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cringed while reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (self.asktrp)

submitted by OverdoseOfRedPill

This book understands me so well, its scary. Here I am now, at the age of 35, finally getting what was wrong with me the whole time. It sucks to find out how many opportunities I've missed in life, romantically and career wise because of bottled up feelings and expectations. The only question I find myself asking these days is: was it worth it?


[–][deleted]  (7 children)

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[–]RedVillain 0 points1 point  (6 children)

Fuckin A

[–][deleted]  (5 children)

[deleted]

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children)

    ooh sounds good. A bit of elaboration would be appreciated. Thanks!

    [–][deleted]  (3 children)

    [deleted]

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      Thanks. Sounds interesting!

      Does it offer anything practical to solve your problems and clear your head, or is it more of a self-indulgent reading

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)

      [deleted]

      [–]OverdoseOfRedPill[S] 36 points37 points  (1 child)

      Missed opportunities galore.

      Turns out, all opportunities were perfect and just waiting to be seized. This bit hit home:

      Since getting their needs met contradicts their childhood paradigms, Nice Guys are extremely uncomfortable when they actually do get what they want. Though most Nice Guys have a difficult time grasping this concept, they are terrified of getting what they really want and will go to extreme measures to make sure they don't.

      [–]Leviticus59 15 points16 points  (1 child)

      Yep. I had the same experience....at age 50. Read NMMMG and was reading all about myself. Failed marriage.....lots of common experiences with everything that's said here regarding betas unplugging. In fact, I'm still unplugging; it takes a while after 50 years of extreme betatude.

      [–]GuidoBandito 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Same response here. I'm now finding myself wanting and needing to remove myself from all people and situations that perpetuate the problem. AKA Deep Monk Mode and full reset on my life. Time is running out.

      [–]projectself 9 points10 points  (4 children)

      I found it at 36. After 13 years of marriage, I got the "I just dont love you anymore" speech from my then wife, she took the kids for the weekend. I spent the weekend trying to figure out what the fuck..

      Turns out that phase is very popular as a search on google, as many many men get it at some point. One of the turning points in my life was a post with a link saying to read this within 24 hours.

      I did.. I cringed as well. Then once finished, I ordered it on amazon with 1 day delivery. I re-read it from page 1 and actually did every exercise in it and my life changed. little at first, then immensely, that book saved my life.

      [–]KyfhoMyoba 2 points3 points  (3 children)

      Give us a post on the topic, please. We need success stories like this over at /r/MarriedRedPill.

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]vengefully_yours 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        The second was doing better after my illness that sapped her attraction for me, but made a very poor choice, cheated, and I punted her ass. Just two days prior she was talking about how well we fit, wanting to have the fun kinky rough sex she liked when I got home from my trip. The day I was driving back, she was texting nudes to me, then absolute silence after three one word replies in a row. That's when she decided to fuck this desperate kid she met on a training trip. She wanted me to stop fucking her, support the both of them, and be ok with it. For a rather well educated very intelligent chick, she sure made a stupid mistake.

        That was two years ago this week.

        She is going to be 33, lives with her parents, will only get losers like that 25 yr old kid, and can't support herself. He can't support himself either, so her dad does. I find the whole situation she got herself into to be hilarious.

        [–]GregariousWolf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        You don't have to talk about marriage if you don't want, but you're certainly qualified. As are many of us. I am often amazed at the commonality of our experiences.

        [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        I've recently discovered the book myself and ive listened to it in it's entirety 3 times already. The guy had me pegged from the beginning.

        Im 29, and i cant say i blame myself because i no longer have that word in my vocabulary. the main point is taking control of your own life. The situation was fucked up, but im glad i am aware of it now, or whatever age it decided to hit me and im excited to move forward, that is all. My level of happiness jumped so much because i now have a solid framework of why i am the way i am.

