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My girlfriend has cancer and will likely die in the next half year. (self.asktrp)

submitted by gfhascancer

I've been around here on another account for just over 2 years and firstly I'd like to offer some thanks to you all for helping me in that time.

This time I'm here asking for something different and I'd rather not associate my main with this. After a while of implementing TRP into my life and spinning plates etc I met my current girlfriend. She's good for me and she has actively improved my quality of life unlike any other girl I've met. We've travelled around Europe together and are currently sharing a flat.

A month ago she felt a lump in her breast and went to the doctors about it. Cancer, terminal.

I'm here to ask you what can I do to help her and how am I supposed to deal with the emotional aftermath when the time comes? I'm shaking because this isn't supposed to happen to the good ones.

This question may be unconventional for this place, but you guys have helped me a lot in life and I'd like your input.

Thanks.

EDIT: Just arrived at work, will read all replies in 7 hours or if I take a break. Thank you guys.

EDIT 2: Just got off work and I will be reading and replying to comments, got a lot of support here and I thank you guys again.

FINAL EDIT: I'd like to thank each and everyone of you wonderful people that offered advice and solace in the last day, it means a shit tonne and you have opened my eyes to lots of different things I could be doing right now.

Me and my girlfriend are gonna be doing whatever the fuck we please for a little while, might sound stupid but neither of us have really smoked much weed, so me and her are gonna get blitzed out of our minds this weekend, and if we enjoy it, smoking weed may become a regular thing. We have a big trip booked to Florence coming real soon.

For me though, I've reorganised my schedule a little in order to spend less time on shit thats not important right now. When times start getting tough and the end is in sight, I'm getting a private therapist, someone who I can vent to face to face weekly and run through all the emotions and mental breakdowns I need to. Some me time is definitely important here and there so when she goes to see family/friends I'll go hang out with my bros, they've been there for me before and theyre there this time.

TRP you have helped me significantly over the years and during my time of major crisis you have pulled through for me yet again.

Fucking love this community.

CHRISTMAS EVE EDIT: Hello. I've been coming back to this post every few days and I must say the responses I have seen are incredible and I am so touched by it all. It's Christmas time right now and I will be spending Christmas Day with my own family and she will be spending its with hers.

The advice I have gotten from this post has helped me lots and I am still the same man I was before, nothing has changed besides the fact am I a little more comforting and I watch the odd shitty poor quality chick flicks with her.

The trip we planned is coming soon and I can't wait, it's gonna be great. She still seems healthy for the most part, a little weaker but healthy.

This will be the last time I respond to anything in this post, as I believe that it has run its course and I think that it's time to moe forward. I will post on the main subreddit if/when the worst happens. Thank you.

BLUE PILL EDIT: I've been getting quite a few messages from some blue pill fags, shut the fuck up I don't want anything to do with you go the fuck away.


[–]Chrysoscelis 457 points458 points  (52 children)

I don't have any experience with a terminal illness, but I do with a chronic illness. My first impulse was to say forget TRP and be a decent human being to her. This is not a time to employ dread, for example.

However, clearly there are aspects about TRP that make women happy that you can use. This is the time to be stoic. Don't let her catch you crying. Be her rock. Make her laugh when she is unhappy. Be with her for doctor's visits. Also, make sure you can recognize comfort tests and pass the fuck out of them.

For your comfort, just know that no matter how shitty it gets and how bad you feel, you are going to come out of this a better man.

[–]gfhascancer[S] 123 points124 points  (5 children)

Thank you. I have been trying to do so and have not let her see that this has affected me too much, and have tried to remain the same man she loves me for. I've decided to alter my views on this relationship in this time and made it less about what I want and more about what she needs right now.

I think that a lot of TRP goes out of the window here and nows the time where I need to be more thoughtful and more respectful of her and how she feels, this is a hard time on anyone and I'd like to think I'd be the same for anyone, so I won't treat her like a girl, I'll treat her like a person, a person that relies on me for some happiness and support. Cheers mate.

[–]Chrysoscelis 60 points61 points  (2 children)

Your reply is spot on and shows you are already in good shape to take this on. You did bring up a good point: give her what she needs, not what she wants. TRP has taught us that giving a woman what she wants doesn't actually make her happy. Focusing on needs instead will give her the comfort to deal with her anxieties. Good luck.

[–]Harry_Fraud 67 points68 points  (1 child)

Make your dollar go as far as possible by knowing the love languages.

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Quality Time
  3. Physical Touch
  4. Gifts
  5. Acts of Service

In the time of difficulty one has to make time for the self, and time to process complex feelings and emotions. A differing trait among people is emotional resilience. Emotional resilience is the time it takes for one to "get over" grief, trouble or hardship. Some individuals need the time to grieve and let go of friends who pass, others are quicker to get back to their daily lives.

When Person A loses his or her job, they may eat ice cream for a month and suck up unemployment resources looking through job listing after job listing, lamenting the comfort and safety they lost in their previous employ. Person B, however, may rationalize to him or herself that the job was, in fact, sub par-- and that losing said job was "the best thing that ever happened to me". Person B spends less than a week applying to every listing he or she finds and has a better job within two weeks from the loss of the first.

In the case of people, by this point intractable illness, I would recommend wising up to the syntax and jargon associated with medicine, and not giving up on other treatment options. Really. See another Doctor. Schedule her another meeting with an oncologist. Get the second opinion which could, but might not, save her life. I highly recommend this book, titled How Doctor's Think. It provides you a workbook with smart questions to ask her doctor which may prompt him or her to reach conclusions otherwise reached with error.

But back to the love languages. If your GF/SO doesn't much appreciate Acts of Service, she will much less perceive value in your reading a book, accompaniment at the Doctor's office, and smart questions. (I include that idea as a reference for OP, furthermore anyone who is or is with someone who is fighting considerable sickness and illness.) Nevertheless-- it is my thought that better to try for a second opinion now, than wonder forever what could have been, when she is gone. It's worth it, to try to save a life.

But I digress. If the GF/SO appreciates gifts, perhaps sneak out and buy a flower or other memorabilia relevant to her interests or situation prior to an appointment-- she will feel loved and cared for.

