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I never learn. My GF just lied and I know she is at a hotel with some guy (self.asktrp)

submitted by willysmiles

I found TRP when my fiancé was cheating and it really helped. I rebuilt my life and moved in with a new lady who was so perfect. We have been talking about marriage and I guess I let my guard down and here we go again.

She wrote me an email at work saying she was gonna be home super late. Said she wanted to shop and get ALL her XMAS gifts out of the way. Something seemed off so I checked her email ( I hacked the passwords last month) and saw a confirmation for HotelTonight app. I bet its her coworker, she has been telling me what a stuck up asshole he is lately.

What is my move here? Confront?

EDIT

Thanks to all who helped. I think I may have misunderstood and she is adamant she didn't cheat and I am being paranoid. It doesnt explain the hotel and I'm just not sure if I should bring that up


[–]The__Tren__Train 124 points125 points  (35 children)

ghost her, leave no evidence that you found out

[–]lanky32 43 points44 points  (11 children)

Currently you feel mindfucked. If you ghost her,she will be the one getting mindfucked. It will make you feel infinitely better.

This discussion prompted me to write a detailed post on ghosting on TRP. Here's the link:

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/5hjnht/you_should_ghost_women_who_have_cheated_on_you/

[–]sehns 55 points56 points  (10 children)

OP this is the best advise. DONT pussy out and confront her about it. DONT "teach her a lesson by telling her off" - the ultimate way is to mind fuck her. The MOMENT she understands you caught her she will be given the gift of closure. Fuck that.

Pack your shit, move out tonight, don't be there tomorrow. Don't leave a note. Don't respond to any calls or texts. It will torment her for the rest of her life not knowing what happened. That is the goal.

[–]lanky32 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Yup, I have a feeling though, that OP will not listen to our advice and do some beta shit to get closure, which he won't get.

He will then rave and rant for a few months talking about how unfair women are etc. etc.

OP, if you want to come out of this feeling like a winner, do as we say, or else do whatever you wanted to do and feel like a cuck.

If you actually follow our advice, post what happened thereafter. Let it be a lesson to all betas on how to come out feeling like a winner in a fucked up situation.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    LOL

    [–]JimmyZoZo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Man, this is the type of shit a woman would do, I like the way you guys think!

    [–]Endorsed ContributorAFPJ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Tell her you're leaving, say why, and go. Not only is trying to one-up women at female behavior legitimately pathetic, chancing a psycho stalker bitch trying to make your life hell for petty revenge means your life priorities are fucked up.

    Stick your hand in your pants so you remember that you don't have a vagina down there, and start acting like it.

    Paging /u/willysmiles in hopes this doesn't fall on deaf ears.

    [–]Endorsed Contributorbalalasaurus 5 points6 points  (7 children)

    You're half right.

    We have been talking about marriage and I guess I let my guard down and here we go again.

    He's moved on from one marriage to potentially entering another one. This implies OP has already invested a good deal in this relationship. He needs to collect evidence and protect himself. Ghosting will be suspicious and may be the last thing he needs to do so.

    Using the evidence collected to devise a strategy is the appropriate move here. Leaving no evidence that he's found out is a good start.

    [–]ticklethegooch1 0 points1 point  (6 children)

    like /u/balalasaurus said, gather more evidence and leave no evidence that you found out about it.

    From the information you presented it looks like you are assuming too much. It is just a hotel booking. Was it at the exact same time she "went shopping"? For how long? Where were the pdf files of confirmations etc.? You know the drill...

    Till you have no further information I suggest you hate fuck her everytime you are in bed with your LTR and install dread in her. That way you can expand her comfort zone in bed. This behavior serves two purposes, first: if she isnt cheating, you give her the best sex of her life and she will love you even more for it, second: if she cheats, you had crazy fun with her and can ghost her after while she will miss you like crazy.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children)

    If she booked a hotel at anytime where he wasn't aware of it, then it is evidence enough. If I date a girl seriously for say 3 months, and she never once mentions travel or needing a room, but she has booked a room in that 3 months, then that is all that is needed to know she cheated.

    [–]ticklethegooch1 1 point2 points  (4 children)

    So if she is booking a room for her mother, sister or friend for whatever reason, is not even considered?

    I don't monitor or expect my plates or LTRs to tell me every fucking thing they do, because when something is up you will eventually find out, there is no need to be so pessimistic and let a good plate/LTR be ruined by it.

    On the other hand when I found out, I am gone. So they think twice or when they did something stupid ask me for my opinion on it.

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

    Your GF is staying out late. You also find out she booked a room in a local hotel that night, and you don't know of a reason she would be doing so. Now, what is the probability that it is something really innocent like you mentioned? The chance are very low. The chances it is exactly what you would expect is very high. This is not pessimism, it is realism.

