Girl got pissed that I didn't pay for her bar tab on first meeting. (self.asktrp)

submitted by fade2clear

I met a bumble chick at a local bar. Most of the girls I've met in the past agree to go Dutch on the first date or whatever. I honestly thought it was common sense.

We actually hit it off and had fun playing pool, darts, and just chatting. She was drinking pretty heavily. She had like 5 different expensive mixed drinks over a 2 hour period.

Side note: At some point a group of her old work friends showed up. I don't know if this was orchestrated but I really didn't care. We all started playing pool and whatnot and having a decent time.

It's getting late and I'm ready to go. I had already made out with this girl earlier in the night. I told her I was leaving so she walked me out to my car, where I was going to invite her back to my place. So we make out again, and right after she says "oh yeah, thanks for the drinks!". I had cashed out my tab while we were playing pool. I told her I don't pay for shit the first time I meet someone and I never agreed to pay for hers. She was like "you're playing right?" I told her no, said bye and left.

I'm not even sure how much her tab was, but I would guess >$40 and I was NOT paying that. I did buy the wings we shared.

So she texts me the next day saying her card was "froze" and her friends had to pay for her tab. I asked why did she come out if her card was froze(i.e. didn't have money). "you invited me out" She didn't respond after that. I could tell she was really into me before I told her i didn't cover her tab.

Did I handle this correctly or should I have told her I wasn't paying for her shit upfront?

I'll probably just meet girls at the park or something from now on.

[–][deleted] 99 points100 points  (9 children)

You handled it right IMO. You'd think that's something you'd tell someone straight off the bat if you're going out and your card "froze". I'd even say that might be a bit of a red flag

[–]fade2clear[S] 48 points49 points  (8 children)

Right? Who would feel so entitled to run up a $50 dollar tab and expect a stranger to pay. That's asinine. I wouldn't have minded so much if it was just a drink or two(still don't agree with that though). I'm sure the night would have ended in sex if I payed, but I don't do handouts anymore.

[–]YourShadowScholar 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Out of curiosity, where do you live? This is horrifically common in Los Angeles, CA. Dutch girls are the exception to the rule.

Also, Mexico City... but at least if you pay for $50 worth of drinks in Mexico City, you're getting laid all night for sure.

[–]fade2clear[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I live in the South. I've never come across this level of entitlement. She was Romanian but has been a US citizen for most of her life

[–]YourShadowScholar 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are blessed.

[–]nabosch 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dodged a good bullet my man haha

[–]ockhams-razor 6 points7 points  (3 children)

That sex would have cost you so much more than $50, so much more than a hooker too.

[–]ShavedApel 0 points1 point  (2 children)

more than 50$ how?

[–]awalt_cupcake 4 points5 points  (0 children)

it'd cost you in emotional damages and self respect.

[–]endertheend 1 point2 points  (0 children)

sidebar. thats how.

[–]2SirKolbath 89 points90 points  (0 children)

You didn't handle it right.

You handled it perfectly. She expected you to be the cash cow and maybe, maybe, she would consider gracing you with a little action.

Well done. Cyber fist bump. 🤜🤛

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 119 points120 points  (1 child)

Tonight, when you are lying in your bed, thank God for dodging a bullet and sorting that cunt right out from the start, before you could invest more time and effort into her.

[–]fade2clear[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You were right. Just last year, I probably would have caved and bought everything in an attempt to get laid. Feels good sticking to my guns

[–]RAiderNat88 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I could tell she was really into me before I told her i didn't cover her tab.

She wasn't into you, she was into the drinks!

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 30 points31 points  (2 children)

The reason her card was "froze" was that she sux at paying her bills and wand other people to do it for her.

I could tell she was really into me before I told her i didn't cover her tab.

She was into you being her bank. Bitches need money. You are better off cutting this cancer out of your life now.

[–]fade2clear[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

How common is this petty leeching bullshit on a first meetup?

[–]360_no_scope_upvote 26 points27 points  (0 children)

You had one bad experience going on a date in a bar, does that mean you exclude bars now? No. Bars are great at social proof, if she does something disrespectful you can withdraw attention and game other women right in front of her, you can't do that at a park. She was being a cheap bitch, and figured you were the shmuck dumb enough to pay for her interesting night.

I've had a few dates where they expected me to pay and I always say, I don't know you, if I knew you better that might be a different story. Most women agree, some women will ghost you for being 'cheap', but like you said fuck that shit. I sometimes have 4-5 dates a week, I would go broke paying for all these hoes shit.

