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How to get rid of my conditioning of being intimidated by attractive women (self.asktrp)

submitted by QuintonRammedMyPage

As stupid as it sounds, it's true. I've been following the red pill for a while now and read the rational male and may even read it a second time to see if I missed anything. I do my best to maintain frame and from what I can tell attractive women don't notice that I'm intimidated but I want to know how to internally not give a fuck rather than just faking it. It's incredibly frustrating and it seems that the harder I try the more intense the feeling becomes. Aby advice from people who have been in similar situations?


[–]2SirKolbath 125 points126 points  (9 children)

You're too outcome dependent. You need to work on rejection innoculation. Go get rejected by 200 women. You lose the game if any of them give you a number or agree to a date. Don't be a creepy ass and don't get arrested.

By the time you get to fifty you'll stop caring about how attractive they are. By the time you get to a hundred you'll be trying to see how fucked up you can approach. By the time you get to two hundred you won't even notice the glare from their boyfriend.

[–]daytonbull90 57 points58 points  (7 children)

This. The man that introduced my mom to my dad is the same man that taught me the law of averages. JD is his name, he would hitchhike on PCH in Laguna Beach, only allowing women to pick him up (this is the 70's, mind you). When he got picked up, he would ask them if they'd like some NSA sex, to which 99% of them refused. But it didn't matter to him, because he was still successful in that 1%. He taught me to view women as you view men; they're people, they like sex as much, if not more than men. Talk to a woman how you talk to a bro dude, relax and be yourself, be confident in yourself, if they don't like you, then they don't like you. Move the fuck on, there are 3,000,000 more just like her.

[–]Bissett57 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Did he have to wait ever 1 in 100 women for one to say yes?

[–]daytonbull90 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ya, those aren't the exact statistics, but he got not dozens, but hundreds of women this way, it was his hobby.

[–]dongpal 0 points1 point  (4 children)

but doesnt this support the negative mantra of "you are as good as you are/ you are good enough" which is not what TRP wants? TRP wants you to improve, if you get rejected 100 times doesnt that mean that you maybe did something wrong which you could improve, but you dont see the critism anymore because "you are good enough", "it's just a numbers game!" ?

[–]daytonbull90 7 points8 points  (3 children)

How do you get good in the first place? I don't know anyone with a 100% success rate at everything they do. Success is acheived through failure.

[–]dongpal -1 points0 points  (2 children)

Success is acheived through failure...

...by reflecting your mistakes. If you play the numbers games stupid, you don't reflect anything, you just go for the next one, doesn't matter if she says no, you just go to the next one .... and so on. In this case, this is pure failure.

[–]daytonbull90 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Right, that boils down to competency. But if all you're doing is asking for sex in the 70's, you'll get a yes or no answer, and the law of averages will get you laid.

[–]TheBlackAlistar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah but still no one's going to have amazing success, sure you can reflect on where you fucked up. Then there's the times you have a perfect approach and the girl is just having a shit day and doesn't even wanna bother with you. Can't overthink it.

[–]menial_optimist 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Good idea.

[–]TopofToronto 34 points35 points  (2 children)

I got over my fear and being intimidated by women by modifying that old advice of "imagine everyone in their underwear" for public speaking to imagining the woman's face during an orgasm ( Beautiful agony).

Then they are the vulnerable one rather than me and to focus on that rather than all the fears my mind is creating.

That "O" face that I imagine I will be giving her in a few hours , switches around the dynamic and boosts my confidence and keeps my mind on the prize.

[–]QuantumSpecter 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This whole time ive been imagining girls taking a shit because i feel like it puts everyone on the same level. Like the pushing and everything

Maybe orgasming is a better idea

[–]1Terminal-Psychosis 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Practice. something you ain't gonna get here.

[–]yesbuthereswhy 22 points23 points  (1 child)

It took me 3 more years than the average kid to ride a bike. My dad was never there to teach me and my mom was always off doing her own thing after the divorce. I was 8 years old when I finally learned how to ride my bike. Every day I went outside and every night I came home bruised, bloodied and sometimes even crying. I was so very sure that one day I would learn to ride my bike. Eventually I did learn to ride my bike and it was one of my happiest moments because I did it all by myself. I even bought myself a cool motorcycle at 19 which surprised my brother because he made fun of me for years.

The point of the story is: I had to fall down and get hurt. Emotionally and physically I was torn up every day. What got me to ride that bike was persistence. I bandaged myself up and I wiped away my tears. I got back on that bike knowing that I would either ride down that street with my head held high or I’d fall down and be covered in scrapes or bruises.

You’ve got to put in the work and that means getting rejected. After you do it enough times you will succeed but you can’t let every bump in the road discourage you. You’re going to get embarrassed, your face will get red and you will say dumb stuff but it’s a lot better than staying in and not even giving yourself a chance.

[–]Killing__Time_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Wow. You write beautifully.

[–]buddboy 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It just kind of takes time. There was a post in r/seduction recently about a guy that saw a hot girl come to his store and developed a huge crush on her. When he finally met her he learned she was a huge bitch and kind of dumb, and he didn't care about her anymore. He said he learned to never put women on pedestals ever again.

When you are talking to a super hot girl you must remember she's just a human, and probably kind of dumb and not that interesting. We all get smitten by hot girls but over time it starts to sink in theres no reason to be intimidated by a 110 lb idiot with a stupid job. Just keep reminding yourself you're better, and live a life that makes that a true fact.

