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I opened Pandora's Box, got the truth I wanted (self.asktrp)

submitted by zboo1h

Upgraded a plate a few months ago, known her for a little more than a year. Always great behavior, submissive, sexy and nice.

About three weeks ago some shit went down at my work, and I ended up basically losing the job but keeping the salary for a little while. No biggie, I'm back on track and on my mission and have accepted a new job. But that's when she started acting weird, started being unavailable, started starting fights and becoming suddenly moody. That's when the sex dried up - all the signs were there. My gut was screaming at me to ghost her, to cut her off, that she was shady and sketchy and I shouldn't trust her. But hey I guess oneitis and good head can sway a man. But the head was drying up, and the gut was getting louder.

We had our first ever "fuck you" fight a week ago, and I went no-contact. I still wanted to see the bitch until I leave for my new job out of state, and invited her to talk last night. I told her what was up, that my time was limited and I was moving in a few months, but that I wanted us to hang out and be cool again in the mean time. She cried a little when I told her I was leaving, but agreed that we should keep it going and be nice to each other in the mean time. That's when she told me she had to leave, she couldn't stay. She's ALWAYS stayed in the last few months. I personally didn't mind but the way she put it, it came completely unnaturally out of her mouth. It pricked my ears up. She went to use the bathroom before she left and I noticed her phone on the table. I knew her combination because she's opened it in front of me to show me shit on numerous occasions. Instinctively, I picked the phone up and opened up the FB messenger.

The very first thread was her exchanging dirty filthy things with some guy just like she used to do more often with me. I didn't bother looking at the other threads, there were a lot more. In the 30 seconds it took her to get back from the bathroom I had bagged up the few things she left at my apartment and tossed it at her feet. I told her I never want to see her again. She was shocked, couldn't look me in the eye, probably put 2 and 2 together. I opened the door and shoved her out.

I gave her the opportunity to just leave. I told her I'm leaving the state, I'll be gone soon, and we can just stop seeing each other now. And she looked me in the eye with those big beautiful blue eyes and said "of course I want to see you, I care about you, I want to hang out with you" etc. She could've just walked away and fucked whoever however whenever, but she didn't.

I've blocked her in every way I know how, and am currently trying to waste as little of my Saturday as possible posting on Reddit about some dumb slut.

Has anyone else done something similar? I wanted the truth, and I got it, but it definitely tastes like shit.


[–]RedWriterAC 81 points82 points  (2 children)

Damn son. Another classic case of AWALT eh

[–]zboo1h[S] 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Yep. But it's also my fault, I should've ended it when my gut told me things weren't right, when her behavior changed. It only really bothers me if I start wondering how long it had been going on. Can't dwell on useless things like that.

[–]coriollanvs 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Lesson learned for you, hope it'll be well next time bro

[–]2chazthundergut 35 points36 points  (11 children)

  1. She had already told you the truth with her actions. As Rollo would say: "The medium is the message."

  2. "I still wanted to see her..." you need to understand something critical here so that you can avoid making the same mistake in the future. This relationship ended because of you. 100% because of you. The way you still needed to see her, still wanted to talk things over with her, still wanted to be friends and play nice with her, etc. etc. demonstrates to me everything I need to know about you in your relationship. You lost your edge and became a needy bitch. She did you a favor by cheating on you; now you can learn from this and become a better man for your next relationship.

  3. She won. Not because she cheated or the relationship ended. She won because you lost your cool and showed her the power she has over you. Chicks love to make men angry because it shows them that they can still control you, which means you are still emotionally attached to them. The only way to win in a situation like this is to demonstrate to her that she has zero power over you. The best thing you could have done is this: first of all, don't let on AT ALL that you saw what was on her phone or found out about her cheating ass. Secondly, you should've just sat her down and said: "Sweetie, I'm not in love with you anymore. I have enjoyed our time together, and I wish you the very best." And then walk out the door. Completely neutral. No discussion, no explanation, no argument. No anger. No yelling. Complete indifference. Like telling her you've decided to change your outfit. If you had done this, instead of being such an emotional bitch about it, then you would have completely mind-fucked her and left her begging you not to leave. Chicks cannot handle rejection and cannot handle a man who is indifferent to her.

