This guide is for your benefit, so please read it in full. I've broken it down into several sections for easy consumption. In the event the replies below aren't in order, use the Table of Contents below.
Note: Also READ THE SIDEBAR!
Table of Contents:
- The Red Pill
- The Sexual Marketplace
- Improving Sexual Market Value (SMV)
Note: if you're looking for the red pill handbook, that thread can be found here.
What did I make this guide? All too often guys grow up hearing the typical dating advice of:
- “Just be yourself”
- “Be confident”
- “The right girl will come along some day”
As just about everyone who's found TRP knows, those statements aren't real advice and are at best little more than platitudes. So why don't they work? What are the alternatives?
- Not realistic and overly simplistic
- What good is it if Ms. Right walks though the door if you don't have the skills to get (and keep) her attention?
- What's the alternative?
- "Become the best version of yourself."
– Neil Strauss
Keep It Stupid Simple (KISS)
- Approach and Stay
- Don't leave until they tell you to leave or they themselves walk away
- Hit the gym
- Old fashioned lifts are best
- Eat right
- Minimize fast food
- Dress your best
- Get into a habit of talking to everyone!
- Goals <-- Before you go any further you should take a few hours and go through the steps in that thread and really think long and hard about what you want out of life, relationships, you name it.
- Standards & Expectations
What qualities do you want in a mate?
- Screen for qualities you seek
- Speak up! Let her know what you want
- What happens if they fail to measure up?
- If there are consequences then you MUST follow through
- Come up with a few goals and think about how you'll achieve them
- What are some standards and expectations?
- What happens if they don't measure up?
THE RED PILL
- What is the Matrix?
- Terms and Theory
- Women like sex!
- Rational Male's Iron Rules of Tomassi
- Heartiste's 16 Commandments of Poon
What is the Matrix?
In other words:
“Seeing reality for what it is is the first step in changing it.”
– Tom Leykis
Terms and Theory
This section presents core ideas and theory found in TRP:
1st Rule of Relationships: In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least
Alpha, Beta, Omega, oh my! You often see talk in our community regarding alpha and beta males, but it's important to understand this is merely a framework for understanding the social pecking order. Ultimately the goal is to find balance.
- Alpha = Dopamine = Exciting
- Beta = Oxytocin = Bonding
There's no quick blurb to quote to put this into context. You've got to read the sub articles. Once you do you'll see why this is associated with risk taking and excitement.
Oxytocin is a powerful hormone. When we hug or kiss a loved one, oxytocin levels drive up. It also acts as a neurotransmitter in the brain. In fact, the hormone plays a huge role in pair bonding.
Alpha Widow: A woman who's past lover was an “alpha” male
- May still fantasize or have lingering feelings for him despite being in a new relationship with a “beta”
Anti-Slut Defense (ASD): Women’s internal fear of being judged as a slut by her peers, family, or society. It is also why the creation of plausible deniability before sex is often important so not to appear as if having sex was in any way "her fault".
Approach Anxiety: A combination of fear of rejection and stage fright, aka “Love Shyness”
Body Agenda: Body agenda is a shorthand for describing our instinctive sexual desires and instincts that shape our mating habits and sexual strategy. They differ between men and women and that's okay. To quote Athol Kay:
...your body has its own agenda that it’s pursuing… it wants to make babies… and your highly intelligent homo sapiens brain is in fact a tool it uses to get that job done. To be sure, we can think logically and make decisions, but we’re not nearly as in control of ourselves as we’d like to think we are. Hormones and neurotransmitters are our bodies’ way of telling us what to do.
Boobs vs Booze: Men looking at attractive women have the same parts of the brain activated as when drinking
Briffault's Law: The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.
Dark Triad Personality, aka why “chicks dig jerks”: A catchall phrase that describes the personality types MANY women are naturally attracted to:
Why are women attracted to these “bad boys”?
- Power-driven (status)
- Low neuroticism and extroverted
- Low amounts of empathy and agreeableness
- Not prone to being needy or over investing
In other words they're a challenge and tend to live life by their own rules. Some research on the subject has also shown that Dark Triad personality types are more likely to be successful in business. Furthermore:
- Works best for short-term mating strategy
- Being disagreeable (an asshole) is attractive to women
- Being power-hungry is attractive to women
- Never sweating the small stuff is attractive to women
In other words, being an aloof, uncaring asshole — an amalgamation of all the above traits — makes you optimally attractive to the greatest number of women (in the short term). However, these traits are NOT conducive to emotionally healthy long-term relationships.
Feminine Imperative: The tendency of media and culture to put women first, excuse their misdeeds (see also: rationalization hamster), and criticize any holding of accountability or pointing out of double standards as being “anti-women”.
The greatest threat to the Feminine Imperative is men becoming self-aware of their own sexual market value and the dissemination of information about how the imperative uses this lack of awareness to perpetuate itself.
Feminine Imperative: Example
Feminine Imperative: How it happened
The feminine imperative is also why so much of what we discuss here rubs people the wrong way. Humans have same-group preference for many things, but when it comes to gender all bets are off. What scientists have found time and time again is that women have same-group preference, but men do not. Furthermore, a large portion of men in fact prefer women's group preference over men's when the two come into contention. There's some interesting theories why that's the case, namely that those who kowtowed the feminine imperative line had better odds of reproducing.
