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If your question is "there is this one girl", you're doing it wrong. (self.asktrp)

submitted by Senior EndorsedMattyAnon

Despite AWALT, girls are all random and all different. Some like you more than others. You'll have a different "relationship" with each of them. So fixing your problem with "this one girl" doesn't mean anything in the long term.

If you're in a LTR, then "trying to make it work" and "putting effort in" and "all relationships involve work and sacrifice" just means you are a variation of beta bucks. Even if you're not paying dollars, you're offering commitment and support by being a point of stability in her life and giving emotional support. And chances are she's giving you shit (or the sex sucks) and you want to improve your relationship.

Thing is... you can't change other people. Some things will help your LTR work better but ultimately you are not in control. She'll do what she does, and you have influence over that but you can't force her to feel something different to her actual feelings. And she'll act purely according to how she feels. That's never going to change.

The solution to your LTR woes is to fix yourself irrespective of her. Get some abundance mentality back, get more options with other women, flirt with more women, be more attractive, care less about your LTR and be less reactive to it. She's probably getting less sexual with you, respecting you less, while every year you're putting more and more effort into what's basically a sinking ship. You can't say a few magic RP words and have her sucking your dick like a trooper again. Doesn't work like that. It's YOUR life, you need to fix that. Make choices that will work no matter what she does. Be more attractive, meet more people, lift some heavy shit once in a while, flirt with more women.

Conversely... if you're trying to get with "this one girl"... if you've not fucked her on two separate occasions, she is nothing more than an option. Treat her as such. She might have boyfriend, she might hate men, she might hate you. I guarantee she has a whole load of stuff (good and bad) going on that you know nothing about. You can't take her seriously as a sexual option before having sex on two separate occasions. Until then - she's nothing more than an option. So if your question is basically "there is this one girl..." then the answer is "she doesn't matter, get more options".

If your question is "I find that every girl I chat up throws up when she sees me", then let's discuss your situation. If you have ongoing issues about how to apply TRP, what specific bits of TRP mean, then ask away. If you have a situation that has come up that you don't understand, then ask away. If you want to know the best way to proceed with a specific situation then ask away BUT... from the point of view of "I'm seeing three girls but a situation has come up that I don't quite know how to handle and I'm curious on the best way forward".

But don't ask us "how can I make things work with this one girl that I really want to get with". That's one-itis, it's trying to get control over one situation rather than having an abundance of options, it's putting too much effort and emphasis on one girl, and it's the perpetuation of the blue pill media story of the guy who makes a gigantic gesture to win the heart of his one super special snowflake unicorn rather than fixing himself.


[–]returnofthemackX 22 points23 points  (3 children)

You have to realise some people come from the bottom.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon[S] 39 points40 points  (2 children)

Yeah... and I'm trying to help them rise up.

[–]MentORPHEUS 8 points9 points  (1 child)

This post makes me realize how many times this has been the answer to questions here on AskTRP.

I used to be this fool well into my 20s. I'd stick to one PROSPECT at a time, always for way too long. Some would friendzone me, some might have turned out differently if I wasn't honestly so damn thirsty it telegraphed from afar.

Finding interested partners is a numbers game, you have to feed lots into a wide-mouth funnel, for the occasional GF or plate material to come out of the small end. Putting all of your effort into one prospect is like turning the funnel around and feeding women through the small end one at a time. You can blow YEARS using this method before a GF or plate comes out the big end.

Thanks for a great reference post. This IS the way off of the bottom.

[–]GuidoBandito 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've done this into my 40's. Right now as I merge into my 50's, I'm doing a reset so to speak. Monk/MGTOW while I get some things I need to get arranged in my life and start to retrain my brain to just be social. As the last year and this has gone on I've been adding the steps to get where I feel I can add in women as more than social constructs but as a list of "who's available tonight". I've been struggling with oneitis during this time but as I separate myself from women in general and focus on myself it gets easier.

All this stems from being trained as a child to think of that one and only that one. After my divorce that was all I knew. It doesn't work and it's a time suck as there are so many more out there than that one.

[–]devanpy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I needed this.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I agree, and I've been guilty of this myself in the past. If you've gone out of your way to ask trp about a specific girl, you've probably already lost and you are missing the point.

[–]IntrovertSigma 6 points7 points  (7 children)

Back in the day the standard answer to this questions was "GFTOW, go find/fuck ten other women"

[–]returnofthemackX 19 points20 points  (5 children)

In defense of newly unplugged users who can't even get 1 girl, that advice is not helpful.

[–]IntrovertSigma 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Well they need to work towards it then. Talk to ten a day for a start.

[–]rpthrowaway007 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It really is all about this; it's nothing more than a number's game. How can you expect to get good at something if you don't do it? I explained this to a friend, who is a sales person, he related to it like this, "Yeah, that'd be like me just starting out in sales, hoping to get deals, but never making a phone call or knocking on a door."

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Disagree. It's a highly relevant message to educate them on a basic principle that is so overlooked. "It isn't Oneitis, this girl is special" - kind of sounds ridiculous. It's the blue pill residue.

[–]Tongue37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah it's not easy for most guys to just go out and fuck 2-3 other girls, much less 10..

[–]KumonRoguing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's what I did and it fixed my ltr. Good advice always and forever

[–]PantsonFire1234 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This. The moment one girl becomes your occupation it's a slippery slope to betatude.

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper 1 point2 points  (2 children)

/u/CrazyHorseInvincible, paging: Please add flair point for OP.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Please add flair point for OP

Thanks, I'll put it right next to my EC logo ;)

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmmmm. I guess those don't show up on mobile. Never noticed that before.

[–]rpvp -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It's not really doing it wrong for beginners, it's a start. By asking questions of that nature, they get a wake-up call from experts. Your post is going to disappear in a day or two and people will continue to ask. It's better to help out beginners than try to shut them down like this. This is a thread where we help and not shut down people so quickly.