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Walked out on a date last night. Did I handle it right? What now? (self.asktrp)

submitted by TRP_MushaShugyo

Went out with this girl last night. I wasn't even all that attracted to her when we first met at a bar last week, but her interest level was so high that I just had to give her a shot. Said I look like a guy in her favorite show. I'm 33 and she's 22, which is a bit younger than I'm used to dating. She just graduated and also just broke up with her ltr who she had all through college. She's been somewhat of a partier though, so sounds like she's just stepping on the CC. Even told me she kind of "regrets" not dating around in college.

The interesting thing is that she said this was her first official date ever due to being in such a ltr. She was definitely a bit nervous and awkward, but very much into me. She said she told her mom about me and that her sister said I sound cool. I mean I had talked with this girl for like 5 minutes before, but I have upped my game a ton since last year, and have enjoyed a lot of high-interest women lately. She said she was impressed by my assertiveness, etc. There were enough red flags with this one to know she wasn't the mother of my children though (said her family is just like the one from the tv show Shameless).

Lots of kino from both sides, she was talking a lot and laughing at all the stuff I was saying, really engaged. Said she was going on a cross country road trip in a few weeks to find a new city to move to. Asked if I wanted to swim in her pool later. Sounded like a fwb layup.

One mistake I made was that I didn't have us sit at a four-top as I normally do (sit next to her, not across, for kino, plus more isolated)- instead I opted for sitting at the bar to try something new. After a few drinks from each (this girl was drinking faster than me mind you), a dude sat down next to her. Maybe 45, grey hair, out of shape, had a wedding ring on. He starts engaging her (not us), saying how he's here "on business" and what a cool place this is. Suddenly it was like I didn't exist. Her back was turned to me for at least a solid minute at one point, which is a long time. I don't know exactly how long they were talking but it was awhile and long enough for me to feel embarrassed. My gut was telling me something was up. He wasn't all that interesting as far as I could tell but it seemed to me he was clearly trying to game her and she was responding. I know the move here is to not mate guard and to instead engage the other guy and act really nice, but it didn't work well as she would just engage him more and plus her back was to me. She was interested in his job, which may have been distantly related to her major, I don't remember. He was laid back and said, "Wow your first date?" Then he looked at me and said, "Good luck on the date," but continued to sit there and look at his phone. "I like Bob" (that guy), she said to me.

I had to go get up for something (long story but I did have to leave her for a sec), and when I came back they were talking again. She engaged with me again for a bit. We were about to leave and I went to the bathroom. When I returned, one of them was handing the other their phone (don't remember which). I casually said, "exchanging numbers?" as I paid the bill with the bartender. He said, "Just facebook." I said, "Not numbers?" She looked at him and said, "We could do numbers." Just then I had paid the bill. I said, "Well, I'm taking off. It was nice to meet you, have a great night" as I gave her a hug. She said, "What..? I can't tell if he's being serious" (as if she was speaking to him). You have to understand that I said the following super chill and smiling, not agitated at all. I said, "I'm being one thousand percent serious. It's totally inappropriate to get another guy's number while on a date with someone else." I then shook Bob's hand, still smiling and chill, but firm and said, "Nice to meet you, Bob." Bob was smiling, with a pleased look and said, "It's just professional." I, again, very chill, said, "You should hang out with Bob, he seems like an upstanding guy. Have a good night." Then I walked out.

I've never been in a situation like this. Did I do this right? How could I have handled it better? Reading what I said at the end it sounds really butthurt but I was not giving off a butthurt vibe at all. She sent me the following text 15 ministers later:

That was a terrible way to get out of a date and I'm so completely confused right now. I was having a LinkedIn connection with that guy

The thing is, I actually kind of think she acted out of millenial naivety and that she was genuinely interested in me. And that maybe she was so comfortable with me that she didn't mind talking to this other guy. But She didn't act that way and I needed to show self respect and that that was not acceptable to me. She wouldn't turn her back for such a long time to Brad Pitt. Was I too harsh? Did I overreact? I still haven't responded to her text- what should I do now? If she's still really into me I wouldn't mind plating her if doing so doesn't sacrifice my self respect. Or too many red flags? Was thinking of sending her:

It is unacceptable for a date of mine to engage with another guy like that while on an actual date. Offensive and disrespectful. Thanks for hanging out and good luck to you.

