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What's a good way to make friends and meet girls? (self.asktrp)

submitted by Gidanocitiahisyt

I'm 25 and I'm at a point where I look good, have a good job (in my opinion), and have plenty of confidence. However, I have zero friends. Over the years, since high school, everyone has moved, or gotten addicted to drugs, or is homeless or in jail and I have cut ties with all of them.

I can't really make friends at work, and I don't go to school. My only real 'extra-curricular' activity is going to the gym to lift.

From my starting point, how should I go about trying to build a social life?


[–]oyoungpadawan 57 points58 points  (1 child)

Same, we had a very tight big group of friends and I saw them drop out one by one to depression, drugs, workaholics, married with children etc.

Only some of the boring ones with 0 ambitions or hobbies still want to meet to 'just hang'.

And I had to cut some of those.

I made some new friends due to new hobbies and courses.

It takes time, just be open to social contact, and if you meet someone that's cool just ask them along somewhere.

It's a snowball effect, it starts slow but eventually you'll know many people again.

[–]Barkingtaco 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Rock climbing!!

[–]NewBoomAction 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I just realized how popular this really is.

[–]OrpheusV 23 points24 points  (5 children)

Got a hobby? There's probably a local group on meetup that you can easily hang out with. It's a bit of a shot, but look into an events/adventures group. Cheesy advertising on the radio aside, there are a lot of singles there, and in my experience women tend to be a bit more reasonable on that front.

Being alone isn't a way to live.

[–]Gidanocitiahisyt[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Thanks for the great suggestion. I'm always looking for shit to do on meetup. I think there's a soccer game tomorrow that I'll actually be able to make it to.

I think that's a good place to start, but I don't think I'll meet any girls on meetup. The events that I see are always populated by like 90% guys. However, as others have mentioned, and its obvious to begin with, making male friends would be a great start to meeting girls.

[–]AlfredKinsey 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was going raise this point about meetup being generally a bad outlet for meeting attractive women. I found some niche groups that have more women, specifically writing and yoga meetups. They might not be among your interests, though. A note: you don't have to genuinely enjoy every moment or aspect of socializing.

[–]PlanetoftheGrapes94 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Is 'meetup' some kind of app or website?

[–]OrpheusV 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Website yes, with their own app.

Not trying to advertise it blatantly, but www.meetup.com basically serves as a hub for people to form groups and do things together. All the groups people form run the gamut from dance, sport, etc to tech groups, tabletop gaming, etc. Something for pretty much everyone really.

I've dated from both ends of the spectrum I mentioned above, for what it's worth. Dance groups tend to be a bit more women-dominated, but that's okay as well, just go in willing to learn and have fun with it.

[–]nhlfod21 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Meetup.com

[–]Sero-Flex 22 points23 points  (5 children)

For making new friends, I can’t recommend joining a martial arts gym enough. My gym is the most positive learning environment I’ve ever been in and you meet at least one new person every class who has the same desire to improve themselves as you do.

[–]Gidanocitiahisyt[S] 3 points4 points  (4 children)

This sounds like a great suggestion. I've been wanting to replace my crappy Planet Fitness membership with something better, and an MMA or boxing gym may be the way to go.

[–]AlfredKinsey 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Bro, FUCK Planet Fitness. Get rid of that shit and go have real fun at a real gym.

[–]daxxipro 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We all agree to fuck planet fitness but sometimes it's the only thing close by and you honestly can't beat their price. It's all a part of their game.

[–]anabolic92 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same age, similar situation.

I can vouch for MMA as a good idea, I kept meeting people from MMA in the city for small talks, in the gym as well (separate gym for MMA and weight lifting).

[–]Merwebb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My current group of friends are from the dojo.

[–]MarvelousWhale 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Not sure how sociable you are but I've already met a dozen fantastic people through driving for Uber and Lyft part time and I throw darts/shoot pool at some local bars and meet people that way.

Just passive things like this I have been able to maintain meeting new people weekly, as opposed to the stressfulness of actually going out of your way to intentionally meet people which makes it a bit disingenuous to me as well...

Ymmv

[–]Effinmothereffer 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Running clubs, Bicycle riding meet-ups, tennis leagues, beach volley ball, "meet up" app, continuing Ed classes, "volunteer" at festivals, habitat for humanity builds, Chamber of Commerce usually has "business after hours" social events, most cities have a "music or social scene" newspaper that publishes concerts, festivals, and fairs...get outside.

[–]jizzonmypants 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Gym, take dance classes or any other classes you may like, some cultural events can be used to socialize

[–]Gidanocitiahisyt[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Thanks for the suggestions.

