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I read No More Mr. Nice Guy and it absolutely changed my life. But there's a part of me that's worried I will revert back to old habits. (self.asktrp)

submitted by KRISTAPORZINGA

I was the typical nice guy: perfectionist who can't get anything done, never expressing how I feel, jealous of others at all times, seeking validation from women, depressed, anxious. Then I read No More Mr. Nice Guy and began to trust and listen and follow through with my inner voice.

These past few weeks have been amazing. I started standing up to my family, my cousins, all the people who would walk all over me and I started to express how I really feel at all times. If a cashier overcharged me, I would say, "you overcharged me." Girls have been so fucking easy to talk to. I just say whatever's on my mind with no filter and they seem to fall all over me. When guys insult me, I used to battle it in my mind for 3 hours. Now I don't even care whatsoever. If I make a mistake, I own it, I admit that it's okay.

Now, I still live at home and I have a mother like the one described in the book. If I make the slighest mistake or forget something it's like a fucking trainwreck. No wonder I turned out a nice guy. I'm working on getting a job ASAP so I can get the fuck out of my house. I feel great now, but there's a part of me that worries I'm gonna revert back to my old self, especially still living with a "perfectionist" mother. I'm terrified of that. I never wanna be a fucking nice guy again, but I can't shake this thought that it might happen.

Am I simply being duped by a thought?


[–]Senior EndorsedCopperFox3c 33 points34 points  (2 children)

NMMNG is a good starting place, a gentle introduction.

Now you should move on and read the Book of Pook and Jack Donovan's The Way of Men. You should also be learning more TRP theory and applying it IRL. Lift, approach women, find your mission and pursue it, etc.

If you don't wanna fall backward, then it is incumbent that you keep moving forward.

[–]keyslide 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." -Will Rogers

[–]BeHere2234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also, consider that usually those who revert to old habits are basically acting out to avoid being nice. Basically, dont be a dick in order to magically solve your problems, value yourself and stop being nice for no reason.

[–]Endorsed Contributorbalalasaurus 18 points19 points  (2 children)

Put it this way: you have seen the matrix; you cannot un-see it. Your fear of reversion results precisely because you have understood the costs that reversion entails. Your only way is up. Keep reading, lifting and working on yourself. That fear will soon subside as you grow into yourself.

[–]KRISTAPORZINGA[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

i think you're right. i just need to internally remember to always speak my truth and live my truth regardless of the level of fear i feel. there will be some days where the fear is greater or the fear is smaller, but i can always make the decision to speak up and stand up for myself. i guess what i'm asking is it normal to feel more fear or less fear on certain days?

[–]AskTRP Endorsed Contributorbicepsblastingstud 3 points4 points  (0 children)

i guess what i'm asking is it normal to feel more fear or less fear on certain days?

Yes, of course. You're doing just fine.

Keep in mind that this is a new lifestyle, not a phase or a program. You can fall off of a diet, break a resolution, etc. A lifestyle change, however, is permanent, even if you make mistakes or temporarily lose your way.

[–]lionofthejungle 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Do what I do with my perfectionist mother: ignore and don't engage. She'll eventually realize you are unshakeable in your ways.

[–]KRISTAPORZINGA[S] 8 points9 points  (2 children)

word, i should take the advice of RDJ: Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever the fuck you were gonna do anyway.

[–]italianking13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is what my dad does. My mom continues the same behavior though.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I suggest reading "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" to help you one your journey.

How do you not revert to old habits? Self discipline, which is not the same as motivation. For me, reading about self discipline in the military helped a lot, because its part of an overall "package" designed to make you a better person (put the team first and karma will flow back to you, be humble about your achievements, etc). Self discipline is an essential part of the job.

[–]19Bullets 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think the more you consciously make the NMMNG behaviors a habit, the more they'll become second-nature. Practice, practice, practice.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

[–]whutyomamado 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Hey twin. I also have a disc problem and bad posture what have u been doing to fix ur spine? I've been doing yoga poses. mostly downward facing dog. and its been helping but I could use some advice since its been taking a long time to recover

[–]Caucasian-African 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have made great progress!

As hard as it is, listen to and acknowledged your mother to pacify her, then do whatever the hell you want. Don't let it eat at you. Deal with your mom's nit picking the same way as you handle "insults", if you can.

If you don't reinforce what you've learned, you likely will revert to your old ways. These are new skills which you need to practice. Reinforce those skills by re-reading NMMNG periodically. That's what I do.

[–]SexistFlyingPig 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't overthink this.

[–]PantsonFire1234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is the book just about being nice rather than uncaring?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Once unplugged, there is no going back, it would be like breaking back into jail.

Instead push forward with self improvement. Not out of fear of regreresion but passion for your life.

[–]whutyomamado 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good job dude! I'm in a very similar spot as you. Except I did revert..just a little. I'm working on rereading nmmng and book of pook. I also recommend the rationale male by Rollo tomassi. But back to reverting... It only happens if you let yourself. If you don't completely kill off that inner voice saying its OK to blah blah blah. And you find yourself making excuses for not doing something realize that's male hamstering. Ive done it all my life and old habits die hard. You're a man now. Kill the boy.

[–]askerman97 0 points1 point  (7 children)

How did the people who used to walk all over you react when you stood up to them?

[–]KRISTAPORZINGA[S] 4 points5 points  (6 children)

at first they were getting "threatened" by my new attitude. they started ramping up the insults to which i just agreed and amplified or hurled back at them. it was interesting to understand the mechanics of the situation. the fact that they needed to insult me more showed me that what i was doing was working. then it started to get to the point where how they reacted didn't even affect me. and now i feel much more respect from them.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

If relatives treat you worse than a complete stranger, walk away.

[–]askerman97 -1 points0 points  (3 children)

Interesting. Can you give a few examples of their insults and what you specifically said to A and A?

I always struggle to A and A in the moment, I always think of something to say later.

[–]KRISTAPORZINGA[S] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

lets say someone says "you get no girls"

response: a) yeah im actually still a virgin b) i got a few guys lined up though

someone says you're a loser

a) yeah i just eat doritos all day and play call of duty

etc.

you're doing this for your own sake. to show your ego that it's not a big deal. guys insult each other all the time. but when you're a nice guy you take it personally. a&a helps your mind not take it personally. and when you dont take it personally guys think you have a strong character and you will have a strong character

[–]TomFoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very well done.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

These are perfect responses