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How to stop being goofy funny and become sexy funny? (self.asktrp)

submitted by Blckclaw

I think I'm rather funny guy. I normally have low confidence and can't name too many strengths I got, but I can definitely admit that I have a sense of humour and imagination. I often hear "haha you're so funny", or "haha how do you come up with this stuff", or "seriously you should make a funny blog or become a youtuber or something!".

Sure, I admit that these people can often exaggerate, but the truth is, I'm kind of known in my circle to crack jokes and goof around. And there's the problem in the last part - goof around.

I know very well the difference between goofy funny to women and being suave, sexy funny - the problem is that it's not that easy to implement. I can't just suddenly become sexy funny after simply realizing the difference.

I will admit that I made some progress. I managed to be more bold, cheeky and less silly and self-deprecating. It did help me make out with several girls and even get a couple lays.

However, in the majority of my interaction, the goofy side usually prevails, and it's hard for me to get into that sexual escalation. Women I went out with usually laughed a lot, hit me playfully for making fun of them, and said that they enjoy spending time with me. However, they didn't want to go any further, and just wanted to become friends.

As much as it is literal friendzone, it's far from that typical friendzone, when a girl says "we should be friends" out of pity, and then stops giving shits about the guy - they genuinely wanted to meet up and hang out with me and said that I'm funny and interesting (I'm really not trying to humblebrag, if anything, I'm admitting defeat).

The big issue is, being goofy funny is so ingrained in my personality. That's kind of who I am and the way I've been for many years of my life. It helped me avoid some bullying in highschool (typical "don't gang up on a clown" self-defense lol), got me some really good friends, a socially awkward LTR (ex now), FWB, and make some teachers like me despite having disappointing test results.

Have any of you go through the similar process as me? Any tips? Any resources? (books, stand up comedians, movies?)

EDIT:

Wow, thank you guys for all the responses, I didn't expect such a huge feedback, especially here on r/asktrp, where a lot of questions are ridiculed or treated in a condescending way. I appreciate all your comments and thoughts, really gave me a lot to think about.


[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 57 points58 points  (9 children)

How to stop being goofy funny and become sexy funny?

Great that you've realised the difference. You're not their entertainer.

Why do you need to be funny at all? You need to fix this within yourself, and you can only do this by going "cold turkey" - stopping being funny altogether.

I can't just suddenly become sexy funny after simply realizing the difference.

Actually you probably can do it near instantly when you know how. But see above about fixing in yourself why you need to be funny at all. Girls SAY they want a sense of humour and someone that makes them laugh. This is because she wants the experience of sexy-fun-and-carefree-with-a-high-value-man. NOT because she wants to fuck a comedian.

Do not self deprecate AT ALL. Ever. Just fucking stop it. It's not attractive in the way you hope it is. You are positioning yourself below her, which she'll approve of, but won't fuck you.

Have any of you go through the similar process as me? Any tips? Any resources? (books, stand up comedians, movies?)

Yes.

Ok, some hot tips:

  • Don't be funny for a while. You need to KNOW and to FEEL that you don't have to be funny to survive and have value.

  • Switch from funny to emotionally-engaging. Be challenging. Use more of an ordering-around type voice with women. Be more dominant. Don't be led.

  • Don't self-deprecate. Noone appreciates it, don't do it. It's just admitting defeat before you start, to get approval and avoid repercussions. It's like a pre-emptive apology. Fucking quit it. It works in romantic comedies because romantic comedies are based around female wishful thinking.

And some detail:

The emotionally engaging thing might take some time to get your head around. It's basically using talk that elicits emotion (almost any - love, hate, fear, anger, etc etc... anything except disgust. mix sex in too). Women find this hilarious, even though you're not being funny. Don't try it on friends (female and especially male) - they find it weird. But girls and especially new girls love it.

It's hard to make this concrete, because it's so situational. Paint ridiculous pictures of her antics. Make stuff up about her, then call her out on her fictional behaviour. Make it a bit sexual. Accuse her of being a stripper in the evening. When she's shocked, follow up with "yeah, but in your defence your lapdances are really cheap/expensive". (cheap is she's really hot, expensive if she's more normal).

You'll fuck this up a few times, especially at first, but you'll get the hang of it. It will really spike a woman's emotions if you do it right and they love this. But you do need to transition out of it fairly quickly or she'll be in perpetual emotionally-spiked mode and it's investment+comfort that's required for seduction.

Hope that helps

[–]markinsinz7 8 points9 points  (5 children)

Have u made a post on this emotional engagement thing? while many newbies of trp struggle with making convo in general there's many others like OP (eg me) who can have general conversation with people but can't seem to get women engaged/invested emotionally.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 4 points5 points  (4 children)

No post yet, but I will. I've got so many posts in the pipeline that I'm tinkering with.... should try and get them out there sometime :)

[–]markinsinz7 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Hopefully u do, posts these days has been rehashed too many times with no new insights. The age old argument of self improvement vs actual success for sexual strategy still remains, the basics of attraction/getting success are solid (ie lift habits stoic mindset ) But our landscape is changing. There's more people becoming aware and more chads too. The increased competition requires new insights.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Thing is... I don't wanna post anything that's been done before. So I write a post and edit it a LOT. Unless it's topical, I end up not bothering.

