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The Red Pill has wrecked me completely. (self.asktrp)

submitted by bluepillking

I've swallowed the pill some two years ago. I've learnt some stuff about me, I had a LOT of flaws that I did not now about. I used to be that needy guy, clingy and fast to catch oneitis for some girls. Other issues include social awkwardness, that has diminished to some point. I've learnt about frame, especially in social interactions. I wasn't really worried about such issues in the past, I didn't even know about those things. Used to be out of shape.

I actually got worse post-redpill. I worry about frame everywhere I go and try to protect it at all costs. A girl much younger than me insults me, for no apparent reason. I agree and amplify and ignore, but it does not work. It affects others' perceptions of me, lowers it, that's in one of the social circles.

I'm overanalyzing every social interaction. Did I do well? Was I witty enough? Have I kept frame where needed?

I still can't get laid. I just learnt to stop pursuing girls that aren't interested in me. I actually got laid in my blue-pill days, very few times.

I try to apply game, but it hasn't worked. I suck at this shit.

Really, the only positive change was when I started lifting, got lean and put on a bit of muscle. That's it. And stopped chasing girls that aren't interested.

Looking back, I was actually better off in the past days. I wouldn't worry about frame, and other things. Now I'm obsessed to make a good appearence wherever I go, and things like this happen, like the one with the girl above. I'm not bothered by what she says per se, but actually by social repercursions. I worry about little things that may put me down socially, or affect others' view of me. I know I know, IDGAF is the key, but that's good when you're somewhat controversial, not when you're actually looked down upon.

After the redpill, I'm stressed out because of overanalyzing.

My problem is much bigger than being blue pilled. I'm actually sub-blue pill.

I do horrendous socially.

I'm not saying that the Red Pill is bad for me. It just made me stress out a lot more about my image on others.


[–][deleted] 64 points65 points  (3 children)

You're too anxious my man. I think there's a few things that you need to do. The first is confidence and self esteem. Lift. Make moves with easier women that wont turn you down, just to prove you can. Get a better job. Develop a skill or two. Or ten. Volunteer for a bit. Get some qualifications.

You should be confident enough that after an interaction, there is no "did it go well?" because it doesn't matter. You're the man, if it doesn't go well who cares because you're capable and know you'll pull it off in the future. You're capable of learning and applying so you can always improve, but being confident means really trusting that.

Finally I think you need to read up on abundance mentality, and outcome independence. Life is a game. Have some fun.

[–]neverquitman 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Word

[–]ImportantMechanic 2 points3 points  (1 child)

The fact that I knew about all that by browsing the top posts on the main sub and OP didn't makes me question the validity of his "I've been swallowing the pill for years" statement.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. I'm 99% bluepill and just found this. It seems like he has to let go of his ego and admit, maybe to himself, that he has a lot to learn.

[–]02537-41101 29 points30 points  (7 children)

A lot of men want to go back after discovering these truths, but it's what you do with the truth that determines your own life. Predicating everything on the fantasy of perfection will only bring you further into entropy and destroy you. Nobody does everything perfectly on their first time.

Also, stay off of TRP for a while. Read great books. I think the community is triggering a dissonance in your mind about how you should conduct yourself.

[–]resnine 6 points7 points  (6 children)

Just like Cipher. I'm seeing more and more these posts lately...

[–]willowhawk 3 points4 points  (4 children)

Cipher?

[–]resnine 7 points8 points  (0 children)

From The Matrix, had taken the red pill but was uncomfortable with the real world and wanted to go back into the The Matrix.

[–]Hypnot0ad 2 points3 points  (1 child)

[–]MusicSports 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Lol...I gotto rewatch this movie now. I had no idea the importance of Cipher until now that I'm older.

[–]Deep_freeze202 1 point2 points  (0 children)

From the matrix

[–]carb0ncl1mber 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What a perfect analogy.

[–]axxxxxxt 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yes I know what you're talking about. I was far more sociable, had more friends and even decent girls wanted to fuck me when I was out of shape, bluepilled pseudo-nice guy.

I think there's a much deeper problem here and it has to do with our psychology, confidence and fears. We really haven't changed that much in our personalities and with what mindset we come from. The only difference is we now have more knowledge so we continue to be the same on a deep level but now use that new redpill knowledge. I mean back in my bluepilled days I didn't want to offend people and cared about how I was preceived. I just didn't register when I did it because I was socially inept.