You need to reconsider your whole perspective on these things. I recommend you check out Patrice O'Neil. The idea is this:

"You cheated on me? Thank you! Now I can go to the dealership and get a younger, hotter model. Thank you! I get to go shopping again! I get to smash a bunch of sluts and get my fuck game back on point. You cheating on me and giving your pussy away to another man means nothing to me, because now I get to go and give my time to another bitch. Any chick can get dick from a stranger, but commitment from a high-value man is valuable. And commitment from me is damn near priceless. So thank you for giving me back my freedom. Now enjoy the rest of your life you goofy whore, because I am sure as shit going to enjoy mine!!"

TLDR: She did you a favor dude. Now you get to get your head back in the game. Career, gym, friends, hobbies, sidebar, and spin plates. Good luck my man.

[–]zboo1h[S] 5 points6 points  (10 children)

Thank you so much for this. The ultimately embarrassing thing is I'm a student of the great Mr. P. I knew exactly what I should do, and I consciously did the opposite. I even remember telling her explicitly that I don't care if it makes me look bad, I still want to see her. It is quite the knock upside the head to find out I'm still capable of such bitch-assedness after all my experiences and wisdom. As if suddenly, I'd learned nothing at all. I wish I could've been indifferent, but I was invested emotionally, and I still am, because here I am typing on Reddit about it. I'm going to get some girls #'s. Thank you again.

edit: Question: is it truly the better idea to NOT seek confirmation of the truth? I feel in my gut that the best thing would have been to just drop her, ghost her when I got suspicious. Is it better to confirm the truth and then emotionlessly dismiss them, or just dismiss them and forego the need for the truth?

[–]2chazthundergut 23 points24 points  (4 children)

We all do it. Just recently I sent a message that was so needy and pathetic it made me want to shoot myself in the face, and I absolutely do know better. Pussy makes us crazy man, so I get it. We just need to constantly improve ourselves and keep our edge sharp. Never go soft, never go complacent, and never forget the sinking feeling you have in your gut RIGHT NOW. Next time you start to fall for a chick and start wanting to text her or call or open up to her, remember this feeling. You're still gonna fuck up from time to time, but next time hopefully you catch yourself before it's too late.

In my opinion, seeking confirmation is a losing game and a beta move. But I also don't think you should just ghost on a chick the moment you get suspicious. Instead, you treat her behavior as the only truthful thing about her. Is she fucking you as frequently and as passionately as you like? Is she pleasant to be around? Does she cook for you and do favors for you and make your life better? Does she improve your life in a meaningful way? Those are the things you should be paying attention to. Those are the things chicks do for men they love and are attracted to.

Good behavior from her is rewarded with attention and affection from you.

Bad behavior from her is punished with removal of attention.

But most important is the balance of power. You must always maintain the upper hand. She must always fall in love before you do. She must always say "I love you" before you do. She must always push for commitment before you do. And she must never feel like she has you. She should always feel a little nervous about losing your commitment. This is important because if the underlying dynamics of your relationship are solid, then you can get away with some needy behavior and still maintain your alpha status with her. Not that you can ever grow complacent or allow yourself to lose your edge.

My point in saying this is that when she first started to become distant, you should have immediately responded by becoming distant yourself. And when she started to hold back on the sex, you should have downgraded her status back to plate.

Remember, your commitment is GOLD. You don't throw that shit around cheaply. A chick has to earn that from you. The moment she isn't giving you everything you want, you downgrade her status and look for a chick who will. You are the prize, and your own happiness is the priority.

If your game was tight and you were operating with that mindset ^ then "confirming the truth" would never be an issue. You would have checked out of the relationship the moment she did, and ended things the moment they stopped being conducive to your highest level of happiness. Ironically, operating this way would have likely prevented her from straying in the first place and kept her happy and satisfied to be in a relationship with a man who is high value and willing to walk away from her.

