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Too much alpha in LTR. Behaved like a dick. Was preparing to 'apologize' when I came over. Didn't have to because she was dressed up and ready to fuck me (self.asktrp)

submitted by Dunharrow12

I (26) have been seriously lacking beta traits in my current LTR (25, currently about 5 months). I've been going with 95% alpha, and let me tell you, it's not a good idea.

Short summary:

  • I'm a known player, and she knows it
  • She believes my SMV is much higher than hers
  • My SMV is rising steadily because I'm making good gains in the gym at the moment
  • I talk to many women in the gym, the shops, on the street etc
  • She's very insecure and feels like I could leave her at any time
  • I have fucked some MILFs, and somehow she feels inferior to them (lmao). See more here: https://www.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5ohitz/girlfriend_found_out_i_have_had_sex_with_multiple/
  • I have walked away from her when she crossed a boundary. See more here: https://www.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5p3xru/girlfriend_kept_causing_drama_i_set_a_boundary/
  • She knows I will drop her ass if she goes clubbing (she hasn't gone clubbing since we're together)
  • She knows I will drop her ass if she gets drunk without me (we got drunk together once)
  • She knows I will drop her ass if she engages in text convo's with random dudes (she removed every guy from her phone and insisted I watch her do it. She also gave me every password she has)

I felt like I fucked up in a big way yesterday. We got into a big fight because I failed a comfort test. I will not go into specifics as it would make this post too long.

Some of the things she texted me afterwards:

  • 'You're not my father. Stop fucking telling me what to do'
  • 'I didn't go out with my friends yesterday for us, you know that right?'
  • 'I'm not your property'
  • 'I won't let you speak to me like that. I'm your girlfriend'
  • 'Give me some fucking credit about how I'm always sticking with your principles'
  • 'I'm not your dog'
  • 'You don't even acknowledge everything I'm giving up for you'
  • 'Stop treating me like a little child'
  • 'You can't talk to me like that anymore alright? Remember we are equals'
  • 'I need someone who behaves as an equal, who helps me when I need it. Someone like you without forceful words and belittlement'

And much more

I didn't apologize through text and I held my ground but I did feel like I would have to apologize in real life.

I planned on going with the 'Bill Clinton apology' that evening.

When she opened the door however, she was all dressed up, including lipstick, and tried to pin me to the wall while kissing me (I turned it around). At some point while she was on top riding me, she told me something along the lines of 'You love fucking that pussy of mine don't you? This pussy is your property'. I responded with how much I loved fucking her to which she replied 'Even with all the bullshit?'. I smiled and replied with 'What bullshit?' and continued fucking her. It was obviously a reference to the fight we had.

My question to you guys:

I know I should not have engaged in a fight (especially via text) and that I should be more wary of comfort tests. But what the fuck was going on in her mind? I was convinced that I would have to apologize like a bitch and that this would seriously fuck up our relationship, judging by the texts she sent me. That evening was chill as fuck though and everything seemed alright.

Obviously I will mix in some more beta traits from now on because her comfort levels are way too low. But should I still 'apologize' to her?


[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger 80 points81 points  (1 child)

Stop listening to the shit your woman says. Just watch her actions.

What does she do when you're the way you are? Does she leave you? Nope. She stays. Does she withhold sex? Nope. She fucks you eagerly. Does she behave badly? Nope. She goes out of her way to demonstrate her loyalty to you.

She is telling you, with every action, to stay the course.

It's okay to reward her good behavior, though. Intermittently. Typically after good sex.

[–]Coach-Red-Pill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stop listening to the shit your woman says. Just watch her actions.

Fuckin'-A

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 93 points94 points  (3 children)

Her levels look fine to me.

[–]randommofo 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Lmao. Goddamnit, I need this mentality

[–]StudntRdyTeachrApear 3 points4 points  (0 children)

God dammit...its beautiful...

[–]slurmfactory 0 points1 point  (0 children)

😂😂

[–]empatheticapathetic 29 points30 points  (1 child)

You probably provided enough comfort traits without realising, or she's not as insecure as she makes out, it's an attempt at manipulation.

[–]asktrpthrow123 19 points20 points  (0 children)

This. Guys tend to underestimate the amount of comfort they provide.