If the GF/SO appreciates Words of Affirmation, support her with complements about her appearance, the way she is handling this stress, offer her tasteful validations to her comfort tests and when she cries, know she wants a hug and for you to listen. She won't want you to solve her problem. She will only want you to listen and commiserate. She wants your empathy, not your help.

If the GF/SO appreciates Physical Touch, here is how you may find out. You complement her resolve, and determination in fighting her Cancer's metastasis. You think the comment was kind, empathetic, but now she is bawling her eyes out. What do you do? A White Knight might suggest losing yourself to fight for her ideals, solve the problem, but this is exactly the wrong response. She wants to feel the love. She wants you to touch her. Beyond normal man to woman hand shoulder small of back touch, she wants to cuddle up in the comfort of the Red Pill Male. If you're driving, pull over and give her a hug. She might want to fuck. She still wants you to chase her like the dog you are. She otherwise will feel dejected and throw aside as the Beta Bucks is. Don't let her think you've friendzoned her. Still give her a poke, if that's what she wants. Fuck her good. Cancer isn't contact contagious.

If the GF/SO appreciates Quality Time, put your phone away when you're with her, ask relevant questions to the doctor, and generally be a social asset in any situation you're in with her. She may want to spend time together loving you, OP, in this way, so if she says she wants to go out for dinner but she doesn't know where, pick someplace you like-- she may be trying to express her appreciation for you by going someplace of your choosing, but still appreciate her by devoting that time to her, and her alone. Don't talk about work, her medical issues, money, or business. Keep it genial, and allow her to take her mind off things. Playfully chase her like it was your first date, and relax. You're supposed to be having fun.

And finally, If the GF/SO appreciates Acts of Service, she will more than appreciate you cooking breakfast before the Doctor's, making the bed, you cleaning the flat, taking out the trash, heating her a bath, washing the linens, changing the towels, doing the laundry, etc. Cue her in on your reading the Doctor's Think book. Schedule her follow-up and radiologist appointment. Schedule her Consult with another Oncologist, and drive her there. Just some ideas. You know the girl, not I.

In conclusion: educate yourself about how to manage properly your GF/SO's care and be the best, most stringent, detail-oriented Patient Care Advocate you can be. Being a doctor is stressful, so help where you can. Accept that she will die, but it may be sooner than you want or think, so live it the fuck up. Still chase her like she hasn't put out yet. Fuck her when she wants it. But most importantly, be her Lighthouse in the Storm. Red Pill is action, doing something. Don't feel uncomfortable with yourself thinking you didn't do everything you could have. Get your head outta your ass and into the books, and quit sitting on your hands. There are many things to do, and if modern medicine won't save her, make her last months the best ones yet. Get active, you can rest when she's gone. Doing the most you can now will make her passing easier. If you waste the time, you'll regret it later. So don't. She means something to you. So take what's yours, and fight for her.

/u/gfhascancer

[–]our_guile 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is perfect advice.

[–]RPFlame 12 points13 points  (0 children)

so I won't treat her like a girl, I'll treat her like a person

Is that a subtle "TRP taught me how to treat girls inhumanly but this case is different"?

Clearly there's a difference between how you treat a LTR and how you treat a plate. Don't insert "plates aren't people" bluepill narratives in this.

[–]Entrefut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe to give you a little hope and perspective, when I was in high school a teacher'a fiance died of cancer. He was destroyed by it, actually left the school district. I heard nothing from him and thought he'd sort of fallen overboard with life. 3 months ago I saw him at the gym with his 6 month pregnant wife and he was happy as could be. He didn't remember me, but it had only been 4 years since I saw him last and he was obviously doing amazing.

[–]Endorsed ContributorMetalgear222 74 points75 points  (32 children)

This is the shit that people don't understand about TRP. We love women. We just want to make them AND US happy at the same time. But we are misogynists, right guys? /s

[–][deleted]  (9 children)

[deleted]

    [–]artsyluna 12 points13 points  (7 children)

    If you think plate spinning is good for women, you're out of your mind.

    [–]killm3throwaway 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    They have the option to leave if they want. Nobody forces them to stay. It might not be good for them but it's good for me. If they want out then they can leave whenever the choose.

    However, TRP can be used in bad ways. Emotional manipulation is a powerful and abusive thing, TRP can let you do that, but hopefully people will choose to have some decency.

    TRP can be good and bad depending on how you use it. The tools that you equip yourself with from here are amoral, you decide what you do with them, be a cunt or be a good guy, TRP doesn't decide.

    [–]exit_sandman 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    While I don't disaagree, it's not as if they penalized that behavior.

    [–]1ANGRY_ATHEIST 3 points4 points  (4 children)

    AWALT. Women would rather share an alpha than have a beta locked down. If you're really just giving them the frame they prefer, how is that "bad" for them?

    [–]artsyluna 8 points9 points  (3 children)

    I've never seen that theory in practice, but pump-and-dump is not what most women want, nor is it good for their self-worth.

    [–]lItsAutomaticl 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    I'm sure it doesn't make them happy, but it's what they go for. It's like you can trash McDonald's for serving shitty food, while really it's the American/Global public that keeps buying it.

    [–]artsyluna 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Touche. I mostly am against all of the manipulation that some men put into spinning plates, down to outright lying to them. There's a difference between having game and making false promises about your intentions. I have no problem with casual sex when both people are on the same page about it being casual.

    [–]killm3throwaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    While I definitely don't speak for everyone, the girls I have a sexual relationship with have a really positive time with me. We both have fun and laugh and joke and shit.

    However, I don't really have plates that I wouldn't want to date. I see plating as more of a way of judging whether a girl is girlfriend material.. I am a little old fashioned yeah I like me some good old monogamy.

    I don't understand why guys on here put their plates through hell, it's kinda sad. I love having fun with girls, so I make sure my plates have fun. I don't buy into the idea that a girl has to be miserable as a plate. Surly plating works better when a girl wants to be around you because it's fun to be in your company.

    [–]ioncehadsexinapool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Sure there may be a some people in the anger stage who proclaim to hate women

    Oh man. I was in this stage for 2 years, ever since I found trp. Finally accepting the truth and moving on. Feels good (for me and her ;) )

    [–]TheReformist94 6 points7 points  (9 children)

    Worst thing is,if a man was in this position,or lost his job,or getting shot on Omaha beach,a woman would leave him or cheat on him no fucks given,no remorse. Yet we as men will do everything to help. Aprrently we only want to get our dicks wet.we stick til the end,even if we know our investment will provide no return.