So what purpose is it to seek confirmation of the truth? She already told you she was cheating when she stopped treating you like her boyfriend. Or, at the very least, she told you that she doesn't want to be your girlfriend anymore. And that is reason enough to return to spinning plates; digging down to the bottom of the "truth" is just needy behavior. Her behavior is the truth. You were just too sprung to listen to what she was telling you with her actions.

Anyways, we are getting into the weeds here on theory. I can tell you're gonna bounce back and start crushing it again, once you get over this chick. And we will look back and laugh at this goofy whore for throwing away your commitment. Especially five years from now, when you're laying on the beach next to a 23 year old volleyball player. That definitely did the trick for me.

Keep grinding dude. You got this.

[–]zboo1h[S] 8 points9 points  (2 children)

I swear this hateful forum full of women hating misogynists has to be the most positive and helpful resource for men on the internet. Joking about the first part, not about the second.

Your words resonate hard with me my man. That shit hurts. That's what I'm angry about. I whittled away my own manhood over a two-week period until I'm not what I used to be. A month ago I got her a dog collar to wear and she wore it with enthusiasm and gratefulness. By last week she was refusing to give me head. They play the long game, the boiled frog game. And it worked on me. I LET IT HAPPEN.

There's a nagging question about how long she had been cheating on me, but I know that's some basic Mr. P stuff. NEVER start asking or wondering about the W's. Who, what, where, when, why, how, etc.

Thanks for all your words. This is exactly why I love this place. You rock.

[–]2chazthundergut 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Correct. Here's a good refresher:

(edit- part about cheating and the "w questions" starts around 14:30)

https://youtu.be/rTEJiLvKOfQ?t=11m52s

[–]Ballosaurus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is TRP in a nutshell right here. Thanks

[–]PhaedrusHunt 3 points4 points  (2 children)

The ultimately embarrassing thing is I'm a student of the great Mr. P. I knew exactly what I should do, and I consciously did the opposite. I even remember telling her explicitly that I don't care if it makes me look bad, I still want to see her. It is quite the knock upside the head to find out I'm still capable of such bitch-assedness after all my experiences and wisdom. As if suddenly, I'd learned nothing at all.

Don't sweat it man. You're like a fighter with ring rust. Those were just first round jitters.

Only thing you did was to shove her out the door. Major no-no unless you like the back seat of police cruisers.

You'll keep your cool next time.

Overall you did fine man.

[–]zboo1h[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I almost didn't mention that part, but there's no point hiding anything if I seek understanding. I didn't shove her hard or violently or anything, just a firm press out the door. But I totally 100% agree with you, it shouldn't have happened. chazthundergut is 100% right that the best course would've been to calmly and mysteriously tell her it's over and kindly escort her out without another word. Believe me, I wish I had done that. But I'm just glad I managed to keep it together with the rage and sickness I had swelling up in me.

[–]PhaedrusHunt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't beat yourself up man. Fuck the next girl's brains out instead

[–]lookoutitscaleb 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What u/chazthethundergut is saying is 100% dead on.

[–]RPmatrix 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I still want to see her.

no, you still want the feelings she gave you ... you're 'cuntstruck' and you know it, that's why you mentioned the bj's

go find another woman and you'll forget this one in a snap, that's why 'abundance mentality' is your savior in such situations as there are plenty of women out there ... shit last night in my city was pumping women!

[–]MadManMonkey 41 points42 points  (5 children)

Dude shit sucks. Some of those bitches can lie better than any guy ive seen. Fwb once told me she "loved me" while on the same night fucking some other dude. Just hang tight itll go away Edit: some

[–]zboo1h[S] 26 points27 points  (2 children)

That's eating me up right now to be honest. The time stamps on the messages I saw - she was sexting with him right before she got to my apartment to kiss me and tell me she loves me. It's disgusting.

[–]miller211 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Rough, try to find healthier girls.. I'm sure you saw alot of red flags before but ignored them

[–]zboo1h[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You know I did. I didn't see this girl as a cheater partially because I saw her as far below me, because of aspects of her life. She didn't exercise just had a nice body naturally (won't last), had a just-above-deadbeat job and probably smoked way more weed than I realize. But hey, big ol' blue eyes and a nice body, fuck it.

[–]redd_reality 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Feelz before realz ain't no joke. They live in a different reality.