[–]FrameWalker 12 points13 points  (5 children)

Obviously I will mix in some more beta traits from now on because her comfort levels are way too low. But should I still 'apologize' to her?

You are already mixing in beta traits. Too many beta traits, and that's why she's fighting. To first order you are playing the redpill game, but already 5 months in your LTR is losing her shit. Why? Because you are using overt communication rather than covert communication.

You might as well tell her that you're the alpha in the relationship out loud.

Her hamster is spinning out of control, and while it can be good right now, in the long run it's not sustainable. Do you want this to be a 6 month LTR or a 2-5+ year LTR?

I learned the hard way - you can explicitly state your boundaries ONCE at the beginning of the relationship, and if you forgot one try to get it out. But after you've said your piece keep your mouth SHUT. Hold frame, don't react, and don't tell her what to do. If she displeases you get busy with plausible deniability. Act, don't speak.

Don't forget that you lead by example. If you're out drinking with buddies 3x a week, she might do the same.

So in summary do not apologize, and stop policing her with words. Use only actions and say as little as necessary.

Regarding her messages:

'You're not my father. Stop fucking telling me what to do' 'I didn't go out with my friends yesterday for us, you know that right?' 'I'm not your property' 'I won't let you speak to me like that. I'm your girlfriend' 'Give me some fucking credit about how I'm always sticking with your principles' 'I'm not your dog' 'You don't even acknowledge everything I'm giving up for you' 'Stop treating me like a little child' 'You can't talk to me like that anymore alright? Remember we are equals' 'I need someone who behaves as an equal, who helps me when I need it. Someone like you without forceful words and belittlement'

These are not the things she actually wants. These are the things she wants to be able to say in her mind, to her friends, and to her hamster to resolve the cognitive dissonance between the blue world and your red ways. Live the red life, but let her talk blue. If you overtly setup barriers that prevent her hamster from closing its own loops, these outbursts will continue. Easy workaround is keep your mouth shut.

[–]Dunharrow12[S] 4 points5 points  (4 children)

Thanks for your insightful post. Especially the last paragraph.

You are already mixing in beta traits. Too many beta traits, and that's why she's fighting.

I am curious about other people's views on this statement

[–]1HS-Thompson 2 points3 points  (1 child)

It's true but kind of imprecise. It's not really beta traits you're mixing in, it's more like a lack of outcome independence. You care too much about what she does and so on, which makes you seem needy, but you also express very strong alpha traits. The combination of the two is kind of incongruous, which is why she's having so much trouble with it.

But don't listen to me, read this classic: http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2012/07/26/the-three-types-of-men/

You're being the Needy Alpha. Which is fine, and better than a Beta, but it's not where you want to be, and as this points out it leads to a lot of drama. You want to be an actual DGAF detached, everything is cool Alpha, that's the TRP archetype. That article should fill in a few blanks for you and help you see where you can improve.

[–]FrameWalker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Great link. Highly vouch for blackdragon

[–]redolas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Surprising, but most probably he is right.

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (3 children)

Sounds a little crazy to be honest. Next time she'll have a breakdown and stab you in your sleep

[–]kasper138 5 points6 points  (2 children)

This, sounds like a crazy stripper.

[–]TheRedStoic 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Maybe. I doubt it based on my experience with escorts/strippers (as plates never paid). There'll be a baby threat pretty early the first time you seriously fuck up there, op hasn't logged one here, maybe it hadn't happened, if it has, I agree entirely. If not, I doubt it.

[–]kasper138 2 points3 points  (0 children)

One need not be crazy stripper to act like crazy stripper.

[–]BestSC86 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I don't think that you need to apologize, just keep fucking his girl until you grow tired of it.

Just don't expect a healthy relationship with this girl as she has such low self-esteem that she is constantly going to be looking for any scrap of validation from you that she can get. Hence she will forever be pushing for it and creating drama when you don't supply it to her. Because quite honestly it comes across quite clearly that you don't really like this girl very much outside of a constant piece of ass likely because she is so needy.

Long term, I think that it would help for you to look for a girl who you actually like,

[–]SexistFlyingPig 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I find this hilarious. You're doing everything you should be doing and you're getting every indication that it's the right path. And yet you STILL come here seeking validation?

