How to handle the shittest "you cum too fast" (self.asktrp)

submitted by h4nkz

Plate dropped this one in a joking way. I did not find it funny though since I suffered from ED and PED during a toxic relationship. I usually last between 5-20 minutes (excluding foreplay). She cums multiple times during sex, sometimes breaking down and her whole body twitches. Even if I cum early because I'm too horny, I usually get hard again after a few minutes and I'm good with my toungue and fingers.

When she dropped the line, I laughed it off, but I still wonder why she said it even though she said it was a joke. After saying that she was scared it made me angry. I feel a little insecure now and sex doesn't feel as good as before.

Edit: Maybe I should add that I'm her first sexual partner while I had plenty before. I know I'm good at sex and all my female partners from the past told me this. Maybe she got wrong expectations (I know she watches a lot of porn) and I should tell her the real world is different

[–]UsefulPsychology 129 points130 points  (3 children)

“Cmon, i have a lot of things to do”

[–]h4nkz[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

My first reaction was a confused look and I said "what do you mean by that". Then I ignored it. She thought I Was angry, kept touching me and later wanted sex. With a smile on my face I said "if it doesn't go too fast for you". She then apologized and said "you know I wasnt serious when I said this." We then had sex, she came, I came and yeah. After that she kept asking if everything is ok, I said yeah sure. Thats it. Somehow it:s still stuck in my head

[–]TheRedPillRipper 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Let it go. It sounds like you're handling your business so next time don't even bother responding. Or Amused Mastery; "Yeah I'm going for the world record"; or Agree & Amplify; "I'll show you how quick I can be next time."

Somehow it:s still stuck in my head.

If it's an issue then the issue is yours and you need to work out why then address it.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat 168 points169 points  (8 children)

“Sorry I was thinking about (insert her sisters name)”

[–]JacobSnack 36 points37 points  (0 children)


[–]boobylee 29 points30 points  (0 children)

This OP, have some self-respect.

It's beta to cling to a woman who doesn't respect you.

[–]TipsyLeo 12 points13 points  (0 children)

OPs ex plate on suicide watch after he says that. Lol

[–]eccentricrealist 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Fucking Silverback hairy chest dipped in the river Styx held by his toe alpha response right there

[–]InscrutablePUA 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I'm saving this one for a rainy day

Gotta say it with a cocky but funny attitude though

[–]horacre 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Holy shit!

[–]SWSSMSS 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Going straight for the kill, huh

[–]GROM9 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is excellent

[–]Stokestix 45 points46 points  (3 children)

"My bad, I was thinking about [insert celeb here] or this hot chick I saw the other day". Remember to smile though.

[–]mrpoopistan 17 points18 points  (0 children)

This can be made more evil and contextual.

"I was just thinking about that one cashier." Celeb = high status, which for women makes it less bad. Cashier . . . low status, and also a very typically male and real thing to have on your mind.

Every good trick with a woman is about burrowing into her mind.

[–]redpilledcuck 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You forgot to add "Heh..." at the beginning and "nothing personnel, kid" at the end.

How exactly do you expect that hurting a woman's feelings is going to help in this situation? She's going to start crying, then what? You're going to leave and you dropped the plate.

[–]Stokestix 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You have to tell it as a joke... It was not meant to be taken seriously lol

[–]1redhawkes 44 points45 points  (0 children)

"Be afraid if I don't" deliver with shit eating grin and slap her ass.

[–]Captain_Save_A_Hoe_ 66 points67 points  (19 children)

Your self esteem is based on how well your dick works. You see how absurd this seems?

[–]h4nkz[S] 17 points18 points  (1 child)

it kinda is, it got a lot better but it still bothers me

[–]lifeisweirdasfuck 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Keep frame and act like you fucked her good even if you didn’t. If you show that she’s right then you enter her reality (i.e you can’t fuck her good)

[–]The_Handsome_Penguin 5 points6 points  (13 children)

Same for me. I am quite literally a 2-pump-chump. The maximum I have lasted in all my 5-6 encounters is 1 minute. Excessive masturbation and porn over the years are probably the likely culprits. I'm working on improving myself daily. However, in my mind, I find myself hamstering to not f-close at times simply because I know I would fail again and it would be embarrassing.

