I recently read a post on Return of Kings about the Dangers of Casual Sex that hugely resonated with me because it describes my current situation perfectly.
And so we come to the area of casual sex, which seems to be the most sought-after kind of actual sex on the market today. Easy flings, no attachments. Getting laid is the top priority, superceding everything else. Superficiality to the umpteenth degree and the age of Tinder. Just the quick release, because real attachment is way too scary and requires far too much work. We want easy lays these days.
And that has been my story for about the last two years or so. I have developed decent enough game to where abundance was not a problem at first, but what I'm noticing are two issues that I would like to get your advice on:
1. It's becoming an addiction.
At the beginning, it's all fun and giggles. Casual sex, ONS, Tinder lays left and right, good times. But as the article points out, you start getting diminishing returns with every new lay and building "tolerance" towards the pleasures and joys of casual sex. And now I want it more, like a fucking addict, it's never enough.
At the beginning, I'd feel great if I laid one new chick every month, now, if a week goes by that I'm not having sex either with a new or an old girl, I start feeling the effects.
This then becomes a problem, because, as you gain more and more experience in the game, you start setting your standards higher and higher. Sure, I could have casual sex every day if I just indulged in promiscuous intercourse with any piece of female flesh that moves. I refuse to do that, I rather not have sex than lower my standards. Yet, as you can imagine, the pure law of supply and demand makes the hot girls I want to indulge in casual sex with not as readily available as my "addiction" needs them to be. The article is right. I want easy sex, yet sex with hot girls doesn't come easy.
So far, the consequences of this in me have been the following behaviours:
- Jerking off when I can't find a lay, obviously. No porn though.
- Considered hiring an escort (hot girls, no work required).
- Massive texting old numbers and matching frivolously on Tinder/Bumble (most likely displaying a very needy vibe) to try and find a quick lay.
- Consuming more and more PUA/RP content to try and find the next quick-fix to this.
Which leads me to the second issue.
2. Casual sex has dulled my ability to bond.
This one actually scares me. I'm no longer able to see the girl, just the sex she can provide. I've lost all interest in going on dates or enjoying feminine company outside of sex. It's basically a pump and dump mentality, which, as you can imagine, hasn't gotten me too far with girls lately, and thus the cycle in the first issue continues because the supply is not sufficing the demand. And what scares me is that it's a downward spiral. The little effort I put into trying to get a new lay results in not enough lays, which in turn discourages me to invest more effort into it... and down and down it goes.
And I should know better because I've been warned. Last year I was having dinner with James Swanwick, a very wealthy Australian entrepreneur (friend of Tai Lopez, Brandon Carter, Owen Cook, etc...) and I asked him, "James, now that you got your financial life all sorted out, what's your biggest problem in life?". He said, "That I'm no longer able to connect with women, I spent decades having casual sex and meaningless affairs, and now that I want to actually start a family, I find myself unable to bond with a girl at any level deeper than superficial sex and physical attraction".
I'm not thinking of marriage or even a girlfriend right now, but I do see the dangers in the horizon of going down this road for too long. I honestly miss those days when I was actually excited to meet a new girl, discover what she was like, what she had to offer, what new things she could bring into my life... Now, I only care about how hot she is and whether I can have sex with her or not. I never thought I would say this, I grew up in a very blue pill environment, but the day has finally come when I can say that sex alone, no matter how much of it you get, will never fulfil you by itself.
And as you can imagine, I feel stuck, I don't know how to break out of this or how to bring balance back to things. Some of the things I have considered to try and fix this are:
Have a few open relationships (plates). The most balanced I've ever felt in my sexual life was when I was "dating" this French girl I had an open relationship with. I could still go and date and sleep with any woman I so desired, yet I still had someone I cared about and with whom I could bond at a deeper level beyond just the sex we had. As you can imagine, however, setting up these sort of relationships does take quite some work that right now I feel so unmotivated to undertake.
Quit Tinder/Bumble. Most of my lays in the past year or so have been from online game. It's the easiest, most low-effort way of getting laid with girls that are acceptably-looking, so I was naturally attracted to it. It's almost like free sex home delivery. The problem is that I've done it so much that I feel it has rewired my brain to identify this kind of sexual life as the only kind there is. So anything that requires more effort than a swipe and a few texts is immediately rejected as inefficient, and back to Tinder it is. And it's so hard to argue against it because it fucking works so well! In the past two years, I've had around 1,500 matches, hundreds of dates and more lays from it that I can remember. But now I'm suffering the side effects of this.
Get busier. Honestly, I have too much free time. I'm financially stable and I have set up my income streams so that I have enough to live well while retaining large amounts of time and freedom for myself. The problem now is that I have money and time that I don't always know what to do with. So, naturally, boredom leads me to be thinking about this shit all day every day. And when I'm bored, the first thing I think of to try and entertain myself is to have sex and so there I go to find the next girl to do it with. I feel like if I had a stronger purpose for something other than sex with women, I wouldn't be thinking so much of this and many of the issues would go away simply because I would not have time to indulge in them so much.
If you read all the way to this, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! Any advice or thoughts anyone can share on how to handle this or improve my situation would be most welcome!