1) She craves your leadership. It turns her on and completes her life.
2) She craves the borders that you put on her behavior and her life.
3) Your attention validates her existence.

If you showed up tomorrow and said "We're going to the courthouse to get married. You have to buy the rings before 1PM." She would be waiting with baited breath with two rings that she bought using the money that was supposed to pay for the rest of college.

In her life, where everything is relative and everything is negotiated, she can count on you to tell her what to do even when she's going crazy.

[–]nbasports825 2 points3 points  (3 children)

She knows I will drop her ass if she goes clubbing (she hasn't gone clubbing since we're together) She knows I will drop her ass if she gets drunk without me (we got drunk together once) She knows I will drop her ass if she engages in text convo's with random dudes (she removed every guy from her phone and insisted I watch her do it. She also gave me every password she has)

How do you set boundaries like this? I would like some advice on how to set boundaries.

(She knows I will drop her ass if she engages in text convo's with random dudes) Did she ask you to stop texting other girls as well?

[–]Dunharrow12[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I'm not an experienced red-piller, but I have simply stated during our dating period that I would not enter a relationship with a woman who goes clubbing or gets drunk as I believe it's unfeminine behavior and women in a relationship have no business going clubbing.

You don't tell her to do this or that. Instead you take the indirect route. For instance, if you're watching TV together and you see some girl sexting another dude, you'd simply laugh and say 'If my girl would do that, she'd be out the door'.

If you have imposed your alpha frame on her and you're in charge of the relationship she will follow. You may have to subtly remind her a couple of times (I know I had to, see the linked thread in the OP), because girls legitimately believe there's nothing wrong with certain behaviors.

Did she ask you to stop texting other girls as well?

Yes, and I did. I respect our relationship and certain boundaries. I can demonstrate my SMV and ability to talk to women in many other ways while she is with me (in the gym, the store, pretty much anywhere).

Obviously, this puts you in a tough spot where you have to enforce your boundaries. If she breaks them, YOU HAVE TO WALK AWAY or you lose all credibility.

[–]nbasports825 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can demonstrate my SMV and ability to talk to women in many other ways while she is with me (in the gym, the store, pretty much anywhere).

Are you flirting with the women that you talk to while she is with you?

The only thing about that is, how do you still have an abundance mentality if you are not texting/meeting up/fucking other women? Wont this show in your interactions and eventually make you needy?

I'm not an experienced red-piller

Haha im probably much less experienced than you and im just trying to learn as much as possible.

[–]Kalidane 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You held frame.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 2 points3 points  (1 child)

So I assume you didn't bother replying, but if this happened in real-time, (i.e. in person) I'd have gone with the below:

'You're not my father. Stop fucking telling me what to do'

"Why? Clearly you need 'adult supervision'..."

'I didn't go out with my friends yesterday for us, you know that right?'

"Wow. You ARE teachable."

'I'm not your property'

"Your pussy is."

'I won't let you speak to me like that. I'm your girlfriend'

"Someone clearly needs a spanking."

'Give me some fucking credit about how I'm always sticking with your principles'

"So I should praise you for doing the right thing?"

'I'm not your dog'

"A moment ago, you wanted to be praised for your obedience. You know, like a dog."

'You don't even acknowledge everything I'm giving up for you'

"What are you giving up? Being a drunk club slut? You should thank me."

'Stop treating me like a little child'

"Stop acting like one."

'You can't talk to me like that anymore alright? Remember we are equals'

"[Actual LOL]"

'I need someone who behaves as an equal, who helps me when I need it. Someone like you without forceful words and belittlement'

"No, you need a leader who can lead you, and not simply give in to whatever silly idea you may have at any given time."

Two final thoughts:

When in doubt, sexist condescension is your friend.

"Never apologize, never explain."

-From "The Sayings of Chairman Zaitzev"

[–]Thotwrecker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yup. This is what OP needs to read, never take it seriously, never assume there's a problem if it's just normal bitching. All she wants is to know where her place is because OP is being unclear and giving mixed signals through combining alpha and beta behavior. Never interpret chick whining seriously if you can instead just treat it like a hilarious opportunity to give her a verbal or physical spanking.

