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I still have a strong desire to fall in love with someone forever (self.asktrp)

submitted by JuicyAustin

does that mean i still haven’t swallowed the pill


[–]Jampak_5000 115 points116 points  (10 children)

I was thinking about this concept today - I need to write a post on the main sub. Main thesis is that; the concept of “being in love” is for YOUR FEELZ. it’s not even really for her, you just want to indulge yourself in the dopamine Disney fantasy, and that’s not alpha / red pill. It’s actually a SELFISH thing to desire if you are truely red pill and understand that being “in love” to you is not what it is for her.

I have these thoughts when I’m with my girl that I want to tell her how much I love her and care for her. Bit actually it’s not for her, it’s my own dumb emotional rush. I know in order to actually be in a healthy relationship then indulging in this is NOT SOMETHING I’m allowed to do.

Got to be the man, got to stay stoic. Do the right thing. Be the father be the leader, Dnt be emotional.

All the best Hope this made sense.

[–]CaptainBW 22 points23 points  (3 children)

I look forward to reading your post. I concur with you - “falling in Love™️”, for most guys, is to let themselves fall into a selfish love; an attachment. aka One-itis. We, as men, should never let “attachment” rule us. That’s when shit gets hyper-emotional and destructive. That’s when you become a slave to your desires, a slave to things outside your own control. And that’s not genuine love.

[–]Jampak_5000 17 points18 points  (2 children)

Agree 100% it’s a bit of a difficult concept to try and explain over text but I need to do it.

I had another thought about the subject; when I say to a girl “I love you” the guise is that it’s for her to feel good cos I’m such a NICE GUY. But really the truth is closer to me wanting to hear it back, on some level still desiring a mother’s love, a pure and unconditional love. But I also know this is bullshit and doesn’t exist. That might be why it’s a turn off for the girl a lot of times : because it’s dishonest.

The true way to love your girl is how your father loved his daughter; kiss on the forehead , calm love. The rock. Not some emotional junkie wanting to get his endorphins.

I’m gonna do some more thinking and hopefully post in a couple weeks

[–]cubicpolynomial3 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Weird, I just read your post on the main sub and thought I was going crazy for a second.

Glad you followed through and posted it, it was a really good post.

[–]Jampak_5000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Glad you enjoyed Thanks

[–]itoshirt 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Where do we find the outlet for these emotions?

[–]Jampak_5000 3 points4 points  (1 child)

That's a very good question. Honestly I don't know. At present I have just been saying "I love you" in my head but not out loud. Although I'm not sure this is the right thing to do, I know its 1000% better than actually expressing it verbally.

Ah-ha! I think I've got it; If you want to express how much you love your woman, the correct way is to improve your SMV, thus making her respect and desire you more <-which is the response you wanted from telling her you "love her".

Therefore perhaps, the desire to "express love" for a woman should be done on a micro level towards SMV improvement; go for that run / to the gym -> eventually leads to improved physique which in turn makes her desire you more than currently.

Or, studying for that exam, eventually leads to passing the exam and qualification = improved status, thus making her respect you more.

Thinking about it, the "cheap" and easy way of expressing "love" is VERBALLY. in this case ACTIONS definitely speak louder than words, and it makes sense, just telling a girl how much you love her / are in love with her requires 0 effort, therefore why would you expect her to value it????? What takes real grit and determination would be to take your own SMV to the next level, whilst hers is very likely to be stagnant or slowly declining - the difference in yours should result in furthering her - dating / marrying up - which is a woman's true imperative: to cling to the branch highest in her reach!

Thankyou for the question, I'm going to put all this together and post on the main sub in a coupe of weeks.

If anyone disagrees or has something to contribute PLEASE reply so I can try to incorporate when I make my main post. CheersGuys.

[–]itoshirt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a good way of putting it, thanks. Your tone comes off as a little sarcastic in the beginning though lol, if you're going to repost it. Maybe address ways to reciprocate when a girls says she loves you?

[–]yahyasafe7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I bet op is a girl lol dunno why I have this haunch

[–]egoissuffering 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very good insight.

[–]idgaf- 20 points21 points  (2 children)

Grow up a little, and you'll realize "love" is nothing but a temporary arrangement of chemicals. In old folk "love" still exists but it is very different. It's sentimental, more spiritual than young love. Young love does not last forever is mostly a short-lived delusion.

