10mins into the date, she said "we're going to be friends...i just know it" (self.asktrp)

submitted by bittr_n_swt

So yeah pretty shit really..kinda dampened the mood a bit because i was fighting a lost cause. One thing i've learnt here is you can't negotiate attraction so i just let the date ride out. I know she doesn't find me sexually attractive but how can that happen straight away...my online pics and real life me are the same

She said she felt the friendship vibes straight away and she wants to be friends...how the fuck can that happen? She didn't give me a chance.

I think i know where i fucked up: my texting game wasn't tight enough, i didn't stick to purely logistics, we texted quite a bit (2 days) before we met up

[–]ChadFromColumbus 188 points189 points  (6 children)

I bet you still paid for her drink, didn’t you?

I would have said the standard “cool, I already have enough friends” line and left right then and there. Be it a shit test, blatant disrespect, or actual honesty, I don’t have time for someone dropping this bull shit 10 minutes after meeting. It will not be worth the effort.

[–]lnternetLiftingCoach 66 points67 points  (0 children)

This was my first thought too. Even if it was just a shit test, I would have left immediately. As if I do not have any more important shit to do than be someone else’s orbiter.

[–]BusterVadge 55 points56 points  (0 children)

I've had the same thing happen before, and I thanked her for her honesty, shook her hand and told her I was looking for something deeper than friendship. Immediately after that I left quietly and without being butthurt.

I wish I could say that I eventually laid her but nope! Never heard from her again, which was fine by me. Saved myself a lot of time and BS that night.

[–]Endorsed ContributorUEMcGill 29 points30 points  (0 children)

My first thought was to say "You know friends go dutch right?"

But then again I would have left after stating, "Oh I'm sorry you misunderstood my intentions."

I'm with you, who the fuck has that kind of time to waste?

[–]JustChopItOff 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Friends can and should be used as code for fuckbuddies/plates. Who cares if she isn't interested. No need to be butthurt IRL. Just call the evenning short and keep her as a contact.

[–]ppanthero 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually think it was a shit test, but you are right.

[–]Fuck_You_Pay_moi 84 points85 points  (5 children)

Doesn’t mean anything, remember one lass who said “we’re going to be good friends” just looked at her and said “Amy we’re not going to be friends” with a smirk, plated her for a solid 8 months until her BPD came out with a vengeance and I cut contact.

At the end of the day mate what she says is irrelevant the real problem is that you, as you say give off a friendship vibes, you need to work on yourself.

Maybe you can salvage this maybe not, the only thing that matters is that you don’t allow her to friend zone you, if she try’s it cut your losses and ghost her and you’ve still won, you walk away without wasting your time or losing integrity.

Best of luck brah

[–]mickey__ 4 points5 points  (4 children)

how to not give friends vibe

[–]ElOweTea 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Don't be friendly.

[–]NikGrd 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You have to show sexual intent, its that simple. If shes not interested, you would have been friendzoned anyway. If you dont show her what you want, how the hell would she know? Furthermore she will sense there is something odd about you, since you are acting friendly yet your inner intensions are sexual, which will turn her off.

[–]omega_fat -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Have a body like Chris Hemsworth. Do not look like a beta bitch. Barbell that way ----->

[–]Jabbermouth 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Even Chris Hemsworth would get put in the friendzone if he acted like a little bitch and never showed some intent.

Lifting solves a lot of problems, but not this one.

[–]1atticusfinch1973 47 points48 points  (0 children)

so i just let the date ride out

First mistake. Especially if you spent any money.

I know she doesn't find me sexually attractive

Then it wasn't actually a date.

She didn't give me a chance.

how can that happen straight away

This is your hamster speaking. She either wants you or she doesn't.

Your attitude is what fucked you up, not your texting.

[–]fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck- 68 points69 points  (4 children)

Yup. You’re her BFF now. Her girlfriend.

[–]StinkyDiaper 25 points26 points  (0 children)

The good news: You'll know everything about her. Her favorite food. Her favorite color. Her dreams for the future. Her darkest fears. Her deepest secrets.

The bad news: She will never, ever ride your cock.

[–]Synacku 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Gay male girlfriend as Corey Wayne likes to say

[–]Morpheus_TNTB 9 points10 points  (1 child)

More like BBF..Best Bitch Forever!

