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finding out it was a whole easier for chad (self.asktrp)

submitted by throwasktrp

I broke up with my ex-gf two weeks ago. I've fucked 4 girls since then and was working past it with progress, until today. I found out from one of her best friends ex bf that she slept with this 27 yr old guy a couple months before we got together. For reference I am 19 and she is 18. What has really fucked me up was that I found out she made it really easy for him (going to his place, fucking on first date etc.) My ex claimed that she was the one that ended things with him (yeah right).

What I really liked about my ex was that I thought she wasn't easy to get with. She never made it THAT easy for me and I liked that. I lose attraction to girls that make it easy for me because I know if it's easy for me it's easy for everyone else.

My general question is how you do rationalize committing to someone, plate or LTR, knowing that someone else has gotten the same thing a whole lot easier? I feel like a cuck for even dating or having feelings for her in the first place when chad put in zero work and got all the benefits.

Is this normal? How do you work past this?


[–]cl3537 130 points131 points  (15 children)

The same Women acts differently for different men and wants different things. They all have ASD and LMR to some degree, if you are the guy who makes it very clear you want it here and now she will give it to you fast.

If you back off and are too relaxed with comfort instead of sexual energy she'll make you wait, Women have intuition about these things and they mirror the way you are acting. If you act like a potential boyfriend they will treat you like one and not fuck you until you are hooked.

Welcome to TRP world and being unplugged. Your unicorn girlfriend was a slut for some other guy who has better game than you.

[–]throwasktrp[S] 17 points18 points  (10 children)

That totally makes sense. When I was spinning plates for the first year I was seeing her (non-exclusively) she would give me the best sex and she would even initiate sometimes. She was the biggest slut for me. Fast forward to when we started dating, she was always available for sex but the quality declined and I had to initiate, i.e. it became less easy. I also stopped viewing her as a slut so I fucked her less roughly and eased up on the choking and slapping.

How do you maintain the pre-relationship dynamic while also being committed to your LTR? How do you keep fucking her like a slut when you start viewing her as not a slut since you're dating her?

I appreciate your advice. This particular situation is a good reminder that I need to up my SMV and that "it's only my turn".

[–]cl3537 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Read Sex God Method.

You will learn psychologically women love dominance in the bedroom (dirty talk, being choked, calling her your whore etc.) Good sex is more about the psychology for her not the mechanics.

Once you understand that most women crave being treated like a slut in the bedroom you do it because you both get off on it, not because you don't care and you think only you get off on it.

[–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Familiarity breeds contempt. Men were not meant for one woman. Gives her tons of undeserved power (monopoly on your sex life) and the sexual routine gets boring.

[–]PreOrgasmGroanLness 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I also stopped viewing her as a slut so I fucked her less roughly and eased up on the choking and slapping.

Never do that tho. The mistake many people on this sub make is to differentiate "sluts" from "women marriage worthy", which is cringy.

How do you keep fucking her like a slut when you start viewing her as not a slut since you're dating her?

Why do you stop viewing her as a slut in the first place? Look at how she behaves when you fuck her wild and tell her she's a whore. Are you saying her reactions moaning intensifying doesn't prove she's a slut? Do view her as a slut (read Sex God Method), but don't judge her for it. Your problem is that you believe slut = bad. You want to believe she's an angel. I know it's hard (it is for me), but you need to change this. Don't stop at viewing her as a slut though, view her being a slut as a good thing. I mean, would you prefer a prude in bed? Many men here want contradictory stuff. They want a slut in bed but at the same time they don't want their woman to be a slut. Just fucking choose already and embrace the fuck out of it.

[–]Rollo_Mayhem3 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Your problem is that you believe slut = bad.

its true. you need to drop the pretense with them. once the lights are out, she's your slut and that is what she wants...she will give it up fast to the guy that gets that...once you backed off, you were not giving her what she wants.

[–]evyaniyor 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Read about "madonna-whore complex".

[–]throwasktrp[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just did. I think this might be my issue right here.

[–]wheresMYsteakAt 4 points5 points  (2 children)

How do you maintain the pre-relationship dynamic while also being committed to your LTR? How do you keep fucking her like a slut when you start viewing her as not a slut since you're dating her?

You Google Madonna-Whore complex, and then NRE and realize you can't.