Ultimately we challenge the status quo. As such we face mountains of opposition both online and in the real world, and it will challenge your resolve at times. Those who stick it out and come full circle with the self-improvement process will see lifelong improvements in themselves and interactions with others. However, a common result of which is that you will quite possibly lose some friends along the way, and for two primary reasons:
- Your successes are a reminder of their failures
- People resist change, and you moving up the pecking order is exactly that
Friend-Zone: Mental frame used primarily by women to disqualify certain men as sexual prospects
Kino: A pickup artist term for haptics, or non-verbal communication through touch, the purpose of which is her becoming comfortable with growing levels of intimacy between the two of you.
Last Minute Resistance: Contrary to feminist sloganeering, no doesn't always mean no. Often times “no” simply means “not yet”. Simplest advice is to back off and try again later, or if she's adamant and clearly shutting you down. Some people in the red pill community have also made the point that LMR is the female equivalent of approach anxiety for men.
Humblebragging: Covertly bragging by making good aspects of your life seem bad. For example:
Girl 1: “Can you believe it, I've been hit on 3 guys tonight already. We just got here! What a bunch of losers, I wish they'd just leave us alone so we can dance in peace.
Girl 2: “Yeah, totally! 4 guys approached me already too! I hate that.”
They are both bragging about how many men have hit on them, with the additional subtext of girl 2 saying she's gotten more interest than girl 1.
Hypergamy: Commonly referred to as “marrying/dating up”. In a dating sense this translates to being attracted to men of high(er) status than that the women hold themselves. The grand irony of feminism is that the more successful a woman becomes, the fewer desirable men exist above her on the socioeconomic ladder. Translation: women's success = smaller dating pool.
Indicators of Interest/Disinterest (IOIs & IODs): Cues a woman is interested or disinterested.
Mere-exposure effect: The more we're exposed to a product or idea, the more likely we'll prefer it over lesser-known alternatives.
Nice Guys Finish Last: Being nice isn't itself an attractive quality. In fact, being nice often turns women off; they must be attracted first! If not you risk coming off as needy, clingy, over-investing.
- We value more what we have to earn
Oneitis: An intense romantic obsession with one person (“the one”) to the point of being counter-productive.
Orbiter: Men who are friend-zoned, but kept around for a variety of reasons:
- “In case of emergency, break glass for dick”
The main reason most men allow themselves to be friend-zoned – biding their time hoping they still have a shot to have sex with her.
Peacocking: Drawing attention to yourself in a positive way so women have something to initiate a conversation about. There are good and bad ways of doing so.
Plate Spinning: When spinning plates, a man will have a natural, subconscious (but not exclusively) understanding that if one prospect does not work out, others may. This perspective change often manifests in a man’s behavior that women key on covertly.
- Opportunity and options makes the man the prize
- Confidence is derived from options
- Gives men the ability to NEXT women without worrying about “what's next?”
- Women would rather share a high value man than miss out on him entirely, or worse...be stuck with a loser
- Monogamy is a byproduct, not a goal
- “Dating around” gives you experience to know what you want and don't want
- Be honest; never imply exclusivity
- Develop buffers
- Women freely spin plates, we're usually just oblivious
- They're usually more adept at hiding it; ASD
- Metered attention
- Spinning plates can help divide your time and attention so you don't over invest with any one woman
- Created scarcity
Preselection: Females tend to prefer males who have already been chosen by other females of their species.
Propinquity effect: The tendency for people to form friendships or romantic relationships with those whom they encounter often.
- “Like attracts like”
- The higher people's propinquity level, the more likely they'll form some type of relationship. For example, living in the same city is higher than different cities, same neighborhood is higher than different neighborhoods, and so on.
Rationalization Hamster: Analogy for the thought processes used by women to turn bad behavior and bad decisions into acceptable ones to herself and her friends. When a woman makes a bad decision, the hamster spins in its wheel (the woman’s thinking) and creates some type of acceptable reasons for that bad decision. The crazier the decision, the faster the hamster must spin in order to successfully rationalize away the insanity.
Rejection: Good game takes thousands of approaches. You'll eventually become acclimated so that it doesn't bother you.
Sexual Marketplace: The sexual economy of supply and demand for sex and relationships.
Sexual Market Value (SMV): One's worth in the sexual marketplace; often conflated with one's attractiveness.
Shit Tests, aka Fitness Tests: Subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) tests women do on purpose or subconsciously to test men.
- Typically a congruence test
- Occasionally as a rapport break as a hamfisted form of flirting
- How to handle shit tests
- More often than not women actually have pretty bad “game”
Social Proof: Perceived value of someone in a social setting
Women like sex! Just look at women's advertising – the media gives them what they want:
- How to get sexy
- To attract the best possible mate
- To have more sex
- Sex tips
- To secure their “alpha” male
And it's not just Cosmo! Look at the last picture above, the media directed at jailbait is no different! On that note, know your state's Age of Consent.
- 16 is the most common
- Crossing state lines becomes a federal issue and the age of consent automatically bumps to 18