[–]HIJKelemenoP -4 points-3 points  (0 children)


[–]oytrp 51 points52 points  (5 children)

Just treat it like a shit test.

A&A or playfully suggest you're not going to be friends.

If she really doesn't find you attractive then it's a lost cause anyway.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)


    [–]The__Tren__Train 5 points6 points  (0 children)



    ..it has to be wryly

    [–]Clevername12340 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Wink? Gross...

    [–]Cgbgjr 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    Try the overcome the shit test approach--if it didn't work I would end the date immediately--firmly but nicely--you just forgot a friend of yours just got in town....

    Her move or next.

    [–]medoff 1 point2 points  (0 children)


    Brush it off/play it off/ with a joke, smirk, whatever. Just don’t let it phase you. If you give up at that point it’s a lost cause bc you let it.

    [–]DadOnDabs 39 points40 points  (0 children)

    Could be her friendzoning you, could be a shit test. Best reply would be a pressure flip.

    "Yeah you're like a little sister, already have the annoying part down too!"

    [–]MentORPHEUS 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    "That's nice, but at this point, I have more friends than time. Good luck out there." Then pay your half of the bill and don't go away mad, just go away.

    [–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 25 points26 points  (0 children)

    Her: "Friends!"

    You: "...with benefits."

    You2: "Actually, I was going to use you for sex."

    [–]1UnluckyPenguin 15 points16 points  (0 children)

    Just curious...

    Did you at any point during your contact with her (text/phone-call/date) compliment her or anything she did (i.e. cooking, art, etc)?

    If you did, that's like putting yourself in a friendzone jail cell, locking the door, and throwing away the key.

    my texting game wasn't tight enough, i didn't stick to purely logistics,

    Ouch, never break that rule, even after you get a girlfriend.

    But then again, it could just be ASD (anti-slut defense).

    [–]yumyumgivemesome 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    Oh cool, you listened to what she said and disregarded from the start anything she might have done. Like others have said, you utterly failed the shit test. Who do girls give shit tests to? Guys that they are thinking about fucking. Good job helping her make the decision not to fuck you.

    [–]Throndor_Rising 15 points16 points  (6 children)

    I once had a girl tell me, "You're in the Friend's Zone", to which I replied "You're fuckin' trippin', I aint even your friend!"...she laughed and I hit it 10 minutes later.

    You should've said something like, "Friends that fuck like pornstars!" with some confidence. What's the worst thing that could happen?

    BTW, here's a word of advice.....If a girl agrees to a date with you, she's already decided you're attractive enough for her to let you fuck, or she wouldn't even say yes to the date to begin with. Girls dodge cocks they're not interested in all the time.

    [–]askmrcia 5 points6 points  (5 children)

    BTW, here's a word of advice.....If a girl agrees to a date with you, she's already decided you're attractive enough for her to let you fuck, or she wouldn't even say yes to the date to begin with. Girls dodge cocks they're not interested in all the time.

    I disagree strongly with this. Girls lead guys on all the time. She may have went out because she was bored

    [–]smirk_addict 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Yeah sometimes we forget how little women value male attention. It could’ve been a slow night, or he was the only guy not trying to Netflix and chill her and It gave her an opportunity to dress up and go somewhere. It could literally have nothing to do with you. She was just bored.

    [–]Throndor_Rising 2 points3 points  (3 children)

    Let me break something down for ya, kid....

    First of all, this thing where you take an uncommon occurence and posit it as the common occurence (i.e. a girl agreeing to a date because she's "bored", instead of the more common reason "she's interested"; is a fallacy. You're normalizing the exception (yes because bored), and exceptionalizing the norm (yes because interest).

    The reason why you do this psychologically is because you lack confidence, so you're subconsciously readily adopting the loser's mindset; assuming the only reason why a girl would go out with you is because she doesn't have anything better to do.

    This is a horrible position to take because the law of attraction states that thoughts become reality, and in this you're actively repelling her, because you're entering into it with the mindset that she couldnt possibly be on a date with you because YOU'RE NOT WORTH BEING ON A DATE WITH in your own mind. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because your predisposed acceptance to that reality leaks out and becomes exhibited in everything you say, do, and portray through body language.

    [–]Throndor_Rising 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    For those of you that are more of the "applied" learners, pontificate this series of thoughts:

    She's only agreeing to a date with me, because she's bored and doesn't have anything (anyONE) better to do

    She only fucked me because she was horny and i was there and willing

    She only blew me while looking longingly into my eyes because she was "practicing" for when Chad finally comes along

    Are you seeing "it", yet?