Thoughts?


[–]htbf 104 points105 points  (4 children)

It's totally okay to talk to other people during a date. But she turned her back to you and didn't include you in the conversation.

I wouldn't even have said goodbye.

[–][deleted] 50 points51 points  (3 children)

nor paid the bill

[–]vicious_armbar 20 points21 points  (2 children)

That's the biggest thing. You should have found a way to stick her with the bill. If it's your spot and you want to go there again slap down some cash in front of the waiter and say:"that's for my half of the bill". Then leave without saying anything and block her number.

She knew exactly what she was doing. She even admitted she was adding him to Facebook instead of linked in, then later tried to change her tune when you called her out on it. I'd find the married guy on Facebook and tell his wife what happened as well just to shit in his coolaid. But I'm vengeful by nature.

[–]clint_bronson 3 points4 points  (1 child)

oh you vicious you!

[–]vicious_armbar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

lol

[–]PedroIsWatching 60 points61 points  (4 children)

Had a date like this once. There was nothing you could have done to re-engage her after she started talking to the other guy without you coming off like a butthurt faggot, especially if it's the way you describe and she diverted so much of her attention to Bob. Don't bother texting her anything in response, just delete the number and never think about it again.

also

actually kind of think she acted out of millenial naivety

Millennial Naivety is my new band name, thanks bro.

[–]TRP_MushaShugyo[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Nice man! PM me a link if you actually use it.

[–]DiggerClam 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Read this as: Millennial Naivety is my new BRAND name, thanks bro.

Would sell a fuck tonne of quick fad clothing.

[–]TRP_MushaShugyo[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Damn, should I quick copyright that shit? Wouldn't be the first time I inadvertently gave away a big moneymaking idea.

[–]Ubiquitous-Toss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Naw man that's the name of my new streetwear startup it's too late.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

[–]clint_bronson 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Listen to this cat.

[–]SovereignSoul76 2 points3 points  (0 children)

...I see what you did there.

[–]Mobiiz 39 points40 points  (0 children)

That's pretty autistic on her part considering it was a first date. I wouldn't even text her.

[–]dontbedenied 28 points29 points  (5 children)

The only way I'd interact with this girl again would be if she came directly to my place to have some drinks. That was totally inappropriate what she did. Why would you want to spend time with someone who would do that to you?

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points  (4 children)

Plate for anal-only at best

[–]DeathToTheZog 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Anal only, and throat fuck only.

[–]Praecipuus 4 points5 points  (1 child)

No specific order necessary.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 43 points44 points  (2 children)

You did fine. On first dates - and for a month or so after - you're not getting the real her. You're getting the "Ambassador of Her" (just as she is getting the "Ambassador of You"), so if she's being this much of a twit now, it's not like it was ever going to be better, and she sounds like a short term FWB prospect if anything.

Since you went scorched earth, there no reason to text her or talk to her again. Hard next.

[–]electricspresident 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Out of curiosity, how would you have handled it( at the bar)?

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 6 points7 points  (0 children)

In that situation, I'm "Bob" only not married or whatever.

I was sitting at a bar once, in California, next to a couple that were on the most dry, boring first date ever, and then I go them talking, and coached them up, like I do with guys here, only in real-time. So I got them talking - the bottom line was that she was a secret freak, and he didn't realize it so I pointed it out - at no point was she denying it, and only mildly protesting, and she was smiling a lot. So I got her talking about what she liked at sex, basically giving him a road map. To make it "fair" for him, I explained to her that, when she was going down on him later, not to leave out his "undercarriage". I created some serious wood for that guy.

