Girlfriend disrespects me in public (self.asktrp)

submitted by peppercorn837921

I was over at her sister's boyfriend's with her, her sister and her sister's boyfriend. We're just hanging out over there and she's talking about boyfriends with her sister. Her sister says something about hers and my gf says, "Yeah, mine can be like that too sometimes. But whatever, he pays the bills."

A few weeks ago she was at the weed dispensary and I'm not a member. She didn't have any money with her so she asked me to come inside. You're not allowed to go in if you're not a member so as we're walking in she says, "Is it alright if he comes in? He pays for my shit."

It kinda irks that she sees me as a guy who pays for shit and openly says it as if it's the thing that stands out about me the most. How to deal?

[–][deleted] 249 points250 points  (0 children)

Stop paying for her shit and read the sidebar, dammit.

[–]Apexk9 131 points132 points  (6 children)

Don't pay for her shit again and see what happens. Like legit stop paying for anything.

[–][deleted]  (5 children)


    [–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    Hopefully they don't live together, full stop.

    [–]SexistFlyingPig 3 points4 points  (3 children)

    If they do? All her shit in a box to the left.

    [–]zyk0s 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Seriously. Everyone acts as if it's impossible to kick a girl out. Here's your shit, here's bus fare back to your mom, have a good life.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)


      [–]SexistFlyingPig 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You're looking for problems instead of solutions.

      Yes, it's possible that my 9 word sentence won't cover all eventualities, but it's a move in the right direction.

      [–]rubenbrasil 105 points106 points  (0 children)

      Shes juicing you, youre her BetaBux.

      [–]50pluspiller 65 points66 points  (2 children)

      Since I'm the guy who buys you stuff then that makes you a prostitute. And prostitutes leave after they fucked their trick. Apparently I'm just your trick, it's time for you to leave.

      [–]That_Deaf_Guy 17 points18 points  (1 child)

      Ruthless. I'd go with this, although it's a bit of a mouthful.

      [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      hookers leave after they get paid...


      [–][deleted]  (1 child)


      [–]mr_nate_ 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      what a hero

      [–]Jovian8 15 points16 points  (1 child)

      "Is it okay if she comes into the (restaurant, theater, stadium, arena, whatever) with me? She sucks my dick."

      [–]CryptoManbeard 10 points11 points  (0 children)

      I doubt she does that.

      [–]TheProspecter 32 points33 points  (3 children)

      Oh fucking hell man. Lift and stop reaching for the wallet. All in the sidebar or handbook.

      [–][deleted] 44 points45 points  (2 children)

      He is lifting. His routine is wallet grabs 5x10, and credit card hand-overs 3x8.

      [–]babybopp 15 points16 points  (0 children)

      And for cardio he is doing mall runs 1x2, laundry 2x2 and dishes 24x7

      [–]quasimoto127 0 points1 point  (0 children)


      [–]okkyle 13 points14 points  (0 children)

      You have a lot of work to do.

      Drop this cunt and read the sidebar

      [–]liveyourselfhappy 9 points10 points  (2 children)

      Don't pay for anything PERIOD. Everything should be half, always. I make 4 times what my LTR makes and she pays half of everything. Sometimes she jokes about how I should pay more because I earn more. Shut that down hard. The few times I did try to pay for things she would normally go halves in she got mad and insisted she pay half. That's why she is a potential keeper.

      Exception is birthday presents, Christmas etc, however I never spend more on her then she does on mine. Again she insists on it

      [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      Good for you man. She is a keeper. Especially in the US, it's not easy to find women who are like that. Many of them have an entitled way of thinking.

      [–]icecow -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      She should pay more because she gets to be in a better house, car, etc when she's around you.

      [–]Endorsed Contributormordanus 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      So if all you're good for is paying for her stuff then maybe you only have yourself to blame for this. Stop paying for stuff for her and next her if she has a problem with it.

      [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      It's possible she thinks of you as a portable bank, but it's also possible she's just trying to be funny. Only you can tell based on her tone and how she treats you otherwise.

      When she walks into the weed store and says that, you make eye contact with the manager or whoever she's talking to, laugh, and say, "Hah! Yeah alright good luck with that. So I'll be outside then." Manager will laugh along with you because she's so obviously in the wrong.

      Her response to this will tell you if she's using you for money. It will take one of three paths.

      1) She laughs and lets you wait outside while she pays for her shit. It was a shit test and you passed. Likely this behavior is her way of shit testing you.

      2) She goes for another shit test. This could be: baby voice/begging, continuation of the joke, etc... If you pass this second shit test and she pays for her shit, you're fine. If she gets angry/pissy when you pass her shit tests and wait outside, she's using you.

