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Have women ever classified you as “gay” for not sucking up to them or not treating them as princesses? (self.asktrp)

submitted by stephen_rex

I just found out that one of the office cliques thinks I’m gay and are actively trying to find out stuff about my personal life all the time...

The woman who started it couldn’t do her job and I diplomatically told her to fuck off when she tried to get me to do it for her.

However, I was the only one. Women (or men) in that company are suckers for the “defenseless” girl, so they do the job for her, no questions asked. After a while, besides classifying me as an asshole, she tried to figure out what was “my deal” in terms of women.

She couldn’t figure out the fact I don’t have a girlfriend and don’t suck up to her. She literally comes into the office dressed all sexy and some of the men fall at her feet (and she’s fucking married). I couldn’t care less and still make her do her job lol, and she hates that. She cannot comprehend why the trick doesn’t work sith me, so I must be gay...

We had a union problem a few months back: those who didn’t want to work also wanted to work from home and get in or out of the office whenever they wanted to, so I sided with the company owners (they are all men) and shut it down, becuase there’s no way in hell I was going to work while bitches like these stayed in their pijamas at home using facebook...

They viewed it as “he clearly likes the dick”. I keep my private life private, so the small office clique is constantly watching my movements to find out where I live, who I live with, if I go to gay prostitues, if I have a boyfriend, etc.

I moved to another apartment a few months back and they have no idea. One of these women caught me two days ago going to the office from a “different direction”, so they started brainstorming about what I was doing there, if I finally found a boyfriend, she said I was embarrassed to see her, etc.

All this shit happens behind my back, but what the bloody fuck? Is this normal in any way? I don’t suck up to you because I’m not a pethetic loser who will do your job for you just because you have a pair of tits, not because I’m gay you fucking idiot...

note: they are all 35+ years old, I’m 30


[–][deleted] 110 points111 points  (1 child)

I dunno... seems to me you're doing a good job of not putting too much out there about yourself. Knowing when to shut up. Remaining mysterious. Calling you gay is just another shit test. If it wasn't that, they'd test you about something else like the money you make or the way you style your hair. I think you're doing swell. They can eat a bag of dicks.

[–]casemodz 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Well said. Fucking well said. I doubt I would be able to resist the urge of proving them wrong due to insecurity. I appreciate your reply as its very informative even if it's not meant to be

[–]ML_18 65 points66 points  (5 children)

Bro you are practising the third and the fourth law of Power. Always keep your private life to your self. Keep your real intention to your self and talk less than neccessary. Just keep doing what your doing and let them waste their time figuring out who you are

[–]Mescalean 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Never knew this was a “rule of power”. Has always just been instinct and learned from watching my old man interact with business friends and shit

[–]UriahTheChosen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Read the side bar?

[–]chocolatex 1 point2 points  (2 children)

From the 48 Laws of Powers great book

[–]Mescalean -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Will ad the the list. Been meaning to read art of war but its so thin ive been putting it off

[–]chocolatex 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Its one of those boos where you read a chapter and let it digest. Not the kind where you do a full read thru once

[–]2comment 29 points30 points  (0 children)

They are handing you power. If upper office catches wind you're gay, at worst they ignore it, at best they will be looking for reasons to promote you.

I disagree with going to HR, you don't want to appear like a drama queen that will only continually cause problems down the road, especially over minor shit.

Just ignore as long as it has no effect on your life. This is their shit because they're so boring.

[–]lastdumra 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You are doing fine. They are just addicted to the drama you being mysterious provides them. There is nothing more interesting in their lives than figuring you out.

That said, how do you know what they are saying behind your back?

[–]NexusReflexX 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Yeah bro youre doing alright. And yes, it is because you arent worshipping their feet so you must be gay.

I get gay comments about me all the time at my job too. I fuck with them even harder and give responses like

"Only on wednesdays"

"Why you got a friend whos interested"

Shit like that.

I am very straight and sleep with new girls constantly. Its just a shit test.

The funny part is, the women at your work are probably genuinely surprised why you arent worshipping them, and they find you attractive. Obviously, dont shit where you eat, but they find you attractive for not kissing their feet.

[–]UriahTheChosen 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This. They find you attractive and they want to test you and make you fold like the rest.

Dont care so much about what these people think bro. All the time writing this post and even more worrying about it could have been spent elsewhere.

[–]MakeMenGreatAgain44 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It has been known to happen. They want you to be all over them but won't give you the pussy whilst at the same time calling you gay for not chasing. Bitches be crazy.

[–]Batmanforreal2 5 points6 points  (0 children)

[–]kabuto_mushi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's some sour grapes shit dude. They are all wondering why the typical doesn't work on you, and instead of admit they might just be low value office bitches they assume you're gay. All it would probably take if for you to say something mildly sexual to one of them for her panties to fly off. Not that you should shit where you eat.

[–]randarrow 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Happened to me in my early 20s. She wasn't toxic, but did cause a lot of chaos. Type of person that would get drunk and call 911 for laughs. Hard worker, but dumb as a brick too. Good girl, would remember birthdays. Fucked everyone that would have her. Decided she wanted to hang out with me and decided she wanted me. Ended up going as far as getting naked in my lap at one point. I might have lead her on a bit. She was a bicycle type girl, her n count was probably in the hundreds already in her early 20s.

But, I'm very tightly wound, she would not have been able to handle me being real. I was barely holding my life together, and she was definitely a bull in a a china shop who would have destroyed things. And, she was probably a bag of STDs. So, I turned her down, she took the hint and left.

A few months later the rumor that I was gay started. Took me a little while to figure out what happened. When I told people they were all like "Yeah, you made the right call." That whole job was surreal, this was just another part of it. Girl in question never talked to me again.