Oh, and I wasn't trying to snake the guy - I was just in Cali on business - but it was otherwise painful to listen to, and I skipped them ahead about 6 dates in terms of "cards on the table - let's bang" It was funny because they wanted to know where I lived (they assumed I was local) so they could come over an hang out.

Back to the OP's situation, he had two choices - either out game Bob, or cut his losses, both of which, to my mind, are acceptable against the backdrop he's given us. I think he really did the girl a favor by schooling her on inappropriate behavior, but she's young so who knows if she learned. /shrugs

[–]Bear-With-Bit 18 points19 points  (0 children)

My usual thinking: If I have to explain gender dynamics to a woman, it's probably futile.

My time and my attention are everything to me. I am also in the school of "just walk away and soft next."

[–]Walkebe 45 points46 points  (3 children)

The mistake you made was placing her at a bar. She's a 22 year old out of an LTR who is "looking to meet people" and is probably starved for validation and attention. You have not fucked her or are really any more than a guy she's talked to for an hour at most. So while she may be into you, you don't have the rapport level to crush the "lonely business guy" routine you just experienced.

Having decided to go to the bar, you should have engaged Bob. Start talking about Bob's wife, kids, job. How old are the kids. How long has he been married. How long he's been working. The key here is to friendly engage while subtly creating an impression that Bob is like her older, jolly uncle. Someone nice to talk to, but not worthy of sexual attraction. You kino her as you do so. Then you tell her "Oh, I see that high top just opened up. Well, Bob, it was really nice talking to you. Enjoy (City). You should try the (different venue/bar). Guide her to a more friendly, closed off place. Alternatively, you could just say that you had another stop planned and wanted to show her another bar. "Where?" "It's a surprise." Then do the "Well, Bob, it's nice to meet you..." routine.

Your approach was good. The one critique I have is that you do not correct her behavior or directly tell her what she did. You are not her parent. It's not your job to teach her class or manners. You just went on one date with her. If you simply would have said, "I'm being serious, let's do this again sometime" and left and soft or hard next depending on how you feel, you still would have had the impressionable effect of leaving her baffled, confused, and emotional.

I definitely would not follow up with a text trying to explain her misdeeds to her. If you want to fuck her, then just set up another face to face, in a more isolated environment.

[–]TRP_MushaShugyo[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Thank you, great feedback. As I mentioned above, the barstools were in a straight line, so to even see the guy I had to lean past the girl (who already had her back to me). Would be totally in his frame. I wasn't going to pull up my stool between them. This inability to engage made me feel kind of trapped and "threatened," as someone above suggested, but I'm telling you, if I was able to talk to them both I would not be threatened in the least. What would you have done given the details I just outlined? Just led her away? Also, I understand putting in this effort of isolating her etc if I had just met her that night, but she was on a date with me. Should I really need to do these things? I guess that's my call, but I would think that, given it was a first date, the least I should expect is her attention, yes? This, and the fact that I wasn't all that attracted to her, is why I just let her do what she would do to gage her. I figured, why fight for her attention? Fuck that.

[–]vicious_armbar 2 points3 points  (0 children)

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. I've never had this problem because I structure my dates in a way that makes this situation very unlikely. You should be at a place close to your house, that isn't too busy, sitting in a place that makes it very ackward for a stranger to engage her. At a high top, in a booth, etc.

[–]chachaChad 13 points14 points  (1 child)

My first thought was that you over reacted but the more I think about it I think you did the EXACT right thing. You stood up for yourself when she displayed inappropriate behavior. By doing so, you retained your self respect AND you have now saved yourself some time from dealing with someone that isn't worth your time. You dodge a bullet because you acted like and adult.

The behavior she displayed, either millennial naivety or actual inappropriate interested with another guy, is not acceptable and you should never subject yourself to it no matter how good the pussy. You are now free to spend your time on better women.

You're the man. I only that if I'm in a similar situation, I have the balls to do something similar. Good job!

[–]TRP_MushaShugyo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks man! It's a powerful feeling for a former NiceGuy.