    [–]ticklethegooch1 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    I am not going into the flaw of why pessimists always think they are realists.

    Those events could be linked or could be independent.

    I am not a BP hamster. I am just stating that getting more evidence is a better option than to jump conclusions and ruin something that was good in the first place.

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I am not going into the flaw of why pessimists always think they are realists.

    But that's the whole point of contention, whether or not I'm realistic in this particular instance. I think I am, you disagree, and that's fine. Larger life philosophies don't matter in specific cases.

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    If he wanted to be sure, he could have went to the hotel that night.

    [–]willysmiles[S] 2 points3 points  (14 children)

    I wish I did this. She came home and we had a battle royals and I ended up on the sofa. She won't admit it and now I am wondering if its just a misunderstanding

    [–]WolfenSatyr 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    You, sir, have become an askhole.

    An askhole is some who wants advice and follows none of it. The men here gave you solid advice based on compared experience and you went against it.

    Enjoy the couch. Come back when you want to take this seriously.

    [–]bonerpotpie 8 points9 points  (3 children)

    Your girl cheats on you and YOU sleep on the couch? For fuck's sake man, have some goddamn self respect. I understand hiccoughs on the road to redpill redemption, but it's clear you haven't internalized a thing here.

    [–]LordThunderbolt 6 points7 points  (2 children)

    I never understand the whole sleeping on the couch shit, especially from men who own the house or are the main breadwinners

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–]LordThunderbolt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Pretend like you're fine and you want to hug her. Smile and get close, pick her up and swirl around like in a fairy tale then drop her right outside the door you'll close and lock.

      [–]RojoEscarlata 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      What a fucking idiot.

      [–]chiefbl 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      It seems like you won't listen to anything anyone say on here. But please keep in mind that someone is 100% certainly watching you and judging you. That dude is the future you.

      By all means, choose what you want to believe and just don't regret your decision. But I can assure you, what these guys are saying is what you should be doing. Definitely not sleeping on the couch.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Women never admit it and evolution has made them way too good at hiding it. You literally have to catch them in the act or have some other sort of direct proof in order to get a confession. And even then, the hamster will have a new rationalization at the ready.

        If your gut tells you a woman is cheating or something's off, it's probably right. If you're not married, that's all the proof you'll need to ghost.

        [–]1oldredder 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        This is why you always gotta have your own place. NEVER the sofa unless you LOVE the sofa and can choose the bed/sofa at will. I have certainly slept on my sofa a few times. I felt like it. I live alone. I will sleep on the damn floor or kitchen table if I feel like it.

        [–]LordThunderbolt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Who's name is on the lease? Why are YOU sleeping on the couch of your own place??

        [–]edwardhwhite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        She might be lying

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Did you get specifics about the hotel room date of booking? If so and it falls in a time that is not pre-relationship or makes sense (she went on a trip with her sister that weekend, etc), then there is no possible misunderstanding. If you know the hotel was for that night of "shopping" and was a local room, then my previous reply X 100.

        [–]privilegechecked85 69 points70 points  (2 children)

        Your night just opened up to go to the gym. Never talk with her again.

        [–]Overzealous_BlackGuy 14 points15 points  (1 child)

        Or the bar, its Friday.

        [–]nb2k 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        I don't gym but do alcohol. I can say from experience that whilst it sounds good, the bar would be a high risk place to be. Soon enough you give in and drink and before you know it, you've lost frame and raging down a phone.

        [–]dan_legend 35 points36 points  (2 children)

        Never ever move in with a girl. Never. I'm learning that lesson right now. And considering marriage is a losing proposition right now. I dont forsee me ever living with a woman again.

        [–]MK_D 7 points8 points  (1 child)

        True. It's an attraction killer

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Unless your roommate is your hot friend/fuck buddy who've you've come to tolerate over the years and you're both seeing other people. Automatic female pre-selection+potential option if plates drop+female competitiveness triggered!

        [–]detachedbymarriage 24 points25 points  (4 children)

        (I hope you read this for your sake)

        Man, that shit sucks. I'm sorry it happened, any of us here who has been emotionally involved in any amount of women before will tell you, we've all been there.

        I agree that you should ghost her. This will mindfuck her way more than any mindfuck she has done to you. And trust me, she has already...

        But that is not why I'm replying. I'm replying to give you a heads up on what will happen so maybe you won't make the mistake others of us have made in the past.

        When she comes back tomorrow, she is probably going to act like nothing is wrong. The world is all perfect. But she will sense your anger, disappointment and she will drill you for "what's wrong". She knows what is wrong but she will deny it at all cost. Her self-worth is on the line now. Regardless if you tell or not, she will use every manipulation in the book to make you think you are crazy or overreacting. He was "just a friend", "she wanted to help a friend with a guy"...there are many many stories that could come out of her mouth.

