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Tinder date broke down when I asked for separate checks (self.asktrp)

submitted by RedPillpls

Last night I went out with a HB8 (cute face, nice tits, great ass, good job, educated, good family etc) and had a good date with kino, kissing, passing shit tests etc and at the end of it I asked for separate checks and she did a complete 180 and looked visibly upset and just in complete shock of what I just did. (Broke the princess syndromes little heart?) I held frame while she preceded to tell me that she’s a traditional girl and has never had that happen to her etc. and I just told her that I don’t pay for girls I just met(proud of how strong I held frame). We leave and I give her a hug and she continues to hamster about me not paying and I say was nice meeting ya goodnight. About an hour after she sends a long winded text apologizing for getting upset then preceding with telling me some comment I said she didn’t like and reminded her of a past experience(Alpha widow?). And how she is just looking for a serious relationship. I just text back saying nice meeting ya and goodnight.

Did I handle this appropriately and if I keep pushing what should I do?


[–]1redhawkes 257 points258 points  (24 children)

About an hour after she sends a long winded text apologizing for getting upset then preceding with telling me some comment I said she didn’t like and reminded her of a past experience

You're in. Next time let her come to your place and say you're going to cook something, let her help you since she's traditional (you can tease her about that).

Escalate and you know the rest.

[–]alpha-priori 41 points42 points  (0 children)

I concur. Good job, sir.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 28 points29 points  (7 children)

say you're going to cook something, let her help you since she's traditional

OTOH, if she's "traditional" then maybe she can do the cooking. I'd set it up with you doing it, then flip the script.

[–]1redhawkes 11 points12 points  (0 children)

That's even better, great way to qualify her.

[–]hatefulreason 1 point2 points  (5 children)

is there anything you can't spin in your favor ye old scoundrel ? :))

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 13 points14 points  (4 children)

Any wisdom I have is the product of long and difficult experience...but for you guys, it's free.

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[deleted]

    [–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    Link?

    [–]LinkReplyBot 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Link?

    Here you go!


    I am a bot. | Creator | Unique string: 8188578c91119503

    [–]DiggerClam 18 points19 points  (1 child)

    Cooking dinner together is a sure way to bang her on date 2. You'd literally have to shit onto a plate and hand her a spoon to fuck it up.

    [–]RedPillpls[S] 14 points15 points  (1 child)

    Thanks brother. I’ll have to see if I can work the logistics out for that. At the very least I’ll find something either free or physical to go do with her next. And to the others we just got drinks no food(unless you count chips and salsa food). And I’ve been on a lot of tinder dates over the past two years and have never had a problem with chicks and them paying for themselves. I’ve had more chicks pay for me then I pay for them if anything.

    She has texted me back his morning after I responded to her I want a serious relationship text with her telling me she understands (I told her I’m not against a serious relationship, but that takes time to establish) and telling me to have a great day which I haven’t responded to yet

    [–]Incaahhh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    How are you two getting along now?

    [–]Helpcalculus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Solid plan.

    [–]Work_In_Progress92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Nicely done good sir.

    [–]RedPillpls[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children)

    What would be a good example of a few different meals that I could cook? Preferably easy and simple meals

    [–]DiggerClam 6 points7 points  (2 children)

    ... Literally ANYTHING (apart from toast or cereal).

    Pasta is super easy. Make the sauce yourself so you look fancy.

    Girls are super impressed when they find out that you know how to make more than microwave foods from boxes.

    [–]Trooper_1868 20 points21 points  (1 child)

    HERES WHAT YOU DO!!

    Buy Premade marinara sauce. 10-15 mins before you are expecting her, put it into a large pot and let it simmer. If you want to sell this, buy some bullshit spices and cut it up onto a cutting board and throw them in (spices that are already in the sauce for added bullshittery!!). Voila you are a pro chef. Millions use your sauce!!

    Now for pasta, look up the most bullshit pasta, that you can absolutely not fuck up (I recommend spaghetti although it can get messy whilst eating).

    Cook up a decent meat dish, whatever floats your boat, but i would recommend a dark meat (beef, lamb, etc) as it will pair well with some red wine (Get some cheap red wine or look what goes well with pasta) Women dont know shit about wine, tell them its great and its great. Just make sure you buy something that looks foreign and that looks like you tried.

    After this, its your game man. :D

    Happy travels.