In hard times, "love" continues past the first phase because the partnership evolves into a team arrangement for the purpose of survival, homesteading, and raising a family.

In modern hedonistic times this doesn't apply. Pleasure and Upgrades are just swipes away. Most girls need constant entertainment and cannot even cook nowadays. Treat them as temporary pleasures.

If you do want a long LTR you have to screen very hard. Cooking, family values, self sacrifice, not into partying, nurturing to children. On top of that you have to hold her attraction, don't assume loyalty or any sentimental attachment. On top of that you have to have the financials and skills to buy and run a house/homestead. Financials are getting harder, real estate bubbles and all.

[–]Ganaria_Gente 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yep.

Here's another way of thinking about it: when was the last time you heard a man or woman fall in love at first sight.....With a low smv person? Ex: disfigured face, or missing limbs, or out of shape?

It's just lust at first sight.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (3 children)

Though they won't admit it, the majority of guys in here desire the same thing. The idea that most people in here don't want a wife, don't want a family, don't want kids, don't want a brother-in-law or father-in-law...don't want grandkids one day....really? They want to live in a bachelor pad alone their whole lives? Or, if they're lucky, banging a few whores along the way? Sorry, that sounds like a sucky idea to me. Especially when you get over 35 or 40 and all the available women are fat, ugly, crazy, diseased and have baggage....meanwhile all the good looking, sweet submissive chicks have been swooped up and married by the smart guys, who get to come home, play with their kids, eat a good meal in a pretty house, go on vacation with family, get laid pretty much when they want it. etc. These are the real Chads, who've played their cards right and know they are superior to they guy living in a dumpy, undecorated apartment wondering where his next empty lay is coming from.

[–]master_beta89 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think some of the guys here are saying OP is trying to fit EVERY GIRL into the wife box.

I agree that being single forever sounds lonely.

I also had a really crappy relationship that almost ended in marriage (because I wanted “love” so badly) that I almost sabotaged the rest of my life for it.

So I’m not sure what a man can do.

In your 30s you’re meeting someone who hopefully dated someone they thought they would marry but didn’t.

It would be weird to date someone with no previous serious relationship in this stage of he game, but also you have to consider: what was wrong in their previous relationship that it didn’t go the distance? Maybe she was cheating all the time and he found out? Maybe she was horrible and lying about money and he found out?

So I see why guys say they don’t want to marry anyone who is 30+ too.

And again - marriage isn’t for everyone. Some people are not meant to marry and reproduce and that’s fine too!

[–]hrm0894 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree that most redpillers want to get married, but until the law changes marriage is a raw deal for men. If you want to gamble half your wealth, losing custody of your kids, and paying child support and alimony, then by all means, go for it!

[–]FixYourselfFirst 33 points34 points  (18 children)

You can still use the tools that TRP provide to make the best possible LTR. Ideally, you have to remain mostly Alpha, with a few BP tenancies. The danger for most, is that BP takes over completely.

Maintain Frame, lift, work towards your Mission. Dread when needed. It's all there in the sidebar.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 10 points11 points  (17 children)

You can still use the tools that TRP provide to make the best possible LTR

But once you fully get TRP, you see the LTR as a terrible deal.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I didn't mention family.

But seeing as you ask - exclusive relationships don't work, and marriage doesn't work either. If you have kids that's awesome, but do it in a way that legally protects your interests and don't contractually oblige the mother to legally fuck you over.

[–]1morescoobysnacks 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Build a family and have kids then. Doesn't require marriage. Doesn't require you being exclusive either, although that's asking for problems. If you want to be exclusive and she wants to have a ceremony and take your last name, that's all possible without you signing anything.

[–]RPGivesYouWings 2 points3 points  (0 children)

FTFY:

good marriages two-parent homes are possible and are important for raising kids in a healthy, nurturing environment

Marriage is a terrible deal. You are literally denuclearizing your arsenal by giving away your ability to leave the relationship while arming the wife with a state-backed enforcement capable of garnishing your wages (alimony) and otherwise making your life hell.

[–]1morescoobysnacks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Signing a piece of paper that fucks you is not important. It's retarded.