I assume when you were bluepilled you just didn't register when you offended people and when you were put down socially so you didn't care and continued. Ignorance is a bliss and all that.. Now having the redpill what is new? Only your knowledge, your mindset is the same, you weaknesses are the same. Fear of rejection, fear of being put down, fear of losing frame etc.

I suggest you inspect youself on a deeper level and figure out your fears, why and where they come from. Ask youself why you do the thing you do and unpack every answer. Start some self improvement exercises and self reflective. Be honest with youself and accept your dark sides.

[–]RedPilledRoaster 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You’re not embracing one of the main concepts of The Red Pill. You simply give way too many fucks.

Meditate. Game will work if it’s based on outcome independence and abundance. Stop worrying about others’ opinions. Stop trying to do ‘what Chad would do.’

Become your version of Chad by increasing your SMV, experience, and finding your style.

Read my post: “What Would Chad Do.”

[–]inhiarashi 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Just another problem for you to solve.

So you suck with women for now, maybe work on the rest of your life and ignore women all together for a few years. Come back to it, try to just be friends.

Never

Amplify

and

Ignore

Insults.

If someone insults you, you have two options. In a work setting stand up for yourself. That is a professional violation, it isn't some relaxed casual social setting, HR will fuck them up. Tell them to cut that shit out and act professional, you don't need that kind of drama in your face when you are trying to get shit done.

If you are in a casual setting, out socializing, always laugh it off. Amused mastery is the real key to enjoying life. Go out and enjoy it DESPITE your shortcomings, they are not who you are, they are a part of you that you are working on. Who you are is the accomplishments you have...............accomplished. The things you strive for, the things you are passionate about.

You need to work on not giving your power away and also don't worry about if you come off smart.

Dry Confessions of a conjurer. He gives you the key to great networking better than anything I ever read Redpill, also you might want to learn about other types of lifestyles that are not the redpill and mix them in as they work for you.

You don't have to go 100% with this stuff all the time man, these are a framework for you to navigate life by, not an all encompassing rigid system. Use what serves you, from any system, even systems redpill rejects.

[–]adam_varg 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You are anxious and unconfident in your head. That's going to spill to how you communicate in some way, people, especially women can smell it. That's reason what you say fall flat.

You were better before because you were socially and internally unaware. This cant be undone, past lobotomy.

Work on anxiety hard. Meditation, therapy, self medication (theanine, selank, semax, phenylpiracetam, phenibut) and generally self actualization and discipline are highly effective.

In mean time keep putting yourself out there socially . Confidence (real one, not arrogance like you had pre trp) comes from 'been there, done that'. To get anywhere you have to learn the skill, to learn you have to fail again and again and don't give up until you make it.

Charisma myth, What everybody is saying, How to win friends, Laws of power, Art of seduction.. these books gives you all you need to know theoretically.

Progress is going to be painfully slow in the beginning, but its non linear, it will speed up. Like opposite of gainz in lifting.

[–]Deep_freeze202 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think you're probably doing much better than you give yourself credit for, redpill isn't your default mode of functioning, it's not a natural way to be. You will over analyse and stress for a while but over time as it becomes part of who you are it will start to come naturally and you won't be over analysing or stressing anymore because you won't need to. It's a transformation that takes a lot of time, you're breaking a lifetime of conditioning, don't be so hard on yourself.

[–]1RPLawyer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your bluepill days are the embodiment of the saying "a broken clock is a right twice a day".

Now you're just realising that your clock is wrong the other 22 hours.

So keep going, fix one hour at a time until you have a working clock.

[–]MickMensa 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You've become aware of your flaws. That's always a painful process.

Before swallowing the red pill you were unconsciously incompetent. Now you are consciously incompetent. Have faith that there are stages beyond this and that if you keep working at it you will reach a level of competence in your social and sexual interactions.

You are shooting yourself in the foot when it comes to frame. When you are worrying about breaking frame, it has already been broken. It's easy to get ahead of yourself once you know the theory and start to analyse all situations from the context of TRP, but don't forget to relax and have fun with it. You say you do horrendously socially - do you have a circle of friends that you see regularly and whose company you value? If not, build that before worrying about getting laid. Half the fun of sleeping with someone lies in talking about it with your mates afterwards anyway.

