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I had a panic attack today and walked out of work, I'm so fucking lonely, and I am doing everything everyone says. (self.asktrp)

submitted by [deleted]

My wife dumped me about a year ago, I am 26. I haven't gotten laid or made any friends or had any human fucking connection in an entire year. I'm not ugly and I am not socially retarded, I am just fucking angry at everything. She was attractive, intelligent and hard working, she made three times what I did and she branch swung when she realized that she could be doing better than me.

I left the state started over my life, got a better job, started lifting, I got a raise at work, I just bought a brand new car two days ago, I spent a lot of money fixing my teeth and finally got the braces i needed, I am reading more and playing guitar and I want to go back to school in the fall. On paper I have done a lot, and i am proud of it. But I just cannot live like this anymore, it feels empty without companionship. I am restless, if I am not doing something to better myself, I feel like punching holes in the wall or breaking things. My ex wife was my best friend and actually felt like we had this deep connection. She never did anything to make me despise her, and I am fucking confused at how it all ended so quickly.

I am approaching girls now though, both in real life and on tinder. I do exactly what people say to do and I get nothing but the "I have a boyfriend" response in real life or girls who flake on tinder. Maybe I am not attractive enough. Maybe my braces and physique are turn offs, I am still skinny but working on it. Maybe I am not nearly as confident as I feel. I'll get back to work tomorrow, today I am fucking hysteric.

I have struggled with anxiety and depression for years and I had a thought today that made me angry that I will never be loved like I thought I was with my ex wife. That was obviously an illusion or we would still be together. It almost instantly turned me to tears knowing that tonight would be the same shitty night, I'll probably go home cook some plain ass chicken for one, jerk off and watch Netflix by myself. I had a full on panic attack and just left work without saying anything. I drove around for an hour to calm my nerves but I still can't breathe or rationalize happiness hours later.

I am fucking bitter, I'll keep at it, my self worth is apparently still tied up in validation I get from other people, but I actually just want a friend. I am just craving someone to be warm to me, to talk to something meaningful about, I want some sort of affectionate touch that isn't just my cat. I care less about sex, I could hire an escort if I wanted to, I don't think it would do much.


[–]Yaboydotcom 37 points38 points  (3 children)

It's ok man. You've got a lot of people here to shoot the shit with.

Have you done consistent talk therapy?

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I'm not sure what that is. I have seen therapists and been on medication. I don't like the long term effects, and SSRIs seem to have too many negative side effects.

Exercise diet and meditation do a lot for me. But I still have episodes from time to time.

[–]Yaboydotcom 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Psychotherapy. I'm with you on the ssri stuff. Talking is great.

Try meetup.com

Has been great for me

[–]Jani1157 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Second that for meetup.com.

[–]GunPostal 23 points24 points  (8 children)

Go hire an escort. Do it asap. There is no shame in that because your needs are important and social taboos about it should not stop you because it's your happiness what's in stake here even if it's temporary, not someone's selfish opinion.

Do that because you need to quickly release this negative energy that is stuck in you that is causing your breakdown. I know because I also had this panic attack when someone really close to me made me really upset. And I held that upset for months until it finally exploded.

It was a good thing I was with an understanding friend when it happened and comforted me.

If you get this panic attack again, do this:

Breathe in your nose and exhale to your mouth REALLY FAST. You will hyperventilate and will calm yourself.

More ways to get your negativity handled:

Google EFT or Emotional Freedom Techniques

Jog, sprint, bike, play basketball

Google "The Venus Project" and see the interview about love and extensionality.

youtube.com/watch?v=FUtTKgKUWGU

The reason why perhaps you get the I got a boyfriend response is you might be projecting the needy vibe.

I solved this problem which also got rid of my social and approach anxiety by taking rsd's hot seat at home. It's pricey but it works because it taught me the core principles of being the fun guy that all women want and the funny thing is it's so easy to do.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Yep, hire and escort and book in to see a councillor. The escort gets rid of your immediate problem, the councillor will sort your head out, but don't put up with and BP bullshit from them, just use it do vent your problems.

[–]ControlBlue 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Very good advices all around.

Would just add that what you are experiencing is normal, every man will go through those kind of phases. But you can rest assured that you are doing everything right to get out of it, your reward will come, sooner or later.

But before that, just fight the feeling as best as you can, hire that escort, get some human contact, it will get that negativity out of your system.

You also need to share those hobbies or at least find hobbies where you get to hang out, meet, and compete with other people, will do wonder about that anxiesty and isolation thing.

Again, it's a normal condition, but you have to use what you have earned and learned to fight it.