[–]Ieatlinner 0 points1 point  (3 children)

That’s the usual for me. There’s been times where I’ve been unable to cum and some good 5-10 minute seesions but those are more rare. Usually I just bust in a minute and it’s pathetic as fuck. Hard to wanna fuck when you know you’re gonna disappoint

[–][deleted]  (1 child)


    [–]Ieatlinner 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Had a girlfriend for 3 years. But I was her first time- so I probably disappointed her in hindsight. The thing was we'd only have sex like once or twice a week as we both lived at home.

    [–]empatheticapathetic 0 points1 point  (5 children)

    I got a flesh light recently (entirely to help me treat my phimosis) and it reminds me of the handful of sexual encounters I’ve had. The sensation is more fun and softer than my hand. Id recommend considering buying one!

    [–]9toro 5 points6 points  (3 children)

    destroy that shit and stop being a pussy

    [–]empatheticapathetic 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    What do you mean?

    [–]NG2 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    I think he meant destroy that pussy and stop being shit

    [–]empatheticapathetic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Ah right. I'm using it to treat my phimosis like i said. That's a priority for a number of reasons. Successful treatment will build my sexual confidence as well.

    [–]beastmodeking 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I did this and it brought back my porn addiction so I threw it out 2 months later. I wasted 70 plus dollars on this that I'll never get back

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)


      [–]The_Handsome_Penguin 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      A platonic long distance ltr (ended now) and a few ONSes.

      [–]Iwannachokekatie 4 points5 points  (1 child)

      How would you feel if your dick didn't work?

      [–]explosive_diarrhea90 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      alot of mens self esteem are tied to there sexual performance

      [–]chachaChad 9 points10 points  (0 children)

      Sounds like she knows that would hurt you. Agree and amplify or ignore.

      [–]0mnipath 7 points8 points  (1 child)

      Dave Chapelle has perfect advice for this: https://youtu.be/zpjq8jqrPq8

      [–]h4nkz[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      that was great man haha perfect answer. Love this guy

      [–]genethedog 7 points8 points  (1 child)

      Women, all of them, have to try and find (or make up something) to hit a man with. They ALL do it. And the fact that this woman, having absolutely ZERO experience before you, has the balls to say anything about your sexual prowess proves this.

      She's shit testing you in the absolute worst way. She wants to put doubt in your mind and it worked. That's toxic shit. To her it's just stupid little girl games, but that shit will FUCK a man up. And they DO know better. That's exactly why she tried to hit you right in the most vulnerable place.

      Beware. If she feels like she can 'get away' with shit like that, there's NOTHING she won't say or do to 'poke' and provoke the animal.

      [–]mrpthrowa 9 points10 points  (1 child)

      A girl did a variation of this shit test with me. I fucked her good, by the end of it she nearly passed out. We laid there catching breath... and she says... "that was terrible!".

      I hilariousy fainted being affected, held my heart and sarcastically said with a smile... "oh my, you've just crushed me" and just laughed... she laughed at how ridiculous she sounded and jumped on me again.

      [–]empatheticapathetic 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      Women are retarded

      [–]Rares5555 11 points12 points  (0 children)

      “Time is money bitch”

      [–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 3 points4 points  (4 children)

      I usually last between 5-20 minutes (excluding foreplay)

      That's fine. That's plenty of time.

      he cums multiple times during sex, sometimes breaking down and her whole body twitches. Even if I cum early because I'm too horny, I usually get hard again after a few minutes and I'm good with my toungue and fingers.

      Yep, sounds great. Nothing for her to complain about.

      When she dropped the line,

      Then you say "No problem, we don't have to do it". You don't fall into her frame of agreeing or disagreeing or caring.

      Maybe she got wrong expectations (I know she watches a lot of porn) and I should tell her the real world is different

      She sounds like a pain to say this. Ditch her.

      [–]h4nkz[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

      Actually it is astonishing how submissive she is, I've never had a girl reading all my wishes right from my lips before. Sometimes I still need help in situations like these. Have a sex talk with her or not?