    You can think, "She's here, because I'm something to do."

    Or you can think, "She's here, because she has nothing better to do."

    They're both true.

    [–]askmrcia 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Bro I'm just saying women lead guys on. Women go on dates for free meals and when they are bored. Just because they accept a date doesn't ALWAYS mean that they are attracted to guy.

    That's not me lacking confidence or anything. But feel free to disagree

    [–]Throndor_Rising 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    No, you're not. You're violating law 28, "enter action with boldness." What youre saying MAY be true, but which mindset is more attractive/powerful for you to enter into the date with? Assuming shes there because she wants your cock in her mouth before the night is over, or entering into the date assuming shes only there because she doesnt have anyone better to be sucking off tonight? Which one is going to bolster your confidence when ur in the paint?

    [–]rKKKselected 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    "She didn't give me a chance."

    gayest thing ive ever heard—you screwed up the chance she gave you.

    believing yourself to be the victim of circumstance is a self fulfilling prophesy

    [–]Nib-q 9 points10 points  (3 children)

    You listened to words not actions. It sounds like a shit test and you failed to show your alpha determination.

    [–]returnofthemackX 4 points5 points  (2 children)

    This! So many bad/butthurt advice in this thread by guys who have been friendzoned in the past.

    [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    Yeah, what's with all this, "just tell her you don't have time to waste and walk away," shit?

    [–]1morescoobysnacks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Ask blogging neckbeards for dating advice.

    [–]Venenarium 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    dampened the mood a bit

    No need to feel sorry about anything that happened here. She was eiter hunting for orbiters from the start or gave you the perfect feedback on what to work on. Learn, calibrate, next.

    [–]mrpoopistan 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    The minute the word friend comes out of a girl's mouth, my go-to is to squeal, "Oh my gawd, we should braid each others' hair!"

    One thing i've learnt here is you can't negotiate attraction

    Um . . . yes, you can. You just can't come at it as an attempt to negotiate attraction. You have to knock her off her original assessment of you.

    [–]4angrydragons 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    My response: “I can do fwb, but you aren’t someone I would date”

    [–]Throndor_Rising 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    This one is not bad. It flips the script and puts her in a position where continuing the conversation forces her to qualify herself to you. Classic negging.

    [–]dreadfrog 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    She said she felt the friendship vibes straight away and she wants to be friends...

    Excellent ! Then you got her to tell you all about her single lady friends, she showed you pics on her phone, told you all the naughty details and red flags, and you struck a deal whereby you'll introduce her to your pals while she will provide you with new dating opportunities.

    [–]Kabuki431 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    U split the tab right ? Thats what we friends do.

    [–]Chad1738 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Next time walk away, don't let the date even finish. Your time should be more valuable to you than that.

    [–]stylesm11 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Dawgs it's just a shit test sup counting your self out. A good rule to use is to MAKE her reject you, that's when you move to the next

    [–]africasLOSTking 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Perfect opportunity to practice some amused mastery... Work out some lines, see how much you can pick on her before she snaps. Flirt with the waitress

    [–]ghosts_of_me 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Remember girls have girl friends. If she was actually cool you could try to break into her circle and bang her mates. Failing that, next.

    [–]Bedtimeshine 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Idgaf attitude and abundance mentality. So what? Shrug your shoulders and say “a man is always in need of a good friend.” Having female friends has lead me to pussy quite a few times. Let it go and be friends. Good way to practice flirting and shit.

    [–]griz3lda 0 points1 point  (0 children)


    [–]Greek-God-Brody 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    2 explanations:

    • it's a shit test
    • she doesn't perceive you as a masculine / sexual being, that is you're not masculine enough.

    [–]imtheoneimmortal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    if she say "we are not gonna fuck"
    for you is real yea?

    [–]general_landur 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Time spent getting rejected by one and moping is better spent fucking others.

    [–]deejayapster 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    My response would've been "i have enough of those, i'll take a fwb instead"

    [–]Flintblood 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I’ll take a FWB for $10 Alex!

    [–]MYMOUTHISNUMmn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    You should of said "I doubt it". Don't be a dick and walkout on her. Leave on friendly terms. And wait for her to call you back after you soft next her.

