I’m a 20 year old guy. Ok so if you all have seen my post history, you would understand that I’m having a hard time with woman. Always have. Since middle school I’ve never had friends, so I don’t have a social circle. I’ve only dated one girl in my life. And I only got lucky because she slid into MY DMs. We dated for a while and we both agreed to a serious relationship. But sadly she dumped me after a couple months. We never had sex. My lack of dating experience made that dating experience doomed from the start. However, on the last few weeks of our dating run, we did get sexual. Made out, sucked on her tits, grab each other dick and pussy. Never went all the way though.
Anyways, she dumped, and I got really blue balled haha. Like I said, I’m not good with woman. I don’t have game, looks, confidence, none of that. I’m a loser. I don’t have friends. I’m ugly. All of it. I am trying to fix this. I’m on week 7 of lifting. Been reading lots of books. I meditate 10-15 minutes daily. Gave up the porn over a year ago. Don’t fap as much.
To get to the point of the post, I added this fat girl I thought was cute on FB. Now I always thought I was attracted to BBWs. So I slid in her DMs, got her number, and then asked her out. Again, I did this in desperation. I wanted to go out with someone again.
So I did. I picked her up at her house, went to go get some ice cream. Got to know each other. Then we went to the park and walked. Established kino. Put my arm around her, held her hand. By the end, we were making out on a bench. I was horny as fuck at this point. We then cruised around, and she asked me “know any hiding spots”. Told her I was actually home alone right now. So we went back to my place. I was so excited. Here I was a virgin, and I’m taking this girl back to my place at the first date. We got there, went to my room. She said she just wanted to cuddle, not fuck. We cuddled, made out, slapped on her ass, sucked her tits. She then asked me if I had condoms. I did. Still had the ones I planned on using on my ex.
We got naked, and we were going to have sex. Let me just say this right off the bat. It was UNBELIEVABLY crappy. I couldn’t penetrate her, either I was small, or her fupa/stomach was too big! Haha. I have no idea if we had sex or not.i didn’t feel anything. I’m not even sure if I’m a virgin or not anymore. Told her I couldn’t do it, she understood. Then she gave me a blowjob, first one ever. I came all over her face. And then took her home. It was a crappy experience. I can tell she watched too much porn. She was saying/doing cringey shit you see on porn. The way she gave handjobs was fucking fast and rough. Was hurting my foreskin. Haha man just thinking on it it’s actually kind of funny. After I came, I was looking at her fat body and I was thinking to myself “what the fuck is wrong with me. This is gross”.
Anyways, I took her out a couple days later, I was horney as fuck again. She was sending horny sexts. I picked her up at night, we went to a parking spot, went to the back, and cuddled. Same shit, sucked on her tits, kissed her while body, made out. She then gave me a BJ, and she swallowed my whole load. From here on out is when I was realizing how fucking pathetic I was being, and how desperate this shit was.
After I came, she was just rambling about her lift, and asking me all these questions. I was realizing that this chick was really fucking dramatic and psycho. She has lots of drama in her. Another thing I noticed was that she was agreeing with me with everything I said. And she was already acting clingy. Like if my phone would ring, she would ask “who is it??” in a sad jealous tone. If I was on my phone, she actually lean next to me just to look at my screen. She said she just wanted a fling, but told me she’ll only be loyal to me, and how she expects the same of me. Overall I was getting this creepy, psycho vibe from her. I was fucking disgusted. By her personality, but even more so with myself. Why was I doing this? This girl is so fat, I couldn’t penetrate her, and yet I took her out just so I can get a BJ and feel some sort of intimacy with a woman.
I dropped her off later. I dumped her the next day. I was really upset with myself. I really felt disgusted, so bad. I haven’t gotten a proper boner since that night, other than morning woods.
What I realized here was this : I can’t date ugly or fat girls. I know a lot you here say you can use fat or ugly girls to start of somewhere, but I really can’t. Not after this. I honestly feel like I disrespected myself, and I felt pathetic and still do.
It seems like I’m only going to be able to date 6s and above, like my ex. And that sucks, because I have a non existent SMV. I’m really ugly. I have no idea how I’m ever going to date a 6 or above again. I got lucky the first time. Not sure how I can do it again.... I’m really lost.