      [–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      urgh, don't talk about shit.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Sex talk? As in tell her where babies come from? What the fuck is a sex talk? What subreddit is this? r/sex?

      [–]h4nkz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Like telling her she can be lucky that her first man is not some autistic faggot who doesn't know how to fuck a girl right

      [–]WoodWizzy87 8 points9 points  (25 children)

      A woman...would rather have 5-10 mins of rough fucking from a dominant guy than that hour long romantic shit you see in movies.

      You could always try edging or get a desensitizer for your dick. Average intercourse time is like 3-7 minutes, there’s a reason a guys suppose to cum, to get her preggers lol.

      [–][deleted]  (17 children)


        [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (16 children)

        Actually you are wrong. Read about this in a pyschology article.

        [–][deleted]  (15 children)


          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (14 children)

          LOL. Huffintonpost is a not a source

          [–][deleted]  (13 children)


            [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (12 children)

            I dont have a source, I dont need to. Within the scientific method, the nullhypothosis is the negative position of the claim, i.e that it is not true. This is the standard position one takes. And one online study with a sample size of 500 women from an online questionnaire is not enough to draw conclusions

            [–][deleted]  (11 children)


              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (10 children)

              I was making a point. "read about it in an article" is the go to and means nothing. A sample size of 500 women that read a specific sex article is not enough to draw conclusions for women as a whole

              [–][deleted]  (9 children)


                [–]h4nkz[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children)

                Exactly what she gets atm, if it's round 3 the rough fucking lasts for up to 20 minutes. Still no idea she made that joke. "you know that I wasnt serious, but thats what people usually say to their partner, dont they?"

                [–]purplefidgetmidget 5 points6 points  (2 children)

                Don't sweat it man, it seems clear to me she doesn't realise the impact of what she said, and I can guarantee that unless you invited her over, fucked her for 2 minutes then rolled over and went to sleep, that she meant it in a positive way.

                I'd likely have the exact same reaction as you. I'd handle it properly but inside it would slightly fuck with my head.

                Just remember, as other people have said, it's not about going on for hours, she'll have a better time if you throw her around like a toy and use her entirely for your own pleasure for 2 minutes if you're acting alpha enough.

                Just say "With an ass like that what was I supposed to do, I mean have you seen how fuckable you look right now?".

                [–]h4nkz[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                this. It just slightly fucks my head. She's a smokeshow and I love fucking her, I'm jacked and I dominate her completly in the bedroom since she has 0 experience and is submissive as fuck. Especially when we meet after a few days not seeing each other, I can't hold it back for more than 5 minutes after foreplay.

                I just wonder if I should have a conversation about or not, idk what's on her mind

                [–]cenie 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                I just wonder if I should have a conversation about or not, idk what's on her mind

                Nah, ignore the comment and act like it was never said.

                [–]InscrutablePUA 2 points3 points  (2 children)

                women have no idea how much of our ego is tied up in sexual performance. how would they? they just lie there and moan and never get any negative feedback. so yeah she has no idea.

                [–]empatheticapathetic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                Of course they know that shit bro. They can read people a lot better than we can. They know exactly what they’re doing with such a comment and it’s entirely a test of his frame and how genuine it is.

                [–][deleted]  (5 children)


                [–]h4nkz[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                yea same, if I have 0 feelings for the girl I don't even tell her to suck me off, I just blow my load during the foreplay blowjob and say "wow that was good for the first round". But if I really like her I want to vibe with her, makes sex a lot better

                [–][deleted]  (2 children)


                  [–][deleted]  (1 child)


                    [–]LateralThinker13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                    To quote a great comedian, "Too fast for who?" Implication is that the speed is fine for you, and that's what matters.

                    [–][deleted]  (1 child)


                    [–]room_303 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

                    Women don't know what they want.

                    [–]alexlesims2ng 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                    im reminded of the time I did something like this.

                    [–]bobjoe177 0 points1 point  (5 children)

                    you should not revisit this topic with her

                    [–]h4nkz[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children)


                    [–]the__aggressor 2 points3 points  (3 children)

                    Because it'll show that you were affected and lost frame. Just prepare a line to counter it if she brings it up again.