        DONT LET HER DO THAT TO YOU. It is a manipulation and not only does your gut say it's bullshit, it SOUNDS like bullshit...

        You must stay strong and you must stay unemotional. Once she's gone, cry..do what you have too. But don't give in. Thus is for your own sake. If you do this, 6 months from now, you'll truly understand why.

        Whatever you do, stay solid...you'll be glad you did later.

        Godspeed.

        [–]TLan718 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        Ghosting sounds good in theory... but if OP is living with her there are many more logistics that need to be handled that make ghosting impossible (most likely a lease, for example, and numerous things that are his that he cannot move within a night).

        Is your frame strong enough to act like nothing is wrong? If it is, then make moves on the low (find a new place, etc) , and execute swiftly.

        And yes, stay unemotional. Realistically you will most likely need to interact with her. Treat it like a business relationship, and just end it.

        And remember, you'll be spinning new plates in no time.

        [–]Cunt_Robber 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        An interesting take. The emotional side of OP must be sailing some rough seas now so I think the best thing is to simply leave it all behing and next/ghost her asap, but for the sake of TRP, Id be curious to have OP try your approach and then update us on the results. I really want to see how she tries to talk herself out of it, how deceitful and manipulative this bitch can be.

        I'm so sorry OP, you've had some bad luck in that department. Looks like you have some good experiences to remind you of the nature of women as you go forward from this point. Things can only get better now and you have a lot to look forward to! Best of luck!

        [–]czeylanicum 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        THIS RIGHT HERE

        She doesn't owe you an explanation of where she is tonight, and you don't owe her an explanation of where you are tomorrow..or the day after. Tell her you're getting all of your christmas shopping out of the way.. you're fine... then --I'm just not feeling it anymore happy holidays babe peace.-- No time for argument or bullshit, you know whats going on and what you have to do. no contact after that

        With cheating LTR it's a hard next. Move on with you life and keep busy.

        Move out when she's working and don't look back.

        If you try to break up while still living together she could go with false domestic violence or rape charges and really fuck you depending on her level of crazy. Best to make a clean break.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Yeah, a good enough liar would likely say "I booked that room for my friend without the app" and then go tell the friend to call you to confirm.

        EDIT: And the best liars that know they have done wrong will have thought about the odds of getting caught and what they will say in any scenario. So it might seem somewhat seamless. That's what is scary. Knowing a few compulsive liars is eye opening.

        [–]the-bum-hammer 11 points12 points  (1 child)

        The more women talk about "some asshole at work," the more that guy is on her mind. The more he's on her mind, the more likely she is to suck that cock.

        You have no option but to dump her ass (or enjoy the cuckold lifestyle).

        [–]lanky32 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        True.

        The asshole is a high smv guy who is giving her tingles and not his time of day.

        [–]mrpCamper 11 points12 points  (1 child)

        I found TRP when my fiancé was cheating and it really helped. I rebuilt my life and moved in with a new lady

        What in the actual fuck?

        [–]abc69[🍰] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        I guess OP is young, we all gotta learn somehow

        [–]Juan-San 34 points35 points  (0 children)

        Hard next, no contact, read the sidebar, lift.

        [–]Bencousinwater 16 points17 points  (1 child)

        Jeez bro. That's it - there's no confront. This shit is over IMO.

        [–]beachbbqlover 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        This. By the time it gets here, shes already decided to fuck around on you and nothing you say is going to fix anything.

        [–]2comment 8 points9 points  (2 children)

        Thanks to all who helped. I think I may have misunderstood and she is adamant she didn't cheat and I am being paranoid. It doesnt explain the hotel and I'm just not sure if I should bring that up

        LOL.

        [–]RojoEscarlata 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        Seriously, some people deserve what it happens to them.

        https://youtu.be/G6o1kM973Xo

        [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        Dont be such a bitter Jerk

        Maybe the Russians hacked her IPhone and booked a hotsheet hotel under her name.

        Anyway, he is lucky to have a girlfriend and has no actual right to make any demands for Chrissake.

        So much Misogyny!!

        [–]fcb98292 7 points8 points  (0 children)

        Ghost. Leave her without knowing why. It will eat at her for years.

        [–]lietruth 11 points12 points  (1 child)

        Weird that she emailed you about it instead of calling you... Call the hotel like the guy did in this post and call it out like you see fit:

        https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3bn9s6/fr_my_story_she_is_not_who_you_think_she_is_15/

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Good catch. It is easier to lie and pull it off with writing. She just emails and it is done. She doesn't have to reply or be questioned or have him hear her voice, etc.

        [–]2comment 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        Find a new place.