[–]BraindeadIQ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Fwb once told me she "loved me" while on the same night fucking some other dude.

Classic women, It’s just the “guiltness” they know it’s wrong but somehow telling “i love you” and getting “i love you too” back makes it easier.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (18 children)

wait, she was a plate, what the hell did you expect? You can hardly expect faithfulness from an LTR these days, let alone a "plate".

[–]zboo1h[S] 9 points10 points  (17 children)

She was a plate up to about 8 months ago. I shouldn't have "upgraded" her. There were flags I ignored because she was just so overwhelmingly and aggressively nice and sweet and feminine. I don't think you can expect faithfulness in any relationship. It really is just my turn.

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (16 children)

You never LTR a plate, or someone you found online. Relationships aren't marketable, despite what others here say (the whole "SMV" stuff), if you truly want faithful relationship you should try finding girls who aren't promiscuous. Plates, girls who party a lot etc, aren't gf/wife material.

[–]2chazthundergut 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Sorry but this is wrong and bad advice.

You only upgrade plates. You never start off by committing to a chick.

Your commitment is gold and must be earned by a chick. She earns it by auditioning to be your girlfriend, and demonstrating through her sexual availability and enthusiasm and good behavior what a great girlfriend she will be for you.

If she sticks around with you, and consistently shows you that she is enthusiastic to make your happiness and your pleasure a priority, then you consider upgrading her to girlfriend.

And even once she is upgraded, her status as your girlfriend is always conditional upon how dedicated she is to your happiness. The moment she is not making your life better and making you more happy, you downgrade her back to plate and keep auditioning chicks.

[–]TheTrenTrannyTrain 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's dumb advice.

All women goes from ONS to plates than to LTR. Sounds like you don't even vet women properly before you give them the LTR status.

[–]Aggressive_Beta 3 points4 points  (13 children)

You never LTR a plate, or someone you found online.

Why?

if you truly want faithful relationship

Stop right there. There’s no such thing. She’s not yours.

you should try finding girls who aren't promiscuous.

They’re all promiscuous, it’s just a question of how much. AWALT

Plates, girls who party a lot etc, aren't gf/wife material

No woman is wife material.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (12 children)

You really have to ask why you never LTR a plate? The girl agrees to be a plate to a guy, she has other guys she fucks on the side. No self-respecting girl would do it, only promiscuous hypergamous sluts would be fucking dudes left and right. If she's a plate to you, she's also one to other dudes, before you, after you, at the same time.

And even if you "manage" to get a plate to be with only you, her sexual nature is fucked up, she can't unwire the way her brain works now - she'll never be faithful to one guy, she will always cheat and fuck different dudes.

smh, what a dumb question.

Stop right there. There’s no such thing.

Well, there you go. If you're not looking "for a real relationship" then why the fuck would you complain about your plate/ltr cheating on you? You got what you set up for yourself.

[–]zboo1h[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

He's not OP, I am. But I really do agree with you. I set myself up, here. And I think you're absolutely right about her being wired a certain way. I overlooked that.

[–]Velebit 1 point2 points  (4 children)

what were some warning signs you overlooked, but looking now, are more clear?

[–]zboo1h[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

The more time passes the more I realize this was mostly my fault. Losing my job (even after securing another position) knocked my nuts off my body, and I became a little bitch. I was still deadlifting heavy but I was a little bitch anyway. I felt that I needed her, not the other way around. Girls can't handle that, it's terrifying to them. Plus, I suddenly start giving a shit what she's doing besides swallowing my cum, as if that matters.

Beyond that, I mean she was a dirty little girl and we fucked almost immediately. I mean no shit I'm not the only one.

[–]Velebit 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Stop trying the 'own everything' coping method. Its self depreciating, futile and just factually wrong. People are not equal. They are a set of genes that vary from person to person. They have traits that are different. Like in looks so in personality and behavior. Loyalty is not conditional. It is either there or its not. Same with traits like empathy, agreeableness, conscienceousnes, impulsivity, neuroticism etc. The whole point of death is to eliminate bad genes. People with bad genes dont reproduce. Evolution is the only judge and objective value and measure in existence. Reproduction is a tool of evolution. Evolution is selecting good genes/traits.