      3) She immediately gets angry. No woman gets angry at a guy for passing a shit test unless he's blatantly being used. Then she's not shit testing him. She already knows he's shit but simply wants resources from him.

      Women know when they're being a bitch. Always recognize that behavior and shut it down with humor/amused mastery. When they just get angry at that then they're just being used.

      [–]RealEstateRockstar 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Beta bucks

      [–]shuritsen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      drop her like she was a 500 pound brick. it's clear she doesn't respect you now, and usually when people, not just women, get into that mentality of 'oh, he's just my bitch', it usually never changes. She wants you to stick around because you pay for her shit? see how she likes it when you're not there to pay anymore. let her find some other dumb sucker, you deserve better that sone money-grubbing bitch.

      [–]redrogue12 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Let us know how she reacts when you dump her.

      [–]TrimHer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Dump, immediately.

      [–]ledbed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      I sincerely hope this is a joke

      [–]MaxLorenz 13 points14 points  (16 children)


      "Twice you have referred to me as the guy who pays for your stuff. If that's how you feel about me then we're through.

      "If you need to explain who I am to someone, you can tell them I'm the awesomest guy you've ever met. If that isn't true, then I suggest you go find THAT guy and get him to pay for your shit."

      In the worst case scenario, she just wants you to pay for her shit.

      In the best case scenario, this is a shit test. It's (unconsciously) designed to find out if you're man enough to stand up to her or if you're just a wimp who she can get to buy her stuff.

      Don't get in the habit of letting her disrespect you like this. It will only get worse and then she'll leave you for an "asshole" that is strong enough to stand up to her.

      [–]peppercorn837921[S] 44 points45 points  (11 children)

      I don't think this can be fixed by saying what you said. She just fundamentally doesn't respect me. I'm kicking her ass out.

      She's kind of a princess but she was way more reasonable before we moved in. I saw red flags but I thought the benefits outweighed the costs (oneitis and she's the hottest girl I've ever fucked) but as soon as she moved in she's really let herself go and become so arrogant and self-entitled that it's just un-fucking-believable. I can't put up with that shit.

      [–]MaxLorenz 16 points17 points  (1 child)

      Good for you for making the call! A better life starts today.

      [–]babybopp 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      My experience, OP did not need US to tell him to kick that freeloading bitch to the curb. He came here to seek a method of making the power shift to his favor not do the right thing and throw her out without prompt from us. He wants to punish her and think that he can tame her magically. OP, once the respect is gone there is NOTHING you can do else dump her, forget her and go on a monk journey of discovery. Even if you won ten billion dollars, birch would still think you are a piece of shit..quietly. So if you are thinking that throwing her out for two weeks will make her realize who you are deep down and set her straight, then you are a fucking fool.

      Ps: OP, when you kick this girl out you will get the biggest shit test of your life. Either it will be the waterworks or anger/ blackmail. Plan it well

      [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      as soon as she moved in she's really let herself go

      That's when she started feeling too sure of herself.

      [–]PedroIsWatching 3 points4 points  (1 child)

      Good shit, OP. The first step is admitting you have a problem.

      [–]causeandcorrelation 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Yep. Oneitis is a drug. The worst drug because you don't know that you're deluding yourself.

      [–]user_none 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      before we moved in.

      Gah. She saw the gravy train and you let her board. Sorry, man. It's a hard lesson to learn. Been there, done that.

      [–]artibonite 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      you are bang on sir. I would tell her you need a break AND that she needs to move out... at the very least

      [–]DiebytheSword666 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      If you do (and we're all rooting for ya), please post an update.

      No man deserves this kind of treatment.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      well man, of course she did! First of all, I have a rule, no princesses. You want to be a princess, go read a fairy tale book and wait for prince charming(who will never come btw)

      Also, the reason that she changed is because she had you, she didn't have to impress you anymore. You screwed up. Should have just fucked her and thats it.

      [–]GC0W30 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I don't think this can be fixed by saying what you said. She just fundamentally doesn't respect me. I'm kicking her ass out.

      Good move.

      Don't buy things for women. It prevents these types latching on.

      I don't buy shit for women I date. Since introducing this policy, I'm still getting first date closes and I have three plates.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      don't talk, women talk, men do.

      Kick her out, or just leave yourself. IF you won't walk, you are submitting... women hate that.

      Moving in with a pot head, great move, your mom would be proud

      [–]Endorsed Contributorbalalasaurus 15 points16 points  (1 child)

      This will never work and I'll tell you why: you cannot negotiate desire.

