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butt hurt ex friends (self.asktrp)

submitted by billygoa

I wanted to bring up something but didn't think it worthy of the main Red Pill sub, so here it is:

After swallowing the pill, studying the sidebar, joining a gym, starting a business, losing 20 pounds, studying another language, buying a better bed, moving to a better place in a better part of town, etc. ...

I have no interest in some my old friends anymore. A girl I was previously friends with (not sexually interested in) has been hassling me after I've been ignoring her. Her thirsty attempts to text and email me repeatedly are disgusting to me now. I am embarrassed about how badly I let my old friends treat me. I feel nothing toward them and find it disgusting and sick that they are now a) keeping tabs on me and b) talking shit about me. I credit all my success last year to self-improvement. Right when I lost 20 pounds, my "best friend's" girlfriend noticed and made a comment about it. Not soon later my "best friend" betrayed my trust. Being more RP than before, I cut off the friend and haven't even thought about.

I feel like my standards have gone up exponentially. I am treating myself better, saying NO to invitations/friendships that don't service me, and I'm generally 100X happier than I was two years ago. Looking back, I can see all the ways my shitty loser friends seriously brought me down, even intentionally!

But now that they no longer have that power - they are pissed as hell. From what I've heard, lots of shit talking and discussing my success, even years later! Has anyone else had this experience? I have read about the crab bucket mentality, but I feel like I've gotten out of the bucket and the other crabs just fucking hate me now.

Luckily thanks to the Red Pill I don't care.


[–]Anistrophic 53 points54 points  (2 children)

Of course this happens.

Seeing you focus on yourself and work hard to achieve things - it reminds them of what they are NOT. Nobody really wants to see the reality.

In average person's mind, they are the smartest, most hardworking, the most attractive and skilled person.

In their mind, the rich, successful and good looking are where they are because of luck, fate, or any other bullshit external reason. The only reasons are why that average person is not where he wishes to be are , again, some external reasons - bad luck, crummy boss, poor economy, bad genes... and nothing to do with their marijuana, Netflix or "I like chocolate cake for breakfast, lunch AND dinner!" habit.

Seeing someone from their environment who was around their equal (or even worse, beneath them!) go up in life - it forces them to put a mirror in front of themselves and their ego.

You weren't born in a rich family. You weren't always in shape. Your first job wasn't as a VP. You didn't win the lottery. You were just like them, and yet... you are not anymore!

Which means... they could have the same! But... they don't?

"Why does billygoa have that new BMW, and lives in the posh area and I don't?" - asks your ex-friend, looking in the mirror. "He can't be better than me. I work extra hard at my job, I only eat cake when I want to, I have more facebook friends than him and follow all the successful people on instagram!" - they pout.

And the realization that they are not the smartest, nor the most hardworking person - that is a blow to their ego that is very painful.

"No," your ex-friend says "This can't be! I am the most hardworking, honest and attractive person in the world! It's billygoa that... that..."

And so they look for reasons to hate you. For any reason, anything, to berate you, to shit-talk you, to do anything just to make themselves feel better.

And yet, it still stings. Because deep down - deep down they know that they are where they are because of their own actions. That they could be where you are, if only they worked hard. But they chose the easy path, the path of laziness, narcissism and time-wasting. And anytime they think or hear about you, it reminds them of that.

Take that as a biggest compliment. After all, we are exactly where we want to be.

[–]Clint_Redwood 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Seeing someone from their environment who was around their equal (or even worse, beneath them!) go up in life - it forces them to put a mirror in front of themselves and their ego.

excellent explanation of crab in the bucket mentality.

[–]billygoa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel like the friends who are the most pissed are the ones who previously kept me around so they could feel superior to me. Great post. Thanks mate.

[–]RedBigMan 14 points15 points  (2 children)

LOL...

We talk about SMV (Sexual Market Value) basically short term evaluation of your worth as a mate.

We talk about RMV (Relationship Market Value) basically long term evaluation of your worth as a mate.

We talk about BMV (Business Market Value) recently in the Corporateland series of posts.

I'd like to coin a new term... FMV (Friendship Market Value). You were a 3. So you hung around people who were 2-4's. Now your value has gone up dramatically. You're say a 5 now... Now you want friends that are 4-6's. So ignoring those 2-3's is beneficial to you because your time is more valuable and you should spend it on more valuable people.

[–]Geleemann 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Would love it if you could go in to more detail on FMV. Even though it may not be a true RP value this could help make it become one, and would benefit others regardless

[–]RedBigMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It isn't but as you improve yourself you want to surround yourself with people who are interested in improving themselves.

[–]7thsonofthe7thson 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Not to the same extent as your friends but yes sometimes you will see your own good friends try and resist the change. Frankly, I stopped giving a fuck what he or she thought and just smiled and did what I did. I never tried to justify to them or ask them why they don't talk to me etc.. All that matters to me in monk mode is I, me and myself only. No one else

[–]GunsGermsAndSteel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I honestly don't know or care what people are saying behind my back. It's really none of my business.

[–]InformalCriticism 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've always been careful about which friends I let close. They have always known me and who I am. They don't blame me one bit for dawning the red.

I notice in temporary groups, like with training, and new work relationships, I'll get a lot of flak for not hanging around with the "cool" group. It's not personal, I just know I'm underemployed and none of them can help me improve, so I just keep to myself most of the time and play along when I have to. But, like you, I don't have to care anymore.

[–]edub6170 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How does the saying go??? If you don't have some haters you're doing something wrong.

[–]GhostRiderkempff 1 point2 points  (0 children)

An expansion on what you're experiencing:

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2h13oz/

[–]Readleavesbluesguy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

While I haven't heard people talking shit. . . I certainly realize a major difference in how my friends have started to treat me.

I went from 310 lbs last year, to 215 right the fuck now.

In regards to my friends, It's like once I stopped allowing them to pity me, they became less interested in hanging out and stuff. At least that's my observation. I feel like I've lost the value I once brought to their table bc I've changed for the better.

I know what you might be thinking. "Those were never friends". But really they were great friends when I was down.

It's just now things are different. I don't think they're used to it.

[–]exotictantra -2 points-1 points  (4 children)

naaa.. you still seem to care.

[–]AEther_Flux 8 points9 points  (0 children)

He's trying to figure shit out, let him.

[–]full_package 0 points1 point  (2 children)

More like gloat. But why not, he deserves it!

[–]billygoa[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Is that /s?

[–]full_package 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No. Sometimes after all the decisions, commitment to goals and hard work, you just deserve to enjoy the fruits. Good for you.

[–]New_Horiz0ns -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don't understand people who get caught up in this chatter bullshit.

[–]New_Horiz0ns -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don't understand people who get caught up in this chatter bullshit.

[–]4benny2lava0 -1 points0 points  (2 children)

It happens to all of us. You left your shitty friends in the dust and they are butthurt af. They lack the ambition to grow themselves so they want everyone around them to remain darkness dwelling bottom feeders like they are.

You have evolved out of the darkness and out of the water. Stop wasting your energy on old problems.

You are not a woman, stop worrying about shit that was a long time ago.

[–]billygoa[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I know I'm not a woman, but I was raised by a woman to always be nice to everyone at my own expense. I have to say that deprogramming that notion has been the most freeing aspect of my Red Pill journey.

[–]4benny2lava0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lots os us were. Its one of the first steps in uprooting your beta ways.

[–]-The-Pussy-Whisperer -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Obviously you do care. You made a post about it.

That shit should bring you nothing but smiles. Fuck those losers.

[–]billygoa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks mate. You're right.