    [–]1MrTheFalcon 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    She doesn't owe you anything, and you don't owe her anything. She drops "friends" on you, decide what you want. If you have good conversation, then great. Finish the date, do separate checks and let it play out. If she's shit testing you, she will knock that shit off when she sees you moving on.

    I have several female friends where dating didn't work out, but we're on Facebook. Female friends are a great resource for relationship advice, and understanding female though process in-general.

    Also I text a lot too. It's probably not the best by-the-numbers tactic, but it's the way I am. I talk a lot too. Some women like that.

    [–]griz3lda 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    A lot of women like it, in fact. Do you. It's not thirsty unless YOU'RE thirsty.

    [–]1MrTheFalcon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I certainly like it. I'm a regular chatty Cathy.over here. :D

    [–]DadOnDabs -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    Could be her friendzoning you, could be a shit test. Best reply would be a pressure flip.

    "Yeah you're like a little sister, already have the annoying part down too!"

    [–]furcryingoutloud -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    "uhmmm, no, we're not going to be good friends, if I wanted friends, I'd join a club"

    Then, analyze what it is about you that gives off the friend vibe. And no, it isn't necessarily conversing through text, that can be handled although the less you disclose of yourself the better.

    You need to look at everything. Even the way you look at her could send those vibes. So don't immediately blame it on conversation.

    [–]El_Serpiente_Roja -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    Might not be the end of the deal but you did fuck up the texting like u said...some part of you is attractive to her on some level but like others said couldve just been a shit test

    [–]TheStumblingWolf -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    People know if they wanna fuck someone shortly after meeting them. Don't take it as failure. Take it as a measuring stick for where you are in your journey. In a couple of years you'll be laughing at this date thinking "wow I got friendzoned so fast back then".

    [–]justicecantakeanap -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    "Being friends is a two way road, i don't think you will be more than an acquaintance to me and what you just said reinforces that."

    Btw, one of my exes literally said "i love this friendship we are going to have!"

    We had a 2 year relationship, she was a sex hellfire and i fucked her ass.

    [–]metallica11 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

    If its the first time meeting between you two and there wasn't too much rapport, then there is absolutely no reason for a woman to explicity say this to you within the first 10 minutes. even if she did not have sexual attraction towards you, woman usually don't vocalize it that soon and wait until later in the date or afterwards.

    something else is going on here, either in what is going on in her life, or in the actions that brought her to feel like she has to say something like this so early.

    there are a lot of weird women out there. I wouldnt harp over it. I would of just ignored it and had fun on the date, and split the bill and left. you went all the way out there, an investment of your time and energy, so make sure you have fun at least. if that fun is enjoying new food, pestering her, or flirting with the waitress or other women there, do it.

    [–]ENTPunisher -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

    Tilt head back and look at her with squinty eyes, a shit eating grin, and just start laughing. Then change subject.

    [–]The__Tren__Train -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    I think i know where i fucked up: my texting game wasn't tight enough, i didn't stick to purely logistics, we texted quite a bit (2 days) before we met up

    no.. your smv isn't high enough..

    that's what it all boils down to

    [–]SpinPlates -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    I think i know where i fucked up: my texting game wasn't tight enough, i didn't stick to purely logistics, we texted quite a bit (2 days) before we met up

    Nope. You just weren't physically attractive.

    [–]griz3lda -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    wow wtf. if i said this to a chick and she flipped out like some of y'all butthurts I would assume bpd immediately. saying she can tell you'll be friends is GOOD. doesn't say "and never fuck, never date later, and I hate you" fer Chrissake. relax. you've only been out for like 30m, you think she's gonna bust it open over appetizers?

    [–][deleted]  (3 children)


    [–]ElectricalLocal -1 points0 points  (2 children)

    Wait are you saying that’s based on astrological sign? At most you noticed a pattern and now it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)


      [–]ElectricalLocal -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      Fair enough, man. I guess I just equate any astrological sign talk more than playful banter as new-age crystal type BS.

      [–]blargo1 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

      Text how you want. Ask for the check, hand it to her and leave.

      [–]Peter_B_Long -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

      Sounds like a shit test. If you felt like it was genuine, you should've ended the date then and there. I've walked out of dates before. Your time is valuable. You really want to waste it on a girl who isn't interested in you?

      [–]Andgelyo -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

      Opened this shit up and immediately broke into tears laughing 😂