiver 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Yeah, in your case, it's not really worth it. Especially since you're in university.

    [–]meowsero 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Why was it deleted. Could you please tell me what he said? I'm going through the same thing right now and this might help. Thxs

    [–]LiveAFTSOV 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    He completely wrecked her. Stick to no contact

    [–]Kalepsis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    This is correct. OP, you handled this excellently. Always remember there are literally billions of other women you can date, and many of them will have better attributes than the ones before; that's what personal betterment is all about. You're never looking down at the steps you've already climbed, you're looking up to the ones you want to climb next.

    [–]TRPKaty[S] 12 points13 points  (1 child)

    Thank you for this. Will do. I admit a breakup does hurt no matter how invested or not you were in the relationship as a breakup is like a form of rejection. I feel sad, but I can release that sadness into one of my plates tomorrow night.

    [–]FlipModeEngaged 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Savage as fook bro!

    Thanks for sharing, I'll bare it all in mind if a girl ends it with me.

    [–]Merwebb 25 points26 points  (7 children)

    She tried boundaires with you and you showed her those boundaires.

    She proved you are not some fool she can tow around. Thats sexy to a lady.

    Too bad she kinda went nuclear on herself to prove this point. Boo hoo.

    Do your thing, dont look bad. Plate her if you want but let her simmer

    [–]TRPKaty[S] 18 points19 points  (6 children)

    Sounds good to me. Most likely not gonna plate her though.

    [–]Peach1632 16 points17 points  (5 children)

    DON'T plate her. She will start with the mind games to salvage her pride. (Full disclosure-I'm a woman if that makes any difference)

    [–]Ladykiller699 1 point2 points  (4 children)

    If you’re a woman how come you’re on red pill may I ask like how did ur journey end up there what’s the story b

    [–]Peach1632 7 points8 points  (3 children)

    Thanks for asking (really). It's weird, I know. I'm a 42 year old woman whose been happily married for 21 years. I can't remember how I found it, but I've stayed because it's really interesting to me to try to understand male/female interaction and the thought process behind it from a male perspective.

    There are some "woman haters" here, but for the most part, it just seems like regular guys trying to figure all this shit out. I occasionally interject if I feel it's appropriate. I hope it doesn't bother anyone. I usually state that I'm a woman because it somehow feels underhanded not to.

    [–]Sonichu 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    You're giving a maternal insight for many confused young men who came from a shitty upbringing or with parents with a dysfunctional relationship (fortunately for myself I am not in that position).

    A lot of young men here are really learning the dynamics of female-male interaction and having an older women's input is extremely beneficial. In my early twenties I had a 53 year old Jewish woman really 'red pill' me on masculinity. Ignore the edgelords who hate women, they need the love and guidance the most.

    [–]Peach1632 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    I really appreciate you saying that. I actually do feel a bit maternal as a lot of these posts are from young, confused men, as you said. I do feel some pity for the few who seem to truly hate women-maybe pity isn't the right word as it sounds condescending. I've never thought about it in terms of them needing love and guidance the most, but you're totally right. Unfortunately, I think they'd be a bit more resistance to advice from me. It makes me sad how the millennial men seem to have had the masculinity drummed right out of them. Red pill is a natural reaction to that in many regards.

    I, too, was lucky enough to avoid a shitty upbringing. I had a very loving and supportive father, and I'm in a very long and happy marriage. If my take on a situation can be beneficial to someone, that makes me very happy. I figure those here can take my advice or leave it. At least I'm honest. What really sucks is the occasional trolls I've seen on here. 99% of the men here are legitimately trying to better themselves so trolling feels especially repugnant to me.

    [–]Ladykiller699 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Nah it’s cool

    [–]cenie 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    Ignore and do you.

    [–][deleted] 44 points45 points  (1 child)

    I'm not sure what the problem is here. You're single at university.

    There isn't a better scenario you could be in right now.

    [–]TRPKaty[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    I just need affirmation in my assumptions.

    [–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Best move: Don't communicate with her. Why bother? Be polite when you see her in person, that's it.

    Second best: Wait a week. Call her up. Ask her why she's calling you. When she says "I want closure", you reply: "Here's your closure: Goodbye."

    If she asks why you haven't been taking her calls, say "You broke up with me. That's what broken-up means."

    [–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 12 points13 points  (1 child)

    I’ve been at my new University for two weeks so far. Girlfriend of 6-7 months told me yesterday that she didn’t think she could do the long distance thing.

    At least she's being honest. Probably doing you a favour.