      This is not a shit test. OP is her BB plain and simple. His only recourse is to end the relationship.

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Depends on how much he's actually paying. I've seen girls make this joke about guys they do actually respect, but it's a shit test and the guy always passes. Sometimes girls just want to be shut down. Doesn't sound like the case, but could be. He needs to try passing the shit test. If it's a real shit test she'll respond. If it's not she'll get angry she's not getting her way.

      Either way he finds out something about his relationship.

      [–]mr_nate_ 14 points15 points  (0 children)

      who's upvoting this??

      "Twice you have referred to me as the guy who pays for your stuff. If that's how you feel about me then we're through.

      "If you need to explain who I am to someone, you can tell them I'm the awesomest guy you've ever met. If that isn't true, then I suggest you go find THAT guy and get him to pay for your shit."

      Don't say, do. Actions > words

      In the worst case scenario, she just wants you to pay for her shit.

      No that IS the scenario. There is no "IF"

      In the best case scenario, this is a shit test.

      There's a difference between being shit tested and becoming a human fucking purse.

      Don't get in the habit of letting her disrespect you like this.

      too late. you think she decided the first time she'd say this would be in FRONT of him?

      [–]sirfuckboysupreme 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Disagree with your PC way. If she's going to disrespect me in public then I'd slam her back with 'if I'm the guy who buys you stuff, that makes you a whore'.

      It wont go down well but you don't give a fuck. She's using you for your card. She's not worth your time.

      [–]TheBloodEagleX 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I think you got your answer. Read what you wrote. Even if you did pay for her stuff, it doesn't sound like she appreciates it and clearly is taking advantage with patronizing comments. Make her a plate rather than a LTR; find someone more deserving if you want a relationship.

      [–]DysfunctionalBrother 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Stop being a bitch and do something about it, your a fucking man, act like it.

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      Lol, and what stops you from just... not paying for her shit?

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      not being a cuck faggot takes balls.

      She has his somewhere... or sold them for dope

      [–]nummas 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      I read a lot of posts on asktrp, but for some reason this one got me wound up. If a girlfriend/LTR or Plate (notice how I didn't put wife? Because I don't believe in marriage lol) did that to me, publicly claiming I pay for her shit, I would invoke a nuclear next. That's a big steaming dump on the chest. Best go with what u/MaxLorenz posted. Let it be known to her that you don't take disrespectful shit lightly and hopefully she is immediately educated. Good luck.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Quit being a pussy and stand up for yourself? Or just continue to let her walk all over you, validate her disrespect and prop her up on a pedestal. Your choice.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Damn man imagine if a guy did that too a girl, wouldn't that be crazy? Nigga get a grip.

      [–]mksu 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      She sounds like a hood rat.

      [–]Robin_Hoodrat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      What's wrong with that?

      [–]The-Ban-Hammer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      If you don't want her to joke about you being her bitch, don't be her bitch. That's a pretty easy step 1 that you seem to want to avoid.

      [–]thats_abingo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      dude cmon this isn't a complicated issue. just stop paying for her shit! and if she continues to treat you with disrespect don't put up with her

      [–]verily_rp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Holy crap. If my girl said that in my proximity I'd tell her to make like a whore and get the fuck out because prostitutes don't stick around after I payed them for sex.

      [–]RationalKing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Next her.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You, sir, are a Cuck.

      [–]0kool74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      If I didn't already know that there were guys out there who are this galactically stupid, I'd say this is a troll post. But, alas.....

      [–]F_Dingo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Time to dump her immediately, she sees you as an ATM.

      [–]Iamthenewme 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I'm gonna assume she's using a "just kidding" jokey tone when she says these things (but if she's not, and is actually disrespecting you, why haven't you nexted yet?).

      Even with a j/k tone, it's a (not-so-)subtle shit test to see how you respond - and every time you fail to, you lower yourself in stature in her mind.

      But respond with amused mastery, not with drama. Next time she says something like "he pays for my shit", add "yeah, I leave money by the dresser every morning"; or elsewhere, introduce yourself with "I'm the guy that pays for her: and she's a bit too expensive if you ask me" - the same implication as what /u/50pluspiller is saying, but this keeps it in her own "just kidding" level without making you a drama queen, while also letting her know you're not gonna bend over and take it in the ass. Keep it to a flippant, sarcastic tone, and maintain frame if (when) she loses her mind and tries to make a big deal of your responses.

      [–]poochman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      hard next and wake the fuck up

      [–]--CASPER-- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Hard next

      [–]DennisReynoldsAMA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Dump her dude lol don't just stop paying for her shit. There's 250,000,000 other girls in the world near your age who are single.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      AF/BB is real