[–]empatheticapathetic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can vouch for this. I was in a similar situation/place and basically did this. It helped get me more on track to feeling normal again. To be honest it sounds like you simply need some single male friends to hang out with. Forget about women. You will always be disappointed. Some strong male friendship with genuine people who don't do things like branch swing will help you start to enjoy life again.

[–]CircleOfO 0 points1 point  (2 children)

The reason why perhaps you get the I got a boyfriend response is you might be projecting the needy vibe.

Doesn't everyone get needy sometimes? Why isn't that OK? Women are shallow, OK fine. But they can't be so shallow that the mere sign of weakness means instant disgust.

[–]GunPostal 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a sad truth my friend. Briffault's law. Once you stop being that super guy she wanted you to be, everything you invested in her is null and void.

[–]empatheticapathetic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

People get needy but it's not an attractive trait, and when you have an abundance reality, it basically means 'next'. You basically need to find a girl(s) you don't give a shit about.

[–]TempAnonAcct 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Bruh, you are in an extreme mixture of anger phase + being alone. Let me at least fill you in on my experiences.

I spent two whole years in the anger phase. And before TRP I was actually already redpill. I already knew most of the stuff that blows peoples minds here and I still was angry for two years. Unplugging is rough.

Just like you, during this time frame, I didn't have a single person to talk to. From where I am sitting it sounds to me like you just need some real buddies that you can chill with and shoot the shit with. Human connection. Make some friends.. it's tough but being completely isolated will drive you insane.

One thing you have to remember is that emotions are great at telling you that something IS wrong, but terrible at telling you HOW to fix it.

Use your anger to realize that you need to change something, then sit down and figure out what is wrong and then make a plan to fix it.

Also, having braces in your mouth is probably fucking with you more than you realize. You literally have a contraption in your mouth that is constantly tugging at your teeth and breaking and reshaping bones. That's a source of stress right there. When they come off you'll be less stressed overall.

Also, the fact that you said you are skinny leaves room for the idea that maybe you aren't eating well. Eat more food you will feel better.

[–]Frigzy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I agree with you.

An escort will not solve anything. You will only feel as empty as you're used to feeling after the act.

If there is absolutely nobody you can talk to in your neighbourhood as in old friends or family, take responsibility and set making friends as your number one goal. Vow to become a social mastermind.

A great tool for this is meditation. It teaches you to be outcome independent (not clingy in social situations) and in the moment (capable of making an impression).

Of course there are other factors at play, but do your research and hit social ventures and regular meetup groups. Be prepared to make slow and long term progress. Real friends are not made overnight.

You have the capacity to become awesome and happy. All there is is for you to take the responsibility for taking the necessary steps. You're currently a shell of your true self, but step by step, you will get closer and closer.

Right now, therapy might be a good short term for you, like others have said. Just so you have someone to vent to. Don't put all your hopes on them though. You are the one who's going to make it change. Nobody else can do it for you.

[–]dname17 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I got a dog. Now I understand why they say "Dogs are a man's best friend."

[–]extremegibberish 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dogs will love you in ways women never can.

[–]CircleOfO 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I am in the same boat. Completely.

I have really no friends, nobody at my job really talks or engages in any sort of banter, tinder and okcupid are a bust, girls I manage to talk to in real life seem chatty enough but back off completely when I even try to engage any sort of, how TRP calls it, kino... Half the time I wonder if this place is just full of kids talking shit.

I'm fully convinced that I'm just one of those guys who never will get laid unless it's by extremely unattractive women who I have to settle for. And I just never seem to be in a place with blokes where it goes past anything but a cursory polite 2 minute conversation.

Leaving sex out of the equation I don't think I've had a full proper conversation with someone outside of work for more than five minutes in years. It gets incredibly lonely.

I don't miss my ex, but I just miss someone to talk to even if I don't get on with them.

And yep, like you I'm doing all the mandated self improvement stuff. But who cares, nobody is around to even share those experiences with. It's all well and good to "be your own man" but if half the people who say it are living with friends, parents, girlfriends or whatever, it's empty. Unless you come home to an empty house every day and check your phone to see no messages and email inboxes full of the odd bit of spam, you can't know.

I have yet to see anything anywhere, TRP or otherwise, that really spells out where the fuck you meet anyone to form any sort of lasting friendships with. I mean, I found it easy to make friends when I was 22, but now I'm 33, it's like I'm a ghost.