Asking a woman to take responsibility for herself was the wrong move, next time say something like shit happens, or 'glad you figured it out'. Hit her up in a week and lightly tease her about it, say x time x place, you can pan handle outside for drinks.

[–]menial_optimist 17 points18 points  (1 child)

You encountered an offshoot of the dinner whore: the alcoholic drink whore. For the price of a few sex-gazes, a makeout or two she has her $80 expensive drink tab paid by a sucker.

Really though, if it was true her bill was to be paid by you on the first meeting you would think she would be kind by ordering 1-2 decent but not expensive drinks. Racking up a $100 bill because "oh he'll pay for it" is just inconsiderate and comes off as high maintenance selfish bitch. It's the same thing as going to a restaurant where you're expected to pay for her and she orders the lobster something something instead of the normal stuff.

[–]boscoist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't mind buying dinner or drinks on a date, provided they're reasonable. If she orders surf n turf or a crazy cocktail, I have called it out immediately. If she's a decent chick she'll be choosing something reasonable and along the same lines as you.

[–]RedPillIsTruth2 30 points31 points  (0 children)

ghost this stupid bitch

[–]RedSkeller 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah I cut back on dates like this for the same reason, chances are she’s single for a reason and a princess complex isn’t cute. You did right but could’ve screened her better over coffee or another activity, I’ve done coffee first date and my place for a fuck in the second and if she’s crazy you can ghost. You did right, fuck her entitlement.

[–]006rbc 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You handled it right. If it was one drink I really wouldn't care, but if you drink like a fish pay for that shit yourself.

[–]ockhams-razor 5 points6 points  (1 child)

You know you did the right thing.

There should be no assumption that someone else is paying/buying something for you.

Her reaction revealed so much about her character and I think you dodged a bullet there.

[–]AchillesHeel77 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Who the fuck orders 5 mixed drinks or more on a first date/meeting? That’s a major red flag for me. You did the right thing, stood your ground and kept frame. You definitely dodged a bullet

[–]thefisherman1961 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Card froze = she’s financially irresponsible. Red flag, could be crazy. Don’t stick your dick in it

She’s lying about the card freezing = she either saw you as potential B.B. or is an entitled brat/crazy

Bullet dodged either way. NEXT

[–]huge_gap 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's why u buy 1 drink then bounce to your place for drinks

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Should have got a laugh or two at the expense of her entitlement, but you handled it fine.

Enjoy not wasting time on a greedy, grabby, entitled douchenozzle.

[–]NapalmSunshine 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Before I meet someone at a bar I’ll text them and say “last one there buys the first round.” We usually split the bill in half at the end, anyways.

[–]deepwoodsty 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yes! buddy you dodged a bullet! you said she was drinking heavily. if you would have fucked that would be a road to false rape since she was impared. you had a fun night with a hot chick its a win in my book!

[–]APSTNDPhy 1 point2 points  (7 children)

Might as well use a prostitute. Men here need to learn. Don't date below your wealth class.

[–]YourShadowScholar 0 points1 point  (6 children)

That's the opposite of the right advice... women below your wealth class will fuck you imemdiately if you buy them a decent dinner/drinks.

Women who are in your wealth class expect you to pay for nothing in return.

[–]APSTNDPhy 2 points3 points  (5 children)

You're wrong. But regardless, the point is dating. Fuck whomever. Do not date below your class.

Fyi poor chicks play the game way harder than middle class.

[–]YourShadowScholar 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Right...all of my life experiences are wrong... sure, why not?

Since when the fuck does TRP believing dating at all??? Wtf is with this shit??

I don't know about you, but if I WERE to date someone, it would be someone who fucks me often. Poor women are far better at this than rich girls.

I have no idea what game you're talking about, but if you've just taken a poor girl to a bar where cocktails are $20 a pop, you rack up a casual $200 tab, asking her to pay half when she has $50 in her bank account to live off of for the week is pretty fucking ridiculous...

I don't think they are playing a "game" at that point.

[–]APSTNDPhy 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I'm not a fucking TRP parrot.

Fact of the matter is, a lot of men complain about getting financially raped and think the solution is "Don't marry", I'm just saying/ pointing out, if you are inclined to do those things- stay within or above your own wealth class. Hell you might even benefit when it all goes tits up! (Before you put words in my mouth, I am not saying 'go get married'...but do you really think everyone here is a single alpha james bond lady slayer? A lot of men actually want to be in relationships and have children).

Also to attract those chicks (rich/ middle class) you gotta have waaay better frame/ game yourself. Buying some poor chick a few drinks at the bar so you can get your dick wet aint impressive, actually, it's beta aF. You sound like a bit of a chump tbh? New here? I don't think you have that much experience. "Poor women are far better at this than rich girls" - What planet are you on? Rich girls are renowned for being freaks in the sheets.