    [–]Iegomyego 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    This made me laugh my ass off! Thanks

    [–]rp_newdawn 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    I'm a big fan of oven baked salmon, some rice, and either tomatoes or avocado. Easy as hell and healthy enough that girls love it

    [–]TheRiseAndFall 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    What do you use to season your salmon? I've been going with just olive oil, lemon, and red and black pepper. Sometimes I add a little honey. I tried going with some bourbon sauce but I did not end up liking the taste.

    Rosemary and lemon is a traditional one I saw but it is not enough flavor for me.

    [–]rp_newdawn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Salt and olive oil. Sometimes I add lemon and rosemary like you said. My new apartment doesn't have a proper oven so I sous-vide now.

    [–]JTCX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    burritos! It’s fun to wrap and make them together

    [–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 86 points87 points  (1 child)

    she preceded to tell me that she’s a traditional girl

    On Tinder. Riiiiiiiight.

    [–]Ephidemical 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    This is what I always think when I meet a girl who says that she's "not like that".

    [–]smirk_addict 42 points43 points  (7 children)

    I know you are not trying to humble brag. But damn dude, you did excellent. My scorecard is 10.0. At this point you can do whatever you want. Because you’ve established that she can’t get anything out of you unless she’s willing to invest something. Has she texted you since?

    [–][deleted]  (6 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]beta_no_mo 15 points16 points  (1 child)

      Women will pay for a man they value. I've had women buy me clothes, shoes, a watch, countless meals and drinks...hell, one flew herself from overseas just to spend a weekend and then paid for nearly everything while she was there.

      [–]DrBalance 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Yep. I had a Thai girl I visited sometimes. She would have earned about $2 per hour at her job. She would buy me random stuff and I was barely allowed to get my wallet out even for $10+ meals. I almost felt sorry for her.

      [–]smirk_addict 14 points15 points  (1 child)

      She knows your time is valuable. Maybe you fucked the equality into her.

      [–]beta_no_mo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Women will pay for a man they value. I've had women buy me clothes, shoes, a watch, countless meals and drinks...hell, one flew herself from overseas just to spend a weekend and then paid for nearly everything while she was there.

      [–]Autonomy_Economy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      If they chase, let them chase.

      [–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 26 points27 points  (1 child)

      then preceding with telling me some comment I said she didn’t like and reminded her of a past experience

      This is to blame you and justify her not seeing you again for not paying for her. She can't ditch you for not paying, that would make her a whore. So she ditches you on some pretext.

      And how she is just looking for a serious relationship.

      Provider hunting.

      Did I handle this appropriately and if I keep pushing what should I do?

      Yes if you want to fuck girls rather than paying for them. You can't win 'em all.

      Next time don't go out for a meal or to a bar where you pay at the end of the night. Once she thinks she's getting a free meal, she'll be angry when she isn't.

      [–]DiggerClam 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      You as SE should know that this is a definite case of 'listen to her actions and not her words'.

      OP will fuck this girl.

      [–]Beast___Mode 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      Wow, when I was asking should I pay for a girl which I met on Tinder, everyone on r/seduction community were telling me of course you have to pay. But, on this subreddit looks like people have a different mindset. I am confused.

      Good job tho ;)

      [–]Endorsed Contributormallardcove 12 points13 points  (4 children)

      I just told her that I don’t pay for girls I just met(proud of how strong I held frame).

      This isn't holding frame. Having to explain/justify yourself is not holding frame. Holding frame would have been to ignore, pressure flip or A&A. You held frame by not paying, but then lost it by having to justify and explain.

      The fact of the matter is that your SMV isn't high enough to have pulled this off. You think she would get upset if Brad Pitt did the same thing?

      You walked into this one. Never go out to eat on a first date, as you will put yourself into this situation. First dates she is still getting a feel on you and trying to determine what exactly your SMV and value is. Chances are its not high enough from the get go to be able to get away with this. Go somewhere where you can demonstrate your value via your actions and the fact you can have fun, not sit across from her at a table and do nothing but talk.

      And how she is just looking for a serious relationship.

      Confirmation she is looking for a BB at this point. To her serious relationship = man who can pay the bills.

      [–]caucasianinasia 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      The "Brad Pitt Rule" is useful in so many ways.

      [–]northerncalifdude 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Go somewhere where you can demonstrate your value via your actions and the fact you can have fun, not sit across from her at a table and do nothing but talk.

      Could you give us examples? When I'm talking to a bunch of different people and approaching women I have a lot of fun and my energy is really high, but on a tinder dinner date it's harder to show high energy. Taking her to a club usually solves the problem for me.