[–]SilkTouchm 0 points1 point  (1 child)

The dying alone thing is a myth. Read:

www.blackdragonblog.com/2017/07/06/fear-dying-alone/

[–]CalmPassenger 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well I just mean kids and the family you built. And I know a few people who are in this situation. Particularly a friend in his 40s with no kids currently taking care of his mom. Once she's gone he has nobody

[–]TheLanternFlame 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I heard this from RMG, that at best everyone of them would want is a LTR, not a marriage. In this era of 3-4th wave feminism, being married is the worst thing you wanna do with your feelings, and LTR is the last thing you're supposed to do. LTR is a non-government-contractual deal, so the govt won't be giving a shit to women in a LTR, as opposed to someone married legally.

[–]Shredderick420 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Spinning plates forever then? After indulging into trp concepts theoretically i see so many flaws now in ltr business, its kind of sad actually.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 2 points3 points  (1 child)

It's only sad if you are of the BP belief that the alternative is better

[–]Shredderick420 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess you are right. Still bluepilled in that sense.

[–]CaptainBW 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Damn..I’m there now. Had been feeling strange about it lately though. Glad to hear one of the more knowledgeable men around these parts give the same sentiment

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 1 point2 points  (3 children)

I'd come to the conclusion that exclusivity is the biggest con ever even before I found TRP, simply by observing how women behaved when in an exclusive relationship. In short: lost attraction, little sex and ever escalating commitment demands.

Thank god I never got married.

[–]KrustyKrabReject 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Were you close to marrying someone?

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Haha no... I'm far too intolerable for most women ;)

[–]KrustyKrabReject 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the winky face at the end.

[–]2CainPrice 11 points12 points  (2 children)

What do you think you'll get out of an eternal loving companion? What is it you're hoping for from this perfect relationship?

Is it sex? If you're a decent-looking and successful guy who's got a little game, you can get casual sex from a variety of women with a lot less effort than it takes an average family man to get sex from his own wife.

Is it friendship? You'll have stronger and more meaningful friendships with your actual friends than with your sex partner.

Is it validation? Bringing home a different woman every weekend and having a list of casual partners is far more validating than having a romantic relationship with a consistent partner.

Figure out what it is you want from a successful relationship. Odds are that you can get that elsewhere.

[–]SjekkieTime 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Bonding with someone and getting experience about LTR's is good for social development in your 20s. Also, sex with someone you truly care about and love is way better than some random hook-up/plate imo.

[–]HavoboyC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fucking your homie is the best ;)

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 3 points4 points  (5 children)

does that mean i still haven’t swallowed the pill

Depends. Do you recognise the futility and stupidity of this desire?

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This desire is stupid and futile precisely because men have no control over whether this will happen or not.

Getting emotional investment from a man is a girl's job, not a man's job. Thus, in the same way that a girl has no control over whether the men she meets are sex-worthy, men have no control over whether the girls they meet are relationship-worthy.

[–]JuicyAustin[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

yes, i know it’s unrealistic but i’ve never been in love i haven’t even had a LTR before i’ve just fucked random girls (i’m in high school) i have friends who claim to be in love and i can see the huge flaws in their own relationships and the downfall that will come of it

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point  (2 children)

There you go then.

The whole "love" thing is pure fiction

[–]Atlas_Clone 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Is it tho? To quote Rollo "Once I understood this was an idealization rather than a reality, and that women can and do love men deeply, but in an entirely different feminine-specific concept of love, I discovered that I no longer ‘hoped’ for that mutuality and embraced the hope that men and women could still genuinely love each other from their own perspectives of love without a mutual consensus."

Additionally I'm sure there are mrps as well as endorsed contributers who are in relationships, and still have a semblance of emotional investment in their female counterparts. Hell even glo has said that he's loved his girl. I guess it depends on how you look at it, but I'm curious to see how you respond as I've seen both you and sadomasochist express this viewpoint.

Edit: spelling

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The whole "love" thing is pure fiction

To be clear: female love. Male love is real, and women do not deserve it.

that women can and do love men deeply, but in an entirely
different feminine-specific concept of love

Yes. This so-called feminine-specific concept of love is need. And it's transient. Lacking in loyalty. She falls out of this so-called love in a second when something shinier comes along. It's so different from what men mean by "love" that I dispute that the same word should be used.

and women could still genuinely love each other from their own perspectives of love without a mutual consensus."