[–]Endorsed ContributorMetalgear222 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Standard humblebrag post. Nothing to see here.

[–]wheresMYsteakAt 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Yeah for real. Sounds made up too. The parts I do believe are the texts, sound like he spends a lot of time laying boundaries down, via text. The beginning is the best though "guys holy crap I am way too alpha heed this warning" then no warning just a list of fake news. I'm surprised he didn't go into detail about her squirting all over his cock and Falling to the ground with her legs Giving out.

[–]BestSC86 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Right....because wouldn't part of being a otherworldly alpha include that his girlfriend not throwing tantrums all the time about such things....

I think the OP has confused being a dickwad asshole BF with being a dominant alpha RP man whom the girl is willingly submissive toward.

What I got from this post is that he really doesn't like the girl that much but gets off being her dominating BF. She is just a mess.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ignore her words, watch her actions.

seems to me like a woman who is attracted to you, why fuck that up over your unease of being a man?

[–]sosueme 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get the same from my fiance about one a month. Just before ovulation. Hope you wrap it up.

[–]InformalCriticism 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Honestly, I'm having similar situations with my gf, and I have no idea how to measure it. I haven't really taken my foot off the gas, and she has been more vocal about being horny, and she didn't do that before; we've been dating for over a year now.

I can only guess if you keep the emotions on the same level as when you first met, you will continue to get good results. Now, I should use the word "good" lightly here. She will only flip off the crazy switch when all of her emotional bullshit gets spent - she will only revert to sex when she is convinced her mind games won't work, even when you're not technically right, because women don't want someone who's right, they want someone who is stronger than them.

You could be politician level wrong, and as long as you never step out of frame, you will always give her tingles.

It's fucking weird, but this is female nature we're talking about. There was a study recently about gender preferences, and how women are literally wired to side with the invading horde. I can't find the exact study, but it basically examined gender differences in small groups, and when strangers can witness your views. Basically, women would be significantly less likely to voice a dissenting view from the group if she knew it was unpopular. Whereas men are more likely to share an unpopular idea with their group, even when it could be witness by strangers. Just be her viking, and she won't be able to help herself. Just measure how much sanity you want to risk in the meantime.

[–]smirk_addict 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Underrated post.

[–]TRPTheRedLion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What happened is you were tested and you passed with flying colors. Whether it's a shit test or comfort test, I don't know. But it doesn't matter. You didn't apologize and you didn't enter her frame. You probably ignited dread game without knowing it and while you weren't answering, she spent the day thinking oh fuck, I'm not hearing back, he may be thinking about leaving me.

[–]Avskygod0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you accidentally reepilled yourself

[–]kasper138 0 points1 point  (0 children)

People on here are seriously confusing a typical woman's reaction to a crazy woman's reaction.

[–]Senior Endorsedmax_peenor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

'I'm not your property'

Translate to TRPenese: "Your turn is expiring"

Either Archwinger is right and this is just a typical female verbal ejaculation and she is still under your tree or it is time to lose her number. Does she still please you? Fuck her. Does she now displease you? Next.

[–]nastynickdr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

'You're not my father. Stop fucking telling me what to do'

Shit test, disrespectful.

'I didn't go out with my friends yesterday for us, you know that right?'

Trying to make you feel guilty, manipulative.

Most of those are shit tests and her trying to manipulate/guilt trip you. As long as you pass shit tests/dont let her manipulate you, you should be fine. As you pointed, she is fucking you eagerly, going out of her way to please you, etc. She seems to have some feminism/equality BS ingrained in her, so watch for that. What exactly were you gonna apologize for?

"I'm not an experienced red-piller, but I have simply stated during our dating period that I would not enter a relationship with a woman who goes clubbing or gets drunk as I believe it's unfeminine behavior and women in a relationship have no business going clubbing."

You are setting boundaries, which is good. But be careful not to DEER.

"I wont be in a relationship with someone who does xxx". Good. This is non-negotiable, you are just stating it, she is free to accept it or you dont have a relationship anymore/she is demoted to plate.

"I wont be in a relationship with someone who does xxx BECAUSE blah blah blah." Not good. This makes you look weak, she sees you have to explain yourself, and gives her room to try to make your change your mind. "why cant I keep in touch with my exes? Dont you trust me? If you trusted me you wouldnt have a problem with that! Stop controlling me!"