I don't think of my self as a dancer, but I'm absolutely open to trying and learning new things. Do you think it be super awkward to go to dance classes anyways?

[–]daxxipro 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not gym dance classes because I've never been to those (and could never see myself doing so) but there are a ton of salsa, two-stepping, etc dance lessons on meetup.com.

Usually, these are just at a local bar so it's a relaxed environment. Everybody else doesn't know how to dance, either, (hence the 'lesson's part) so it lightens the load a bit.

Also, with the occasional couples that show up these lessons are usually filled with a bunch of single people, so it's not weird going by yourself.

[–]jizzonmypants 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dancing it’s a good skill to know, there are usually a lot of woman on dance classes and it will help you overall on clubes or similar type of events, I don’t like dancing either but I’m thinking about getting some classes as we’ll.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

making friends is a great way to meet girls

[–]suckymeh 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Even more difficult at 30 when they all start raising kids and you stay a bachelor. Their whole world revolves around kids, including social lives.

At 40,I find the need to hang with young 20 something's because the haven't yet fallen into the boring suburban trap.

[–]Merwebb 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Its so stupid. "hey we have this age and we must act this way!!!"

[–]rodrigomlp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dance Classes

[–]orezavi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Spend a little time with a group of outdoor hobbyists.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

One way I meet a lot of people is by finding local events, such as open mic nights, local bands etc. and meeting people there. If you’re more of the artistic type this will be right up your alley, and many if the women are interesting. They also tend to be a little kinky. The guys I’ve met at events like these are a mixed bag. Some are lazy drug users, while others are incredibly driven businessmen that are intrigued by the arts or passionate about them.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also, from my experience, being friends with girls is actually a good thing as long as you’re friend-zoning them and not vice-versa. They often times have big social circles that can turn into bigger ones as you meet friends of friends. I’ve built several large social circles through methods like this, and a lot of times the girl’s friends will talk you up naturally and their friends will want to hook up with you.

[–]trtanon 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Do you want to meet girls while making friends? Join RSD group on FB in your area. In the two big cities I've lived, there were some incredibly motivated and ambitious guys on there that went sarging at least once a week. You'll have a gigantic circle of friends with a couple months on those groups. I met some fantastic people through those groups.

As far as just meeting single women, if you don't want to cold approach, beginner dance nights are actually as close as it comes to cheating. Line dancing, salsa, latin. You'd have to be downright retarded not to get laid if you go to them consistently. Girls have to touch you, and they keep touching you if they like you. No approach or balls necessary.

Read oldschool game. Don't be a AFC. Every goddamned night I go out I see the most disgusting approaches ever. Compliments and drink buying galore. These dudes are going to die virgins. It's not hard to learn game. GAME IS EASY. Read a book.

[–]untapped pool of potential pussyslayingLOL-4-DAYZ 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What are your best game book recommendations?

[–]trtanon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Magic Bullets teaches core game mechanics better than any other material in existence. It's a re-master (understatement) of Mystery Method.

Book of Pook and No More Mr Nice Guy are good "masculinity" books.

Models is a bad book.

Use YouTube videos to re-inforce everythign you learn in Magic Bullets. For instance, learning to kino escalate, watch multiple videos where guys literally show you how to do it properly. You have to be touching lightly, and a lot, not just 1 time at each step. Videos on how to rapport break. Videos of infields of guys opening mixed sets, big groups. Etc.

[–]talexanderc 6 points7 points  (8 children)

Community service Go to church Meet people at the gym Hangout with people you work with

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[deleted]

    [–]rigbed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    You don’t go to church to make friends you go to coopt it and control people

    [–]1DonaldBaelish 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    No church in the wild.

    [–]True_Racer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Running groups are great for both. You can find them easily on the MeetUp app

    [–]AlfredKinsey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Leave your house, go somewhere crowded or at least with quite a few people, then approach and engage. Bring friends if you feel like it, as that can make it more fun and casual.

    Honestly, the specifics of where you can meet people are so varied that this general guideline serves just as well in their stead. You can go fucking bowling or raving or buy a sandwich. The mall or a museum is a great place to practice game because they have people coming in and out all day.

    I saw a guy on campus brute force this philosophy in a ridiculous way recently, but it worked. He just held a sign that said: "I'm trying to make new friends, but not great at socializing. Let's talk." I was skating nearby and watched him sit there, chatting people up. He got my number, along with others.