    [–]lmaotitle 25 points26 points  (3 children)

    This entire comment is a fucking lie.

    You guys claim to want only the truth. Well here's the facts: men are way more likely to divorce terminally ill spouses than women. It doesn't take long to find actual facts regarding this claim, not ass-facts:

    http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/12/men-more-likely-to-leave-spouse-with-cancer/?_r=0

    http://www.oprah.com/relationships/why-men-leave-sick-wives-facing-illness-alone-couples-and-cancer

    http://www.medicaldaily.com/sickness-and-health-marriages-are-more-likely-end-divorce-if-wife-gets-sick-324776

    Statistically men are more likely to cheat or to leave their partner if they get sick.

    Why don't you share the actual truth? Because facts are irrelevant to you fuckers. Just pathetic.

    Stop lying and do some honest research for once instead of getting everything from random redditors on the internet you dishonest cunt.

    [–]TheReformist94 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    Fuck off you cuck

    [–]helpwithhalloween 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    Lol hear that everyone?? Feelz before realz!

    [–]KriegerAleks 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    uh, buddy there is only one actual study here, which is the last one, especially seeing as its not a tabloid piece but rather a journal. That said it only said divorce chance went up by 6 % however the final paragraph implies that its the female then ends the relationship..... you should really read and vet your sources better buddy

    [–]SARIEBELLE 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    Ask ANY health care provider who treats people at the end of life or with chronic severe illness and they can tell you that the vast majority of the time it is the patient's mother, wife, sister, sister-in-law, daughter, daughter in law, aunt, niece or just a female neighbor who is helping out who will be taking that person to and from doctors appointments, managing medications, changing soiled bedding, giving bed baths, changing wounds dressings, changing catheter bags, colostomy bags the majority of the time. I'm not saying that there aren't men who have also performed these functions but is by and large the women in our society who do those things. And they usually are doing it for men from whom they DON'T have a chance at financial reward. I've seen many, many poor, ill patients (both men and women) who are cared for by female relatives who are also supporting them, holding down full time jobs and numerous other activities. There are studies, look it up dude!!

    [–]slimjim401 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Well bills still need paid.... someone has to make the money

    [–]Endorsed ContributorMetalgear222 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Briffaults Law in a nutshell

    [–]TheReformist94 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    May be briffaults law,but if I told OP to cheat on his wife whilst she had cancer and a woman would only do the same,I'd get downvoted into oblivion and get called an evil sick fuck.

    (Women aren't evil.its just the way they are. "Stoicism" heehee)

    [–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Women have to call you a misogynist. It's a shit test. They need to see that you have the potential to be everything that you aspire to be. They need to see that you can stand up to their petty shit and handle the real problems (like cancer).

    Relish the mockery and the conflict. It's how they show you that they really care.

    [–]TomFoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    When a woman calls me an asshole, it's usually right when she's spreading her legs for me.

    [–]juliusstreicher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I prefer "Patriarchs", thank you very much!

    [–]PeachesNCake 0 points1 point  (7 children)

    Misogynist =/= hates women Misogynist = disrespects women

    Not that hard to understand

    [–]Endorsed ContributorMetalgear222 5 points6 points  (6 children)

    mi·sog·y·ny məˈsäjənē/ noun dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women.

    [–]PeachesNCake 1 point2 points  (5 children)

    Don't equivocate. You conveniently left out the second half of that Wikipedia definition: "Misogyny can be manifested in numerous ways, including social exclusion, sex discrimination, hostility, androcentrism, patriarchy, male privilege, belittling of women, violence against women, and sexual objectification."

    Point is, loving a woman does not necessarily exempt you from being a misogynist.

    [–]Endorsed ContributorMetalgear222 2 points3 points  (4 children)

    So if I'm understanding your belief right, the attitude of loving a woman isn't enough to void one's self from being considered a misogynist, but that the actions listed above is what would categorize you as a misogynist? Is that right?

    [–]PeachesNCake 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    That's a Bingo.

    The word is centuries old and its meaning has shifted to include "entrenched prejudices". If you want to know my "belief", you can just finish reading the wiki page you quoted.

    [–]Endorsed ContributorMetalgear222 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    Ahh, so after re-reading OP’s post, the top comment, and what ACTIONS he is taking regarding his girl, which of the following categories do you think OP falls in despite the ATTITUDE that is described and taught in TRP?

    Misogynist or Philogynist?

    Oh, and if you want to be taken seriously in a debate and you’re going to use a definition, you have to use one of the reputable dictionaries like Oxford or Webster. Which you will quickly find not ONE mentions anything about your “second half of the definition” on your free encyclopedia, written collaboratively by the people who use it. It is beyond cut and dry that the definition of a Misogynist is referring to ATTITUDE, not action.

    This is where you crawl back in your Cuckhole and brainstorm in attempt to refute irrefutable logic.

    [–]PeachesNCake 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Can you please use that dictionary to look up "equivocation"? And then stop doing it?

    Let's review. I was responding to your idiotic comment: "this is the shit people don't understand about TRP. We love women... But we are misogynists, right guys? /s"

    You imply TRP is not misogynistic because terps have the capacity to show love to women. The definition of misogyny is "hatred, contempt and ingrained prejudice". You are willfully ignoring the deluge of examples of contemptuous and prejudiced TRP "ATTITUDES" towards women.

    Listen, I'm not here to argue against your beliefs, I don't have the endurance. But don't pretend that you're not something you are. The rest of the world isn't going to pretend. If you walk like a duck, and quack like a duck, just say you're a god damn duck already.

    I'll let you "win" and have the last word, since I'm a lady. Peace.

    [–]Endorsed ContributorMetalgear222 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    "And I am, whatever you say I am, if I wasn't, then why would I say I am?"

    You should try losing 200 pounds and actually being desirable, maybe then you'd have some red in your life and see how much you enjoy it instead of only being able to pull blue 400 pound melting hippos for SO's. You're not a lady, you're an asshole. And terrible at debate. You did exactly what I predicted you would in my previous comment.