Play a game with yourself and pretend you literally aren't attracted to her. It's almost like your trying to convince yourself you can't fuck her even if you wanted. It's hard to describe but to be outcome independent you have to literally outcome independent lol. Theres no way around it. You don't care what she thinks of you and don't care if you fuck her at the end of the night

[–]SjekkieTime 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Just keep doing it and you'll become less intimidated, because you get used to it. Also, be outcome independent like the other guy said.

[–]Viking_RnP 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Slowly get over it one bumbling stutter sentence at a time.

[–]FemtoG 5 points6 points  (0 children)

surround yourself with them or

surround yourself with one all the time and prepare to get buttblasted by her personality or lack thereof

[–]letgravitydecide 6 points7 points  (0 children)

People who don't give a fuck don't even bother leaving the house. You'll never stop being intimidated. It's a signal that action is required. You can become practiced at acting in the face of intimidation. Not just with women, but with life in general. Intimidation lets you know that this opportunity is one that matters to you. You can become an intimidation seeking missile, someone who moves toward uncomfortable situations instead of away. Outcome independence might be a useful goal, but it's also an easy way to talk yourself out of discomfort. If you make the discomfort your goal, you'll begin to redefine what you feel is intimidating.

[–]Kabuki431 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Here's what I figured out recently. All these 9s 10s and 11s they are mostly broke, and have nothing going on in their life. Once you figure that out, they become really humble and then its easy to deal with them without being intimidated.

This applies only if you are doing better as a man, i.e have your health and wealth in check.

P.S most of these are broke bitches and have nothing else other than their physical beauty.

[–]Mr_Badass 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You need more exposure to beautiful women. Join the yoga class at gym.

[–]OfficerWade 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It took a lot of trial and error. I wouldn’t say it became a problem but women were more than willing to go out with me which surprised me a lot. So I started saying well, how good at this am I? What will happen if I ask her out and she says no? Eventually I found myself getting flakes on dates or bounced from my place because I failed to escalate and they felt like sluts. The issue is exactly what most guys here will tell you. It’s not that your a nice guy because to some extent we’re all nice guys but that you didn’t make a move when it was available. Hit the Iron while the iron is hot.

I remember this girl specifically, she was tall, sexy brunette that I invited to come to a party with me. We basically sat around while I tried figure out wha to do next and she bounced, this was a mistake that I refused to let happen again so I was asking girls out and sport fucking. I learned there is no one that comes to see you, talk to you, or spend time with you that doesn’t wanna get fucked. Unfortunately I still wasn’t happy. I’m still learning about myself and the relationship I have with myself and others. I still ask girls out but I’m much more inclined to fun and good vibes than the outcome. Dare I say, trying to be their friend...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You really just have to do it more until your nervous system stops giving a shit.

[–]BusterVadge 0 points1 point  (0 children)

[–]rp2626 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even though women are different from us they are still human. Just be funny and show them the best side of your personality. A good joke can make a brilliant first impression. There's nothing to lose so just have fun with it.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Talk to them but don’t try to pick them up. Some are friendly, some boring, some rude. They’re just people and they will treat you the same as anyone else. Once you fully understand that it’s much easier.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

attractive women don't notice that I'm intimidated but I want to know how to internally not give a fuck rather than just faking it

Right.

Time and practice.

[–]TheLanternFlame 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same, still got the nervousness, but I have been practicing dgaf about it anymore, and reverse the game to develop the abundance mentality. Learn from failures, own my own shit, each failure is different from the last, learn incrementally from each mistakes, get rejected. On paper I'm good to go, but let me get this take on speed dates this weekend, need those reality punches in the gut and face for this to work.

[–]red_matrix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have to somehow internalize the fact that you're the king, you're the prize - women are just icing on the cake. It's hard. But you have to believe it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

be attractive to them, it's that easy

you could be the worst of the worst and still score if you're good looking, case in point

girls are incredibly shallow

[–]Redpillswole 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Buddhist Death Meditation

Basically we are all ugly and rancid eventually. Our skin wrinkles and curls and gets leathery. When we die we are consumed by maggots and other insects and it is the ugliest thing ever.

On the inside of every human is their gross organs, flesh, blood, poop, piss, on the inside.

Don't focus too much on external beauty yours or others.

We are all poop piss food blood cum machines that in reality are gross as fuck. And we all die and get old and will look ugly as fuck no matter how much botox we use.

[–]resnine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is like pretending that there is not a purple elephant in the room when there is. The more you tell yourself it isn't there the more you draw attention to it.

[–]Bear-With-Bit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here are some weird ideas.

  • Look up YouTube for videos on making eye. Perhaps there are some by attactive women.

  • Develop a hobby as a people/fashion photographer, start shooting women for free. Use the city as a backdrop.

  • Take up dancing like salsa.

  • Take up yoga like bikram.

[–]cl3537 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just view her from the neck up. Most women don't have hot faces. Forget about her body just look at her face when evaluating her then you won't put pussy on a pedestal.

[–]screechhater -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

So the other day I was talking to one of my kids principals in a relaxed atmosphere, wanna know what the HB-7 said ?

“I want a attractive husband like you, that takes no shit.... “

Then she took a swig of her beer and burped like a frat boy. After I blew a load in her mouth, she cleaned herself up and walked back to her husband and daughters waiting patiently for her

[–]cenie -1 points0 points  (3 children)

You're thinking too hard. Just have fun.

[–]Blckclaw 1 point2 points  (2 children)

You know you cannot just stop thinking about a think and just have fun? If it was so easy, OP wouldn't make that thread.

[–]9000sins 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Have you ever tried to relax? It’s an oxymoron. - Jerry Smith

[–]cenie -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I never said it was easy.