I'll probably do one on the meaning of value first - that seems to be misunderstood a lot round here.

[–]Blckclaw[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

That was very eye-opening. Althought it's gonna be hard to stop being goofy, it's kind of natural to me, it's like you told to me start writing with a non-dominant hand. Do you think I should abandon being goofy among friends as well?

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you think I should abandon being goofy among friends as well?

Honestly yes, although you'll have to fade it out more slowly or they'll notice the change and make it harder for you.

The need to be goofy is a problem within you - it's a solution to the problem of needing acceptance. You need to work on this.

And it doesn't get you respect usually. It can a bit, and that's the illusion and the trap. It's better to not do it. There's other ways to be funny and engaging. Not that you should prioritise what other people think.

For these reasons (fixing yourself, how it is seen), yes I think you should drop the goofy thing.

[–]HeavenlyMystery 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I want to add something. Sometimes we can make fun of ourselves, just to make the situation more vivid and fun. I've done it before and I get laughs every time, but I only do it when the mood and the type of situation is correct. Other than that, I won't make fun myself. Although, I can 'agree and amplify' to make the best out of it.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Sometimes we can make fun of ourselves, just to make the situation more vivid and fun. I've done it before and I get laughs every tim

The idea is to get laid, not to get laughs. Getting laughs like this is .... well what's the point?

[–]HeavenlyMystery 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You are right. I will read your previous comment again.

[–]1zero12three 22 points23 points  (8 children)

You can be sexy funny by becoming, you know it, sexy

Lift. Increase your SMV. You can’t skip lifting just by being funny.

[–]Blckclaw[S] 2 points3 points  (6 children)

I lift. Recently traveled a lot, changed my haircut.

Right now in university so unfortunately no money/career to boost SMV. And on r/rateme I got 5/10. So that's what I got going for me.

[–]BusterVadge 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think you give a fuck too much. People who post on that sub care way too much of what others think of them.

That's why you try to be funny all the time too, you're trying to get people to like you.

Take a step back and stop trying so hard. Don't be afraid to be an asshole once and a while.

[–]cluelessguitarist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol thats funny, there is a sub that rates you

[–]Killing__Time_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What a cancerous sub. Why the fuck would you post there. It's just women seeking validation and dudes trying to be less insecure.

Looks like you're trying to be funny because you've decided in your head that it's the only way for people to like you. Don't be that guy. Be funny, but only to your bros, maybe office mates. But don't dole out your personality like its a low hanging fruit.

[–]1zero12three 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There you have it, you’re a 5/10. And you travel, that’s a SMV boost just because foreign women may think you’re exotic.

Now 5/10 isn’t the best score you can get, and if you tell me you can’t get any better looking than that, I doubt that you’ll ever be funny the way you want to be.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Once you get past the validation mentality, you won't care if you're a 5/10 or a 9/10. Besides, looks really aren't everything. I've met gorgeous 9/10's that dropped to 3's once they opened their mouths. I've met girls that weren't amazingly attractive at first glance that had other things going for them once I observed them more.

It matters less for guys. Quit going to r/rateme, it's an unfortunate byproduct of a culture of narcissism gone rampant.

[–]Blckclaw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I went to r/rateme not really for rating, but for tips - recently I'm trying out new looks and don't know whether I'm succeeding or not.

[–]DadOnDabs 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Goofy funny is you trying to be funny for other people.

Sexy funny is you amusing yourself.

[–]SoloRetro 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's exactly it

[–]mortalcoil1 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Goofy funny:

the clown: laughs a lot, makes everybody comfortable, everybody understands his jokes because he explains them if he doesn't gets laughs, waits for laughs, lots of self incriminating humor, doesn't mind being the butt of the joke, big smile, likes to explain his jokes, his humor is designed to comfort people, loves when people laughs at his jokes, after he makes a joke, he waits, with a big smile on his face, expecting praise and laughter and attention for his joke.

sexy funny:

The Oscar Wilde: never laughs, especially at his own joke, makes people uncomfortable, (not weird uncomfortable) sometimes his jokes go over people's heads or people misunderstand him, that's fine, he never explains his jokes, if you don't get his joke, you weren't worthy of it, never waits for his jokes to "hit", rare self incriminating humor, but everybody knows it's not being serious, never the butt of a joke, and if he is the butt of somebody else's joke he doesn't get mad or frustrated, he comes back twice as hard with an even better zinger, never smiles, his jokes aren't for comfort, they aren't to make other people laugh, they are to make him smirk, not laugh, if people get your jokes, then they are worthy of your attention, his jokes aren't for attention, or praise, or even laughter. His world is mysterious and the only thing he can do to survive is to have a laugh (internally) about it. Think Oscar Wilde.

I disagree with "absolutely no self deprecating humor." However, it takes a lot of skill to successfully do self deprecating humor correctly. If you don't know what you are doing, then don't do it, but a good self deprecating joke at the right time can increase attraction. Use it for comfort, not attraction. Too much of the Oscar Wilde can scare women off, but a perfect self deprecating joke during comfort can really take the edge of an interaction.