You dont need to explain yourself to anyone. "I wont date a slut because they are promiscuous and fucked a lot of guys, and this is not something i want in a relationship, because she may pass me diseases, and other people will laugh at me, and its not something i expect for the future mother of my kids, blah blah blah..." Nah, no good.

[–]Slut_Slayer9000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In LTR you have to give her some comfort test, you have validate her sometimes. There's a fine line with being too beta and giving her some validation to keep her happy. You're actually failing your job as a man if you don't. Your validation is like the carrot infront of the horse, you put it out there to keep her enthused but you don't just flat out give her the carrot (completely being beta) or she will stop. Instead you give her bites, accepting comfort tests/validation/rewarding good behavior (good sex), but you keep strung out in front of her (strong frame, not giving into her bullshit) to keep her chasing. This is how a well balance relationship is suppose to be.

[–]1Shyrk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Goddamn, do I not miss being in a relationship.

I used to think a lot of TRP-branded monk mode stuff was horseshit, but the longer I'm single, the better my life really is. I couldn't tell you the last time I had to worry about "getting in a fight" or even care whatsoever about another person's feelings.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

These were not comfort tests but standard shit tests. By ignoring them you passed them, which generated tingles.

[–]smirk_addict 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She thought you were going to dump her when you came over.

That's why she was saying that pussy was yours and made that statement about her bullshit. It was her way of making sure if everything was ok.

[–]DiggerClam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This works. It's obvious. But that is a lot of drama to hold together a LTR.

You think you can't get the same crazy sex without the crazy drama elsewhere?

[–]StudntRdyTeachrApear 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just remember with girls like this that the moment you let off the gas and fall from your current status to her, that she will literally eat you alive and shit on your dead body. Once you've established a dynamic such as this, it becomes the ultimate test for them. They'll die trying to break you. Their ego submits naturally in the moment, but if their efforts to gain revenge ever succeed, then prepare for a radioactive cunt. But I guess this only really applies if you're married with kids. No relationship is anything close to as difficult as that. Without the leverage of tearing your children or resources from you, they literally have nothing. Sorry to get off topic, but I guess if anything take this...do not marry a chick who allows herself to be treated in such a way. Securing your commitment will be perceived as breaking you to an extent.

[–]Thotwrecker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know why these purple pill faggots have started talking about how you need to be 50% alpha 50% beta on TRP. They've clearly never figured down the art of holding down a 9+ chick. It's easy to hold down a 6-7 and keep her interest with like 30% alpha 70% beta, it doesn't fucking matter.

But for the female top % that gets hit on 3x if they go to check the mail wearing a potato sack, it's different. Her value is stratospheric while she's 18-25 and she wants to be constantly reminded of your superiority and abundance mentality. Be more alpha than you think you need to be.

The ONLY thing you have to do is to be passionate about rewarding good behavior. Don't be restrained and aloof, don't be robotic like American Psycho. When she does good, you reinforce that. If she put in a ton of effort into pulling out all stops in the bedroom to fuck you senseless, it's perfectly fine to cuddle her some and give her that comfort blast.

Betas reward prematurely in an attempt to convince her to do the thing they want. Alphas reward afterwards, in recognition of good behavior.

Sort of like how if you've ever been in a fight that you won, but the other guy fought his heart out, you'll still beat his ass, but after you'll lift him up and give him a nod of approval, because you recognize him as a man. With women they need it more explicit. The problem is you argue and fight with your bitch when she's bad, but you're probably not adequately rewarding her for what she does do. Giving approval when she does earn it is important.

[–]Coach-Red-Pill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Never. Fucking. Apologize. Ever.

Toss her a treat every now and again—but never bitch out and apologize.

[–][deleted]  (6 children)

[deleted]

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

LBG, let him worry about his hot blond.

[–]kankouillotte 2 points3 points  (0 children)

omlettefag

user-name checks out

[–]SexistFlyingPig 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Welcome to asktrp. Did you come here from deadbedrooms, justneckbeardthings, or 2x?

The advice you give is very popular with most of mainstream America. It's also the wrong advice because it advocates the wrong behavior.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Indian Ents...