    My last pick up was at a drumming competition and the girl wasn't even watching the drumming competition, but eating chips around the corner. I walked around somewhat aimlessly after the competition, saw a friend and a former student, and then saw this girl. I would not have talked with any of these people if I didn't allow myself to just be there, enjoying the scenery. Two weeks before this, I'd met the girl at a house party and gotten to know her well enough to connect quickly and comfortably on this second meeting. So, there's two places: music events/local festivals and parties.

    I'd also say athletic activities (participate or spectating); intellectual gatherings (lectures, workshops, readings, etc.); adventure/entertainment spots like amusement parks, casinos, trails; swimming spots; I'm an atheist, but church actually is a good place to meet people; volunteering; work; the list goes on. There are a lot of places to meet people, but I understand that the world can be lonely sometimes.

    [–]amn301 1 point2 points  (3 children)

    For friends - hobbies. I run and cycle and I know most of the runners and cyclist in the town.

    For girls - volunteering. I organize amateur running races, I do city guiding and organize a language club. A lot of girls love the idea of volunteering and as an organizer you already have the social status and you are the leader. You also do something great for the world at the same time.

    [–]NewBoomAction 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    How do you approach dating girls you meet from events where you're in a leadership position? Isn't that shitting where you eat?

    [–]amn301 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Not really, it is not like a workplace. And don't be the creepy guy who hits on every girl.

    E.g. if I am a city tour guide I see the people I am leading only once. From the group there will be 2-3 people who are curious about me, they will try to talk to me, stand by me, etc., and if I like them I will ask for their number at the end.

    For other events there is usually a core team that shows up every week/event, I don't hit on anyone here. As for the other participants, I don't hit on every girl... I communicate covertly and if I realize the girl is not interested I back off. The worst thing that can happen is I scare the girl away and won't come to the event next time - but most of the participants show up only a few times anyway.

    [–]NewBoomAction 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Thank you for sharing the insight.

    [–]ybcurious93 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Damn this is literally me. College/HS were easy because I was an athlete. However most of them moved away,became bums, too beta/whipped

    [–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    Over the years, since high school, everyone has moved, or gotten addicted to drugs, or is homeless or in jail and I have cut ties with all of them.

    In life you need to constantly meet new friends. Real life is nothing like school - you don't automatically meet friends. It's something you actively need to do for most people.

    You're right about friends at work. Keep that separate.

    My only real 'extra-curricular' activity is going to the gym to lift.

    The problem is that you're not meeting new people in a way that you could start to build friendships, you know this.

    The solution is to be doing the things that gets you meeting someone like minded people. You're never going to find people "just to hang with". You have to be doing something and meet people on a similar journey as you (should be something you genuinely like), AND you make an effort to convert the people you meet to friends.

    [–]AloofusMaximus 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Yeah I've looked into Meetup before, and it all seems pretty niche. Literally 80% are super specific topics (CS type, Christian women's book club, people with BPD). While the rest are generic outdoorsy type of things. It's definitely tougher when you're older!

    [–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I've found a few things over the years. Stuff I'm interested enough in that it's worth turning up to. Generally they're half fun and half self improvement.

    Keep looking through meetup. You only need 1-2 that work.

    [–]RPlife26 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Swing dancing. A great way to meet tens of women every night out and socialize. If you are in a major western city there has to be swing dance venues where you can take classes. They are cheap and a great way to have fun plus meet lots of people

    [–]diggrecluse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I'm in a similar place. You just have to get out there and socialize. Get hobbies, go out solo to bars/clubs/parks/meetup.com/whatever if you have to. Talk to everyone everywhere, grocery store, your local neighborhood, etc. Be the fun guy who's always upbeat and doesn't give a fuck.

    So far I've made one solid friend doing this - as in a person I actually hang out with outside our shared hobby/whatever. It's not easy but that's the biggest redpill of them all isn't it? It's all up to you to make shit happen in this life.

    [–]RaughKee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Join a co-ed volleyball league. Do stuff through Meetup

    [–]Jsieijejeieokkd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    My advice; a) pub crawl b) active hobby (e.g., mountain biking, running, etc.), and c) classes you are interested in (photography, etc.)

    Good friends are hard to find, good women even harder.

    [–]Jsieijejeieokkd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    You have to put yo twelfth out there, talk to everyone.

    I collect friends and colleagues like are or baseball cards. Naturally some are better than others.

    [–]IncognitoMaster91 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    It's the same thing on my mind. But I'm looking for good quality friends...the ones with ambition and good habits...unfortunately those you don't find just anywhere....idk.

    [–]NewBoomAction 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I had to learn how to become the guy who organizes shit first and invites ppl.

    [–]meaningintragedy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Meetups.

    [–]dutchgguy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Going out