Childless players are the biggest failure nature can make because they as top 1% or the apex predator species cant even function properly enough to reproduce. Celibacy is not abstinence from sex. Celibacy is abstinence from family life and reproduction. Celibacy as being asexual is an extremely new concept. The most idiotic and counterproductive social role is a promiscuous celibacy. Anyone preaching this is a cancerous cell inside the organism of human race. Reject the intruder and his textual attack on your brain.

You didnt fail because you had a small fall from grace. Think about it as a business. Imagine that chart with ups and downs. You chose an investor or a steategic partner who bailed on the first little drop of stock price... the first media attack... the first product error. You cant have a company with a fully stable graph. That is just boyish daydreaming that some cancerous intruders didnt grow out off and they end up writing here. You failed because you selected a unit with bad genes/traits. Saying all units of same group dont differ to a relevant digree is just idiotic leftist bullshit. If the only lesson you got out of this is 'I need to be emotionless' than just splatter your brain with lead and save yourself a long and slow souldestroying race to the bottom. If you want to grow, you must recognize where you failed to screen her.

What were the signs SHE was not s good fit.

[–]zboo1h[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I get what you're saying. I think I'm still too "cuntstruck" as someone said to see the signs that I knew were there. I feel like I'm just guessing at them, like I legitimately can't see them or let myself see them. I generally had a strong feeling she's content to be where she is in life, and meanwhile I have every intention of moving on and building from where I am to somewhere better. I drink beers and sometimes smoke with my friends and things, but she had weed habit that bothered me. Like, "what the fuck are you doing spending your little money on weed when you live where you do with the job that you have" and so on. I didn't respect her at all for that. I know that somewhere over the course of the months before I upgraded her she mentioned offhand how it bothered her that we were on two separate missions. She would "joke" about how we're on two different paths and we want different things out of nowhere sometimes. She was awful at overt communication, if she had something important to say she would say it in this weird little hurried mumbled way as if she didn't want me to hear it, she just wanted to absolve herself of the responsibility of passing the message on.

But much like a guy that drives a car with 10,000 warning lights on in the dash saying "ehhh I'll fix it when I get an oil change", I drove on. Then when the hood starts smoking and burning because the sex dries up and her attitude is overtly disrespectful, I just shrug and drive on. Then the fucking wheels fall off and it skids to a halt because she doesn't even have the respect or interest to communicate anymore and I'm just sitting behind the wheel honking until that dies, too.

You're absolutely right about screening.

[–]RedHoodhandles 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's exactly why she should be exclusively fucking you during the due-dilligence/plate phase if you are planning on upgrading her.

Some guys are really losing their shit right here.. 'Whaat? It's all fair game. I fuck other girls. She fucks other guys.. She's just a plate.." Wrong if you are planning on upgrading her..

[–]Aggressive_Beta -1 points0 points  (4 children)

You are hopelessly confused. If she’s a high quality woman she won’t be fucking other dudes. Just because she’s your plate doesn’t necessarily mean you’re her plate. Plenty of women only fuck one dude at a time.

Well, there you go. If you're not looking "for a real relationship" then why the fuck would you complain about your plate/ltr cheating on you? You got what you set up for yourself.

You are still confused. Wanting a faithful relationship is a Disney blue pill fantasy. You might get one if you’re her best option, but to actively desire it is a fruitless pursuit. The only thing you should desire is continuously improving your SMV to minimize the chances of it being an unfaithful relationship.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Rather be "confused" than believing that a "plate" can be a "high quality woman who wouldn't fuck other dudes"

[–]Aggressive_Beta -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

I never said “wouldn’t”. You’re dishonestly characterizing my position because you know you’re wrong

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

"If she’s a high quality woman she won’t be fucking other dudes"

that's what you said "won't" is more stricter than "wouldn't"

[–]Aggressive_Beta 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I said she won’t be fucking other dudes while she’s fucking YOU. Doesn’t mean she wouldn’t do that if she was with other dudes. AWALT

[–]ProMathlete 7 points8 points  (4 children)

Sorry man, at least you learned you have good instincts (your gut)

[–]zboo1h[S] 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Trust your gut, always. When you even start to suspect something, it's time to at least soft next. Don't do what I did. Don't ask her why. Don't bring it up and try to negotiate it. Jesus Christ what a bad idea. TRP has taught me so much but I really dropped the ball with this one.