Some subreddits talk about grey rocking. You might need to grey rock these people. They will find their drama elsewhere.

[–]casemodz 4 points5 points  (1 child)

They gossip. It's what they do. They also put down others to make themselves feel better.

I will go against the AWALT hive mind and give an entire gender a little credit because they aren't all terrible human beings imo...

Anyways, you're in an office setting with too many women in power from the sound of it. I'm guessing the men there are lower ranked and thus they get a feeling of power from "being better than a man" even though it's really only confined to that single office...but unfortunately that's probably where most of you spend your day so it's very significant to some...maybe too significant. I don't know the type of jobs or what experience/degrees are actively in play over there, and I won't pry and you shouldn't devuldge for job security reasons.

Honestly they just sound like a toxic group and unless you can avoid them, I would either look for another job, report for toxicity or both. Maybe even pretend to be gay and claim they are harassing and bullying you for being gay.

I will say this though...I wish I could see you in action. (assuming this is true)

Any tips or advice for holding frame like that? Any character in a movie or TV show that closely resembles your behavior and reactions? I'd love to hear more about the entire situation, specifically the main culprit.

[–]omega_dawg93 3 points4 points  (0 children)

awalt doesn't mean they are all going to do it... it means they are all capable of doing it.

[–]BurningOrangeHeaven 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This has happened to me too in the past - from my experience almost always as a result of me ignoring the advances of a chick with a fat ass who likes me at work or when i was younger in school because i "didnt stare at her tits" while talking to her. I just ignore them, eventually one of them will ask you if your gay only to feel stupid.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Something similar happened to me a while back.

During one of my breaks in college, I did a mini study abroad program that lasted a few weeks. While we were over there, there were four girls and six dudes; everybody In their early 20s. Of the four girls, there was one which was put on a pedestal by most of the guys. Long story short, she ended up hooking up with one of the guys (an ex-Olympic athlete) and put another (a high-SMV dude in a frat) in her orbit. The whole time on the trip, I didn't approach any of the women in the group because a) I was the lowest-SMV person and b) I didn't want to lose potential long-term friends.

During our journey back to the US, we had a layover in a wealthy-as-hell Middle Eastern country for about 10 hours. Two of the girls, one of which was the chick I mentioned earlier, from the trip and one of the guys (a gay dude) were with me on this layover. When I asked if anybody wants to join me in checking out the city, they all declined but I went by myself anyways.

When I came back, this girl just gave me dirty looks and snarky, passive aggressive remarks (i.e., "Oh did you enjoy your city!?"). A while later, we were walking towards our flights and I overheard her talking shit about me: mostly accusing me of being gay because I never tried to get with her on the trip and decided to check out a Middle Eastern city instead of orbit her in the airport for hours ("He probably has 10 sugar daddies in this country!"). A few weeks later, she blocked me on social media.

[–]TheTrenTrannyTrain 5 points6 points  (5 children)

Go to HR and tell them that she's heavily against your "lifestyle choices" and she's creating a hostile working environment.

[–]reditsdf23423 18 points19 points  (1 child)

No idea how HR works in your country, but they are not your friend. They will choose the easier/cheaper option. That can also mean to eliminate you to get rid of the problem.

[–]casemodz 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Gay > female. Record some interaction of their anti-gay hate speech and I'm guessing you could have a decent amount of leverage in the company...even if it's just to get them to leave you alone and do their job.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I hope this is a joke, because it’s terrible advice.

[–]UnlikelyTitle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This will create a toxic environment and the bitches will be even more petty.

[–]ELMasTurbo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah say she is homophobe or something 😂

[–]Quail40 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The real question here is: why do you give a flying fuck what they think?

[–]ricoue 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah but I've been called 'mean' because I didn't waste 2 hours talking to her about pointless bullshit.

[–]Elewrik 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't get involved in the politics of stupidity otherwise you're just as dumb as they are.

[–]ray00007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shaming tactics bro..AWALT.

[–]319Skew 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know why so many people are saying go to HR. In the ideal world, HR has your back and it's all rainbows and puppies. Women love drama and will create drama to make things interesting for them. They also hate rejection and will hamster any response they can think of to justify rejection.

It's not that my breath smells like cock and I have the personality of a rotting squash, it's that he's a gay man because what attractive man wouldn't want this? - Female hamster.

As long as it doesn't impact you, then ignore it. Once it starts to influence your work then squash that shit.

[–]mrHappyPotatoe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shaming tactics. You shouldnt be bothered by them.

[–]BACONisKEWL 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've had this happen as well. Women CANNOT handle rejection, which is why so many are smart enough to simply not approach. Fastest way to see the hamster start spinning is to kindly, but firmly, reject a woman's advances. The wheel will hit spin-level: Nuclear.

Keep 'em guessing OP, it's none of their business. If they want to run circles around themselves guessing where you like to put your dick, it's their time and energy they get to waste.

[–]twdziki 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pretty much every time someone tried to genuinely insult my masculinity, that someone was a woman. For example I had women insult me on not being a man enough when I refused to pay for them (not even dates or anything, just very entitled acquitances).

So yeah, that happens. If a guy doesn't know how to hold his frame, attacking his masculinity and competence is a very good way to guilt him into doing something for a woman.

Like others said - hold your frame, be aware of what she's doing and you'll be fine.

[–]VeniVidiOblitus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The lion does not concern himself with what the mice think

[–]jaedgy -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I know another guy said it below, but go to HR and say you don't feel safe in such a "toxic, homophobic environment". Also say how you are being stalked because you basically are.