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I can't sleep properly with my girlfriend next to me. (self.asktrp)

submitted by koedeloe

brb waking up in the middle of the night pushed to the side of the bed
brb can't sleep because it's way too hot with her body on me
brb she starts snoaring/breathing loudly
brb waking up at 6am with only having slept for 1hour
brb hair in my face/mouth
brb she won't stop talking at fucking 2am

It's driving me crazy. I've told my girlfriend I need a good night rest, atleast 8 hours. We actually watched a movie in bed the whole night and cuddled meanwhile. Then I want to sleep and she keeps cuddling and it's too hot so I ask her to stop because I can't sleep. Then she asks if I'm mad?? wtf. Next thing that happens is that she won't stop talking, so I get a bit pissed off but don't show it, I just ask her to let me sleep.

Finally.. manage to fall asleep and she pulls whole the blanket, takes whole the bed, even if she is only 5'4. I figure the only way I'm getting some sleep is by sleeping on the couch in my room. Finally some good rest.. I wake up 20 min later and she is fucking sleeping with me on the couch???????

Honestly, this shit is driving me insane and I think I will buy a dog colar so I can zap her when she pisses me off in my sleep. How the fuck do I fix this? I love her and when she's around, but when she sleeps over I almost always wake up as a zombie. It's actually damaging my mood and gains if I don't sleep atleast 8 hours a day..


[–]captaintrippay 108 points109 points  (1 child)

Dude this is an easy fix.. Be 100% honest and up front with her about it. Set your boundaries now and not later. If she respects you she’ll understand, and if she doesn’t, see ya!

[–]VolatileEnemy 21 points22 points  (0 children)

And buy a motherfucking airconditioner...

[–]Achilles_Of_Reddit 50 points51 points  (4 children)

Be clear in what you want. Don’t be pissy about it because then she’ll think you’re mad about something other than the lack of sleep.

In any sort of confrontation, don’t be so passive like “Hey, if it’s alright with you... do you mind if like, I get a little more space throughout the night? Not a big deal but just asking.” Because then she is going to brush it aside, thinking it’s not a big deal.

At the same time, don’t go overboard like “Bitch, I swear to god if you take the blankets one more time, I will curb stomp your ass.” Because obviously that’s going to lead to more issues.

Just be upfront, clear, and firm. “Babe, I need to have a real moment with you for a few minutes. We need to address this issue about us sleeping together. This is what’s going on and it’s really bringing me down and having a negative effect on me. I need you to do this instead.”

This sort of thing is important to practice for workplace relationships too.

[–]griz3lda 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Agree, but footnote. If she followed you to the couch she is not a normal level of clingy/lonely, her cling/lonliness is strong enough that it interferes w her sleeping pattern too. Combined w repeatedly asking if you're mad, I'd take this as a very light indicator of possible bpd or similar, meaning you need (if you want peace, lol) to preface all these statements in reassurance and be double careful you don't sound like yr judging her.

[–]throwawaytrper -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

Since when is clinginess bpd?

[–]griz3lda 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I said a very weak indicator (accidentally said "light", so, no wonder you didn't get it) as in a positive but weak correlation. Meaning don't sweat, but do a once-over and ask yrself is this a fluke or not.

[–]lazydogg9 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly this.

[–]ENTPunisher 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Crank the AC way down to arctic temperatures and swaddle that bitch

[–]BiscottiGeneral 61 points62 points  (3 children)

Bro I’m not here to give advice but just wanted to say I am dying laughing lmfao everything you said is hilarious

[–]QuintonRammedMyPage 13 points14 points  (1 child)

I lost it when he wrote about buying a zap collar

[–]bigkids 21 points22 points  (0 children)

The part where she follows him to the couch, that did it for me 😂

[–]VolatileEnemy 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was laughing hard that he didn't own an airconditioner.

[–]beginner_ 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Tel her next evening what your expectations are at night and be direct and honest. If she doesn't follow the rules, next.

Also

  • get a second blanket
  • Don't watch TV in bed. That just fuels bad behavior. Bed is for sleeping only.

[–]apskidb 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bed is for sleeping only.

And fucking.

[–]Yozki 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I've used two sheets with my wife ever since we started dating. Also buy the biggest bed you can fit in your room.

Getting a king size has improved my life considerably

[–]hb8only 2 points3 points  (0 children)

but it’s not a solution for snoring

[–]Musicgoon 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Bro, im laughing because ive totally been there.. My plate wasn't overweight but would snore like a chainsaw....

She would come over and I would sleep on the couch..

My best suggestion. Is kick her out of bed if she pesters you. It's your bed. Dominate that shit.. I know how frustrating this can be... I was pissed from lack of sleep...

[–]never_as_big_as_pump 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Chainsaw lmao this thread is fucking hilarious

[–]the_seducer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Dude, are you me? I literally am in exactly your situation

[–]never_as_big_as_pump 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Almost same here regarding sleep.

Just that she isnt annoying little shit, but horny as fuck and we have sex 2-3 times during night.
Then its time for cuddling and to cool down and BAM, its 5 AM.

But its fine. Its not like its time bad spent.

[–]theadj123 2 points3 points  (1 child)

His and hers blankets, worth their weight in gold. Make sure you have a thin sheet or something so when she tries to cuddle and starts up her Fusion Reactor you don't roast under some heavy blanket or comforter.

