No more Mr.nice guy activity n°23 (self.asktrp)

submitted by Designof

Hello, I'm on activity 23 of no more mr.nice guy and it says I should write about my my problems and talk with a friend, I don't have friends I can trust, so i came here to talk with you. "Breaking Free Activity #23 Before you can start setting boundaries, you have to become aware of how much you back up from your line to avoid conflict or to keep the peace." I have this worry of approaching woman because I fear the guys that are with them may be a boyfriend/husband, and they will try to fight with me if I hit on his girlfriend/husband. Thank you for your time.

[–]wanker7171 48 points49 points  (5 children)

I have this worry of approaching woman because I fear the guys that are with them may be a boyfriend/husband, and they will try to fight with me if I hit on his girlfriend/husband.

This is a perfectly normal feeling as we're constantly making observations about everyone around us. Not too long ago I was talking to this HB10, I mean my god, she looked like she had just come from a modeling shoot. She was with a friend and these two ripped guys who didn't have shirts on. She starts coming onto me in the most direct way I've experienced, it went something like this

her- "Wow you have such amazing eyes."

me- "Ya green eyes are a dying breed."

her- "Well then we should just get together and multiply."

I nervously paused then turned to the guys and said "I think she likes me guys" and they didn't so much as smile but she was giggling. Maybe they were just jealous by not validating my joke but I removed myself from that situation real quick. Only later did I realize that she might've been genuinely interested because the guys seemed like sticks in the mud. Don't give into that same feeling. Even if you're scared they'll try and fight you, you win. Their SMV is lowered immediately when they can't simply use their social dominance to put you in your place.

[–]ghosts_of_me 4 points5 points  (3 children)

This is why I want to get some business cards made. If you could have just responded to her line about multiplication with "I agree, heres my number" and hand her the card then gtfo she may have actually called you to meet up alone.

[–]TipsyLeo 1 point2 points  (2 children)

If he says she’s a 10/10 with followers around her would that seem like your a stick in the mud as well? Especially giving a business card? Wouldn’t she be used to that kind of behavior? I mean wouldn’t something like “you want to get outta here to (insert whatever)” work better?

[–]ghosts_of_me 0 points1 point  (1 child)

No because she was with 2 guys. If she wanted to jump his bones at the time but logistics didnt allow for it, then she would probably call him later.

I wasnt even thinking about it specifically for that instance anyway, it would work in so many scenarios. Having a card would be smoother imo than swapping phones and putting in digits.

[–]_Last_Man_Standing_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree....
I want to get cards as well...
like not even for my business... just white simple card with name and number... and that's it...

[–]jagdecat 20 points21 points  (0 children)

  1. Don't approach women with guys

  2. You're over thinking. It's not guys you're afraid off, it's you're scared of approaching them which you're rationalizing.

[–]turtle-temptation 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Idk man. It's all a case by case basis. One tip that I can say will help you gain outcome independence would probably be to go out and start random conversations with hot girls. Dont get their numbers. Learn how to feel a conversation, guide it, and find out what you need to know. Just today I got this fine ass girl's number, and it just so happened that one of the dudes she was with told me I should go ask.

I usually dont go up to a girl with a dude's hand on her waist. I read body language. A lot of the times girls with dudes will catch my eye and smile, or be touchy with me and flirty. Stay away. As much as it feels good to do bad things, it's a matter of respect for me. A true alpha doesn't eat leftovers. He hunts

Only situation I see working out in this area is if the dude is blatantly gay

[–]Designof[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stay away. As much as it feels good to do bad things, it's a matter of respect for me. A true alpha doesn't eat leftovers. He hunts

I agree, going after someones elses girl, reeks of desperation.

[–]AnonymousADC 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Bro just go with the mindset that you are going to have balls to even approach girls with guys.

You are not fucking nostradamus so you don’t know if that friend is gay,an orbiter or her boyfriend.

The best thing to do is to ask HER: “By the way,do you guys know eachother? or something that screens the situation in a subtle way,if you ask to the guy,probably are chances that he is going to tell you that they are,even if it’s not true (white knight) and the girl won’t say nothing about that (girls don’t know how to deal male fights).

Its so easy to have the guy’s approval,just tell him that you like something about his clothes and do a little talk with him,but mostly focus on the girl because if you show that guy that you are a guy you can trust,everything its okay.

If turns out that they are a coulpe,just tell them that they do a good couple and have a good night with a smile.

I’ve always done that and never get hurt,so next time there aren’t excuses bro,go and get the bread.

[–]2CainPrice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Let's be honest and cut the bullshit. You're not afraid of approaching a woman who might be taken out of a fear that some guy next her may beat you up. How often do you see guys beating up other guys at bars? That shit doesn't happen.

You have a plain jane fear of rejection.

Also, as a recovering nice guy, you still seem to be unfairly stereotyping normal guys by assuming that a dude with a lady friend is some aggressive asshole who's going to be shitty to you if you so much as talk to a girl he's with.

[–]bobjoe177 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You need friends you can trust. typing on the internet is not a viable replacement for human interaction.

[–]mrpoopistan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then approach women who aren't with guys . . . problem solved. That'll be $150 for the hour.

[–]ToiletPaperPringles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

[–]Khiv_ -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Like everyone else said this is a normal, healthy fear. Something we evolved because in the ancient times it could have meant instant death or crippling.

The solution? Go for chicks without guys, which are plenty, or slowly work to overcome the fear. Exposition to the situation will desensitize you over time.