        [–]Mildly_Sociopathic 7 points8 points  (0 children)

        Your fiancee was cheating and now your new girl is too?

        Yeah, you're the problem dude.

        new lady who was so perfect

        talking about marriage

        let my guard down

        Yupp. It's you.

        [–]BlackHeart89 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        I call bullshit. But just in case, why even ask? Move on. Whats the point in confronting her? You can if you want just to get confirmation beyond a doubt. But other than that, move on. You went through the trouble of hacking her emails long ago. The relationship has been over since at least then anyway.

        [–]Josewasframed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Ex-girlfriend...ftfy

        [–]zboo1h 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Think of this:

        This bitch has you posting on Reddit about this while she's riding strange dick.

        Ghost her.

        [–]blackchucktays 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        GTFO

        [–]Kenny_Twenty 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Hey man, I'm really sorry this is happening to you.

        This instance does not define you or who you can become. Use it as motivation to become great.

        After sufficient self improvement you will be able to look back and literally laugh at this situation.

        Good luck to you, brother.

        [–]mrpCamper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Change your post title to ex-girlfriend and post back regarding the awesome sex you just had with your new 1st plate.

        [–]burzuei 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        so you 2 are living together?

        If it's her place, get a new one. Like right now. If it's yours just tell her you want her to move out. Asap. Don't panic. Don't overthink it. Be a stoic cold ass motherfucker who needs to move on with his life, because that's the only logical thing to do right now. She cheated, you lost your cards.

        [–]SomeoneSeeksPurpose 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        You have to give us an update over the next few days.

        [–]lostinyukon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Hard next and don't tell her why you broke up. I hard next someone a little while ago and I told her exactly why. Big mistake, I will never do this again. She's debating my reason to anyone who will listen (online and in person) and she's convincing them she's right. An immense wall of uneccesary drama has hit me. And she quickly went from heartbreak to revenge. I am telling you this from experience, hard next and break all ties. Nuke this relatinship from orbit and never come back to it, it's radioactive.

        [–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        moved in with a new lady who was so perfect.

        ^ All your mistakes are right here.

        What is my move here? Confront?

        Leave. Confront here and she'll just spend the entire discussion working out how to blame you.

        It doesnt explain the hotel and I'm just not sure if I should bring that up

        Easy. Ask what she did, gently as where she was. See if she says "oh, I crashed at a hotel with Cindy" or "I just stayed at home".

        But you know what really happened. So now you move out or kick her out.

        [–]akatsukirp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Listen to your gut. You know something is wrong. She's "so perfect"? You are in the wrong mindset. She's in control not you...think about it. You're already starting your perfect marriage the wrong way. Save yourself some pain.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Hold on. You saw in her email specifically that she booked a hotel on the same day that she said she would be out shopping until really late, you confront her, she doesn't admit to it, and you are second guessing yourself?

        If you are sure that you saw a hotel room in her email in the area for that night.....you have to hard next and work on yourself.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Ignore it, let her buy you Xmas gifts tell her you going to do a big Xmas for her as well wrap up some empty boxes, get your gifts from her then throw her out and cut contact

        [–]LordThunderbolt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Stop moving in with girls who aren't your wife.

        Don't ever get married.

        If u had read the RP material, you would know this. You write like the type of guy who jumps from one and only soulmate to another, wondering why you keep getting fucked over. Stop that bullshit. Soul mates don't exist. The one doesn't exist. That special girl you think is the real deal? Guess what, she's not. There is no real deal out there.

        If you don't learn your lesson now I hope u get cucked for real.

        [–]2niczar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Lying plus reckless sexual behavior = borderline personality disorder.

        Be super glad you found out. It might have saved you from years of suffering.

        Now read up on BPD, you're probably a codependant type. Learn to read the signs, and learn to settle for a more boring, less exciting but sane partner, ... if you can.

        [–]Docbear64 -1 points0 points  (2 children)

        I would just call her and let her know it's over. stick a wrench in her fucking machine watch her come home. only thing is if you do this you have to be prepared to leave no matter what she says , there is no fixing this she is a lying cheater.

        [–]Kenny_Twenty 5 points6 points  (1 child)

        Bad idea. That opens the door for a debate about it. It's very hard to cut off an emotional conversation once it's begun.

        [–]Docbear64 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        fair enough but how do you strategically ghost a chick you live with?

        [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

        Kick her out, say nothing.

        [–]1oldredder -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

        Honestly the hotel could have been for both of you together but it could have been for cheating too.

        You are being overly paranoid getting into all her emails. I admit having more info can be useful but if you make haywire decisions based on what you see then it isn't.

        Bitches WILL cheat.

        The number of non-cheating women is barely worth counting. Don't be bitter about it. When you see the signs you don't need to dig deeper. You just cut them loose because you already lost trust.