                    Now to address your self esteem issue - i used to have similar issues but i learned to treat sex as something strictly for my pleasure. That doesn't come easily or naturally to me but it paradoxically increased my stamina and her pleasure. Even now if my dick gets limp partway through sex, i think of it as an opportunity for her to turn me on again. That mindset just boosts your frame, increases your testosterone, and everything just works better, i promise.

                    [–]h4nkz[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

                    that mindset is worth gold. gotta get used to thinking "she gotta make me more horny" instead of "how can my dick not be hard right now?"

                    [–]the__aggressor 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                    Right, and it doesn't mean that you can't be more turned on when she has an orgasm or is clearly enjoying herself, but i guarantee she will enjoy it more when you're focused on your own pleasure. During foreplay with my ex, and in fact the last few girls i've been with, if i start fucking them before letting them suck my dick, they're usually not wet enough. After sucking my dick their pussies are absolutely drenched its astounding.

                    [–]h4nkz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                    I never fuck before she is completly wet and we do some 69, bj, eating out pretty much always before we fuck so this should be fine

                    [–]AncientDragons 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                    Forget she said it and continue with your day. Who cares? You're young and this is all just experience. Have fun with it.

                    [–]insanity_wow27 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                    I'm guessing she didn't know you had those issues? I wouldn't sweat it. If you arent particularly invested and she keeps coming back for more then what's the harm? She must like it. Probably caught you off guard and next time you'll be ready with a killer line to defuse the situation.

                    [–]h4nkz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                    Exactly. She's addicted to me and i can feel it, i know she's shittesting me and i faked my confidence when she dropped the line. She didnt know i had those issues

                    [–]suckymeh 0 points1 point  (3 children)

                    "go find someone better". I consider that a bit of dread. Underneath it suggests that you are willing to drop her that instant. Let her feel your anger. You expect appreciation and won't tolerate a woman who is disrespectful.

                    Alternatively, You could have sent her out the door that instant and let her beg for forgiveness.

                    [–]zboo1h 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                    I have to say no to this, my man. You literally are telling her, REMINDING HER, that there ARE other men that are BETTER than you out there. It's the words of a desperate, insecure man.

                    A better alternative along these lines is to SHOW HER WITH ACTIONS that she can be replaced - laugh it off, then become distant, and watch the attitude improve.

                    [–]h4nkz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                    what do you think about saying "if you really think my bedroom game isn't that good, go out and fuck other guys, but don't come back after you were disappointed"

                    [–]physicalbitcoin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                    MSM, methylsulfurmethane helped me. Lots of free info on PEgym.

                    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                    Who cares if she is still fucking you. 5-20 mins is long enough. Female sexuality is less about their own physical pleasure (as it is for guys) and more about the validation they receive from pleasing and being used by a high value man

                    [–]whereTheBoysKeepItG 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                    Do the pull out method. When you think you’re gonna cum, pull out and give her some foreplay. You can do this indefinitely.

                    [–]2gunsgetsome 0 points1 point  (0 children)


                    If she cums, and you cum, there's no problem. Really, even if you don't cum, but you're still having fun, there's no problem.

                    You could start gaming her earlier and get her mind working before the physical encounter so she'd feel turned-on for longer.

                    [–]Believeinyourflyness 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                    I like my women how I like my showers. So hot I can only last 30 seconds.

                    [–]h4nkz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                    Good one. I expected something like "wet and clean"

                    [–]maxofreddit 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                    Use the anger to fuck her harder...

                    Never mention it again, if you do, she’ll know you got in her head.

                    Edit - Option 2 is ... “Well, my other girlfriend never complains.”

                    [–]h4nkz[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                    Yea but maybe she really thinks the sex we have is below average or common. We do all kind of dirty stuff, I pick her up and throw her around, I command her to do things and overall just dominate her and fuck her to her max. I tie her up and eat her out until she nearly passes out. I slap her ass, fuck her on the sink in the morning. Yeah sometimes I cum fast and sometimes I lose my erection cus she is too wet. She has 0 reference except me. What if she really thinks this is how the average man fucks? How can I let her know she should be lucky without appearing butthurt

                    [–]maxofreddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                    You don't need to let her know anything....