This is extending the definition of "love" to breaking point.

Look... the simple fact is.... she can love you one day and financially eviscerate you in the divorce courts while destroying all your friendships, job and reputation the next.

Now it's tempting to say "well, that wasn't real love then". And you'd be right, simply because there is no such thing. She only sticks with a man for as long as he proves to be her best option, and she's always exploring the possibility of better options. Always angling for more provisioning, always looking for better cock. And she branch swings the second she finds it, and rationalises it by saying "I still love you, but I am not IN LOVE with you" (which simply means "I still need your provisioning but I'll be getting dick elsewhere).

This is not love. It's a complete fiction that women love in any way at all. They need, they feel, but they do not love in anything like the male sense of the word. There is no sacrifice, there is little appreciation, and there is certainly no longevity or relationship equity.

I have great relationships with women precisely because my expectations of them are so low. I don't look to be loved, I don't look to be cared for, I don't expect relationship equity, I don't expect fairness or reciprocation, I don't look for anything other than the two things that they could conceivably provide: good company and good sex. Asking more than that is a fools errand and it destroys relationships.

In fact asking for more than that makes a man look weak and needy. She feels his demands for affection and care and fairness as unattractive needy weakness and hates him for it.

Additionally I'm sure there are mrps as well as endorsed contributers who are in relationships, and still have a semblance of emotional investment in their female counterparts

True, but that is a different point.

Hell even glo has said that he's loved his girl.

Male love exists.

sadomasochist

He's great isn't he :)

[–]Despacit0 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I don't see what's so wrong with wanting to find someone to fall in love with at some point. Until the day you find that special someone, go around and fuck other girls.

[–]CalvinRichland 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I don't see a problem, be selective and stay alpha

[–]BusterVadge 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Do what you want! I want the same thing eventually.... Not right now but maybe sometime in the future. I use RedPill to vet women for red flags. Since I've been coming here I have such a stronger understanding of women. I have a better understanding of what makes for a lasting relationship too.

RedPill is all about maximizing YOUR sexual strategy. Not adopting everyone else's. If you want a LTR then use the techniques to find the best one you can.

[–]thebigpapadragon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nothing lasts forever. Impermanence is a tough concept to come to grips with. Everything you care about will eventually break, will wither and die. The only consistent thing you can be certain of in your existence is your experience of existence.

When you grasp the impermanence of reality, you then understand that eternal love is impossible. That which will wither and fade is something we can appreciate for the temporary pleasure it provides. A beautiful but fleeting moment we were lucky to experience.

[–]TonytheNetworker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn this post is uncomfortable because I had similar thoughts as well. I like to think that I've swallowed the pill and know the stupidity of "falling in love" but the thought surfaces every once in a while. The only difference is that it's not a strong desire, just a fleeting thought that lingers occasionally.

[–]chachaChad 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I want a fucking pony.

[–]it_takes_the_redpill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bestiality? That's sick!

[–]1kick6 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can have a single monogamous relationship, but you want to "fall in love forever." Which means you HAVEN'T taken the pill. You just want to co-opt RP tactics to consolidate your blue pill fantasy.

[–]oytrp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As long as you don't expect that same love in return.

[–]always_sad12 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can. And someone can love you forever too. You just have to understand that love is conditional.

It depends on who you picked. It depends on who you are and how well you can maintain and strive to be better. It depends. There’s conditions to be met. Unconditional love is impossible for a woman. I don’t get why this is difficult to swallow for men. I sort of always knew this. From an evolutionary standpoint, it makes sense.

You can love and be loved by someone, just understand it’s not unconditional. And that’s okay. Know the game and the rules, and then play it well.

[–]endertheend 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Get a dog.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (16 children)

I agree with what others have said before me BUT wait until you are 27+ and once you hit that threshold only date 18-22. This is the phase where everyone AND your mother is going to guilt you on age. If you can pull it pull it.

[–]JuicyAustin[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

my dad is 50 and just married a 30 year old

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

When I was younger, blue, I'd say that's gross, just like society does. However now if I'm not chasing kids at that age thats what it'll be.

