How do I carve Turkey like an alpha? (self.asktrp)

submitted by newlifeasredpill

Just kidding

Happy thanksgiving boys!

[–][deleted]  (8 children)


[–][deleted]  (4 children)


    [–]djthiago1 11 points12 points  (2 children)

    Personally i think vikings would watch Game of Thrones on their spare time.

    [–]W_O_M_B_A_T 7 points8 points  (1 child)

    That and The Sopranos.

    [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    flash back to conan the barbarian scene where they all sit and eat. then suddenly, "what is best in life?"


    [–]vengefully_yours 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Driving your enemies before you and hearing the lamentations of the women.

    [–]Manuel_S 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Dude, a real VIKING would do the blood eagle on the fucking turkey and watch it flop!

    [–]jacks_not_surprised 40 points41 points  (0 children)

    I was about to unsubscribe.

    [–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 19 points20 points  (1 child)

    You really had me. I was just thinking about what a lazy dumbass you are for not being able to use Google. :)

    Anyways, to at least add a little bit of value, here is how we pros do it:


    Pro-tip: Leave the leg-bone attached until you cut out the breasts. That way the turkey will have a much safer stand.

    Happy thanksgiving from the old world to you too.

    [–]Manuel_S 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    For fun, use a real sharp knife. Sort that you can shave an arm with (fine emeril paper, plus a bit of leather does the work).

    Then the meat just comes apart under your hands, looks easy as hell.

    [–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (1 child)

    With a chainsaw

    [–]AnarchyBurger101 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Can be done, but you need a fresh chainsaw. From there, you put canola oil in the bar and chain oil reservoir, rev it up for 8 minutes to chase away any factory machine oil, slice through some hard bread, or just 2x4s to wipe it away, and chainsaw away on your large animal.

    Usually this works for cows, bison, elk, musk ox, moose, any sort of animal that is big enough where you might loose sight of your blade while cutting into the animal.

    NEVER loose sight of your blade, or a should say, get to a point where you don't know where it is. That's how you lose fingers, end up with a filleting knife in your hand, a gutting knife in your knee, etc, etc.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)


    [–]davosnator 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    and the turkey?

    [–]jeezydasnowman 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    With a samurai sword

    [–]Squeezymypenisy 7 points8 points  (2 children)

    I bought steak. Screw turkey.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)


      [–]Squeezymypenisy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Not bad. Honestly turkey is healthy. But give me steak and a bourbon anyday. Washed with some scotch.

      [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      Damn it i fell for it

      [–]AnarchyBurger101 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Battery powered saw-z-all, with fresh blades of course. :D

      Works on deer, pigs, cows, most anything you need to do course butchering for.

      The people down the line from you, when disassembling a deer, they get to mess with the washing, cutting, filleting the silver skin off the meat, etc. ;)

      On a turkey, I suppose you could saw-z-all the contour of the ribs, section that down the center, put that off to the side, flip the remaining part of the bird, with the drumsticks on it, cut that down the center, then people down the line could further cut it down, pass it around, then put anything not eaten in a steamer pan for later.

      [–]randarrow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Go to youtube, search for "carving peking duck", (there are different styles for grace or for speed), practice 1000 times, try not to cut off fingers....

      Happy Thanksgiving!

      [–]magical_artist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      With a claymore, or a two handed broadsword if you're a pussy.

      Happy Thanksgiving.

      [–]HV123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      with dread game obviously

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I use a machete, but you can use a kukri to be more more culturally apropiate.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)


      [–]self_made_guy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Good one :p

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      first, you get that fucking turkey all juices up nice like,

      then you carve that bitch.

      happy mother fucking thanksgiving everyone!

      [–]ZombieJorge 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Make jizz on it.