To give a background, my sexless relationship ended when my supposedly LL partner spent six months fucking my best friend. Of course, I lost both girl and friend group in one hit. And in the past 20 months or so, I just haven't bounced back at all. I moved area, I moved job, I moved my entire self and I think I just put myself into a box in the bottom of some basement somewhere. To put it another way, my neighbors up until four months ago thought my house was empty!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Are you lifting

[–]CircleOfO 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely! I never miss.

[–]Apanthropos 9 points10 points  (3 children)

Stop jerking off. You are releasing high levels of oxitocin in your brain which makes it difficult for you to focus on your goals. You will need at least a week for your brain to find its original balance.

You are messing up your T levels and induce yourself with a substance which is used by your brain to reward you for bonding.

This causes your aggression to plummet, and your self doubt to rise up. This is the last thing you want to do at this point in your life.

You need your aggression and anger to get out in the world and start fucking everyone up.

[–]moresmarterthanyou 2 points3 points  (2 children)

i have seen alot of this coming up in TRP, as well as Nofap. Do you have any findings to supplement this, i am curious about it.

[–]TempAnonAcct 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Most of the material out there is really bad as it calls porn an addiction almost on par with a drug which is absolutely wrong and damaging.

But if you are still curios you can look up YBOP. There are videos on youtube and an ebook. Theres a really good ted talk too.

The whole redpill community has basically come down on the side of cutting out all porn forever, but fapping when you have to just really quickly in the bathroom or whatever with only your imagination.

I've been doing that for a year and it makes a huge difference. I'm way more aggressive, my voice is deeper, I'm much better with communication, I'm never depressed or self doubting anymore, etc.

[–]moresmarterthanyou 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cool thanks for the tip

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Reddit is great. Know there's another lonely motherfucker out here trying to cope every day, just like you. I'm dealing with the exact same shit. I became disabled and had to stay at home with our kid for the last 4 years. My car is at my (ex) wife's dads, and has been since my injury, no friends close enough by, just bought a house in July and split early Feb, good times...

[–]FrameWalker 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I can remember a very difficult first 4 months on TRP. Continual rejection and bitter biting anger. Yeah it sucks but you learn to embrace it.

There are many things on here for you to still learn. The most important is stoicisim. Remember, everything is temporary, local, and internal. What I mean is that most of what you're experiencing will soon be over, the problem you're experiencing isn't global, and the bad feelings are largely in your own head (good ones). Make a habit out of withholding an emotional response to the transient world around you. Instead build a logical action plan. It's always okay to feel whatever your body is feeling. Listen to it, it'll help. However don't act on the feeling. Act on logic.

Regarding your wife you had your turn, now it's over. If it makes you feel better you got the best years of her life. She'll be old and unattractive soon enough.

y just want a friend.

You could try getting a dog. Also build up a crew of male friends. A solid guy is worth his weight in gold.

[–]squidracer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Getting a crew is a great idea for many reasons.. I've moved a few times.

The first town I had a crew. Not only was it easier to get girls, but I was less likely to stay in a bad relationship out of loneliness.

The second town I got a gf before I got a crew.. Horrible mistake

[–]yldwhisper 2 points3 points  (0 children)

dude, me and my ltr of 8 years split 9 months ago and I'm still in the anger fucking phase. Just keep calm and carry on. She fed me any bullshit she wanted to justify her actions, and 5 months after we broke up she's already 'head over heels' in love with some alpha dbag self proclaimed gang member - the exact polar opposite of lil' ol blue pill pussy me.

Awalt, as they say. It's going to take a LONG time man. go monk mode if you have to, it's lonely but lifting, and picking up hobbies whether musical, artistic, or athletic will help you immensely. It has for me. I'm 60lbs lighter, I have actual fucking muscles I can feel, and I don't let myself be walked over like a little bitch anymore - the exact reason my partner count has gone from 1 to 8 in the last year. I would also suggest trying r/keto as a diet choice - I've suffered from anxiety and depression in the past and it's helped to level me out mood wise - where medication, and self help had failed. Dedicate yourself to being the best you that you can be, and the rest will fall in line.

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[deleted]

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know. I don't get down on myself nearly as hard as I used to.

I don't use social media of any sort nowadays, just Reddit when I have free time and mostly just reading, TRP, programming, or fitness subs.

[–]ItalianoVero 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Damn you felt like this at 16? :(

[–]MrRIP 1 point2 points  (15 children)

You need closure. Your anger stems from your divorce. You need to find a way to be at peace with what happened there.

When was the last time you talked to her? What happened in your therapy sessions? Are you blaming yourself for everything that went wrong?

