Insecure girls (self.asktrp)

submitted by Chainega

From time to time, I find some girls that I honestly don't know how to proceed with.

These are the kind of girls that sincerely apologise when you jokingly act offended, those who rarely reciprocate kino even though they enjoy yours, those who are socially awkward, those who can't hold eye contact, those who laugh quietly, etc.

Almost all my attempts to build comfort are useless, and I've heard that these kind of girls feel "intimidated" by typical masculine behaviours , so do I need to be more "soft" with them?

Something tells me that these girls have severe self-esteem/confidence issues, and I don't know if I should take that as a red flag or how I should proceed with them.

People say that these are the best kind of sluts, but how do you get their slutty side out in the first place when they are just as awkward as an extremely blue pilled guy?

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper 109 points110 points  (6 children)

Remember that the goal of negging and teasing is to lower artificially high female self-confidence so that a girl looks up to you and becomes more submissive, which is both sexy to you, and makes you more sexy to her.

If she's already closer to that state, you need to calibrate your teasing accordingly. Don't cease it altogether, but make it gentler, and interleave it with little pieces of encouragement, and with, most of all, dominant language and behaviour: give her things to do, and reward compliance with praise... a little bit like you're training a dog: "Good girl!".

If it is gentle and kind, but would make any listening feminist explode in a flaming ball of rage at its "condescension" and "benevolent sexism", then that's exactly right.

In order to desire you, a girl must see herself as inferior to you, but not so inferior that she fears being spurned or exploited and cast aside. You must learn to adjust her self-esteem higher or lower, moment by moment, to keep an optimal balance.

[–]Endorsed ContributorWe_Are_Legion 20 points21 points  (3 children)

If it is gentle and kind, but would make any listening feminist explode in a flaming ball of rage at its "condescension" and "benevolent sexism", then that's exactly right.

This makes me realize something that I'd like to add for the reader's consideration:

The common wisdom would have you believe that "strong, confident, assertive" or "sexually empowered" women are the ideals of womanhood you should want, if you want good fulfilling sex, relationship and life. Meanwhile, shy, docile and insecurity are bad qualities for a girl.

I humbly submit that the opposite is true. Its a myth that they are always boring or annoying. And even if they are in some ways... think about it, how many of us were once shy and insecure? We've come a long way, and doesn't that prove that people are redeemable? The potential for improvement matters.

My current LTR is my pet project. She is very smart, has decent discipline, a full ride scholar at HKU and has the desire to improve as a person and also a need to please. But when I met her, she was also terribly insecure.

Today, I find I can reliably give her instructions on improving herself and our lives and she'll pretty do it. I tell her to work out with me. To read this book or that book. To dress a certain way. To divide the chores in a certain way. I teach her slave play and to enjoy sexual harassment.

How much shy and insecure women react to outside validation makes them pliable. These girls are a great building material for creating for yourself an LTR that actively adds value to your life, and that matches your unique tastes. There are many caveats to this but as a quick post, this is something for any RP man to consider.

tl;dr The overlap of "generally good character" and "insecure and needs external validation" is a good qualification for an LTR.

[–]MyOwnWave 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My wife is a frustratingly strong character. Back before I swallowed the pill, I thought this was an endearing quality: to be challenged and as such to remain interested, instead of becoming bored with her.

I wish I had known then my own power to create the situation I desire, to mold an appropriate character.

It's amazingly difficult these days, but when I can make her nervous regarding my commitment, the resulting look she gives me is like pure heroin. I chase that look now, because for 2 years she had been the one in power, with me chasing her.

[–]Psychological_Radish 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The potential for improvement matters.

Although I see the wisdom in seeking out the type of girl that you describe, this statement is dead wrong.

Since when do we invest in a relationship based on vague "potential?" That's utterly absurd. The most surefire way of having a successful relationship is to pick a girl who already embodies the qualities and behaviors that you desire.

As the old saying goes, you can't turn a hoe into a housewife, but the opposite is also true...and a few exceptions don't break the general rule.

It's actually this Mr. Fix-it mindset that kept me mired in a shitty relationship with my fat ex during my beta days. She had plenty of potential if she could lose 100 lbs (and I made that goal my "pet project" as well). Naturally it failed.

I'm glad you succeeded with this girl, but you're looking in the rearview mirror.

[–]light-----------dark 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Nicely said.

[–]KBeer01 6 points7 points  (0 children)

And on that day the Lord spoke, and we listened. Thank you for sharing this.

[–]Lostitink 17 points18 points  (3 children)

I think a lot of people try to generalize this situation. I would personally try to build a conversation with a more sexual tone. While not touching her just so she gets my intentions. Then if you can get her to open up about that move in and start the touching and feeling. You could also just try to get inside her head and make her feel more comfortable. Meaning talk about her hopes and dreams and fears. That's always a good place to start, seriously you just need to make her feel better being around you. Every girl is a freak if you can pull it out of them. You just have to make them want it.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Always touch. Right from the start. Doesn’t need to be sexual, but you need to touch.

[–]Savaaage 2 points3 points  (1 child)

How do I turn a conversion sexual? This is something I need to learn.

[–]Lostitink 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is somewhat subjective and you have to feel it out. Start by saying something to the effect of you seem so innocent, but i bet you have a few secrets to tell. or say stories to tell. Then move on to something about her first kiss or losing her virginity. When you do this you can tell stories about yourself if you need to but hopefully she will just be willing to talk about it.

[–]UpperRedSide 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Here we employ a strong use of push/pull. Your negs should be gentler than they would be when talking to a girl with an ego, and don't forget to show both approval and admiration.

Picture a benevolent employer, who will screen a potential employee in a non-scrutinizing way, showing both approval and admiration when they hear something they like. This is how you deliver your compliments from a position of power, maintaining frame and avoiding coming off as pussy whipped or needy.

Keep the kino going. If she clearly enjoys it, that's all the green lights you need.

In this type of situation, as well as actually elevating her self-esteem a bit, you will have to make most of the moves. Girls like this are always compliant, but never initiate. That isn't a bad sign, just understand that you will have to do the legwork.

[–]inspiredshane 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's a red flag. Low self-esteem and confidence are symptoms of underlying mental health problems. You should ask yourself if you really want to deal with the fallout that comes with it, and whether or not you might be compensating for some mental health issue yourself by chasing after girls like this.

There are plenty of women out there. You don't have to have sex with all of them. And trust me, you shouldn't.

[–]HumbleTrees 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Negging is a way of chipping at the armour (over inflated sense of self /ego) so that she feels like you don't view her as above you. This is essential for attraction. If the girl is already shy and submissive and doesn't suffer from an over inflated sense of self, then negging is not as required. Note I say not AS required. Still tease her but do it in a much more playful way, with softer eyes and overall expression. Perhaps touch her while you say this or just after, allowing your kino to comfort and soften the tease a little.

[–]BornShook 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Make her comfortable