[–]GunnarX 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You played it well. Hopefully (probably not) she will learn something from it. Unfortunately, she will probably just call you an asshole instead of looking at the situation from both sides.

[–]SirAttackHelicopter 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Very well done. Experience this and reflect on how you felt in that situation. Next time you encounter this, you are more prepared and can handle it with increased stoic personality and frame control.

This is the very definition of "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". You faced something, took it head on, and walked away without sacrificing your integrity. Well done, brother.

[–]TRP_MushaShugyo[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks man, right on.

[–]NabroleonBonaparte 8 points9 points  (1 child)

I stand by the decision of hard next and then no contact.

Some people you can't help. Assuming this girl was actually just naive would you be willing to continuously have to point out things and teach her? If yes, then congratulations your plate just became a daughter!

If you wanted to try to turn the situation and pursue a ONS, heres what I would've tried:

Interrupt the guy while he's talking with a loud and firm "EXCUSE ME, SIR!"

Holding my palm towards him in a stop-right-there gesture and a warm grin (you're asserting a boundary, not getting butt hurt and confrontational) on my face I would state in a commanding tone that "I'd like to continue with my date."

The ball is out of your court at that point. You've set the frame and any respectful man would stop at that point. You should be looking to see if the girl turns her back towards him now.

If the above worked she respects and desires you. If it doesn't work then she had no intentions of doing anything with you and was just paying you lip service for a free meal.

[–]TRP_MushaShugyo[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dude that is excellent advice. Say it in kind of a half dramatic playful way but still serious, I totally get it. I will keep that in my toolbox. Genius. Thank you

[–]No_senses 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I wasn't even all that attracted to her when we first met at a bar last week

Then you shouldn't even be worried. Ignore her text, ghost, and never think of her again.

[–]Mescuzzi 6 points7 points  (1 child)

You've got to be kidding me...

Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy"

I would have left them with the bill, not have even said goodbye. You're worth more than that shit.

Or are you?

[–]vicious_armbar 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The problem is in order to have great logistics you need to use places near your house. You can't burn those spots by running out on the bill. The best move at that point is to discreetly pull the waiter aside and pay your half of the bill.

[–]numandina 17 points18 points  (4 children)

You said too much and ended up handing her to him. If engaging him didn't work just take her someplace else. Since she was disrespectful leaving was the right move but no need to mention Bob or why you were leaving. Try to cut everything you say by half.

[–]TRP_MushaShugyo[S] 10 points11 points  (3 children)

If I just met this chick then I would take her elsewhere, but she was on a fucking date with me. She should be trying to earn MY approval. I didn't feel as though I should have to go to such measures, fuck that. But I understand, good feedback, thanks.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

    [–]TRP_MushaShugyo[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Haha def not infatuated in the least. Just wondering if reaching for the low-hanging fruit compromises my integrity. Good call on the house/drinks possible next date tho. This RP practice was super-valuable, actually. It's one thing to read about these situations, but having this experience under my belt makes me feel a lot stronger.

    [–]DamnDirtyApe87 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    I smiled whilst reading this, nice job. It may sound a little harsh but you trusted your gut and handled it great imo.

    [–]ECoast_Man 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    Handled perfectly, but you cannot ever message her again. She's fucking moving to a new city anyway bro.

    Totally unacceptable, and I once walked out, and I mean left a girl with a bill for less.

    Good job

    [–]Jazzy_Punkman 5 points6 points  (5 children)

    Reminds me of a date of myself before discovering TRP, which went to shit because we got into an argument that I only chose the location to watch some soccer game that was playing there on tv. I didn't even look at that screen once. Whatever.

    Anyway, after the argument she started to smile at just about any guy passing our table and I started to feel anger but wanted to play it cool, so I left for the bathroom to calm myself a bit there and to think about how to handle the situation. When I got back at the table there was some other guy on my seat flirting with her. I walked out of that bar immediately. Later she texted me that she is really sorry and I replied with "go fuck yourself."

    You handled that shit way better than I did at the time. Wouldn't text her anything back now, though.