Something like, let's say you are dressed really well, or you are wearing a cool necklace or watch, and the female compliments it, first, look her right in the eye and say "thank you," and really mean it. She just gave you a compliment, reward her for it, but then smirk for half a second and say something along the lines, with 100% dead pan complete seriousness, sadly, my thong and ass-less chaps were at the cleaners, and this was all I had left to wear, then don't acknowledge you just said that, act like you just said the temperature. If she is into you, she'll have a laugh (and this will also get her thinking about your crotch and ass as a bonus) and continue the conversation, if she isn't, then there will be an awkward silence and you will tell she didn't like it, if this happens, you were probably screwed anyway, but if you notice she is uncomfortable, immediately change the conversation and pretend like you never said anything. Do not make a big deal about it. Jokes sometimes hit, jokes sometimes miss. Don't make a big deal about either. If you told a joke and she wasn't attracted enough in you, that is your own fault. Continue on like nothing happened. Remember, this is your world, this is your reality. Do not be outcome dependent.

[–]Blckclaw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Solid post. Thank you.

I understand I should start reading Oscar Wilde right away?

[–]Hydroeletric_ 3 points4 points  (1 child)

High trust low smv = Friendzone

[–]Blckclaw[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

no shit

[–]_A_L_3_X_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

maybe double meanings?

[–]1DubbleFUPAwitCheez 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's the difference between being witty or being a clown. Figure that out and you're good to go.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are looking for "Amused Mastery". The James Bond films, particularly those starring Sean Connery, are a master class.

[–]Peter_B_Long 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My dad is goofy funny and it fits him because he's a "family" dad. In high school I was also a goofy funny. I was funny enough that I got attention from girls but I was too goofy so almost every girl I talked to friendzoned me.

Now that I've discovered TRP and I've been implementing the principles as much as I could, I've actually become less funny.. Or I put much less effort in being funny.

When I'm with my closest friends and we smoke a little weed, sure, I'll be goofy funny and it's a great time.

I think the main thing about being "sexy funny" is that you don't need to be "sexy funny" with everyone. When you're trying to game a girl, then that's when you become "sexy funny". The self that I act as with my friends is different than the self I act as with a girl.

Don't get me wrong, I am confident in who I am. Once I build attraction with a girl and I know she's into me, I'll have no problem bringing her around my friends and being "my self".

BUT, for building attraction.. it's a whole different ball park. This is when you flirt, this is when you neg, push / pull, escalate, etc.

I think the best advice I can give you for being "sexy funny" is to try to stop trying to come up with jokes to say. Your responses are what should be "sexy funny" (AA, Pressure Flip, etc.) Sure you can come up with fresh jokes like, "Smart decision wearing a choker. That's gonna come in handy later on." then she'll laugh and ask what you mean and you can just change the subject.

I recommend watching RSDTyler on youtube. He gives a lot of real life examples that you can implement.

Me personally, I'm very sarcastic and I say things in a serious tone but I'll be joking. For example, if a girl kisses me on the cheek and she gets lipstick on me, I'll say something like, "oh no, my wife is gonna get sooooo mad" and I'll play along with it until it's not fun anymore. She'll probably ask something like, "wait are you really married?" and I'll say, "I'll be honest, I don't have a wife. I have a husband. And he's not gonna be happy about this lipstick."

[–]Jsieijejeieokkd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A couple things: 1) tie most of your humor to sex 2) when you deliver the punchline or make people laugh give the girl you want a smirk.

If you can make someone laugh it releases endorphins in the brain, make it all about sex and your cock.

[–]Jsieijejeieokkd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you are naturally funny it’s a gift, but you can’t fall into the “court jester” frame or your fucked. Girls love a guy that makes them laugh. Use it to “neg” them a little and you will be money.

[–]Jsieijejeieokkd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also don’t put your self in a 5/10 frame a good sense of humor and teasing puts you at a 7-8 easy.

[–]UncleChido 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lift. Lift. Lift.

Increase your fucking SMV. I have this strength too. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from experience, it’s that every single woman loves a funny guy. The problem is, with low SMV, it wouldn’t be sexually appreciated. However, with a high SMV, you would be a god. Increase yours.

Keep up your talent mate. Pussy is not your mission, it’s just a side dish. I sincerely tell you that a good sense of humour goes a VERY long way, in all aspects of your life.

[–]erthian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Escalate. Be bold. You'll get knocked back a few times but it's the only way to get good.

[–]Youcantbanthechamp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely check out the YouTuber "Charisma on demand"

[–]huge_gap 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lift then your goofy funny becomes sexy funny.

[–]mrHappyPotatoe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What I have learned about humor and being funny in last few years is that. When I tried to make others laugh then ye sthey laugehd for a bit but that was it. Nothing else. But when I tried to boost my own mood with my humor when i tried to goof around for my own sake. Yes mostly everyone especially women - they didnt like it at all but they were immediatly attracted to me. So humor or not it doesnt really matter. What matters is your congruency anf are you content with yourself with your actions.