    [–]gfhascancer[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    Hello again. Replying to you now to let you know that this comment has been a cornerstone of my strength since this post. It has helped me and my coming to terms with everything a lot. I'd give you gold if my credit card would fucking work online.

    [–]Chrysoscelis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Wow, thanks bro. I really appreciate the feedback. You've got bigger shit to worry about, so I genuinely hope things are okay with you.

    [–]thrainsigfussen 14 points15 points  (6 children)

    Oh my fucking Jesus. You just said "forget redpill and become a decent human being." Fucking Christ. Doesn't that tell you something about how toxic your girl-fearing, girl-hating clubhouse for scared little boys is? You are human garbage. You are scum. You are a disposable, despicable turd of a person. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you fuck you. Holy fucking shit.

    [–]Chrysoscelis 12 points13 points  (1 child)

    Okay

    [–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    TIL getting triggered is an actual thing

    [–]PeachesNCake 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    Fantastic point.

    If OP is so convinced in the sanctitiy of RP philosophy, he should print off the sidebar et al. and give it to his girlfriend and say, "Here. This is what I believe, these are my friends, this is who I am and this is the person you are in love with." If he is going to live life in accordance to some narrow ideology, he should be prepared to apply it to every situation, not just at his wishy-washy convenience. If doing so seems wrong, then he needs to re-evaluate the idiot code of conduct he signed.

    OP has to choose between hiding his true self, his true beliefs, or risk isolating her in her final days - either emotionally or physically if she chooses to die alone (I would). He won't though, because he knows it would hurt her. He knows that he needs to be a good person right now, even if it means contradicting the bullshit way redpill tells him to act. It's great to see some terps here indirectly (although cluelessly) acknowledging redpill is useless, even hurtful, in this situation. If only they had the presence of mind to acknowledge their acknowledgement. Baby fucking steps, man.

    [–]thrainsigfussen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Wow. Yup.

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Haha the anger and frustration from this post is hitting me so hard my brain is rattling against my skull. Imagine a man going on some "hot Movie Star forum" and throwing a fit about how Ryan Gosling does not deserve to be objectified by overweight housewives...

    Funny thing is, I bet that trainsigfussen is a dude; a dude who has probably dated one girl ever, maybe fucked her doggy once, never had a three way, never did MDMA with a party full of 9s-10s at his university, hooking up with more girls in one night than you had in the previous year combined. Such impotent rage! Hey, dipshit, have you ever considered that hyperbole is in copious use on this subreddit? fuckin moron..

    edit: i upvoted you because it makes me feel good to know I'm not as fucking mentally weak and prone to teary-temper-tantrums as yourself.

    [–]thrainsigfussen 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    I guess I just very sad and angry when I see sociopathic brainwashed human garbage debating whether it's ok to be nice to a dying loved one (if RPers love at all) when said loved one happens to be female. No idea what MDMA is, and do not give a shit. Yes, I'm a dude. With a wife. Who I love. And if she were dying I wouldn't run off to a treehouse filled with frightened little boys to get their permission to be sad over her impending death. Probably because I'm beta. Better go lift.

    [–]manakiii 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    What exactly is a "comfort test" supposed to be?

    [–]ioncehadsexinapool 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    "You don't even care about me"

    [–]DMMDestroyer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    This is the advice that most of us would give. Well said.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

    [–]gfhascancer[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

    Thank you seriously, I am trying to focus my life towards making sure that her last few months are going to be spent having fun and living happily. We have planned a trip in two weeks to go to Florence, our favourite place in the whole of Europe, to enjoy ourselves before her condition makes it so she is too weak to travel. I'm going to make the most of her so she can make the most out of life.

    When this is done I will try and adjust to make sure I don't live holding on to her as a memory, even though this will probably change me as person.

    Thanks again mate.

    [–]antariusz 46 points47 points  (4 children)

    Try to maintain a solid frame for her. Let her be the feminine person that she is. She will need a shoulder to cry on. Be a rock for her. Be a man for her. If you can't control your emotions, how were you ever hoping to lead her in the future if things had gone on even longer. She would have eventually dumped your ass if you were being controlled by your emotions after only a short time together.

    Eventually there will be another woman, there is no one soulmate for you or anyone, there will just be a search to find another who can also be "good for you". Another woman that you should be leading in life. In the meantime, this current girl has been good to you, you can be a decent person and be good for her in return. Do the things SHE needs of a strong male companion.

    And if you can weather this, if you can maintain solid frame and stoic action after this, imagine what it will be like when some young dumb bimbo cock carousel rider tries to shit-test you or a future child that you might or might not want. Easy in comparison.

    [–]gfhascancer[S] 22 points23 points  (3 children)

    This will be an experience, a shitty one, but and experience none the less. I'm going to be the best man possible in this time, and I'll learn from this and come out as a better person in the end.

    When the time comes, I already know I'll feel terrible and depressed, but I can cope with that as I have coped before. Thank you.

    [–]rot_barth 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    No, this will be a defining experience for you as a man. You can love with abandon realizing it is finite. You can experience something pure without the horrors that come in time. Most importantly, you can make a choice which will make you a better man and allow you to live your life going forward without regret. And that's what the red pill is really about. I don't envy you but once you push past the difficulty of this period & the grief of the loss you will be in a very strong place.

    [–]Luis_McLovin 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    You're a good man.

    [–]RXRob 36 points37 points  (0 children)

    This is one of the only times that I'd advise not looking for the next branch.

    Give her that romcom story. Be her happy ending. Live. Love. Laugh. Make memories.

    Be her stability. Be her rock. Keep her smiling as much as possible.

    [–]AceBenedict23 17 points18 points  (1 child)

    I'm deeply saddened to hear the news OP.

    I like many because of how widespread it is, have a close family member who had cancer. In my case, it was my mother, and happened when I was 8 years old. It happened so long ago I can barely remember her.. and I find myself more and more as time goes by wishing I could have spent more time with her just to get to know her personality and see her views on different things etc.

    My advice to you is to absolutely cherish every single day you have with your SO. Make the absolute most of the time you have remaining. 6 months will absolutely fly by, I'm urging you to do everything in your power to make the time you have with her remaining special. If you ever want to talk, feel free ri shoot me a PM.

