My wife dumped me about a year ago, I am 26. I haven't gotten laid or made any friends or had any human fucking connection in an entire year. I'm not ugly and I am not socially retarded, I am just fucking angry at everything. She was attractive, intelligent and hard working, she made three times what I did and she branch swung when she realized that she could be doing better than me.
I left the state started over my life, got a better job, started lifting, I got a raise at work, I just bought a brand new car two days ago, I spent a lot of money fixing my teeth and finally got the braces i needed, I am reading more and playing guitar and I want to go back to school in the fall. On paper I have done a lot, and i am proud of it. But I just cannot live like this anymore, it feels empty without companionship. I am restless, if I am not doing something to better myself, I feel like punching holes in the wall or breaking things. My ex wife was my best friend and actually felt like we had this deep connection. She never did anything to make me despise her, and I am fucking confused at how it all ended so quickly.
I am approaching girls now though, both in real life and on tinder. I do exactly what people say to do and I get nothing but the "I have a boyfriend" response in real life or girls who flake on tinder. Maybe I am not attractive enough. Maybe my braces and physique are turn offs, I am still skinny but working on it. Maybe I am not nearly as confident as I feel. I'll get back to work tomorrow, today I am fucking hysteric.
I have struggled with anxiety and depression for years and I had a thought today that made me angry that I will never be loved like I thought I was with my ex wife. That was obviously an illusion or we would still be together. It almost instantly turned me to tears knowing that tonight would be the same shitty night, I'll probably go home cook some plain ass chicken for one, jerk off and watch Netflix by myself. I had a full on panic attack and just left work without saying anything. I drove around for an hour to calm my nerves but I still can't breathe or rationalize happiness hours later.
I am fucking bitter, I'll keep at it, my self worth is apparently still tied up in validation I get from other people, but I actually just want a friend. I am just craving someone to be warm to me, to talk to something meaningful about, I want some sort of affectionate touch that isn't just my cat. I care less about sex, I could hire an escort if I wanted to, I don't think it would do much.