[–]throwasktrp[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

can you elaborate a bit on the NRE? Is that an acronym New Relationship Energy? How does that make it impossible?

[–]wheresMYsteakAt 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Because it only lasts ~3 months

[–]chasebandz01 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you don't. by virtue of getting into a relationship, you're extinguishing the flame. pump and dump, pal.

[–]resnine 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's a solid point about the mirroring effect. They can sense/pick up on that stuff. When you have intentions, their intentions fair up. It's like a positive feedback loop, the more you want it the more she wants it and then things escalate. It's women's follower mentality.

[–]BlackAtlass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is gold thank you brothern

[–]circlhat -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Women have intuition about these things and they mirror the way you are acting.

No, it not mirroring, It's not attractive.

If you act like a potential boyfriend

False, If you act like a potential beta, they will make you wait

Your unicorn girlfriend was a slut for some other guy who has better game than you.

Maybe, Or she just like him more, some girls like me for no apparent reason, no game, no cloths, unshaved, It's rare but some girls would stalk me, and good looking ones too.

[–]MastersBlaster 31 points32 points  (16 children)

Think of the beta provider that will marry her. He will court her for weeks before he get sex.

[–]throwasktrp[S] 30 points31 points  (15 children)

This is honestly so laughable. I have a plate who tells me about a guy who writes her letters in attempts to win her over. Meanwhile, I literally just show up to her place unannounced, fuck her, and then leave.

[–]liberty1127 23 points24 points  (5 children)

See here, you are in the position of the guy who was fucking your ex. It's a dichotomy.

[–]throwasktrp[S] 14 points15 points  (4 children)

Yep, basically. That's why I'm taking this so hard. We all laugh at that guy and think he's a cuck but I've literally become that guy. There's always going to be someone that gets the same pussy easier than you, so how do you not laugh at yourself and think that you're a cuck? It's fucking with my self-worth/esteem.

[–]liberty1127 17 points18 points  (0 children)

We've all been that guy. Don't tie all of your self worth to women. None of it for that matter. You should be working out and have hobbies amd hopefully a career to focus on and be proud of. If you don't do or have any of those, there lies your problem.

I was upset about my last break up even after being exposed to TRP for over a year. It's normal, just pick yourself up and move on. Keep banging chicks and becoming a better person for yourself

[–]The__Tren__Train 6 points7 points  (1 child)

There's always going to be someone that gets the same pussy easier than you

yep, so why care about it?

you aren't a cuck lol... you didn't marry her.

[–]friendandadvisor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's always going to be someone that gets the same pussy easier than you

yep, so why care about it?

I always care about it because it shows me a dude that I need to get lessons from by watching him!

[–]DrHolz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Everyone on this sub has been in that situation at some point in their lives. Don't be too hard on yourself and don't take it personally. Instead of looking at it as a failure, look at it as a lesson.

[–]Questionnaire7 1 point2 points  (7 children)

How are you doing that at 19 years old? Do parents let kids fuck like rabbits these days?

[–]throwasktrp[S] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

College man. The girls will let you hit it raw too since 90% are on some form of birth control.

[–]damaged_goods420 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Not that you should..

[–]throwasktrp[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You definitely should not. Just wanted to point out how willing these girls are.

[–]Questionnaire7 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Ah didnt seem like a 18 year old girl would have her own place

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

    [–]Questionnaire7 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    None. But if some kid came to my house, went in my daughters room with the door closed, made noise and left then you can be damn sure he wont welcomed again.

    Unless this guy has an 18yr old high school plate with an apartment

    [–][deleted]  (3 children)

    [deleted]

    [–]throwasktrp[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

    I see what you're saying. Judge the present and forget about the past. In my particular situation this happened in the past, but what if it was happening concurrently?

    Say she's your #1 plate and you thought you were her #1, but you find out you're actually her #2 or even #3 plate, the guy she calls when chad and brad are fucking hotter girls or have football practice.

    How does that not fuck with you? How can you ignore that? Do you just accept your place in her rotation, give her the best dick you can, and focus on improving yourself?

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–]throwasktrp[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Solid advice man. I appreciate this infinitely. I'll be revisiting this comment at least once a day until I've got this mentality ingrained in my brain.

      [–]bob13bob 8 points9 points  (0 children)

      you laid 4 girls in 2 weeks. you are a chad. stop whining. maybe she held of sex with you because she knew you wouldnt respect her as you said yourself. who the fuk cares, she's your ex. man up.