    You seem like you have a good heart. Stay strong bro

    [–]gfhascancer[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    Thank you for the heartfelt response. I'm trying to make sure she knows that I'm going to try and make this process as easy for her as possible and that I'm available for support when she needs it.

    I've tried to assume the role of the rock in our relationship so she already knows I'm strong for her.

    These next few months will be hard for both of us.

    I'm sure that at some point I'm going to possibly have a mental breakdown so I have saved your comment in case I need someone extra to talk to outside of my friends and family, someone who has a different perspective perhaps. Thanks a lot.

    [–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 16 points17 points  (2 children)

    First, I am so sorry this happened. Sounds like you have it sussed but you may want to get a 2nd opinion. Then a 3rd. Then a 4th.

    I would also think about something for her outside of anti-cancer drugs. My mother died of cancer in her 80s and they had her on some sort of "happy pill" because she wasn't coping well with her own mortality.

    If there is anything left on her "bucket list" now is the time to get on it, because things are not likely to stay stable. (Note: just scanned down and saw the Florence thing).

    You don't mention if she has any family. If not, then you are really carrying the load. As things wind down, be with her as much as possible. Even if you are doing nothing but resting or having tea.

    She may lash out. Let it wash over you. You're not the one dying. And it goes without saying that if there's something you're still mad abt from 2 years ago, let it the fuck go.

    She may also lapse into unconsciousness. Hearing is the last sense to go, so she may be able to hear you. I played guitar and sang for my mom, and we also played CDs of her favorite music. Tell her stories, share memories with her, etc. If you can be with her at the end, do it, even if it sux and you're crying like a baby, stay with her and tell her that you love her.

    Obv. come back and post if you need support. Like others here have said also, I am available via PM if talking will help.

    [–]gfhascancer[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    We haven't looked into pills or anything but we are planning on smoking weed together this saturday (nothing either of us are really experienced in), might make it a more regular thing if we both enjoy it. I for one am really looking forward to it not gonna lie.

    I haven't asked her about her bucket list, but she did tell me that she wants to revisit Florence as it is the most beatiful place she has ever been so she says. We visited there a while back when travelling europe. So I paid for us both to go there soon which is gonna be fucking awesome.

    She has family, but none close to her besides her dad (real good dude), and he lives quite close, she's round there basically every day now, which she should be.

    She hasn't lashed out yet, I haven't really ever seen her angry before. But I know that this can happen and I doubt it will phase me, not that I'm some stoic bastard, but that I know it will be because of the position she's in.

    I've never actually heard about the hearing being the last sense to go thing, and I will definitely keep that in mind. Thank you.

    I will be coming back here at some point, and I will drop you and the other dude a PM if I ever feel the need.

    Thanks a lot.

    [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    We have a guy in MRP who stuck with his wife while she passed. I've asked him to PM you, take the call, he's really good. Another lawyer like Vas,

    [–]vorverk 12 points13 points  (3 children)

    She needs her captain now more than ever.
    BTW, what kind of cancer is it? Medicine in that part is getting better each year and if found early enough most patients live. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

    [–]gfhascancer[S] 14 points15 points  (2 children)

    Started off as breast cancer but it spread rapidly, she is trying some experimental treatment, but a positive outcome is very unlikely.

    And yes, I'm going to try and guide her through these hard times as best I can, thanks.

    [–]vorverk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Good luck man. Hope you get her throug this. Not sure how to handle this emotionally, but for what its worth, try finding something positive in all of this to keep you in the worst times.

    [–]merkucjo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    What kind of experimental treatment?

    [–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 11 points12 points  (10 children)

    Men are so fucking loyal. You're awesome man.

    this isn't supposed to happen to the good ones.

    The world doesn't work like that. It's all just random. I know that sucks, but it's the truth. Let go of your feelings of justice and injustice - they simply do not apply to the world. Things just are.

    I'm here to ask you what can I do to help her and how am I supposed to deal with the emotional aftermath when the time comes?

    All I can say is to make sure to spend as much quality time with her as you can. The emotional aftermath is coming and you know it, but you can't do much to help or prepare for that. Sometimes it can help to just be in the here and now and to deal with each day as it comes. Sometimes that's all you can do.

    Make sure you get some you-time away from the situation. And try to find someone to support YOU, someone not close to her or the situation. Perhaps even someone who doesn't know what you're going through (sometimes you need to get away from it so completely that you're with people who know nothing).

    When I was going through something kind-of-a-little-bit-similar, I had a few people who knew were very supportive and some people who didn't know at all. The latter were my "go and totally relax with" friends.

    [–]angryguy4444 5 points6 points  (9 children)

    Men are so fucking loyal. You're awesome man.

    Reverse the genders and she would have abandonned him without hesitation.

    Or maybe she would have stayed to be able to get some sympathy.

    Anyway.

    [–]goldandcranberry 6 points7 points  (2 children)

    actually men are more likely to leave a wife with cancer so where does that fit in with your whole 'we iz loyal' circle jerk?

    [–]angryguy4444 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Give proof.

    [–]Temptationn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Some women are different (well at least older ones) My grandfathers had 20 surgerys in the last 20-30 years, multiple heart attacks, etc and my grandmaw has been by his side each and every time, sleeping there for days not leaving his side.

    [–]Physio_Tool 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Hey I like TRP, but this issue right here is a nongender issue. This is a human being that someone is close to and has been confronted with their soon to be mortality. I dont care if its a man or woman or whatever. Most Human Beings are good enough to comfort someone this situation. You do hear about your Newt Gingrich's, and your sleez bag wife's on here on TRP who leave in this kind of situation. But I've worked in High Dependency Units in Hospitals and I see way more of the opposite.

    [–][deleted]  (3 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]angryguy4444 1 point2 points  (2 children)

      Yeah. Maybe she is just an exception. OR she just posted to get some sympathy. Or to show the lawyer "I really tried".

      [–]goldandcranberry 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      forgot this was trp where a woman can't do anything without being accused of looking for some sort of attention, apparently. take your bitterness elsewhere.

      [–]RichieFinn 11 points12 points  (3 children)

      Side note, for your own mental health etc possibly you could see a therapist that specializes in an area like this. It will also be a lot on you and bottling it all up wont be ideal when you need to put someone before yourself.

