Women don't hit on men, they "put themselves in his vicinity"? (self.asktrp)

submitted by 4TBhdd

Went to the beach earlier this week, and my weightlifting is becoming really obvious.

I'm hanging out in the water (it was pretty calm) and I'm starting to notice women are showing up in my vicinity... sometimes making eye contact. I would say something simple to a girl like "the water's nice today isn't it?" and she would proceed to tell me all about herself. This happened multiple times.

I haven't been to a night club in years, but I've heard about this phenomenon. Guys actually have to go over and TALK ("hit on") a girl ... but it seems that women never do this ... they simply "put themselves in the vicinity of a guy" that they want to talk to them?

[–]Modbsutansalt[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (7 children)

What you're describing is called "proximity". Women will make their appearance known by parking themselves about 10-15' away from you. Think of you being in the center of a bubble. They'll be somewhere at the edge waiting for you to approach.

When they do this you can time them damn near to the second, giving you about 1 minute to appraoch. If you don't, then they'll wander away. Sometimes it's to save face as you ignoring them is a kind of rejection, so keep that in mind.

[–]brinkleybuzz 94 points95 points  (17 children)

Women absolutely hate rejection because of their fragile egos. Putting themselves in the vicinity of guys they're interested in and sending IOIs creates deniability if the guy isn't interested. If he doesn't approach, they convince themselves that he just doesn't "get it".

[–]mortalcoil1 36 points37 points  (2 children)

Nuh uh, I was told men are the ones with fragile egos. /S

[–]InfiniteAscent 25 points26 points  (0 children)

That would be the blue-pill ones.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Not men who get laid. Bloopers and Nice Guys who get rejected and get all butthurt about it? They're the ones with fragile egos. Guys who girls say are "assholes" (but who they drop their panties for, anyway)? Those egos are not fragile.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)


    [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    Woman game = beta male game

    [–]NrthnMonkey 9 points10 points  (4 children)

    Also women are told they can be perceived as pushy or overbearing if they approach the man with interest.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)


      [–]NrthnMonkey 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      I guess like many humans in general, they don't know what the better option is. Awkwardness and insecurity is a very common human trait, regardless of gender.

      [–]DevilishRogue 8 points9 points  (1 child)

      With good reason. Girls who hit on guys are seen as less appealing by the guy.

      [–]NrthnMonkey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Lose lose then really.

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

      because of their fragile egos.

      What are the factors leading women to have fragile egos?

      [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (4 children)

      they never risk anything. if there is one thing they avoid with their life it is coming off as desperate unless theyre going for Chad

      [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (3 children)

      Why do you think that women are more risk-averse? What's the evidence on that?

      And have you never met incredibly flirty women who DGAF who thinks they're "desperate?"

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      the risk thing ties into survival i guess. i know i've seen studies before that mention this.

      the "incredibly flirty" girls i've seen were just confident people. most girls i've known act flirty to gain orbiters or in an attempt to attract a guy much better looking than them

      [–]BestSC86 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Not particularly attractive girls, no.

      The reality of the world is that attractive girls don't have to make any effort to hit on dudes....so given the choice between risking rejection from 10in megadick Chad over by the bar and the advances of an acceptable level dude that is showering her with attention over here in her corner...attractive women will go with the dude already showing her attention.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I'm very low on the male totem-pole at the moment, but it's interesting to imagine what it would be like to be "10in megadick Chad" and to have the psychological wiring and physical traits in place such that you actually make attractive women nervous to approach you.

      [–]jackandjill22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I see.

      [–][deleted] 38 points39 points  (5 children)

      Yeah, i wish somebody told me of this a long time ago. My N-Count would be far higher -_-

      [–]brinkleybuzz 25 points26 points  (2 children)

      I was so bad at picking up signals that other girls had to tell me when their friends were interested. That's what happens when you're passive and look for obvious signs of interest rather than assuming attraction. I don't think I've actually gotten better at reading IOIs, the difference is I now assume that any chick within eyesight wants the D.