                    From the sounds, if she every breaks up with you, because of you, she'll be an alpha-widow.

                    Chill dude... and high-five on the sink fucking... too many people are limited to thinking that the fun only happens in the bedroom. It's great to have her walking around and everything she sees is another place you fucked.

                    [–]Zanford 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                    If your performance is as good as you claim, she meant it as a joke and a compliment - like calling a tall guy 'shorty'.

                    Otherwise it might have been a shit test so see if it would get to your ego.

                    Either way, don't take it seriously. Don't have some Logical Male conversation about how RL is not porn. The worst thing you can do is let her know it gets to you.

                    The other answers here have a bunch of good one-liners for A&A or reframing, go with those.

                    [–]h4nkz[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                    im looking for advice so no lies here. Maybe Ill ask her what her expectations about sex she had before her first time

                    [–]Zanford 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                    That's taking her too seriously; she'll smell that her comment got to you. It puts you in an 'appeaser' frame and she may start to repeat comments like that, knowing she can push your buttons and put you in appeaser mode.

                    Also, women do NOT want to feel like the leaders, esp when it comes to sex. If you straight up ask her about 'her expectations in sex' you will sound way too virginal. She wants you to just be a rockstar.

                    Besides, the question's pointless. Almost all women enjoy the same things in bed.

                    [–]RPAlternate42 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                    "It's very efficient."

                    [–]DeplorableJL 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                    Put it in her ass next time, then shame her for tapping out too fast.

                    [–]bulletzdz 0 points1 point  (0 children)


                    [–]PlataoPlommo 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                    I think you are over-analyzing with a specific frame of mind. I say to you; fuck that. Get over yourself, get over your ego. If you fuck her as well as you do, then what do you have to worry?

                    I mean, even if she said it in a "I was being serious but disguising my true intentions with a joke", depending on how well you like her, you should have a sex-conversation. Talking about ups and downs, what stuff you like, etc., etc. It is a great chance to actually talk about the stuff and lay it out there, so one can become aware and work on it.

                    Those conversations can be intimidating for some, so make sure to make it less formal, have a nice time, drink a little red wine or something along those lines.

                    [–]h4nkz[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                    that's the answer I hoped I'd get. I'm thinking about having a general conversation about sex with her since I'm her first sexual partner. Maybe she got wrong expectations (I know she watches a lot of porn). I mean, I can see that I do a good job, never had a girl scream so loud, twitch so uncontrollable and breathing so hard. But maybe she just thinks this is normal. But I don't want to appear butthurt, she usually says whatever she thinks that makes me happy and she always does what makes me happy. Really submissive..

                    [–]PlataoPlommo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                    Haha, crazy. But that is great, if it makes you happy.

                    If you are her first sexual partner, and she watches a lot of porn, don't fret about it then. She obviously has no point of reference from real life (except you, now).

                    You won't appear butthurt, if you collect yourself and tell her you'd love to talk about sex. Get to understand her, and her to understand you.

                    If she thinks you don't last long, tell her the average man fucks for about 6 minutes. And don't forget yourself that sex isn't about being on the peak of the mountain (orgasm), but the road leading up to it. If you catch my drift.

                    [–][deleted]  (5 children)


                    [–]Datanami 1 point2 points  (4 children)

                    Bad advice imo

                    [–][deleted]  (3 children)


                      [–]Datanami 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                      You shouldn't focus too much on your performance for the girl's pleasure is what i'm saying. If you don't immerse yourself completely in sex, why even bother having it ? Also, women feel this. You should read Sex God Method

                      [–][deleted]  (1 child)


                        [–]Datanami 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                        No shit Sherlock

                        [–]IVIaskerade -3 points-2 points  (1 child)

                        How do you know when a woman has an orgasm?

                        Who cares?

                        [–]h4nkz[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                        I do because it's fucking hot

                        [–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

                        She got the same 45 secs you did.

                        [–]h4nkz[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

                        Dont get this answer

                        [–]zboo1h -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

                        If I ever encounter this problem it's in the opposite direction: I take too long to cum.

                        I like to fuck for a while, at least 30 minutes. Different positions, different situations, different holes, etc.

                        Send her my way, OP.