I’m such a fucking pussy (self.asktrp)

submitted by Kaleb0213

I deadass had a girl in my bed and I didn’t make a fucking move. How the hell do I get over this shit? I’ve never kissed or anything.

[–]anal_coke 125 points126 points  (15 children)

you need to understand she wants to fuck you. if she didn't, she wouldn't be in your bed. just take the lead and she'll go along with it

[–]menial_optimist 70 points71 points  (6 children)

i blame single mom parenting, BP conditioning and "respect women as goddesses!" paradigms blasted at us young boys growing up. it's a miracle in my mind how any boy grows up to be naturally masculine in todays age. even now I can feel deep BP conditioning inside me when I interact or observe women. I've been conditioned to think they are all innocent creatures.

[–]flashcash12 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Had a single mom here. Took a year in order to break the beta mindset.

[–]MyOwnWave 8 points9 points  (1 child)

I had both parents in my household, but my mother was way more involved in my life and upbringing. My father is a dyed in the blue beta, but one thing he has going for him: he doesn't give a fuck what anyone thinks of him.

Anyway, I also had a lot of trouble making moves when I was younger. I missed out on a LOT of pussy because of it.

Don't be like me. Learn early (and don't marry).

[–]imtheoneimmortal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My both parents kinda give a lot of fuck of what others say

[–]Pinnacle_Pickle 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My mother was an infinitely better parent than my father but i agree i would have had an infinitely easier time transitioning into manhood.

[–]JonathanMekerset 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Blame nothing besides yourself

[–]Idontgetitboyz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Totally agreed here, I was raised like that. It is hard to get back in touch with your masculinity but it is totally possible

[–]Kaleb0213[S] 19 points20 points  (6 children)

Yea man I feel you. I’ve just never kissed a girl and this one was experienced so I felt like I was inferior in that regard. Damn, this really sucks.

[–]mnsmon 21 points22 points  (1 child)

You learn by failing. You fail by doing things you never did before or just doing them different. No one cares if you suck. You shouldn’t either.

[–]Cgbgjr 14 points15 points  (0 children)

May I suggest a new (really dumb) hobby. Palm reading. Read about it and pretend you are an expert. Tell her you are learning about it.
Take her palm. Read her palm. That is your first touch. It can begin the escalation. Make up stuff about her--preferably funny stuff--and you are on your way.

[–]flatox 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You most likely will mess it up the first couple of times. Just accept it, it is how it is with all things. You learn from mistakes.

The greatest teacher is the biggest failure.

Just do it.

[–]DickMystery 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Don't worry, a bit more than a year ago I was still a kissless virgin. Couple weeks ago some girl said I could come over 'just to sleep'.

Wouldn't have gotten the clue a year ago and wouldn't think she wanted to get fucked, but now I did. You'll get there, just keep trying and keep failing, because that's how you learn.

[–]Blackcurls 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Did you end up fucking?

[–]DickMystery 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes sir.

[–]markinsinz7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not anymore though after that failure context is going to be a huge factor primarily experience of the girl. oh well

[–]MisterMisfit 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Good. She might have slept with someone else later, and God knows what they did to each other. Feel that sting? She might have even found that she likes him enough to keep him around. Feel that helpless rage build up? Goood.

Not trying to be an asshole, I've been there too. It still happened even into a couple of years after university when a girl I liked was giving me obvious signs and I chickened out, partly because I was not very experienced, and partly because of all that "be a gentleman" crap my mother instilled in me since childhood. Well a couple of weeks later I found out that the girl in question started dating a guy she used to complain to me about. Get it? She complained that he's bothering her, meaning that it was an implied warning that hey if you don't do something soon this guy will step into the picture. Needless to say that I beat myself up pretty harshly when I realized what happened. Still cringe when I think about it to this day, but what's done is done.

All I'm saying is take this shit feeling you have right now, harness it, and make it a point never to let it happen again. Even if you get a straight rude mocking "no way" from her, you'd go home smiling knowing that you didn't pussy out and that there's nothing more you could've done.

[–]crunchyteabiscuts 37 points38 points  (7 children)

Frustration will get you out of this shit. Failure after failure and built up frustration will fix you. I was alone for the longest time, then one night I was so frustrated with the missed opportunities and being a pussy that I went to a local music venue for the third time that month and finally approached a girl (without a plan) who smiled at me and it worked out. It took me years of frustration and doing nothing to get to this point.