        I honestly feel relieved im not perfect or have to be perfect, im glad i dont have to take pride in certain parts of my distorted sets of value anymore. Deep down, i was conditioned but im glad i have permission not to and im still a good guy. It has really brought down my walls i didnt even know i had, ive been more open than i have in years and i did have a layer of secrecy, resentment at work with my family etc... I was one of those classic calm on the surface a royal mess on the inside....

        I removed that shit and now im a mess on the outside, and working on it...

        I usually spend my breaks smoking a cig in this depressed haze, thinking about everything and nothing. This past month i have peace and quiet in my head and i started thinking about what i want to do on the weekends for fun, which is a new element for me since i always by default do everything my friends are doing.

        This last weekend i went to the park downtown, read a book, slept and relaxed because i love doing that and it was GREAT!

        [–]ZeeyardSA 4 points5 points  (1 child)

        You and me both! Imagine living your life by a set of rules just to find out that your partner of 10 years did not! Let it go and make a better life going forward

        [–]OverdoseOfRedPill[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        "The moment Nice Guys enter a relationship they begin a balancing act. In relationships, a life-and-death struggle is played out to balance their fear of vulnerability with their fear of isolation."

        [–]yesnolift 1 point2 points  (4 children)

        Was what worth it?

        [–]OverdoseOfRedPill[S] 4 points5 points  (3 children)

        The whole 35 years of suffering and living in a shell of myself

        [–]thepillwastaken 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        ProTip- to get out of this stage, quit feeling sorry for yourself and fucking live.

        [–]2redbluepilling 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        That's a useless question.

        Anyway, now you know. Now you can start. That's control you didn't have before.

        Peace of mind... if you were a 35yr old woman, you'd be screwed. But, luckily you're a man, and you have many years of good sex ahead if you take care of your body and game.

        [–]TheGillos 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Get in shape of you aren't already. A 6 pack takes 10 years off a 35+ guy (unless you wrecked your skin with smoking and sun, lol) but get in shape and you'll be in the top 10% of late-30s guys.

        [–]mascalu 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        I’ve had the same epiphany last September when I read this book, after I just turned 36 and had ended with great difficulty a profoundly bad +12 years LTR. I did in this relationship all the things listed in the book that “nice guys” do (I was 110% beta) and it was a confirmation for me that it was the right choice to end the relationship. Also this book helped me to find you guys – The Red Pill – by searching the book on Google to see if anybody is discussing about it on the internet. Now I’m reading all that I can from TRP and try to get rid of my beta behavior. Learning all these things made me understand how wrong I was thinking and behaving in regards to women and, unfortunately, how many beta “men” (they are men only because of their sex, but they are not real men) are around me – friends or acquaintances. So I’m happy that I found this book by accident, I’m very happy that I’ve found you guys of TRP and I want to thank you all for existing and doing the great thing that you’re doing here: helping us, blinded beta “men”. My main goal is that one day I will be a real man and not just a “man“.
        To answer to OP: was it worth it? I would say better late than never. We have our own past experience from which we can see that we were wrong so we have one more reason to change ourselves and improve our lives. And having at our disposal all this information about what to do from now on is fabulous. Cheers to all!

        [–]lugubriusTRP 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Gotta agree on seeing other betas in the act, for instance my friend keeps calling the girl hes seeing "his girlfriend" in a joking way llike, I made you toast girlfriend, it makes me cringe even though hes joking. Before I wouldn't bat an eyelid at that.

        [–]mahlzeit 1 point2 points  (2 children)

        Haha, I know that feeling too well.

        There's a YouTube channel I found recently that expands a lot on the psychology behind why we become people pleasers and grow up with boundary issues, I think it's definitely worth checking out. Sometimes he can get a bit new agey, so take it with a grain of salt, but overall the stuff on narcissism and CPTSD he talks about was at least as eye opening to me as NMMNG.

        [–]Leviticus59 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Another one I read recently is Anxious To Please

        It also talked right at me, just as NMMNG did. Ran across that title when someone here mentioned it, I believe.

        [–]DarkisKnight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        The road to manhood is never easy no matter when you start.

        Can't move backwards only forwards.

        [–]krustytheclown2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I feel you bro, now take opportunities