      [–]4TBhdd[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

      the difference is I now assume that any chick within eyesight wants the D.

      Thanks... yes... this is the direction I'm starting to go in, especially wrt daygame I'm starting to just assume that I can strike up a small conversation with any woman I please, and the reactions are almost all positive now. Wow.

      [–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)


      [–]4TBhdd[S] 16 points17 points  (1 child)

      Agreed - although I didn't look nearly as good then as now, I was blind at picking up this signal.

      [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      See i didn't even look that good, i just had the "Young but Grumpy" tattooed bouncer thing but there were multiple times where some girls just happened to be outside for no reason

      [–]Mr-Ed209 38 points39 points  (4 children)


      This mannerism becomes so evident when a you realise a girl is actually actively pursuing you. It's like high school all over again. Like ahh, this random girl keeps starting conversations with me.. does she want the D? Who knows.

      That is why the best way is to assume attraction and go with it. Plan 'dates' hang outs etc and just escalate. Don't even consider if they're interested it will just hold you back. If you get an obvious no then you back off, like any reasonable man would.

      I fucking hate how men are conditioned not to do this nowadays.

      [–]4TBhdd[S] 11 points12 points  (1 child)

      That is why the best way is to assume attraction and go with it.

      Thanks, this is something I'm really starting to do lately.

      [–]Mr-Ed209 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      It's the best way. And when you think about how difficult it is for most men to muster the confidence to approach etc you realise why girls rarely do it. Because they don't have to.. as they're regularly approached by men that do. It's like a path of least resistance.

      [–]BendAndSnap- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Embrace it. More pussy less competition

      [–]RedPilledGodEmperor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Exactly. Men are so afraid of being called creepy that many would rather only approach women they know are giving them IOIs, that just approaching a lot more women like they used to in college or when they didn't give as much of a fuck.

      [–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (1 child)


      Women create opportunities for men.(Covert ops)

      Men need to see this, and open the woman. (Overt ops)

      [–]4TBhdd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Covert vs Overt. Thanks.

      [–]kenpachitz 12 points13 points  (7 children)

      my weightlifting is becoming really obvious.

      Out of curiosity, how long have you been lifting?

      [–]Eat_Animals 8 points9 points  (4 children)

      6 weeks

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)


        [–]Rudeyyyy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Maybe he's short like me and puts on muscle faster. But even then I didn't really see people telling me and feeling my arms until about four months in.

        So to sum it up...kinda sounds like some bullshit.

        [–]AfterC 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        Kek, actually the funniest comment

        [–]hamsterbator 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        and probably true. the last time somebody posted something like this they posted a pic and he was not fat but DYEL

        [–]eccentricrealist 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        He accidentally Schwarzenegger'd

        [–]mrpoopistan 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        One thing that's not being stated here is that a woman's approach toward a guy says a lot about her relative assessment of his SMV vs hers.

        For example, a chick might overtly open a guy if she's overreaching a bit. If you're a believer in the two-point rule, think of this is someone trying to shoot in the 2.5 to 3 pts differential.

        A lot of women will never do this, but a few will. It happens. Alcohol and MDMA also happen.

        I'm not certain about the 10-15 foot figure cited here. In my experience it's more like three to five feet. Maybe I just go to more crowded clubs.

        [–]nastynickdr 15 points16 points  (0 children)

        Women make themselves available. Also this way she knows she wont get rejected, its her that can reject or not the advances of men.

        Men go after what they want. They put themselves at risk. They put the effort to get what they want. If he gets rejected, he goes for the next. A man that is weak, unconfident, not willing to take risks, wont do it. He will hamster reasons not to. Thus, he acts like a woman. A feminized man. A beta.

        [–]quicklogaccount 7 points8 points  (6 children)

        In some environments women open you too, but she'll usually just hint you.
        And that's not the only strategy, there are a few more. Look it up in PUA, it might be under "approach IOIs" or shit like that. Mystery mentions a few.