[–]kngtr2 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Exactly, i recently had the same situation, slept with a girl but did not make a move, then i started reading TRP, now i believe that all the future opportunities (that i create) will be different :)

[–]Somechords77 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Bro what is the best way to get confidence?

[–]crunchyteabiscuts 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had a drink or two, and a small dose of anxiety medication for the 1st time I approached. After the 1st or 2nd time it became easier to approach without anything. For me it was useful to cheat by drinking the first few times to build confidence which helped me later.

Also, getting fit helped with confidence. Setting goals and accomplishing them.

And another trick: the first times I approached was at a music bar where it was mostly middle aged people; fewer hot girls, but also fewer competition, which helped make it easier for me to approach.

But honestly, what really got me started was being so frustrated with doing nothing for so long. The night before I went to the bar to start approaching I missed an opportunity with a girl I liked (again) which made me furious with myself and made me just want to get out there and get laid at last.

[–]Blackcurls 0 points1 point  (3 children)

It worked out meaning what?

[–]crunchyteabiscuts 0 points1 point  (2 children)

It worked out meaning what?

Exchanged numbers, set a date with her, sex the day after, and still with her 3 months later.

[–]Blackcurls 0 points1 point  (1 child)

If you were having so much trouble before, then what do you think she see saw in you? Would you say she's out of your league?

[–]crunchyteabiscuts 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was only having trouble because I never had the balls to approach anyone. Wouldn't say she's out of my league. She's hot and I think we're in each others league. No one was approaching women when I was there. All the men were standing on the side lines. Mustering up the courage to approach puts you way ahead.

[–]manwithoutwire 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Move forward and learn from your failure.

[–]Musicgoon 22 points23 points  (1 child)

I was a total beta fag in my teens. I totally would pussy out Hella bad I kissed a girl when i was 16, but then fucked up a lot in my early 20's I would just freeze up.. I blame a lot of that on my mom giving me shit dating advice and my dad giving me none.

Look at it this way: you had the chick in your bed. Is that a step forward? Yes. That being said, you blew that opportunity.

Chicks want to be wanted and objectified. Don't let anyone tell you different. Every guy on here that has gotten laid was nervous with their first move on a chick.. Thats feminist training on society. They tell men that they suck and that they are rapists. Yet they want to be manhandled..

Learn from this. It takes time. I liken it to one of those polar bear plunges. You just have to jump into it without thinking or moving slow. If you think about the cold water, you can talk yourself out of it. And if you dip your toes in. You'll feel the sensation and change your mind. Do it and then think about it after the jump... Pretty soon the jump won't be a big deal.

Also you'll get addicted to the rush of moving fast and being successful.

You've got this bro!

[–]holeintheceiling 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Great advice about the polar bear plunge. You have to be on the approach before your forebrain tells you “ohh what if (some stupid scenario) happens?”.

[–]Derfaust 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Dude, if youre worried about experience you can get that monkey off your back by hunting a couple of grunters to build your skill level and experience. Practice makes perfect.

Pay close attention to how little you feel about impressing them and bottle that mindset for when you move up a league.

[–]TheBrokenRuler 12 points13 points  (1 child)

The beta conditioning is real, bud- it takes time and effort to break those chains. Realize that life is like a video game (fucking nerdy but this is what helped me) In video games like I dunno fallout or skyrim or whatever- you could theoretically just grind a basic skill and eek out a living like an NPC- or you could actually take the reins in your own life and be the main character. Keep lurking these subs, get to lifting and try some mma or bjj or some other martial art, start interacting with life instead of being passively taken for life's ride

[–]damaged_goods420 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Realize that life is like a video game

Actually really helpful for us nerds to think of life as an RPG.

[–]Seaay00 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Realize she's on your side, she wants you to escalate, but she can't do it for you. She wants you fucking her, it's that simple. Realize that learning how to escalate will feel very weird and out of your comfort zone at first. You have to learn it. Also try to get the kiss on the date already, it makes things easier. It's funny you got her into bed without much escalation.

On the escalation It depends how much you have escalated already. The first two stages of the typical escalation ladder go something like this. She's on your bed, but still you shouldn't skip steps. You can move much faster through, though, like while watching a movie.