    [–]lerossignol77 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    That's what's up man

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–]Jazzy_Punkman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      She chatted me up on Whatsapp one day out of nowhere saying my profile picture was cute. Hers looked like someone copied a pic from some porn site so I thought it was a prank of some friends and decided to play along. It wasn't. Turned out she saw me at a party and got my number from the host.

      I tried to call her but she only wanted to text. I set up the date through Whatsapp as well so I never saw or talked to her before it. I guess some people might already see some red flags there. I dunno.

      [–]BusterVadge 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      Sounds like you handled it pretty well, but your mistake was choosing a shitty venue where it was easy for her to get distracted.

      [–]Jazzy_Punkman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      True. Music was loud as hell, too.

      [–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock 5 points6 points  (2 children)

      "I'm being one thousand percent serious. It's totally inappropriate to get another guy's number while on a date with someone else."

      Never, ever explain. Logic never works. It's better to say nothing and let her stew in her own hamster and blame herself and seek your approval.

      "I'm tired" or something bs and vague like that is best.

      You're in a mating ground. That's what bar and club is. And she is a female, the center of attention. Being by yourself puts you at a disadvantage because dudes come from all over the woodwork to interrupt and say hi or give hugs and butt-in, even though they wont be successful. You gotta isolate and learn to cut these types of conversation.

      Had this happen to me once with a slut in skimpy pajamas that showed her nice tits and tight pajama bottoms that clung to her big jiggly booty. Men came from everywhere. But one instance in particuluar, a guy came out of nowhere and the second she responded I butt-in and made some small talk with him (I knew him from awhile ago), and she didn't have anything to contribute, she was excluded. This diffused the rapport they could develop and he left. It's always best to hang with a girl at a bar or club with your friends and her friends so you have somebody to hold the fort when you're not around or when you should wander a bit. Needs to be post. I'll think about it.

      [–]TRP_MushaShugyo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Thank you. Yeah a more thorough post on that would be greatly appreciated and would probably be sidebar material. That's a part of my game I don't have much experience with (yet). But I'll bet it's not that hard once you get the hang of it. It just seems like all this effort of "sheilding" her and moving her around to avoid other guys should be unnecessary. As in, are women really worth that effort? I guess that's my call. My goal, of course, is to be of such high smv that she wouldn't dare allow a guy to hit on her and jeapordize my affection.

      [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      Don't even reply to her. She will just pick apart your reasoning and hamster the shit out of it.

      [–]LordThunderbolt 8 points9 points  (3 children)

      You were way too fucking civil. The moment she turned her back to you and started chatting that guy, you should've left. No hugs no smiles, no pleasantries. Just pay your bill and walk out. Go do something else worth your time.

      [–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (2 children)

      deleted What is this?

      [–]TRP_MushaShugyo[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

      I'd never been in such a situation and wasn't sure I handled it properly. Didn't know if my planned text was appropriate, if at all (I did not send it). And was thinking for a minute that I may be able to leverage a soft next for some really intense desire from her for a ons or something, but I'm thinking it would compromise my integrity.

      As I mentioned above, if I just met this chick then I would move her away from Bob, but she was on a fucking date with me. She should be trying to earn MY approval. I didn't feel as though I should have to go to such measures, fuck that.

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      deleted What is this?

      [–]AncientDragons 2 points3 points  (2 children)

      Nah dude, she blew it. Her body language cut you off and she clearly let this dude alpha up on you. It's on her, not you. You wouldn't do that to a date, would you? Very tacky.

      [–]TRP_MushaShugyo[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      It's true- the barstools were in a straight line, so to even see the guy I had to lean past the girl- would be totally in his frame.

      [–]AncientDragons 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I could see if she chatted with him a bit and then increased her contact with you- that would be a really good ego boost to you and a very good move on her part. What she did was the opposite!

      [–]HelloNeo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Don't bother responding. I personally think you handled it well. Obviously, various red flags were present so why waste your time? There are hotter, more respectful women out there. Next her.