[–]ProMathlete 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Oh I stuck with my wife for a year and a half because I felt like I owed it to her. I didn't realize she wanted to leave me because she was testing out branches to swing to. I thought it was bc I was a drunk captain.

When it did end all of my redpill knowledge was clutch and I walked away not caring

[–]Slipstream17X 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is the best thing TRP has done for me: knowing that if it all ended tomorrow, I’d walk away and move on.

[–]Aggressive_Beta 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lesson learned my man, you won’t do it again. NEXT!

[–]WoodWizzy87 12 points13 points  (1 child)

These hoes ain’t loyal. You never should’ve upgraded her in the first place. Shit hits fan for a month or two and she’s off slinging dick

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (2 children)

The longer I am in the game the more I see that girls are just amoral and aloyal when it comes to men. They literally dont connect the dots the way we do, and wont ever.

[–]cappadocianhawk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They are incapable of bonding like men do. It is what it is.

[–]Goal10der 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Man it sucks creepin the phone is the only reliable thing with them. More time to work on yourself and bang better sluts!

[–]KingRead 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've fucked a girl without getting her number... She was married.

Some women are smarter than others, phone records is just them being reckless.

[–]Mrlean12345 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Yeah I was in Atlantic City with my girl and it was suppose to be a fun weekend. At dinner the first night she was acting weird always on her phone which pissed me of

We go upstairs and she puts on this very fine black lingere I bought her. I went into the bathroom after her and find that she left her phone. I got curious and wanted to see if/what porn she looked at. Expect I found a link of links to dating websites.

There was over a thousand matches with her asking to fuck all of these random older dudes.

Given we were fighting I expcted the vacation to get us back on track but ultimately her staying there while I got her a bus ticket. Before I left for the ticket I saw a bunch of dudes in the hall and said my girl is looking to get gangbanged in from 801. I thought that was funny at the timel

[–]RexPillerson 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Man that's fucking ridiculous. Did you vet this woman at all? This is the type of woman that will contact strangers to come run a train on her and you made her your girlfriend?

[–]Mrlean12345 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's over. And yeah I misread signals hard core.

[–]JerryLawlerPigFace 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sharpen the axe my man! Be grateful for the experience because you’ll be that much more experienced going forward

[–]Wrath_of_Trump 2 points3 points  (4 children)

As long as you didn't lose your cool. I find that if you end things on a rotten note because you're fuming, it feels like you over invested in it. You're going to remember that as your "angry moment," it's not worth doing.

[–]zboo1h[S] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

I can say I didn't lose my cool, but I want to now. This nasty little thing in my head wants to spread her nudes around and tell her family that I just met that their relative is a piece of shit lowlife fucking dudes in hotels while dating me, but that's not productive or any sort of healthy.

[–]Wrath_of_Trump 4 points5 points  (2 children)

You don't need to spread her nudes if she's the on doing it. She will deceive the wrong guy who will probably punch her in the face or something, let someone else deal with it. It's not your problem anymore.

[–]zboo1h[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Nice name btw. I'm definitely not going to do ANYTHING towards or about her or involving her at all, it's just awful little vengeful thoughts. Beta thoughts. Scarcity thoughts. It's time to get to the gym and get my dick wet tonight.

[–]Wrath_of_Trump 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would recommend going to a clinic and making sure she didn't give you a bug, girls like her are the fastest way to get one.

[–]Zanford 2 points3 points  (4 children)

You handled it great. I know you feel like shit right now, but you showed grit and good sense and it's clear that this will 'just make you stronger' down the line (campy but true).

Curious - in the brief moment you saw the messages - did you get a sense (from timestamps or message content) of whether they started before you lost your job, or after?

[–]zboo1h[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

You know before I saw her, I had imagined what I would do if I found out my suspicions were correct. I imagined I would leaf through the messages and get a good idea of the scope and sequence of them, when they started and who they're with.