      Best of luck thoughts are with you man

      [–]gfhascancer[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

      I will actually look into this. This is a smart idea that I hadn't really thought of, until now I guess I've just been using TRP as a place to vent and air myself out.

      Cheers

      [–]WhyIsYosarionNaked 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      It's also worth noting that there are likely a lot of support groups (online and in person). Be there for her, but understand that there are people there for you too.

      [–]RichieFinn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Whatever you feel works for yourself! Best of luck!

      [–]htbf 6 points7 points  (3 children)

      I try and find solace in art when things go south and life takes a big dump on you.

      Your story, your struggle to keep it together in front of this reminds me of this :

      https://youtu.be/qdBJ1X33rXM

      Maybe it's inappropriate for me to show you this, maybe it's not, I don't really know.

      In any case, do never hesitate to come here to vent. If there is a place in the world where men can go to mend their wounds, it's TRP.

      [–]gfhascancer[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

      Jesus man that was hard to watch all the way through, but totally worth it. Really hits home dude.

      [–]htbf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I'm glad it helped.

      Hope you'll find the strength you'll need.

      [–]slickdevil1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Damn that almost had me crying. Stuff like this really puts things into perspective.

      [–]Hypnot0ad 6 points7 points  (1 child)

      My wife used to work in oncology, and I've heard many stories of patients getting chemo and radiation which made them sick and lose weight, just to spend an extra six months living - in terrible shape. I'd get a second opinion, but if the doctors really believe she is terminal, then I'd encourage her to forgo treatment and instead focus on living out her final days to the fullest. See How Doctors Die

      I'd also familiarize myself with the stages of grief: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model

      You will both likely go through the stages separately; it helps to understand them to process your emotions.

      [–]Willow-girl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      This is excellent advice. Applause!

      [–]ItsTheHomeWrecker 3 points4 points  (1 child)

      deleted What is this?

      [–]gfhascancer[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      Yea don't worry. I feel like in this situation she can allow herself to see beyond her hamster and embrace her femininity. I asked her what simple things she loves doing earlier on and she said one of her favourite things to do is "make us both a nice meal". That felt really good to hear. A real genuine small act of kindness done to make someone else happy to bring yourself joy. Isn't that awesome?

      She also maintains most of her independence, and her normal routine hasn't changed much considering she has dropped out of work. She makes us dinner regularly, does her squats, watches soaps, cleans the flat(more so now with not having a job, her choice not mine - she likes to be kept busy).

      She says that she enjoys making us both happy so she does things she know we will both get a smile out of, which is great.

      [–]O_Son 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Check out these quotes by Marcus Aurelius

      https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Marcus_Aurelius

      The longest-lived and the shortest-lived man, when they come to die, lose one and the same thing.

      Remember that man lives only in the present, in this fleeting instant; all the rest of his life is either past and gone, or not yet revealed. Short, therefore, is man's life, and narrow is the corner of the earth wherein he dwells.

      Death hangs over thee: whilst yet thou livest, whilst thou mayest, be good.

      Whatever happens at all happens as it should; you will find this true, if you watch narrowly.

      [–]MK_D 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      I Hope you read this Look into Dr Morse He has huge success with cancer and also into Rick Simpson oil. Pm me anytime you want. We can Save her life or at least try

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

      [–]gfhascancer[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Thank you and neither do I yet, that's why I'm reaching out to you guys, this place is where I grew up, it's like I'm asking my dad for support when I post here.

      [–]FrameWalker 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      Don't forget to take care of yourself too. The emotional bond you have will get stronger through this experience, and the pain may magnify as well. Keep that daring machismo that lead you to this girl in the first place. Embrace the sorrow as you do the joy and carry on young soldier.

      [–]gfhascancer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Yeah man, I've reformatted my schedule a little so I can fit in a little more time to see her each day, not skipping the gym but I'm not going to my fishing club and I'm turning down all overtime until the time comes.

      But other than that everything I do for me is the same.

      [–]alpha4ever 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Swallowing the red pill is about accepting the ice cold, merciless nature of reality. One of the truths every man needs to come to terms with is that every single one of us is going to die. Some will die horrifically and painful. Others will die peacefully in their dreams. Some will die before you finish reading this message. Others will die old after having watched their entire generation pass. Many of those who die we will never get the chance to meet, but all of those we meet will die. Death is certain, so you need to kill the idea that it's not going to happen to the good ones.

      So back to your question: How are you supposed to deal with the emotional aftermath?

      Jesus fucking Christ, bro. You don't need to prepare for that kinda shit. You're a man and if you have to worry about how you're going to deal with feeling emotions, you might want to first consider getting your vagina removed. What you should be doing is not spending time thinking about the future after your girl is dead, it will come before you know it and you will have plenty of time to deal, but what you'll likely do is wonder why you spent even 5 minutes wasting time worrying about your emotional state while she was still alive. What you should have done when you first got the death sentence is go grab her, drove your asses to the airport and got on the first flight to that place you've always talked about going. Don't waste another goddamn second. Cross every goddamn thing off her and your bucket lists. Max out her credit cards to fund the thing, who the fuck cares. Don't forget to have fun, enjoy the now and remember you can worry about dealing with her death and your faggoty-ass emotions when the time comes.

      [–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Little late to the party. Somehow I don't check the stickies and just saw this.

      I don't have any advice for you, that you haven't already achieved.

      Just wanted to tell you that your post somehow touched me more than usual emotionally. I can't even say why. Damned onions. Life is a fucking bitch.

      Anyways. I wish you and your girl the best possible time, regardless of how long it lasts. Make the best out of it. I wish you both all the strength you need when the time comes.

      [–]ioncehadsexinapool 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Florence

      If you plan on going anywhere else, may I recommend montefiascone. It's a short train ride north of Rome, it is absolutely beaufitul, on a mountain top. It is not a common place for tourists so you get a real taste of Italy if you will. I'll recommend Hotel Urbano too, it might be the only hotel in the city, not sure, but either way that hotel was really nice for a reasonable price.

      I know how you want these last moments to be special. Look at some pictures of the city. Its seems as though its straight from a fucking fairy tale. PM me if you have any questions! I even have video of the city from when I was there.