      [–]huge_gap 2 points3 points  (2 children)

      Everything everyone else said. Especially though, next time insert yourself into the convo and ask Bob a lot about his background. Take control of the convo and master it, even if it sounds pushy (but keep a fun and light tone). See it as a fun challenge and then decide to next the girl after.

      She sounds like another vapid ho though. You lost nothing but a few bucks and a little time, but probably dodged a bullet. You should thank her for saving you more time effort and money by showing you how dumb she is.

      YOU are the prize, and if a girl isn't giving you all the attention when you're on a date it's a huge red flag. Bitches should be gaga over you, especially in the beginning. If they're not, just ghost and don't give closure.

      [–]TRP_MushaShugyo[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Right on, man. I love the challenge of conversations so much that when the guy FIRST started talking with her, I was kind of excited about it. As in, "How could this guy possibly out-alpha me in conversation." But as I mentioned before, the barstools were in a straight line, so to even see the guy I had to lean past the girl (who's back was already facing me)- would be totally in his frame. Should have led her somewhere else I guess but I just didn't care enough.

      [–]huge_gap 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Eh I wouldn't consider leaning into the bar as being a move that puts you inside his frame. I'd say how the convo goes from there decides the dominant frame. I get what you're saying tho.

      [–]The_Lightskin_Wonder 2 points3 points  (3 children)

      I will say mentioning the fact she was conversing with another guy can come off as you being jealous.

      Next time you pick up an immature/inconsiderate girl, tell her

      "I invited you to hang out with me. If you wanna talk to someone else, exchange numbers and chat on your own time."

      I've used this line once , but I said date. Don't say date, and dont use gender specific words dont give her room to think your being jealous. The best way to challenge a shit test involving another male is to agree and amplify.

      I think you simply waited too long to engage the guy. Ironically ,the best way to dismiss the conversation would have been to tell her to exchange info, so you can finish your night. I truly don't think you ever lost her or that the guy ever "had" her. The problem was that she was fucking rude.

      [–]TRP_MushaShugyo[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      You suggest telling her to exchange info, then continuing to hang out with her (and just kinda hope the other guy goes away)? I suppose by doing this you display huge confidence, as in, "Sure, take this chump's number- he can't compare to me anyway as I have no competition?" I think that makes sense when looking at it as a shit test, but it feels more like outright disrespect, especially on a first date, and therefore weird to want to continue hanging with her. Do I have that right? I do like the non-use of gender-specific words, and "date"- you're right that this negates any jealousy perception and makes it look like mere agitation. Never considered that, thank you.

      [–]The_Lightskin_Wonder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You just made it clear you want privscy with your date. Your date should respect that first and if she doesn't then leave. But if she she understands then move if he persists. The suggestion to exchange info is you showing abundance. Also if it was just a business contact you will see them exchange linked in accounts specifically . if she actually exchanges numbers on a date she just proved she isn't worth your time, fwb only.

      Anyone who values your concerns won't act on the opportunity.

      [–]The_Lightskin_Wonder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Is it not disrespectful to turn your back on your date ,chatting with someone who was not invited and possibly green light there advances? Taking into consideration this may be a job opportunity and allowing her to create a contact is very considerate.

      If you really want this business contact, speak later. Show you have respect and value your time as well.

      [–]TheBiss 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      Sounds good to me. You should be her focus the whole date.

      [–]TRP_MushaShugyo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Exactly.

      [–]RedSkeller 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      The only thing you need to ask is, would you do that same shit on a date if you were her? Exactly. Hard next.

      [–]batfish55 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Awesome. No one should tolerate that sort of behavior. Good for you.

      Yes, you shouldn't have st her at the bar, but you know that.

      Try again? I'll differ with most on here. I'll say: maybe. If you have other options, no. If you're in a backwoods town with no women...I'd consider it. At least she knows you're not going to accept disrespect. On the other hand, if you do try again, well, now she might think that, "He obviously didn't like what I did last time, but he's here with me again....so let's see what I can get away with this time."