You have a lot of pain that you need to release before everything starts clicking. I know this sounds like some mystical bullshit but there is something you need to be you. It took me a long time to realize that things happen for a reason. If something your life isn't going the way you want it to, there's something you could be doing to change the outcome.

Don't just fester in anger and pain and do nothing but build on it that's not healthy man

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (14 children)

Thanks for the feedback. I don't not talk to her anymore, I wanted to work things out, but she never gave me the chance. It is very true that once a woman's attraction is gone, it is gone forever.

Even months ago before the divorce was finalized, I would try to get into contact with her, she doesn't reply to calls, texts, emails or anything. I guess I just felt like the entire thing was out of my control, although, yes I do take the blame for the relationship failing.

She was not an emotionally supportive partner, but I was also very need back then and let my emotions show too much. I let her control the relationship instead of being a leader, she even told me she despised these things, but I did not have the knowledge or presence to change at the time.

I'll keep working on it. Today is a new day, I'll go do some errands, and go for a run before work.

[–]BThatDude 3 points4 points  (0 children)

if you're skinny stop running

[–]MrRIP -2 points-1 points  (12 children)

It does. I really recommend you send her a letter or something to achieve some sort of catharsis. I really feel like you're ready to move on, you just have that weight tied to your ankle. I really feel like you should take TODAY to write a letter/email/text to her. Just spew all your emotions on a page and send it. Just let it go. She may or may not read it. Do you care if she does? I don't think it really should because it's about you, but maybe you need that in order to let go. I don't know you well enough, but it sounds like you may need her to acknowledge it someway somehow. I think in the end it was better for you. You got complacent in the relationship. You're a better man for it from the sounds of it. Sometimes we need a kick in the nuts to get our shit together.

[–]blacwidonsfw 7 points8 points  (10 children)

Wtf do not do this. Write a letter if you must but then burn it after.

[–]hamsterbator 3 points4 points  (0 children)

wisdom right here. do NOT fucking contact her. she'll never give you the answers you think you want to hear

it will only reignite the beta pining from within.

[–]skeetch_a_leak 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Did it, it works. I didn't burn it though. I kept it to remind myself what a fucking bitch I was so I don't slip into it again. That's worked too.

[–]ControlBlue 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's the best comment here.

[–]blacwidonsfw 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you changed my opinion on this. I agree, write a letter than post it on your bathroom mirror and read it every morning before your workout. Fuck, send me the letter I'll do the same thing.

[–]MrRIP 0 points1 point  (5 children)

Why

[–]blacwidonsfw 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Because she is not interested and writing some cringe letter is def not going to change that. Why tel a guy who clearly needs to move on, to put his hope into something that will 100% fail?

[–]MrRIP 0 points1 point  (3 children)

The letter isn't to get his ex back. The letter is for closure. I don't get how you don't understand the concept. Sometimes people need to get shit off their chest in order to get some peace. He is miserable and angry because the relationship ended in a way that's not comfortable for him. He needs to close the door.

[–]blacwidonsfw 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Closure is bullshit. It's a false sense of validation from drama. Leave closure for women. Real closure comes when you reach goals and realize the shit behind you is insignificant. You don't get that from writing faggy letters to your ex. This is TRP here if you want to talk about closure go to relationships subreddit.

[–]MrRIP 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Tell that to the guy who is reaching goals and is still miserable about his divorce. Or do you not get that part?

You can sit and circle jerk in your WWE Razor Ramon machismo fantasy all you want, but when you get into real situation when you become invested shit changes. There's nothing faggy about expressing yourself. This is TRP where one of our core books is Models whose entire basis is about expressing emotional vulnerability and living in truth. Get some for yourself.

Catharsis is not faggy time you ignorant twat. I suggest doing some research on ways people deal with emotional trauma.

[–]medik13 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You have no comprehension of Trp. The main aspects are stoicism and frame control specifically to NOT show your emotions and learn to deal with shit like a man instead of writing soppy wanker letters. Go read the sidebar.

[–]medik13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For the love of God do not write her a fucking letter, this is the most pathetic beta thing you can. Whatever your write this is what she will read....

"hi ex, I wrote this letter in an attempt get your attention because my life sucks and I haven't been able to meet someone better. I'm still pathetic and needy but I'm trying to disguise it as closure"

[–]RPmatrix 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Bro, I am deadly serious here

I am still skinny but working on it

I have struggled with anxiety and depression for years

Magnesium supplements, about 6-800mgs per day. You will notice it will stop the rage you're feeling in about an hour

Most people are deficient in Mg, our diets just don't have enough in it. The RDI is ~450mgs and most people are lucky to get 150mgs pd in their diets unless they eat lots of seafood and offal.