        [–]BestSC86 14 points15 points  (5 children)

        Funniest ones for me when I was young, before I ever got close to a clue about any of the ways that women operated, was when I was out shopping in malls and such....girls would come up and say shit like "You look just like so and so from my hometown or school", call one of their friends over to say "doesn't he look like so and so " similar. I would respond with something stupid like "yeah, I have a pretty familiar face" and go on without a clue.

        I remember sitting around with a couple of friends and their GFs, when I made the comment that I must be very average because all these women were telling me I looked like someone they knew out of the blue......the girls started laughing and looked at me like I was from Mars then one finally asked my friends..."he really doesn't know, does he?"

        That was so long ago....but it still seems funny to me how clueless I actually was.

        [–]4TBhdd[S] 11 points12 points  (2 children)

        the girls started laughing and looked at me like I was from Mars then one finally asked my friends..."he really doesn't know, does he?"

        Thanks, yea, that would have been me too. I would have had no idea that "you look like someone familiar" would be a common pick-up line by girls.

        [–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        I would have had no idea that "you look like someone familiar" would be a common pick-up line by girls.

        That's because they have pussies instead of game. If they are into you but you're not "getting it" they will often say retarded shit just to keep the convo going.

        [–]quicklogaccount 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        Oh man, don't get me started on shit like that.

        Around here there's the look and giggle. I thought the chicks were laughing at me for some reason.

        [–]1DubbleFUPAwitCheez 2 points3 points  (3 children)

        What you've noticed is true and the fact they go into blurting out disjointed information about themselves in response to an innocuous statement is also telling.

        I recall a time I went up to a girl at the store and asked if I had just seen her at the gym and she immediately asked me "where'd you go to high school?", a flirty question around here for some reason but I was caught off guard by the randomness of the question so I walked away.

        [–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 3 points4 points  (2 children)

        but I was caught off guard by the randomness of the question so I walked away.

        Lulz. The right answer could have been anything up to and including, "The high school of your vagina."

        [–]1DubbleFUPAwitCheez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        The fact she already showed keen interest yeah I bet you're right.

        [–]Senior Endorsedmax_peenor 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Yes. However, it isn't passive. They will do things in an attempt to get your attention. I call it "lifting their tails," which in itself is actually a thing in human females. They want to be selected. It's part of the mating process.

        The key is to learn what these behaviors are and how to determine to whom they are directed.

        [–]Scheme00 0 points1 point  (5 children)

        Nice work at the gym! How big are you getting for reference? Can you pm me a photo for reference of some other dude so this doesn't seem homo? I've noticed I'm getting more attention too and don't know how big I want to get

        [–]FvckYourSafeSpace 7 points8 points  (4 children)

        He's been lifting 6 weeks. Crock of shit

        [–]Rudeyyyy 10 points11 points  (2 children)

        he hasn't stopped lifting. 6 weeks straight. on some Rich Piana shit. Whatever it takes goddamnit. Never even left the gym. Lights go out nah fuck it he's squatting in pitch darkness. Even when he's shitting he's curling. Dude's dedicated.

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)


          [–]Rudeyyyy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Gotta confuse the subs right?

          [–]RedSkeller 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          Six weeks straight bro

          [–]suxxos 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          Girls sometimes start the conversation themselves. Although I guess it's easier if they are really interested in you, for example, they know you because you're famous. They might even do a research to know where to meet you, and probably plan how to meet you and make you interested in themselves.

          But if you are good looking enough, this might happen anyway. Girls do approach you. I'm sure good looking guys can confirm.

          [–]Mrhappytrigger 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          can confirm. girls will litteraly invite you on a date but most of the time you will litteraly won't notice because they do it in a subtle way or smoother way then a men would do.

          i once got invited to go eat by a top model and didn't even realise it when it happenned simply because i never thought a women like her could ask a men out! i

          [–]throwawayfreak44 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          WRONG! They do hit on good looking men all the time. If they don't for you, well... you know what that means.