      Or, you know, text her something, and experiment. See what happens. She was never going to be more than a plate anyway, right?

      [–]MRPFuckMe1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Go chat up another girl--or a group of dudes and play darts or pool with them or something. Do something else because you don't give a fuck. Not all night like you would be waiting on her, but only like 15 minutes. If she's still talking to the other dude, GTFO.

      [–]Jakei34 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Well...you did this perfectly, A-1. Don't doubt yourself. This was a smart move bro. 10/10

      [–]vorverk 3 points4 points  (4 children)

      You felt "threathened" by him. If you didn't, you would engage in the conversation, encourage him to talk more about himself, compliment him, maybe even get his linkedin. All while slipping your hand between your date's legs.

      If he was a much higher SMV male, there is not much you could do. If not, you blew it with your insecurity.

      [–]TRP_MushaShugyo[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

      The barstools were in a straight line, so to even see the guy I had to lean past the girl (who already had her back to me). Would be totally in his frame. I wasn't going to pull up my stool between them. This inability to engage made me feel kind of trapped and "threatened," but I'm telling you, if I was able to talk to them both I would not be threatened in the least. I would have found the guy's attempts endearing at best. I like the hand between her thighs bit as the guy is trying to talk to her, that's good. Thanks

      [–]vorverk 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      Sure, I was not there, it might have been best you could do in the circumstances. Either way, try to have as little reaction as possible (too many words if you ask me) and always be sexual/playful.

      E.G. I had a situation where a guy took my "date" to the bar to buy her a drink. I was confident she was in to me, I just didn't care. I had other social things going around me, conversations with other people and chicks. After a while I passed them by, stopped at them and said casually something in the lines of: "Hey there lovers. Don't talk too flirty, I might get jealous" - wink, then left to have my own fun. It might sound like mate guarding to someone. But I was in a such a IDGAF mentality that it just sounded playful and that I know what's going on. It exposed him what he was doing and it made him blush. But in the way that I just don't care. And my date came later to find me.

      [–]TRP_MushaShugyo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Great advice, thanks.

      [–]josh_gropin 3 points4 points  (3 children)

      She was interested in his job, which may have been distantly related to her major

      should have paid more attention to that... she was trying to network and you got jealous of some random 45 year old guy. he probably thought it was cute and funny though, so you've got that at least.

      [–]wheresMYsteakAt 3 points4 points  (1 child)

      Tomorrow :

      "FR: Just got back from sock convention, AMOG'eg beta and fucked his HB9.9

      [–]TRP_MushaShugyo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Hahaha that would be awesome

      [–]TRP_MushaShugyo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Maybe. Still disrespectful and not warranting of my further attention though. Actually I bet he understood my reasoning.

      [–]jb_trp -1 points0 points  (1 child)

      Hmmm. Tough to say. I am picking up on a small amount of insecurity on your part, and I think your actions might have come across as butthurt and too harsh. Only pull something like that if you intend on never talking to this girl again (i.e. Hard Next).

      I imagine it was mostly professional and innocent from your description of the guy. Perhaps she didn't realize she was being a poor date? Either way, I probably wouldn't have gone out with this girl again, but I would have not told her why nor would I have ended so abruptly like that.

      My advice: Learn from this and move on. You said you weren't that interested, maybe this girl will realize now that it's a little rude to be so detached on a first date.

      [–]TRP_MushaShugyo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I did never intend on talking to her again. I think you're right that she didn't realize she was being a poor date, which is why I was wondering if I was too harsh- and this is where my insecurity came from. During the date I was 100% confident and chill- so much so that this is why she was so surprised when I left- I think she had no idea. However I'd still guess the dude was trying to mack her- I don't remember if it was before or after he "realized" we were on a date but at one point he told her he'd be playing pinball across the street later (we were at a "barcade"). Then again, she kept engaging him, so who knows.