      [–]htbf 13 points14 points  (2 children)

      There is nothing to rationalize.

      If a girl is horny and had the opportunity to hook up with an attractive dude, she has 0 incentive not to appart from outdated religious morals.

      You work on yourself and you deconstruct your moral compass. You can look at the way she treats you and judge that instead. And judge according to your own set of values and expectations, not mainstream morals.

      [–]throwasktrp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I think this right here is the best answer in the thread so far. I would think some girls are the biggest whores for doing the same things that me and my buddies do (ONS, fucking in bar bathrooms, 20+ partners).

      Do I just start holding women to the same sexual standards as "one of the bros"? I feel like if I did that I would end up LTR'ing one of those re-born club sluts who swear "they don't do anal anymore" but who also happens to treat me respectfully.

      [–]perplexedm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You sir, said it outright and open. You deserve a gold for this post.

      [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      Give minimal to zero validation until you've fucked them. That's how.

      [–]ddbsirt 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      My general question is how you do rationalize committing to someone, plate or LTR, knowing that someone else has gotten the same thing a whole lot easier?

      Because she isn't yours. It's just your turn.

      You are who you are. You can't change that. Don't look at what others have. Focus on yourself.

      Do you look at rich people and think 'they have the car that I saved a year to buy, that's bs', no. Because what's the point.

      [–]Casanova-Quinn 5 points6 points  (5 children)

      You need to change your mentality from “the easier she is, the more slutty she is” to “the easier she is, the more attractive he is to her”. That’s reality. An alpha can fuck quickly because he’s more attractive, it’s that simple. Every girl is a slut for the right man.

      [–]throwasktrp[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

      I guess what I meant was I don't care if it's easy for me as long as I know it's hard for everyone else. Once I know it's been easy for at least one other person, it kind of just loses its value for me. That make sense?

      [–]Casanova-Quinn 1 point2 points  (2 children)

      I know what you saying. It's an ego issue. You want to feel like the one special guy who was different than the others. But you're not special, no one is, and that's the tough pill to swallow.

      [–]throwasktrp[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      That's 100% what it is. How do I keep my ego in check while also having the confidence of chad?

      [–]Casanova-Quinn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You can be confident without having a big ego. A certain level of confidence is good, you just need to be self aware and recognize when you’re letting your ego go too far.

      [–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 2 points3 points  (2 children)

      [–]throwasktrp[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I needed that read. Thank you.

      [–]VanSeslas 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      “ Men date down, women date up. Hence, the higher a woman wants to date, the more likely she is to do way much more than the man she’s seeking to have”. It all comes down to SMV (and SMV includes both frame and looks). Did she make it way easier for another guy?! Only two things: - The perceived SMV of that guy in her eyes was way higher than hers and she’d have made it very simple for him knowing she shouldn’t even be part of his league in the first place. This is typically the type of girl you should plate. - women act upon their feelings at a given time. Was she horny?! Drunk?! Did she want to create a crazy story for the books?! Was it something he said?! You’ll never know. And don’t even try to know. Cause even if you do, it still wouldn’t make fucking sense. Cause they’re women.

      Now to summarize, how do you deal with it knowing how “hard” it was for you meanwhile someone else had the pussy wet at “Hello”?! You don’t care. Keep improving your SMV and keep surrounding yourself with girls who make it easy for you. I only enjoy the “hard” aspect of a girl when I can tell from the start she’s dying to be with me but is just playing it “safe”. And I don’t care how fast she gave it away to someone else cause after all, we are here to smash and move on. This is why you should actually rarely discuss what got you in a girl’s pants unless it was a majestic process. Did you smash?yeah?! Me too. Handshake. My man. Done.

      [–]HumbleRedPillStudent 3 points4 points  (1 child)

      Hey man, all this advice is solid and it's a great thing that you're getting involved in TRP so early. Hell, Rollo's post, "Saving the Best" was the visceral read that Red Pilled me in the first place, almost a year ago, to the day.

      Since then I've been resentful about investing in a girl in any way before I fuck her-- either time, money or emotions to the smallest degree.

      An encouraging thought is that, while you might feel like girls are extorting all this investment from you for their pussies, and just turning around and giving it away to Chad (or just someone who happens to sexually communicate better than you), we are the gate keepers of something much more valuable.