    After she broke up with me I wished her the best to which she said “we aren’t even going to talk about it?” to which I said “I have nothing to say. You made your choice, I’m willing to work through it, you aren’t. Goodbye” to which she said “wow ok. I wish you the best too”

    Awesome.

    irl and she wants closure or validation to which I owe her nothing.

    right.

    She wants you to be miserable so she can feel she made the right choice.

    I understand if I “give in” to her and tell her I’m willing to work things out, she will do a complete 180 and revert back to “I don’t want a relationship right now” or “I can’t do this LDR thing”

    Yes.

    Why is she calling me?

    Emotional needs, need for closure. Closure = concluding you are not attractive.

    What you do: ignore all calls, drop her an occasional text.

    You don't want a LDR anyway.

    [–]TRPKaty[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    Exactly I don’t want an LDR. I’ve only been at my new university for two weeks and I already have 3 plates. And one plate back home for when I go down for work. College is amazing. For anyone in a college town I recommend downloading tinder+approaching in person.

    [–]quicklogaccount 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    Am I right in my assumptions?

    Not in the last one. You acted remarkably high value with “I have nothing to say. You made your choice, I’m willing to work through it, you aren’t. Goodbye”, now she wants you really bad.
    You were right in the rest though, she wants closure, she wants you to go full worthless spineless beta so she's assured she made the right call.

    Why is she calling me?

    As of now, to say "if you want, I believe I/we can work things out".
    On the first moment she'll frame it as her making a concession for you so you take responsibility for figuring out how to make things work and doing the heavy lifting.
    Give it a little more time and she might come to step up for it. But she underwent the break up process and has lowered her perception of you a lot, so that might not happen.

    What should I do?

    "Ignore and continue to spin plates and lift".
    Don't ghost unless she bothers you.

    [–]TRPKaty[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    It’s crazy how easy women are to understand. Creatures of pure emotion. Like I said to another user, sometimes they make me sick. I remember when I used to be perceived as “beta” the old me would’ve tried to make shit work. Luckily I found TRP and I have improved a lot thanks to you all in this sub and r/TheRedPill.

    [–]1anonlymouse 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Never get back together with someone you've broken up with. I wouldn't even talk to her, either you'll make a mistake and get back together with her, or you'll give her false hope.

    [–]ghostofstevemcqueen 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    I didn't even read the text. Only two facts matter: LDR and she broke up with you.

    Hard next.

    If she wants to bang the next time you happen to accidentally bump into each other, do it. Otherwise find other fish in the sea.

    When girls break up a LDR it's usually because they want to fuck someone else, or already have.

    [–]LLL3peat 12 points13 points  (7 children)

    She expected you to beg chase and want to make it work. You said you were but she didn't want to. Now she is upset because she was expecting to keep you on the hook awhile she studied and has fun at the same time. She'll hit you up when she's coming back into town and you can plate as you say you weren't invested.

    My ex was in the picture here and there and she cut things off last week to focus on school. Begged and pleaded for me to wait on her. I said either we are seeing each other or we aren't. When you are done with you semester you can call me and if I'm single maybe I'll think about it.

    It's all about power. You did it right, she'll hit you up in the future or beg for a couple weeks. Sit back and wait for it

    [–]TRPKaty[S] 8 points9 points  (6 children)

    I mean when it’s over, it’s over. Even if I do plate her in the future or take her back things won’t be the same. I’m not really up for making her a plate. She isn’t even plate material at this point.

    [–]LLL3peat 7 points8 points  (5 children)

    She'll reach out because you set boundaries. It may not happen today or tomorrow but it'll happen. It'll be your choice. Do what you want.

    [–]TRPKaty[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

    Can you elaborate on how I set boundaries? I’m not understanding.

    [–]RPBulletDodger 3 points4 points  (3 children)

    You established a boundary because this is basically what you did.

    Damn near all guys do not possess that level of self-respect, and you are most likely the first guy (using "guy" very fucking loosely since Katy is in your username) she has encountered that does.

    Anyway, today she kept calling me while I was in class. I guess this was due to the fact that she saw my snapchat of me with another girl and she wants closure or validation to which I owe her nothing. Her friend also snapped me. I deleted them both off of snapchat and haven’t responded since.

    Proud of ya bro. Keep doing you.

    [–]TRPKaty[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

    I am a guy. Katy is an Alias as this is my throwaway haha, but thanks.

    [–]RPBulletDodger 7 points8 points  (1 child)

    Keep the throwaway and stick around my dude.

    Lots of guys in this sub can learn from you.

    [–]TRPKaty[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Thanks and thanks for the explanation! Enjoy your week friend.