      [–]TomFoo 2 points3 points  (2 children)

      TRP is sexual strategy for men. Obviously this situation has very little to do with sexual strategy.

      Nevertheless, a few TRP principles remain applicable. A woman is at her ideal when she is with a strong man. Maintain frame at all costs. Crush shit tests, not just a woman's but the ones life throws as well. Express weakness only to a group of trusted men (which you're already doing, OP). You're the only one responsible for your own life, your own freedom, your own happiness.

      Goes without saying, we all would love an update, see how you're doing.

      [–]gfhascancer[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

      Hello. I've been coming back to this post every few days and I must say the responses I am getting are incredible and I am so touched by it all. It's Christmas time right now and I will be spending Christmas Day with my own family and she will be spending its with hers.

      The advice I have gotten from this post has helped me lots and I am still the same man I was before, nothing has changed besides the fact am I a little more comforting and I watch the odd shitty poor quality chick flicks with her.

      The trip we planned is coming soon and I can't wait, it's gonna be great. She still seems healthy for the most part, a little weaker but healthy.

      This will be the last time I respond to anything in this post, as I believe that it has run its course and I think that it's time to moe forward. I will post on the main subreddit if/when the worst happens. Thank you.

      (If you don't mind, this reply is going as an edit to my main post.)

      [–]TomFoo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Glad you updated. I'm also moved by your post and the great replies here. I have a feeling you will--no, you probably already are experiencing a unique, immediate gratitude on life and the people around you. Have a great trip with your girl. Don't forget to keep improving yourself as a man. Merry Christmas.

      [–]throwaway42384902 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      Just look into Islam for her because otherwise she will go to hell forever. I know people hate commens like this but just look into it. Not saying to convert or anything, just read one chapter of the quran translation. This is for her own good and yours too.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zcrsfg-EeqM

      [–]Geleemann 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      Oh please

      [–]my_sfw_alias 3 points4 points  (2 children)

      I had a gf that was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It made her do the craziest shit, mood swings, and pretty much gave her a lifetime pass for all the crazy shit she did. Then she came out one day and told me she was in love with a woman and I could never understand her the way her girlfriend did. brain cancer. Fuck cancer.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

        [–]my_sfw_alias 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        No, awalt. She was very selfish and put herself first in all situations. She actually found enjoyment in others suffering, so I don't see her lying for anyones benefit but her own. Stalk facebook once a year just to see if shes still alive.

        [–]LordThunderbolt 2 points3 points  (3 children)

        Typical TRP horror story: Watch her miraculously make it and recover, only to dump OP because she just got a new chance at life and needs to go "find herself". Even though OP stood by her through thick and thin.

        [–]goldandcranberry 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        okay. now how about you try to answer op's question or stfu?

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

        [deleted]

          [–]LordThunderbolt 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          I'm not saying that it's the case for OP. I just wanted to put down this Plot Twist.

          [–]deville05 1 point2 points  (4 children)

          Get good weed man and a vape.eases the pain and nausea. Also I read some study on how cancer cells survive on glucose. Switching to a ketogenic diet can actually stop the cancer cells from growing. Look it up man. Good luck. How is she doing currently? If it really is terminal and there is no real hope, then don't opt for chemo... Try diet and weed and having fun. If she gotta go, she gotta go living man. I lost a friend to other diseases because the chemo fucked his body up

          [–]gfhascancer[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

          Yep! We've actually been doing this! Neither of us are weed people but we decided that we'd go for the 'medicinal' marijuana.

          Neither of us ever actually smoked it before this, I tried once or twice when I was in school but we both decided we were going to give weed a go recently.

          Bought quite a lot from a friend and we're going to be making it a saturday thing. First time coming this Saturday, can't wait! Got the doritos and oreos ready and everything.

          Also I'll tell her about those things, I was on a keto diet about a year ago to lose some bf%, so i know the ropes and will show her how.

          She's currently still quite well, laughs a lot and makes sure to see me, her friends and her family as much as she can. She's far stronger than I thought she would be, but she does breakdown every now and then and I make sure I'm around when she does which is all I need to be doing to be fair.

          Yeah, chemo is risky business I know, completely destroys your immune system. She's on some other form of experimental treatment now but her side effects are too harsh yet.

          [–]deville05 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          Good luck brother. Stay strong. Do research on that keto thing and keep us updated

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Dude, don't put yourself in a situation where you 'familiarize' yourself with weed right before a major tragedy is about to happen. It will be a mighty fine crutch when she dies, and then you'll look up years later and realize you're a pothead with no motivation like me

          [–]TehJimmyy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I feel sad man . It scares me a lot to know that in 6 months i wont be breathing again. I cant think of it. More like losing someone is scarier.

          On the other side i am thankful of everything that i am not in this position. When i read your post i felt like trying harder and harder everyday . Because some people dont get the chance sometimes even if they did want.

          Best of luck and courage man.

          [–]dons90 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Hey OP. Tons of great advice has already been given here. Just wanted to say my heart is with you in this rough time.


          Also, while a little more uncommon, there are many cancer patients who made it through due to natural remedies. There's a particular product called Genesis which is particularly potent and is one of the best products I've taken.

          I'd say it's worth checking out, as I've heard quite a few testimonials from cancer patients who just kept drinking this non-stop and the cancer vanished from their body.

          I wish you all the best.

          [–]HisloyalShieldmaid 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          One thing you can do to help is to familiarize yourself with her medical records and her wishes in regards to dying at home or in a place for the dying (damn that word currently escapes me). Become her Defense. Her advocate. Be with her when she tells the family. Visit thedoc´s together.

          Your needs are equal to hers and I believe they will align pretty well. It is just a question of how to go about it.

          [–]msminnamouse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Pretty beta male behavior.

          [–]RedAsBlood 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I don't think this should really change too much for you.

          Continue your life, focus on yourself and be supportive towards her.

          Try to be positive and upbeat. Help her try to forget whats going on and have a good time.

          Terminal cancer doesn't always mean game over immediately. She could live a long time.

          Ultimately though, you cannot forget about yourself. Don't lose sight of your own mission and get too caught up in trying to help her. She wont respect you for it and it will destroy you.

