While idly spamming r/random in favor of geophysics homework, I landed on /r/PurplePillDebate a few days ago and started reading. This afternoon, I decided to actually give r/theredpill its fair due and I started reading. And reading. Emerging hours later from some of the sidebar content and trm.com, I figured it's time I ask some questions.
But first, context:
I'm a 19yo virgin certified nice guy who's skinny, far nerdier than not, and more than happy to be alone in my free time than otherwise. I was raised in an Extremely Sheltered environment--Christian homeschooled until college, only male role model was a completely disengaged and emasculated father, was everything but the marriage counselor for my extremely dissatisfied mom (I spent so many nights talking her down from divorce or what have you). As the oldest, I was tied to my family and younger siblings, all of whom were girls. I had two good male friends growing up but after several years they ended up being emotionally and physically abusive (I was several years their younger) and I never made male friends after that. Actually, I never really made friends after that at all. Throw the fact that both my parents have diagnosed clinical depression and probably some mixture of paranoia and bipolar (they're just realizing it after my sister's suicidal attempt), and that I struggled with it for a long time, you should probably be getting a picture of where I'm coming from. Oh, also, being Christian homeschoolers, dating is a huge No No so I received zero instruction from even the more alpha males in the community than my dad.
But even in all this homeschooling and depression, there were girls. From 2015(?) for the next two years, I became infatuated with the one non-Christian, actually-in-possession-of-goals-besides-becoming-a-happy-housewise, opinionated and shy girl in the homeschool (hs) community (hsc). She was the one (1) other person I knew in the hsc planning to go to college but we went to different schools and I fell into depression. Did freshman year, blah blah blah, finally fell out of "love" with her and then saw her next summer and she started giving all the same signals. Realized I didn't want in on this so I asked her out with hopes of getting rejected so I could officially get over it and then went abroad so I didn't have to deal with any of it and could focus on myself for a while. (Read my post history, I'm reviving a relevant throwaway so automod doesn't delete my p
Going abroad was the single best decision of my life. I stopped being a straightedge and got smashed on soju countless times, finally stopped giving a fuck about what people thought since I could barely speak Korean anyways, started dressing decently, and went to parties and clubs and actually had girls attracted to me for the first time in my life without caring about it. I'd gone 4 months monk mode without knowing what it was and it changed me for the better.
Came back home, started working out for gains, not just athleticism and gained 15lb (still skinny af, I've got a long ways to go), and buried myself in a double major and a new job. Now that I'm speaking English again, I'm slowly waking up to just how incredibly unsocialized hs left me. (being told "oh you're a genius", "be afraid of worldly people" (read: non-Christians), and "why are your sisters so much better behaved than you" by your narcissistic mother for 18 years does bad shit). I also realized how much incredible power girls have in our dating culture and just how difficult it is for guys. Not that I'm bitching--I'm just going to be/do better, but it is a long road. I was full-on insecure, cringy, beta, white-knight nice guy pathetic for years and I need to shake that and start loving myself more.
Reading trp materials stunned me because of how much it accurately depicted the dynamic between my parents and reinforced my sinking disillusionment with how the world actually works. Peeling back a) the homeschooler bubble b) the Christian bubble and c) the feminism bubble (my personal rebellion against my parents, but my way of reconciling religious values to what I perceived as the "real world" while moving slowly away from the dogma of the faith... no need to go into it yet) has been painful as I learn I learned NOTHING about how people are. There's still a lot of women-hating bullshit in this community and shame on you all for allowing it, but trp is the first thing I've found that actually provides a framework for masculinity in the real world besides read your bible every day, go on mission trips, work out, and "be a leader". You guys seem onto something. That said, I've got some practical questions:
- I've got no experience with relationships besides that oneist orbiting bullshit earlier in highschool. (I'm still in infrequent touch with her and appreciate her as one of my few friends, but I'm over it for good) I'm afraid I don't have the background knowledge to start working on it in college. Advice?
- While I wouldn't mind causal sex (remember, still warming up to it after years of christian hs indoctrination, re: sex is evil and bad aka: I regret sleeping around before marrying because your dad sucks and I wouldn't have known that if I hadn't had better sex when I was younger), my long-term goal is to get into a power couple. I did some searching and it seems lots of you disdain that? Endless plate spinning isn't as attractive a proposition to me as getting in a mutually lustful relationship with somebody I respect a lot (obviously, that means they have to respect me as well, so I've got to be worth respecting in the modern western dating framework)
- Without ever having a network male friends and unsure of how to even start building one, how do I make friends and get invited to social events? I've been to only a handful of parties and such just because of a lack of connections. Please ELI5 because I'm really really stupid at this social stuff.
- I read the 48rop and was instantly sobered. I am terrible at all of those now that I'm trying to make friends and influence people. I realize now I'm going about it all backwards, but how do you recover respect in relationships/interactions where you've already set a weak first impression?
- It's easy to feel discouraged and like you have to wait for the next life reset. In HS, I knew college would be where my life turned around, and it hasn't been yet. Now, I'm thinking I'll have to wait until grad school to get off on the right social footing. Make me feel better by telling me I might actually see results in the next two years.
Basically, trp has put to words much of what I've been slowly, stumblingly approaching a nebulous vision of on my own. I still think half of you are manipulative, misogynistic fucks though, and I can't deny that some of the stuff I've been openly reading, while not at all explicitly bad, still leaves a very dirty taste in my mouth. Maybe that'll change, but for the meantime, I'll at least take a large cup of the the solid self-respect coolade you guys are serving. It's refreshing to actually see a very large to how the world does work instead of how it would be nice if it did work.
Hope that doesn't offend anyone. I'm not looking for reprogramming--I really think it's sad that half this stuff works, but it does, so here I am--and I ought to apologize for coming to help from a community I've been passively demonizing for so long. Sorry for not being fairer.