    [–]SirWillisVI 9 points10 points  (1 child)

    Further confirming what has already been stated...

    This is the BEST break up scenario I have ever heard of.

    I am sharing this story with my mates as I type this.

    You Sir are based.

    [–]TRPKaty[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Thanks! I appreciate it!

    [–]LavaPipe 3 points4 points  (3 children)

    You are right in your assumptions. I’d say soft next until you’re both in the same town maybe? You could always turn her into a plate if you play your cards really well but either way ignore her for now and do not allow her to be in any position to make you appear weak or beta

    [–]TRPKaty[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

    It’s honestly most likely gonna be a hard next for me.

    [–]LavaPipe 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Probably the best choice, she sounds a little crazy

    [–]Peach1632 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    She just sounds typical to me

    [–]Kommanderdude 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Ignore and block her every where.

    [–]ShotgunTRP 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Ghost

    [–]failberry 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    No advice and I'm sorry but in my 40 I would literally pay to be you right now.

    [–]FlyingSexistPig 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    "She can't do this LDR thing" = she's found someone closer to home who can give her the attention she craves every single day.

    She's calling you because, while she has her daily needs taken care of, he's second to you. She wants your attention more than his attention. It's especially bad if you're giving that attention to another girl, because that means she's going to miss out on you in the long term (when you're done with college, and can finally come home to wife her up).

    Do you want to wife her up after she's been shagging #2 guy while you've been at school? Do you want to find yourself at a party with #2 guy 5 years down the road, and have him tell you how much fun it was fucking your wife?

    [–]TRPKaty[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Pretty much sums it up. Good thing I’ve maintained my abundance.

    [–]RomeNeverFell 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I'm in your same exact situation. My ex left me the day before I left for my exchange. Two days ago she called me and then texted me, not going to answer.

    [–]Winterfuzz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    As an 18 year old who just started college. I wish I did everything that you did. My LTR ended similarly to yours, except I was beta as fuck. Begged and chased for months, got back together three times. She saw how pathetic I was and left me, asking to be friends. Last thing I said was “I can’t be friends with you” and left, never to speak with her again. Thank god, still hurts though.

    [–]ayefranco 4 points5 points  (2 children)

    She is an attention whore! You retracted your validation from her now she wants it to feel good with herself, "oh, x will still always care about me, teehee!" Dont give her that shit

    [–]TRPKaty[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    Of course not. I should also add the fact that she might try to make the breakup my fault. So she doesn’t feel bad about herself and like another user said “feel she made the right decision”. Women disgust me at times.

    [–]ayefranco 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Likewise brother, fuck that thot, shes out chasing cock as we speak, cut contact and keep it cut

    [–]DiggerClam 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    What's this LDR thing?

    [–]InstinctivelyAverage 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Long Distance Relationship

    [–]DiggerClam 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    doesn't exist.

    [–]RedHoodhandles 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Does she know that she was having an open-relationship with you? Seems like it was only on your side open and she didn't know which makes her basically your main plate/fwb.

    Now she is hurt that you moved on so quickly meaning that you weren't emotionally invested into the ltr.

    On a side note, you should have broken up by yourself. LDRs never work. Best of luck.

    [–]untonyto 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I am in the exact same situation of a long distance relationship "going through the motions" but waiting for that inevitable breakup call from her. I will run that dialogue exactly like you did here OP.

    [–]Gawernator 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Always good to hear of a (relatively) happy ending.

    [–]PurpleDrank88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Really late her, but just as an aside, remember that an LDR isn't actually a relationship. Think about it, in an LDR you're getting zero of the little benefits an LTR provides because your girl isn't there. All you're getting is the ALLEGED commitment of someone several hours away that she will control her hypergamy and not sleep with somebody else. Risk benefit analysis is heavily skewed toward the former. Just something to keep in mind in case your mind starts wandering toward maybe getting back into an LDR with this girl.

    [–]chachaChad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    she didn’t think she could do the long distance thing.

    She was letting you know she wouldn't be fending off all the dick she's being offered. She's upset because she wanted to be the first one to move on and it's clear she's not. Let her sit with that and plate her if you feel like it.

    [–]markdumte 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I don't really understand why you did not break it off when leaving to college, would have made things easier.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

    [–]TRPKaty[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    That’s essentially the cycle of a woman like that. They do a complete 180 and whore themselves out and ride the CC. It’s tragic but inevitable.

    [–]UriahTheChosen -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    Replace”cousin” with “chad”.

    [–]meaningintragedy -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

    Why are you even wasting time thinking and positing on the internet about it?