  • Light incidental touching: Outsides of shoulders, knees; hand. You can synchronize it with teases. You can also do this with your bros, as weird as it sounds.
  • Medium: Hold her hand and talk - about a ring of hers, about her handlines, stuff like that. Play perfume-guessing (she has to move in to your neck for that, and vice versa).
  • (...)

[–]spiritletshereit 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It was this that led me to the red-pill. Had two dates with someone I really wanted to fuck. Feisty, blonde, alternative, covered in tats, loads in common. just what I want. I didn't escalate at all on the first date. She must have liked me a lot though because she gave me another run at it. We had a second date despite this ALONE IN MY APARTMENT.

We talked all night then slept in the same bed and cuddled. I didn't make a move because I wanted to be a 'gentleman' and not put any pressure on her. I didn't want to scare her off so did..... nothing. Dropped her off at home the next day not even kissed.

Suffice to say - I haven't seen her since.

It's the sting of my incompetence throughout that process that led me here.

Its' funny cos it's not like I'm inexperienced... just out of practice and fucking girls I don't find attractive. Girls that I was happy to make a move on because I didn't care either way.

Realise you fucked up, let that anger at yourself gently burn in your gut and use it to motivate you going forward.

[–]joeshmeph99 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Listen man everyones been there, i stared in this girls eyes for like 10 seconds before my first kiss, after she asked me what took so long. Just go for it and dont regrett any failure

[–]warthundersfw 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are a pussy. Get some fucking balls you faggot.

[–]BitFieldDistribute 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Every one of us has been there bro, maybe not all but most. You "failed" in a way 99% of us have. The only way you're truly a fucking pussy is if you believe you are. Which right now, it sounds like you do which is probably normal. However, you will now choose whether that belief is a short term emotional response or an obsession dwelt upon for months or even years.

The fact that you're here indicates that you are aware of the reality of the sphere. And you know what G.I. Joe says... The answers are here but it starts with you consuming, practicing, and internalizing the material provided.

Understand that this girl does NOT matter and that the next girl will matter only slightly more relative to the degree in which you jackhammer her warm-n-wet into oblivion. The truth is, you probably needed this to happen. Always ask yourself what it is that you're supposed to learn from these experiences.

[–]Fun2badult 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Shit happens when you’re a noob. I had a girl in my bed one time in my bed after clubbing, literally had my hand on her pussy separated by her panties...I thought she fell asleep so I didn’t make a move...what an idiot of me to assume she was sleeping instead of kissing and making a move. Still regret to this day but now I make moves rather than regretting because I don’t want that regret again

[–]Pluglord 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That's some top level pussiness

[–]remember_that_girl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gosh, happened to me so many times.

I didn't fuck one girl TWICE when she was in my bed and 1.5 years later she is still my best & most faithful girlfriend.

Go ahead and try again with her, champ.

[–]jekporkins77 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You just gotta take risks, i had been around a few girls before kissing them and then finally I just decided to git r done and wasn’t gonna worry about what happened, after all what’s the worst that can happen?

[–]GainzdalfTheWhey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just remember that shot when you fail to make a move next time

[–]MikeAlphaGolf 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She’s fucking someone else tonight. Let that sting.

[–]otszx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So you want to fuck her, right? Picture this: she's in your bed waiting for you to fuck her. All you need to do is escalate. Touch her, kiss her, 2 things that you want to do anyway.

So to get to fucking her you do 2 things you want to do anyway.

[–]assholeofthesky 0 points1 point  (0 children)

well that's why, you have to break the tension, and break your tendancy to hold back.

[–]TFWnoLTR 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You get over it by making a move. Don't think, just act.

[–]1DubbleFUPAwitCheez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is an important part of development. I've had this happen a few times and they all built up to a single thought, never again. Past failures will give you the drive to capitalize on the moment. Eventually it is as easy as any other part of the game to make that final push. It is the memories of missing out totally on hot pieces of ass that will haunt you and get you over and into that hump.

[–]bluemoviebaz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You need to embrace your Masculinity and be a fucking man!! She/bitches want you to! By not making a move because your scared you are thinking like a girl!!!

[–]zamahx -1 points0 points  (0 children)

“Hey, wanna make out?”

[–]forbesno1 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Believe it or not, that may have been the sexiest thing you did. She must Ben going crazy over there, I was in his bed and he didn't make a move?? What's his game?. She's literally just ready for the taking. So set up a date at your place or wherever you guys can get comfortable in 5 minutes, look her in the eye and go for it