      Look dude, getting a nut is great, and it's frustrating to have that withheld from you, but a quick fap on pornhub fixes that pretty quick.

      We are the gatekeepers of commitment and emotional investment (which can also lead to financial and parental investment if nature has its way). That's something that almost NO woman gets in this day and age, and especially not from the man she wants.

      During my anger phase I cheated on my girlfriend of 2 years. And I sort of fell in love with another woman. My girlfriend didn't flip when I told her about the sex, but she sure lost it when she saw the txts that evidenced a romantic affair of emotional commitment. I imagine she felt an awful lot like the guy in Saving the Best. I had emotional commitment, and despite all her work, I gave it away to a girl I hardly knew.

      How many girls have you seriously invested in, once you got your balls drained? Do you know almost any girl you would consider for marraige? Are there brothels in Nevada where girls can go to in order to feel married, as though they'd be looked after for the rest of their lives?

      Commitment just ain't gonna happen for most of them. Sex may not happen as much as you'd like, and other guys may get it easier, but you've got the better end of the deal if you realize that commitment > sex.

      You're doing great. You're smashing. You're 19 and as hard as it is to believe, no one stays Chad forever.

      In the long run, your wild oats will be seen farer, wider and longer than hers, and when you choose, you can settle into a highly-vetted, non-legal partnership to raise a kid, if you want to take that risk. Play your cards. Work hard to play them right. You've got WAY more opportunity for a good life than any girl you will ever date.

      [–]pridebrah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Thought-provoking. Good post my man.

      [–]SeamusAwl 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      My general question is how you do rationalize committing to someone, plate or LTR, knowing that someone else has gotten the same thing a whole lot easier?

      I don't care. I only care what she is doing with me and whether or not I am enjoying it.

      I feel like a cuck for even dating or having feelings for her in the first place when chad put in zero work and got all the benefits.

      I have been with virgins and I have been with those with more experience than me. I have never felt like I was a cuck because the girl had a positive n-count before she met me. You care too much. However, I really don't quite like it if I know that they refused to do anything with me that I know they did with someone before.

      [–]BusterVadge 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      You can choose not to commit if you want. Some people will choose to spin plates, and that is ok too.

      If you do decide to commit, understand that she's not yours, it it simply just your turn. Know that no matter who you are there are guys that your girl has been with that have higher SMV than you do and your girl probably did things with them quicker and easier than with you.

      Gotta learn to put your ego to the side in these matters and be the best man that you can be by your own standards not someone else's.

      [–]Narcissist456 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      This is exactly why you #spinplates4life

      [–]R41nmaker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Just fucking work on yourself for YOUR happiness. Go to the gym, go shopping, gambling/drinking (responsibly), take dance classes. Do things that will make you a better and more attractive man, so long as you do it because you ENJOY it. Don’t just take guitar classes if you don’t like playing instruments. Don’t give a fuck what bitches think or do. They need you more than you need them. If you talk to a girl, it is because you WANT her, but you don’t NEED her. You can just as easily walk away from her as you walked into her life.

      [–]master_beta89 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      You’re 19, he’s 27 - he is about 8 years more experienced than you. No surprise here.

      As you get older you will come to accept that the woman you are talking with has had sex with other people. You can have sex with other people too.

      [–]throwasktrp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      That's a big part of it. I have a certain view of her and even expectations since I'm the one that took her virginity. Thanks for the pointer.

      [–]letsbiohackslaves 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      no matter how much the chicken runs around the farm, she knows the rooster is eventually gonna fuck her. She just tries to make him think shes not easy

      [–]Ricardo2991 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Stop worry about everyone else mate. In every aspect of life, people will get things easily that were or are hard for you to get. It shouldn't have any affect on you.

      [–]throwitdownman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Some advice here are awful. I disagree with ‘checking your ego’. The issue is not an ego thing, it’s not OP’s fault. The issue is AWALT, hypergamy, and branch swinging exists.

      Why did it happen? Because of the reasons above. Why me? Because AWALT. How do I get over it? Hook up with more women.

      If OP is feeling cucked, telling him to check his ego is MGTOW advice. The next time he’ll be getting AMOG-ed, because he ‘accepts that this girl finds others more attractive’.

      [–]quicklogaccount 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I lose attraction to girls that make it easy for me because I know if it's easy for me it's easy for everyone else.