      [–]2SirKolbath 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      I think you handled it exactly the right way. Send that text and soft next her. Keep your frame. In perhaps a week, if you're interested at all, send her a text that says, "Try again? I'll be at such and such at this time." If she bites, great. She'll know better than to fuck with you again. If not, no loss.

      I wouldn't make this girl a LTR because she clearly has problems with loyalty, but she might be an entertaining ONS or even a plate.

      [–]Surf_Or_Die 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      Wrong. Hard next her. She's a piss in the wind already.

      [–]1walawalawa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Her behavior was appalling, you handled it perfectly and cooly.

      Now, do not respond to any of her texts. This is the height of disrespect.

      If she does text back or push for a meet up, have her come over to your place.

      [–]DeathToTheZog 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I would have been pissed. So what, I'm human. I would have hid it though, got up to take a piss, and walked right out the bar.

      [–]Ninokun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      u fucked up by stating ur reason why.

      next time just fucking leave

      [–]PurpleDrank88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I think you handled it pretty well. The only thing I might have done differently is not said the "you should hang out with Bob some time" part, but other than that everything was good

      [–]Praecipuus 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      The only things I would have done differently:

      1) leaving way earlier

      2) definitely not explaining myself to her while leaving

      3) I probably wouldn't have picked up the tab

      Also, don't text her back. You'll only be reassuring her you're the beta she thought you were when dismissing you for the other guy.

      [–]DaddyIssues6 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Broke frame by disclosing, Which ultimately made him lose that specific engagement.

      Casper her

      [–]Bloody_Rayne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You did OK, I would've been a bit colder, shame her a bit for being such a piece of garbage, but hey ! I like what you did.

      Edit: oh and after what happened, never ever text her. Ghost her entirely.

      [–]SisyphosOnTop[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You did very well. I have nothing to add but a question:

      How did you keep that calm and composed?

      I mean, if I were you I would be raging inside. Yeah sure, you were not that into her and all but still, she disrespected you and the guy disrespected you (I am not engaging the girl who is obviously on a date with a guy. It is a shit move. There is enough pussy in the sea..).

      If I would have managed the same verbal communication as you, my non-verbal commucation would have been totally different. My anger would have glimmered through and if not in my tone or my posture, my face would have shown.

      [–]JustDoMeee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Next time don't even go on a date, bring her over and fuck her or go to hers. Let it be known it's a FWB situation.

      [–]fakeplastictrees87 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      next. bye. on other case, i hate those faggots who know woman is with you and still game. how to win this situation, especially if woman is dumb and continue engaging instead of shut him down?

      [–]giantbollocks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      She knew, and she was cucking you.

      Dumps LTR, regrets not dating

      Yeah she was cucking you

      [–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (3 children)

      You should have farted in her face and just walked away smirking an hour earlier. And left her with the bill. Now ghost this stupid bitch. If she was interested, she would have chowed down on your privates like a Holocaust survivor at a Szechuan buffet.

      [–]shr3dthegnarbrah -1 points0 points  (1 child)

      In the '40s, would a Holocaust survivor have ever seen that kind of food?

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Unlikely but if you pulled some poor bastard out of Buchenwald, took him to Hunan Garden, and paid the 8 bucks for him, that is what this stupid bitch should look like if she expects to be called back.

      [–]TRP_MushaShugyo[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      Yes dude! I was hoping you'd give some such advice.

      [–]Pro_Like_Me 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Couldnt handle some old fuck stealing yo girl for 1 mintue? cmon man work harder dont be a little bitch about it. Take control of the situation. Then coming back and asking her if they exchanging numbers? Are you her dad?

      Dont bother texting her again unless you wanna look even more beta.

      [–]RealityTastesGreat -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      'Bob' wasn't attached to outcome, you were. That is the bit of game you could learn from 'Bob' You don't earn anything taking her on a date. Even RP works by attraction

      [–]Kommanderdude -1 points0 points  (1 child)

      So Op is less interesting than a random fat old guy with gray hair. Got it. You weren't giving her the tingles on this date.

      [–]TRP_MushaShugyo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Apparently not!