      [–]RedPillpls[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      I agree with the holding the frame part. I didn’t really see anything to say to her except explaining. She already looked like I stomped on a puppy. I do partially agree with the SMV thing but I also think it may have to do with just being surrounded by dudes who would get on their knees and kiss the ground she walks on type and has never had a guy do that to her so it took he by complete surprise. We just got drinks also no food, unless you count chips and salsa. What would you recommend for a simple physical activity? Right now it’s cold out(I live in the Midwest) and not much stuff to do in the town I live in.

      [–]DiscordantMonk 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      You've done well sir! See if she scoffs at paying her share the next time you take her out!

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)

      [deleted]

      [–]DiggerClam 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      "Is Tinder the traditional way girls look for serious relationships?"

      [–]BusterVadge 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      She's down to hook up. She just doesn't want to feel like a slut. I don't think that OP was wasting his time.

      The girl is AWALT, but was raised right by her parents. She's "traditional" in that she def loves sex but doesn't want to feel slutty.

      I few years ago I was slaying on Christian Mingle. All of the girls on that site are just like this, and 80% are so DTF, you just have to play it right.

      [–]1kick6 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I think you’ve probably burned it with this girl, which is fine. If she’s on tinder she’s a washed up slut trying to stick the landing with a beta boyfriend. Sounds like you don’t want to be that guy so move on.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

      [–]RedPillpls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      If anything were about even in pay. She has a better job though. (She’s a nurse). I’ll see if I can work out cooking at my place

      [–]FlyingSexistPig 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Did I handle this appropriately

      Yes.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You did good even remembering to split the check. My first date after finding TRP I had to take a migraine pill earlier and had a couple drinks. I was feeling good and light that when the bar tab came I tossed up the money without second thought then almost kicked myself in the parking lot.

      [–]DiggerClam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      This is why you keep frame. She's hooked. You will bang next time you see her because you're all she can think of right now.

      Chicks need emotional attention, good or bad, and you just blew a huge load emotional load all over her 'cute face'.

      [–]Atm47 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Bro you did fucking amazing. I have to admit this is very difficult for me to do. I almost feel awkward if I say to split the check.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I held frame while she preceded to tell me that she’s a traditional girl and has never had that happen to her etc. and I just told her that I don’t pay for girls I just met

      ....tradition girls on a website for hook ups.

      Right.

      [–]flatox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      "tell me that she’s a traditional girl and has never had that happen to her"

      and

      "reminded her of a past experience"

      Haha the honesty is strong in this one.

      [–]InformalCriticism 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      She's a meal ho. Soft next. If she had a good time, she'll contact you.

      [–]tothebeat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Nothing wrong with spitting a check, but seems to me that you blindsided her needlessly. You are the one going against social customs so it's pretty reasonable for her to be surprised. Instead you could have told her at some point, and seen how she reacted. Most decent women would be fine with it and would appreciate you being up front. And if she's not fine with it then you'd have saved yourself from a wasted date. Couple months ago I was on a first date and when the check came I asked her if we could split the check. I would have been fine paying - again it is the social custom but she was more than cool with it. And tonight we'll be sleeping in my bed again.

      [–]Theguygotgame777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      If she was a “traditional girl” she wouldn’t have led you on like that, nor would she have bitched about the check not being paid. Otherwise, I might’ve paid the whole check, if it were me. And then, ONLY if she was devoutly Catholic.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

      [–]RedPillpls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Nothing really happened, I asked her if she wanted to hangout again and I’d cook us dinner at my place and she denied me.

      [–]youcantdenythat 0 points1 point  (3 children)

      You took a tinder girl to dinner?

      [–]RedPillpls[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      To get drinks brother

      [–]DangerousBearCat 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      As opposed to...

      [–]youcantdenythat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      first dates should be cheap... a drink or coffee at the most. the point is they need to see you're not a creep, then invite them over to watch some netflix or whatever. kino and escalate.

      [–]yallapapi 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Depends what you wanted from the experience. Are you trying to bang this chick or what? Good for you for standing your ground regardless.

      Any particular reason why you decided to ask for separate checks?

      [–]RedPillpls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      There is nothing special about this chick that made me split the bill. I just always do it. I have no interest in paying for some chick to spend time with me and majority of girls seem to be ok with it. I’ve had girls even pay for me on a few occasions.

      I’ve also been with girls who have bragged to me about getting 5-7 dates a week and getting all her meals paid for without her even kissing any of them.