      At some point, as you develop yourself and your game, this will mean you'll lose attraction for EVERY woman out there. As you grow older, EVERY sex will be a fnl, and you'll probably dismiss the chick if it is not, because you will KNOW that she only didn't fuck you to try to make herself look better, you'll know she was eager and craving for you, and forced herself to say "no".
      Purge the priest from you and accept that sex IS easy to get.

      Is this normal? How do you work past this?

      Yes, it is quite normal. At any moment, if you feel your chick gave freely something you wanted and she made hard to get for you, you WILL feel like that. And there is no cure and it WILL eat you inside out when you're vulnerable, you will have to break up otherwise you'll feel like crap and eventually convince yourself to like it.
      The first idea is to never get in this vulnerable spot for sex. Sex must be easy to get for you because it certainly is (or was) for someone else, and you'll know it. Get sex soon, healthy women are horny fuckers, live with it. AWALT.
      Cherishing things that are not sex is a must for a relationship (otherwise you should stick to fucking two women a week, it'll feel much better for you). Whatever it is that you cherish from her, don't allow her carefully dose it, get it in abundance.
      For last, don't let her have power over you because she has something you enjoy. If she starts bargaining, next. It'll be tempting and easy to pay a fee for it for as long as you're strong enough to, but when you're vulnerable and need her the most, you won't be able to pay and also have a hard time leaving her and trusting yourself in your capacity to get fulfillment elsewhere. Keep this in mind.

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)

      [deleted]

      [–]Deep_freeze202 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Why would you even want to commit to a woman when her "commitment" is conditional and subject to change on a whim at any point with or without warning.

      Would you put your life savings in a high risk low reward investment?

      [–]El_Serpiente_Roja 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Yea dude..dealing with this now.. only solution is dgaf or next.

      [–]d4ng3rz0n3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Every single women you have ever met has given it up on the first date/night to someone. There were circumstances that existed which were OK for her to do that. If its not with you then she is not that interested and will branch swing at the next available opportunity

      [–]Cross_De_Lena 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Mental mastrubation.

      [–]mrHappyPotatoe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Its completely normal. You will understand it better if life puts you into chads shoes. Ive experiwnced both sides now and i just say meh. Oo a new pussy.

      [–]ReddJive 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You can only blamed for bad vetting.

      Learn. Move on.

      Why try to change the past?

      [–]TheStumblingWolf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You can't change it, just accept it. Use it as motivation for self improvement. If you don't enough it'll become easy for you too.

      [–]Deep_freeze202 0 points1 point  (3 children)

      You become chad

      [–]throwasktrp[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

      Chad is all relative. I am chad with the plates I'm spinning. What I meant is that this whole "chad" thing loses it's value when you know there's been another chad or a higher SMV chad.

      [–]Deep_freeze202 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      But Chad wouldn't care about another Chad being there first

      [–]throwasktrp[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Good point.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Hypergamy

      [–]circlhat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      What I really liked about my ex was that I thought she wasn't easy to get with.

      Women are easy, for men they like, if she makes it hard, she is like eh, He has a dick, might as well sit on it til something better comes along

      [–]Auphor_Phaksache 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      What I really liked about my ex was that I thought she wasn't easy to get with. She never made it THAT easy for me and I liked that. I lose attraction to girls that make it easy for me because I know if it's easy for me it's easy for everyone else.

      The reason she made it hard for you is because you would have lost respect for her. If you are indifferent to if she's a hoe or not you would get laid faster.

      [–]Viking_RnP 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      What other people do is their choice. We are all subject to freedom of will. We all thrive this way. Everything that happens is for the better if you want it to be. Emotions are nothing but conflict, even the "good" ones. Find peace where emotions don't exist.

      [–]DadOnDabs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Do I enjoy my car that I worked my ass off to pay for even tho that rich kid has a brand new one his dad gave him? Hell yeah I love mine for mine.

      That being said I'm not gonna drive this car for the rest of my life. It's been driven a lot, has problem, and doesn't have too many good miles left on it. I'll trade it in for a newer model down the road.

      P.s. she owes you nothing

      [–]kellykebab 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      How hard was it for you to fuck 4 girls in 2 weeks?

      What are you complaining about?