Trust me, it will be the best $10 you ever spent. That's all you have to 'lose' too and you've got everything to gain

I wish I had known about this 30yrs ago

I've shared this with about a dozen people with 100% of the ones who tried it noticing a significant difference

thank me later :D

[–]moresmarterthanyou 0 points1 point  (3 children)

do you get enough magnesium supplement from a good multi vitamin

[–]hamsterbator 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I don't know about the benefits of magnesium but typically guys who supplement ZMA (which has Mg) take about three horse size pills so no, not enough in your Standard multiV

[–]squidracer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Which is why I sometimes take optimen vitimins.. I can usually feel a difference by morning

[–]RPmatrix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I doubt it, read the label,

[–]machimus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bummer dude.

My wife dumped me about a year ago, I am 26. I haven't gotten laid or made any friends or had any human fucking connection in an entire year. I'm not ugly and I am not socially retarded, I am just fucking angry at everything.

Yeah, no shit! You should realize that not getting laid after being emotionally traumatized is pretty normal. It's like you ran off a ledge and broke both your legs, and now you're wondering why you haven't been running much since then...? Because your legs are fucking broken! It takes time to heal them, and once they're healed it takes even more time to rehab them and get them as strong as they used to be. It's exactly like that. You need time to recover emotionally and then you need practice to get proficient again. Beating yourself up because you haven't had success yet is too harsh, you are reacting very normally to an abnormal situation. Don't judge yourself a loser for not running fast when your legs are fucking broken. Just admit to yourself you're injured and expect it to take awhile.

I am fucking bitter, I'll keep at it, my self worth is apparently still tied up in validation I get from other people, but I actually just want a friend. I am just craving someone to be warm to me, to talk to something meaningful about, I want some sort of affectionate touch that isn't just my cat.

Well at least your diagnostics are working. Your self awareness is above average, most guys would just be angry without knowing exactly why. I think you're right that an escort is a bad move, you'd know it was fake and didn't mean anything which might even make you feel worse.

I want you to try something for me, it's going to sound strange: Try letting yourself be okay with being a loser, just temporarily. Take all the pressure off for socializing, or trying to get laid, or trying to be important. In other words, jerk off and watch Netflix for awhile, worry about climbing back up when you're ready.

[–]Hunter2isit 1 point2 points  (5 children)

Dude, when I was younger and fat I pulled a former Miss USA finalist. Don't be so quick to blame looks. You need to up the game but to do that you need to up your brain.

Ask yourself: why did you buy that car?

[–]squidracer 0 points1 point  (3 children)

It's a natural response. I bought a brand new truck the week after I split up with my ex.. And another bike..

Makes the angry phase less angry

[–]Hunter2isit 1 point2 points  (2 children)

i bought a cannon

[–]ExiledNihilist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I bought 2 very expensive guitars. This is the only time I'd ever recommend retail therapy. Felt amazing.

[–]squidracer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To fire at your ex?? I approve!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am not blaming looks, I blame my mental state. Of course lifting is going to improve my confidence which will put me in a better state. I don't have social anxiety, If I am in a good mood I have no problem talking to girls.

I bought the car because I did not own one. I was relying on my brother to drive me to work. I got a great deal on a 2016 Corolla, 0% financing and everything so it is very affordable, now I actually have the freedom to do things.

[–]Izzenw 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you have a dog?

[–]demilitarizdsm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lots of great suggestions here, I hope you find your way.

I didn't see one suggestion and it has worked for me to snap out of whole life patterns and ways of thinking. LSD or Psilocybin (Mushroom) trip with someone experienced in a good environment, I'd recommend in nature far from the city. Not mixed with other chemicals.

[–]throwaway320_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Would you date yourself in your current situation?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Braces phase sucks bro. I went through it, luckily at the age of 34 my adjustment only took 1.5 years. Once the came off, the world changed for me. I now smile and women and they smile back, thus creating my opening to know to approach.

Keep on trucking man, go try to find a sport to play casually with people to meet a circle of friends.

[–]notgivefuck 0 points1 point  (0 children)

your thoughts are just thoughts, don't believe all of them, especially with a depressed and anxious brain. I can relate to you, go hit a wall it does feel better. I picked up boxing, it helps. Just remember that this is a small part of your life, in no time things will be better.

[–]BenOfMahogany 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yooo I noticed that you mentioned jerking off. Quit that shit.

Look up some nofap success stories. I started on that shit. Like a week deep and I'm already feeling my energy levels improving