          [–]mrHappyPotatoe 1 point2 points  (2 children)

          Theres this poem "if..." i believe starts with "If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,"

          But the most important line for you in there I suppose is "If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same;"

          Like Harley Quinn would say: "Own that Shit!"

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same

          That is beautiful. I really like this one.

          [–]1AmlanceJockey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Its from IF by Rudyard Kipling

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          When I was in the most severe depression of my life, the book that helped pull me out of it, alongside working out, was Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now. It could help out both of you.

          I'm an autodidact and I've always had an interest in scientifically-backed holistic medicine. If I ever got cancer, one thing I would try, is that I would binge swallow completely raw, minced or chopped garlic (like swallowing pills) on a daily basis to the most extreme degree I that could. I'm not saying it could save someone, but its one of the most medicinal foods on the planet, so maybe it could at least give you more time.

          Like another user said, knowing each others love language(s) is good advice as well. I've been meditating for 8 years and have lots of experience with samadhi or altered states of consciousness, if you ever want any more advice around meditation, feel free to PM me. Make sure you both lean on the people who care about you.

          [–]AkivaAvraham 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          If you are running out of options; you might want to look at they Byrzynski Clinic

          There is also economic data that demonstrates that people can choose to live longer if they have incentive to do so. I remember reading about that in Freakanomics.

          But you can probably tell that I am the type who would never give up hope. Good luck.

          [–]gistaminute 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I get the sentiment but as a rational outside view, she was attracted to you as you were... keep your mission in sight for her to remain fully attracted and thus happy. Good feels at the cost of your mission will make her lose respect for you... so make sure any extra time off is justifiable. Obviously enjoy it and be decent to her. Condolences man. May the weed heal her or help her last days be a little more fun.

          [–]StoicCrane 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          My father passed of cancer this past Christmas. Literally yesterday when I was the only family member in the room with him. OP, be there to support her emotionally and listen to your conscience. It's going to be rough but reflect on the great memories you've had of her and know that in that sense she'll always be present with you.

          [–]R3v4mp3d 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          If anybody here has any way to personally contact the guy, please tell him to snoop around Google for cancer cures. Sorry for sounding coo-coo but I've read some pretty astonishing results from some really basic things.

          Basically at this point there is nothing she can lose anyway. I'd go for it 100% if it was me.

          [–]rainyweathergirl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Have you tried any of the alternative treatments? I think they are worth a shot. I know in Mexico there is an alternative cancer therapy that has apparently cured a lot of people who claim to have terminal cancer. There is a place called the gerson institute and it uses a form of light therapy to treat cancer. If you have any money spare I would give these things a try. Pharmaceutical drugs are not always helpful, and any treatment that cannot be patented is shunned by the mainstream medical community. Please consider alternative medicine, there could still be hope for your girlfriend

          [–]rainyweathergirl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Have you tried any of the alternative treatments? I think they are worth a shot. I know in Mexico there is an alternative cancer therapy that has apparently cured a lot of people who claim to have terminal cancer. There is a place called the gerson institute and it uses a form of light therapy to treat cancer. If you have any money spare I would give these things a try. Pharmaceutical drugs are not always helpful, and any treatment that cannot be patented is shunned by the mainstream medical community. Please consider alternative medicine, there could still be hope for your girlfriend

          [–]Spartan1282 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I'm not trying to sound too hopeful, but the Ketogenic diet and cannabis have been shown to save lives.

          [–]Dr_HoaxArthurWilmoth 5 points6 points  (2 children)

          Marry her. I know this seems callous, but the benefits outweigh any cons. Tax breaks Widowers get more breaks than disabled combat veterans, I know, my best friend is a widower. Widowers is life on easy mode for men. A get out of jail free card for you and your chosen female for sex,relationships, doing what YOU want to do whenever.

          Also, you are a lying teenager and should be shamed and banned for shitposting.

          "lump in breast" is not proper Stage 3 terminology, you couldn't even be bothered to look up actual instances and forums with this subject matter and you are extremely low energy and I hope you get cancer yourself you weak shaking trolling Plebbit loser.

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          My recent ex has cancer. Very likely terminal because she's too poor to afford proper treatment. We're not together because she's BPD (read life destroyer).

          I get you love this one. But watching a loved one deteriorate and die is a traumatic experience. In general, women bail when the man is sick or incapacited for too long. Keep in mind you owe no one anything at all. Do not compromise your own well being just to be the "good" guy.

          [–]ineedtofixthings 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I'm really sorry about both of you. I have no such experiences, it's very hard.

          [–]Apexk9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Death happens. Enjoy the time you have together but once she's gone feeling sad or depressed will be natural but remember it'll never bring her back you're just ducking up your mental state.

          That's how I death with my parents I realized that nothing will bring them back so duck feeling like shit

          [–]Overzealous_BlackGuy 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          I recently found a lump on LTR's neck , this post has got me worried. Like you I caught a good one is hate to have to go through the same experience. I thought it was a cyst but the skin isn't irritated its like a bulge under the skin

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Have it looked at ASAP. Thyroid cancer is serious and quick spreading. If she has trouble either losing or keeping weight starting recently, go sooner than ASAP.

          [–]Snxwe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          My brother I'm afraid I cannot offer you any counsel as I'm nowhere near emotionally prepared myself to deal with something like this. All I can do is wish you strength and prosperity in such a hard time. When the time comes be strong and appreciate the good times. Lest not forget everything is temporary.

          All the best.

          [–]KumonRoguing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          My condolences mate.

          [–]absolucion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I have no advice to offer that hasn't already been given. I just hope that everyone in her life, yourself included, make it out as best they can.

          Good luck.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I do not like this post title

          You must be positive beyond reason

          [–]259985 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          get a 2nd opinion just because 1 doctor says nothing can do does not mean all do wfor example we have a doctor in our country and heaps of people who have been told by other doctors there is nothing they can do have gone to this guy and he has saved them he is touted as a medical hero because he is willing to do risky surgery that most doctors aren't willing to do to save the lives of people

          [–]hb8only 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          well.. you can risk it and go raw everytime...

          [–]ChyTRP 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Cannabis oil and get hold of b17 however you can, even if it means getting her eating a million apricot pips

          [–]msminnamouse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Hard next. Post wall chick.