      [–]phareux 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      You had sex with 4 women wtf how I’m 22 and have never had sex with any... lmfao you are a Chad compared to me

      [–]throwasktrp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I'd honestly rather have my life and shit together than lay another girl.

      [–]MisterRoid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I remember feeling pretty pathetic when I used condoms on the girl's request in my younger days and realized other guys probably got to fuck the girl raw. Now I never discuss protection, and if the girl brings it up I say that I'm not going to have sex with a condom. Trying to talk a girl into going bareback is a bad idea. It will make her paranoid and think you might have something nasty, and perhaps most importantly she's afraid of being seen as a slut if she verbally agrees to have raw sex.

      [–]ArticulateSavage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Brother, you must read this article by the one and only Rollo Tomassi which deals with the situation you have dealt with. It is the definitive breakdown of this exact phenomenon by the Lion of the Manosphere.

      [–]friendandadvisor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      My general question is how you do rationalize committing to someone, plate or LTR, knowing that someone else has gotten the same thing a whole lot easier? I feel like a cuck for even dating or having feelings for her in the first place when chad put in zero work and got all the benefits.

      This is a good way to feel. For me, it makes me look at the chick in a whole different light. She valued my penis less than his. What does this tell me of the future, should he happen to get horny some night and decide to give her a call?

      I'm thinking to demote these kinds. Of course, there could be exceptions (lol), but, each case will be different. For me, I can't rationalize a commitment in these cases. Never can tell, tho. You are in kind of a good position, though, because you found out that she immediately dropped her laundry for the one, while making you wait.

      [–]melonsle -3 points-2 points  (2 children)

      My general question is how you do rationalize committing to someone, plate or LTR, knowing that someone else has gotten the same thing a whole lot easier?

      What people offer to one another in a committed relationship is a lot different than what they offer while having random, age-mismatched hookups.

      If you offered this woman emotional seriousness and commitment, you probably offered her a lot more than the 27 year old guy. What you had with her was probably more real.

      Maybe from your perspective, fvcking random girls you don't care about is some really cool thing, and this guy comes across as more powerful because he fvcked this girl without commitment. But from where I'm sitting it just shows that both of them are in an experimental, non-committal phase of life, and neither are really offering anything very deep to the person they're with. Sex with a woman in an experimental phase doesn't have the same emotional significance, in my opinion, as sex with a woman who is considering commitment or wants to commit, and the same is true for men. People who imbue the sex act with emotional intensity and significance often look at those who use it with less emotion or less depth or less intensity, and feel left out or at a loss. Because you will have dry spells, but Sir Humpsalot can get with different girls every week. Well, he can only do this because he does not care about them. That's a generalization, and a paradox, but I think it holds up. Guys in heavy rotation just do not care.

      You brought your heart into this relationship, and the 27 year old guy did not. That's an accomplishment. That's a big deal. It didn't work out, but you were touched at the heart-level, and that's an important and distinguishing thing to experience. Your life will never be the same.

      chad put in zero work and got all the benefits.

      He got all the benefits? He had awkward first-date sex with an awkward 19 year old virgin or near virgin, who herself is probably not that great a prize (sorry if it hurts your feelings), whom he didn't even love or care about at all. (Catching feelings across that age gap is unlikely).

      You want a relationship, right? A relationship is more than sex. If you felt heart-connected with this girl then I guarantee that you were touched at a deeper level than this 27-year old dude was. That's your prize, its a worthy one. I'd suggest you take it and be happy.

      Poets get burned more deeply but they they also feel more deeply. Its a distinguished position to inhabit. You can use this experience to now find someone who values you more.

      [–]friendandadvisor 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Its a distinguished position to inhabit.

      Yeah, kind of like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. They even wrote a book about him. Unfortunately, he got zero pussy.

      [–]melonsle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Its ok if you don't understand the role of the emotions and the heart in relating. So you may view every interaction where you did not score, as something of a loss.

      I don't see things that way. Sometimes you get dumped by someone and find someone way better, and give a little prayer to the universe for putting you through that shitty time. So the difference between our viewpoints I would say is I feel tremendously optimistic about the future in general, for OP, you, myself, and all dudes like this - and your viewpoint seems to be "I'm a hunchback and that's all I'll ever be" - because one girl didnt like you. The world is overflowing with girls and the one who dumps you or cheats not only teaches you about yourself, she is preparing you for a future full of better women. That's grounds for optimism.