[–]griz3lda 0 points1 point  (0 children)

amen

[–]TRPTosser 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've been through this exact situation with my LTR. I used to have a king-sized bed; one of the expensive Casper mattresses with the memory foam. I wouldn't feel a normal person moving around, but she managed to still wake me up.

I'm a light sleeper and have always hated sleeping in a bed with a girl. My sleep is bad enough, I'm going through problems at work and in my personal life and that's affected my sleep. My LTR has made a real effort in trying to make it work, so we talked about how we could fix it.

I ended up buying two beds; a queen and a double. I take the queen and that's where we usually fuck. After sex, she goes to her bed.

When she snores, I'll either put ear plugs in, or go to one of the kids' rooms depending how bad it is. I've noticed it's bad if she doesn't eat well (which, to be fair isn't that often) or if she works late.

It took us a while to come to this compromise. I wish I had asked it here, but figured it was something only I was going through. Good for you for working on it.

The only thing I'd say is that it's concerning that your gf is so clingy. Nip that shit in the bud.

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think I will buy a dog colar so I can zap her when she pisses me off

Don't do this to help you sleep. Do this because it's kinky, and sexy, and she sounds like she's into that.

You need to set boundaries and make expectations clear. Remember that you are the boss, and she is not, and this is the natural dynamic of healthy relationships.

So you need to

  • Tell her exactly what is going on with being angry or defensive
  • Tell her exactly what the two of you are going to do about that. (I recommend "sleep in separate beds").
  • Ask her if she understands, and what, if any, problems this creates for her. Listen.
  • Explain that, while your instructions are not up for negotiation, you will address what she has to say in alternate ways. (If she wants a certain amount of cuddle time, okay, but it must happen during your waking hours.)
  • Be firm, but be calm. Do not complain. Do not argue. Do not be upset. Do not be apologetic. This is the way things will be.

[–]Fun2badult 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Be a man and discuss it with her instead of going on Reddit and complaining like a bitch

[–]Zanford 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Be honest about it. Just tell her sleep is important, and so she either needs to do something (like look into cures for snoring, btw LOSING WEIGHT is a great one) or sleep in another room or at her place. Do you live together?

[–]mugenowns 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Buy and extra blanket.

When she's talking while you're trying to sleep put your hand over her mouth and ask if this discussion is time sensitive or if there is any way to have it the next day

Get a big bed with plenty of room. Use extra pillows to separate her.

Take naps during the day

Tell her that you two have different sleep patterns and that you both need to become accustomed to sleeping while the other is awake

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep. This is a struggle in many new relationships when you first move in. Get a foldout bed in the living room or something, or an air mattress, in case you really just need to go to sleep . Or just get a bigger mattress so you can migrate a few feet if she's moving around. try getting earplugs.

Get a pedestal fan to keep cool.

Whatever it takes.

Calmly explain to your GF that you're a light sleeper and you need to sleep alone sometimes because: reasons. As long as you're fucking her good she won't complain too much.

[–]Greek-God-Brody 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't get a girlfriend who snores :).

For me, it's an attraction killer.

[–]BurnYourFlag 0 points1 point  (0 children)

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂☝️☝️☝️☝️

[–]iceberg113 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looool. This was hilarious man

Jokes aside, tell her straight up the issue. Talk to her dude.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You need two beds, and she needs to understand the sleep thing or next. She sounds too selfish to live with.

[–]BadBoyProgrammer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are not alone.

I cannot sleep when someone is near me at all. Somehow breaks my "zen".

[–]Blackedoutsky 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ahahhahha have a bigger bed and push her away 😂😂😂😂. " i wake up 20 mins later and shes on the couch with me" 😂😂😂

[–]Ricklogical 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Make her sleep on the floor.

[–]marcus8crassus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Sleep time”

The one phrase you need to say to shutdown all conversation. Once you’ve said those magic words, that’s it. Unless someone is literally dying do not break your word.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen -5 points-4 points  (12 children)

This is so easy.

"Sorry. You cannot sleep here anymore. You know why."

if she starts drama, soft next.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (11 children)

Dude you take everything as life and next lol

Majority of this post is comedy and it’s not even a big deal - one convo will fix it. Chill tf out and work on becoming a more optimistic sort of human :D

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 0 points1 point  (8 children)

Dude you take everything as life and next lol

It's called a vetting process, and the more ruthless you are at it, the less hassles you get down the line.

[–][deleted]  (7 children)

[removed]

    [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 0 points1 point  (6 children)

    Op seems to give a shit, and you're not supposed to be here for entertainment.

    [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (5 children)

    And you clearly need to gain a sense of humor

    [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    Try being funny, tends to bring out the humour

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    I thought OP was funny. As did a lot of people. Shame you didn’t.

    [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Only because I see this guy, 10 years later, posting on his shitty, boundaryless marriage.

    Puppies who jump on your lap are cute, until they become 120lb full grown dogs.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    There are lots of people that enjoy big dogs because we have dig bick energy and enjoy the challenge. ;)

    Others, like yourself feel threatened and prefer puppies. Each to their own

    [–]CrazyHorseInvincible[M] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    Here's a joke.

    *Plonk*

    Like it?

    [–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen -5 points-4 points  (1 child)

    XDXDXD

    [–]DropDeadTyrant 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    you give no shits about anything. you're basically like "If this person isn't benefiting me, I don't need to talk to them".

    [–]meektakeL -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

    I dont get the question. It's your fucking bed so tell her to cut the shit or she can hit the couch.