But the instant I saw the content of the first thread, I went numb, I put the phone down. She had been sexting this guy instead of even responding to the most basic of messages from me, while pretending she was busy with work.

Her behavior definitely changed after the job thing, that's for sure.

[–]lookoutitscaleb 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The "W" questions. That's an instant loss. The frame you have that allows those words. "Who, what, when, where, why" you've already lost. Gave away the keys to the castle.

You did well as far as coming back and telling her to get out instead of pleading or asking or rummaging further. But those initial questions. You shouldn't ever ask those to begin with.

That's why oneitis is so deadly. You let the relationship and what it stands for to you become more important/powerful than maintaining FRAME.

[–]Zanford 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Honestly your reaction was the right one. As soon as you learned enough to know it was 100% over, you realized you didn't need to know more.

So many other stories of dudes who see shit like this, then go crying at the girl's feet and begging to 'fix it', or they try to rationalize it away as no biggie. It's clear that your instincts are good (both in terms of knowing something was wrong, and then knowing to ASAP ghost her when you found the dirt) so I'm sure your trajectory and emotional state will only be upward from here.

[–]zboo1h[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hope you're right, it's been a rocky day. There is still some beta in me, I find myself wanting to reach out and make sure she's okay. How fucking pathetic is that? Wanting to make sure that someone with NEGATIVE respect for you, who is out choking on strange dick while texting you she's "at work" is okay. I will recover from this. Thank you.

[–]1RPLawyer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Damn, you should post this on the main sub!

[–]tornadojustice 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had a chick that came to stay with me for a while, She threatened me with bodily harm and I knew she had been talking to someone else. So I went and got the blankey she came with spread it out the living room floor and tossed everything of hers into the center of it. Grabbed the 4 corners and tied up her little hobo sack set it on the front porch then very nicely told her that she needs to have someone come get her.

[–]mrHappyPotatoe 2 points3 points  (1 child)

She already moved on way before you even realised she cheated.

[–]zboo1h[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep. Although I knew she was cheating long before I found out for sure. I even had a dream about it. Intuition is a powerful thing. It honestly makes me sick now thinking about what I should've done a LONG time ago to save myself this shit.

[–]Retstortion 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Trust but verify. Be ready to walk.

[–]nofilmynofucky 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean shit dude, I had to learn that same lesson about 20 or so times before it really sunk in

[–]PlzBuffBeamu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Similar shit happened to me with my LTR which brought me to TRP. Shit like this is when AWALT brutally smacks you in the face.

[–]COORDOORS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

get tested

[–][deleted]  (10 children)

[removed]

[–]UltimateCrypto 4 points5 points  (4 children)

Or you could not be a revengeful pussy and go slay some new chicks.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (3 children)

The two options are not mutually exclusive.

[–]UltimateCrypto 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Go back to shitting in bags.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I think your doorbell is ringing

[–]ShotgunTRP 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Legitimately lmao at this

[–]1walawalawa 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Go away asshole. You've been banned.

[–]COORDOORS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

lmfao sensitive ass pussy. he made a joke.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You have 30 seconds to delete this comment and apologize.

[–]PhaedrusHunt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Guys.... All the downvotes.... This dude is joking

[–]lookoutitscaleb -3 points-2 points  (10 children)

Never invade another person's privacy like that. If you ever have a reason to even look at someone's shit behind their back it's already over.

[–]zboo1h[S] 0 points1 point  (9 children)

I agree that the better thing to do would have been to end it EXACTLY when I started having that suspicion. Instead I "needed" the validation of my suspicions - I NEEDED the truth. So now I'm wasting energy on this instead of anything positive because the truth happens to be harsher than I thought it would be. As much as I suspected something, deep down I didn't believe it until I saw it.

[–]lookoutitscaleb 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Scenario: You look at her phone. Nothing there to confirm your suspicions. Is your thirst quenched? Or does your gut still say "oh it's still hiding somewhere" and keep looking.

Let us say it is quenched. You and this girl continue having a relationship. Hey, even let's say you get married. You've now built your relationship on non-trust.