[–]JuicyAustin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

lol yeah he’s living his life

[–]oneorigin 1 point2 points  (12 children)

35+. Only than he'll be (or may be) a man, not a child.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (11 children)

I agree with the premise, but the older you get the more experience women get. Hey if you pull a barely legal at 35 to give you 9 kids good for you. She'll just look like your daughter.

[–]oneorigin 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Better to judge with a sperm in your head, which is what you'll have at 27?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea 30 is the bare minimum for men. Your brain isn't even physically developed until 25.

[–]OneMinuteDeen 0 points1 point  (8 children)

I never understood why you would try and pull a young girl at ~35 to settle down. She will cheat on you and then you either keep someone who actively cheats on you (practically cucking yourself) or you leave her and have to pay for the kids

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (7 children)

The ability to cheat is always there. If you're a single man at 27+ you're a fool to date above 23.

[–]OneMinuteDeen 0 points1 point  (6 children)

I get that, but why would you settle down and have kids with a ~20 year old?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (5 children)

Genetically speaking if she's fit and healthy that is the best age of the mother for the offspring. Your sperm quality changes with your fitness and diet as well.

[–]OneMinuteDeen 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Sure, but she is going to cheat on you. After you found out she cheated on you, you can do 2 things: Stay with her and lose all your self-respect or Leave her and let her get the kids

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You can get married at 85 to another 85 year old and she can be given handys by the coffee machine the next morning in the old folks home. The fact is, never get married, resist when she asks for you to give her a child for awhile then spiderman that puss puss. If you're constantly worried about being cheated on you haven't taken the RP. The ability to cheat will ALWAYS be there.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you want mindless ONS for eternity be our guest. It gets tiresome, chance of STD increases, and you begin to search for meaning outside of a warm dank cave. Don't get married, don't have kids if you don't want them. Stop living in fear of inadequacy none of us internet fags will ever be half the man of the men before us.

[–]Helpcalculus 1 point2 points  (1 child)

But 20 year old is as stupid as a potato. How can you have an actual meaningful relationship with a 20 year old?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

A good woman doesn't exist organically but is the reflection of the dominant male influence in her life. Don't go to a university bar expecting to find a mother of your children.

[–]CocaineOnYourClit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes

[–]seedster5 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're getting trp and MGTOW confused

[–]red_matrix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel that way too but I learned from my past once you do this you lose frame and lose the girl. Life is viscous, and love even more so.

[–]2comment 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good luck with that.

[–]cptgoatsack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just don't put a ring on it.

[–]justtenofusinhere 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes.

[–]mrHappyPotatoe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reprogramming brain takes time.

[–]mvb28mvb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree that we all truly want this. The thing is that many women are incapable of reciprocating this sort of endless love which is why you have to find the right one. To find the right one you have to be the right one. This is why in your young age you should work on yourself a lot. You are building yourself as a man and if you play your cards right and are picky enough I think you can definitely find someone to settle down and start a family with. I personally don't want to be 50 years old having casual sex with random girls that sounds fucking lonely as fuck.

[–]alpha4ever 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The desire to fall in love with a single person is not natural--you weren't born that way. It came from all the Disney movies and the conditioning from society. Man's nature is to inseminate as many partners as possible, and this is so strong that even after all the conditioning, we still fight this urge on a daily basis. Practicing mindfulness can help to revert back to your original state.

[–]redpilledcuck 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can do that all you want, actually. Just, like the victorious Roman emperor, have something in the back of your mind that tells you it's just temporary.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I felt that way for most of my life. You hit a point where you have to turn the wheel and steer all that warmth and yummy love towards yourself. And maybe your dog. Because that's all you got. It's not that easy, but it will net you results. Do you want what's easy or do you want results? You'll never get both.

[–]Thunderfin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No. You can be deeply in love and Red Pill.

[–]hrm0894 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love is a fantasy. Marriage is an illusion. Sorry to burst your bubble, but the type of love you're looking for is EXTREMELY short-lived.

I think you want the feeling of infatuation more than "love."

[–]Morphs_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Forever? How many people do you know that fall in love with someone forever? You're delusional.