The game poor girls play so they can trick you into betabux is what I'm talking about. Middle class/ Rich chicks have no reason to do this as they got dollar, they just want some dick.

[–]YourShadowScholar -1 points0 points  (2 children)

Having sex with women is beta AF bro, why are you still having sex with women??

[–]APSTNDPhy 1 point2 points  (1 child)

When you're paying for it and think you're some kind of Casanova.


[–]YourShadowScholar -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I never said that you fucking retard.

But I have money, and I like going to expensive restaurants. I'm not going to go slumming it because some girl is poor.

I'm not a classist piece of shit like you.

When I go out with middle class or rich girls, they pay their own way for sure.

But thinking your some kind of social justice warrior for forcing poor girls to pay for expensive drinks or trying to force people to fuck only within their class is beyond cringe-worthy.

There's nothing wrong with outright paying for convenient sex either, btw.

I am sure all of this will be lost on someone with an double digit IQ, though.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Did I handle this correctly or should I have told her I wasn't paying for her shit upfront?

Best to clarify up front.

Avoid places with shared tabs..... you want somewhere that you pay round by round. Simplest way is to bounce after each drink..... you pay first drinks, bounce, "you're getting these" (and make sure she does the actual ordering).

[–]Steve_O-- 2 points3 points  (0 children)


[–]snarky_nonsense 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My time is more valuable than the bar tab. I would pay but I’m also pretty selective with who I choose to spend my time with.

[–]LordThunderbolt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You just made a long ass post about an adult woman complaining you didnt pay for shit she consumed.

[–]maxrp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

dont need no broke girls.

[–]APSTNDPhy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This post just reminded me about all this gender pay gap stuff and I completely forgot how much some women still expect men to pay for and do in the dating world.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're not an ATM, so you handled this right.

Keep that in mind.

[–]Greek-God-Brody 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I split the tab tab almost always when on dates. I also almost always don't get a 2nd date. Lesson in there too, I guess.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)


[–]garlicbot -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Here's your Reddit Garlic, fade2clear!

/u/fade2clear has received garlic 2 times. (given by /u/pythonETH)

I'm a bot for questions contact /u/flying_wotsit

[–]flatox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you seriously considering if it was wrong of you not to pay for her shit?

[–]mrHappyPotatoe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

look at it that way. you weeded out the bad one.

[–]disposable_pants 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When you go to order drinks, say "I'll get the first round". If you don't like her enough to buy her a single drink, you're wasting your time, and this way you're setting the tone from the start. Close out your tab after buying the drinks, or pay in cash.

If she's just there for free drinks, you'll find out pretty soon. If she might be into you, but might take advantage if you let her, you'll get the better side of her.

And no one on here should be believing her claim that her card didn't work. That very easily could be just a pity play, or designed to make you feel bad. You shouldn't take what a spiteful person tells you at face value.

[–]YourShadowScholar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have no good idea how to handle this... it's bizarre, but I've taken to dating women who are obviously in lower economic classes than I am.

I can stomach paying for women who make no money or a small fraction of what I make since I like going to nice places, but it's absurd when women who make their own money don't want to pay their own way.

No reason for me to buy women shit, because I can't get a boner once I pay for dinner/drinks on a first date. I'd rather just buy an escort if it's come down to that.

The only time I'd do it is if the woman agreed to blow me in the bathroom before signing the check.

[–]Merwebb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You, sir, are a natural.

She just thanked you for being her bitch the moment she thought you bought her all of the drinks and was going away. She wasnt in your car with your dick inside of her.

Maybe she had genuine fun with you but why order expensive drinks? Thats rude on her part.

[–]sqlbequel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It should be assumed that everyone is dating everyone and has more than one date per month. People should go dutch so that one side doesn't get taken advantage of. Even when both parties become exclusive it's not rare for both to contribute to tabs, or taking turns. And if it's your own friends/family's event, then you pay for that outing.

Sure it's nice if one pays on the first outing, but she has no leg to stand on.

"you're playing right?"

If you pay, then she should've had sex with you. "Your'e playing right?" - is what she'd say again.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Before going on dates, make it clear that you're going dutch/not paying for her shit.

That will help weed out the leeches from the grown adult women with their own money to spend.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)


[–]garlicbot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here's your Reddit Garlic, fade2clear!

/u/fade2clear has received garlic 1 time. (given by /u/pythonETH)

I'm a bot for questions contact /u/flying_wotsit