Either be a man and deal with your emotions in a healthy way or you're fucked.

I once found a used condom in my LTR's apartment. Her and I didn't use condoms, except for 1 time a month ago. It could have been mine. I was too afraid to confront her. But no matter what, I confront her and she says "yes I cheated" or she says "no it was ours". The bottom line is do I believe her? No our relationship is fucked because deep down I don't fucking trust this chick. She used to sleep around a lot and that to me at the time made me not respect or trust her. That condom just brought my deep set emotions to the forefront.

TLDR: Always, always, always listen to your gut. It's been with you since you were little to help keep you safe and steer you in the right direction.

Learn from your mistakes and grow.

[–]lookoutitscaleb 1 point2 points  (7 children)

If you're willing to break a person's trust and go behind their back to snoop through their shit it's already over.

You're willing to sacrifice what you two have for your own Ego.

Remember being a kid and how violating it was when a parent went through your shit?

Whether you were doing something wrong or not, found or not, it always feels dirty.

[–]aDrunkenWhaler 3 points4 points  (3 children)

If you're willing to break a person's trust and go behind their back to snoop through their shit it's already over.

You're willing to sacrifice what you two have for your own Ego.

Sorry, but that's some retarded shit women spill to make men feel bad for checking up on them. You do what you have to do to stay ahead of the game. Of course, you don't need to go overboard, stalking or any other time wasting dumb stuff, but if the oportunity presents itself perfectly, like in OP's case, you pick up the phone and check her messages. The confirmation is 100 times better than staying in the dark, and if you find nothing, nothing changes. This applies to everything, not just women. Information is power.

Remember being a kid and how violating it was when a parent went through your shit?

Yeah, and they were right in doing so. It's their job to keep an eye on you.

Whether you were doing something wrong or not, found or not, it always feels dirty.

Life is dirty. And amoral. Get over it and play the game.

[–]zboo1h[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've never had the urge to check a girl's phone. Most of the time I just assume they're talking to exes or fucking other guys, I usually don't care. I let myself care about this bitch, and it consumed me, unsurprisingly. Philosophically I wonder if it really is better that I know for 100% sure, or if it would've been better to just assume and ghost.

[–]lookoutitscaleb 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I didn't hear the first comment from a woman. I heard it from a multi business owner, the most stoic man I've ever met, with the most natural game I've ever seen. So you're wrong on that front. To go behind someone's back no matter the relationship shows there is no trust. Trust is key, it's earned, not given away for free.

Are you the world's parents? NO! I was using the feeling to convey an idea. It's not your job to parent your SO either. If they want to be a fucktard that is their prerogative and if you have to spend so much energy policing their reality than you've already failed. You should put in boundaries and foundations so if she goes out with her friends and you're busy doing some other shit she's not going to cheat on you. Not watch their phone and snoop like some Beta Blue Pilled Cuck that is so insecure you have to Big Brother your bitch. PLEASE kid.

Playing the game dirty and getting into the grime is real and use things to your advantage but the way OP approached it is autistic. C'mon dude stop watching Game Of Thrones and live in reality.

[–]aDrunkenWhaler 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You should put in boundaries and foundations so if she goes out with her friends and you're busy doing some other shit she's not going to cheat on you.

Ahaha. Ok, bro, you go ahead and set up those boundaries, then trust she will never cheat because of them. Good luck with that.

[–]zboo1h[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Thanks for the words, my man. What did you do about the LTR and condom?

[–]lookoutitscaleb 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I didn't bring it up and stayed with her. Ever since that moment things weren't the same.

We would fight all the time. I would get drunk and mess around with other girls to get back at her (she didn't even do anything to my knowledge).

Eventually she broke up with me because I was being a dumb softboi. It's all a learning curve. Use this opportunity to do what you want and if you don't know what that is there's a million places to start and find out.

Cheers my dude.

[–]zboo1h[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you again. As a matter of fact, I do have a mission. I do know what I want to do, and curiously enough everything in my life has pointed at it. I lost my job, my lease is up soon, and now my girl turns out to be a scumrat. Nothing holding me back anymore.