The two improvements you describe (lifting and no longer chasing girls) are things you should be proud of. Improving your body/mind and managing your attention are the two aspects of a redpill-aware lifestyle I consider to be the most important.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 2 points3 points  (1 child)

A girl much younger than me insults me, for no apparent reason. I agree and amplify and ignore, but it does not work. It affects others' perceptions of me, lowers it, that's in one of the social circles.

How would have been different if you were not RP aware?

I still can't get laid. I just learnt to stop pursuing girls that aren't interested in me. I actually got laid in my blue-pill days, very few times.

What did you do then that worked? why not do that now?

Really, the only positive change was when I started lifting, got lean and put on a bit of muscle. That's it. And stopped chasing girls that aren't interested.

And you've had your eyes lifted from your delusion about the world. I still don't see how it's wrecked you, other than removing your delusion.

After the redpill, I'm stressed out because of overanalyzing.

Stop doing it then. Ignore everything, let it all go, don't even respond.

I'm not saying that the Red Pill is bad for me. It just made me stress out a lot more about my image on others

Live your OWN life. By your OWN values. Need others less. Care nothing of their opinions. Crappy social circles? Make the best of them that you can, but also find others.

[–]TRP Vanguardnicethingyoucanthave 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You ask important questions, but it doesn't appear op is willing to engage with this thread he created.

I would like a specific example of "girl much younger than me insults me" because I suspect he's doing something wrong before this happens - but I know I'm not going to get that example.

[–]AWorseManThanYou 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Focus on STFU. Nothing should bother you. Shrug. Say “uh... ok.” Smile because you are relaxed and unconcerned by things. Jut keep it simple. Stop worrying about whether you were witty or “passed.” Just get comfortable in your own skin again.

[–]redsbedbaby 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This hits way too close to home. I'm still working on many of the things you listed but I might be able to offer some perspective.

Your post screams "serious." It sounds like the red pill has caused you to take everything too seriously and it's freaking you out.

My guess is that in the past you got laid more because you didn't take things so seriously even if you were a beta bitch.

You've flipped to the opposite extreme and it'll take time to center yourself. To relax but still hold frame.

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I actually got worse post-redpill.

Your problem is not unique. Everyone goes through this phase. Even I did back in the day.

Your problem is that you're suffering from analysis paralysis. You're trying to micromanage your image and your personality by applying Red Pill principles to everything, and it's affecting your ability to calibrate to the specific situation you're in.

First, understand that you have no personality. It is a figment of your imagination. You are merely the set of your repeated behaviours.

Then, focus on DOING the things you want to do, irrespective of how it makes people feel. Your personality will be an emergent property of everything you do to achieve your goals.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I must have missed that personality isnt real note. Powerful ideas there as it suggests we are what we do, not what we did, and we are free to change into the type of man we ourselves want to become.

TRP is personal power

[–]offbeast 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You should not be too afraid of looking stupid, or preserving your 'social standing' etc. People who are liked are usually just doing what they wanted to do, not applying a bunch of forced tactics and behaviors to try and achieve some outcome. You gotta risk looking stupid, say some dumb shit, make people mad at you. People like people who are a little "outside the box". Defy expectations a little bit, and some girl is going to think you are bold or interesting. But at the end of the day, you are just amusing yourself and the social repercussions are an added bonus.

[–]frequentlywrong 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I recommend a sparring martial art like muay thai. This helps a lot of people by giving them some sense of security by knowing how to fight.

You sound like a giant pussy. A muay thai fighter can not be a pussy as he willingly steps into a ring with a trained fighter. Become that trained fighter and destroy your pussy self.

[–]TermiFaptor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have to learn to YELL AT PEOPLE and make them think you are a bigger psycho than them

A girl much younger than me insults me, for no apparent reason

There is some reason ... if you are redpill enough you will understand your surroundings very well.

[–]The_Lightskin_Wonder 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get like this sometimes but ultimately none of this shit counts. Nothing matters, I'm not going to kill myself over sexual strategy. No one is sitting at a desk tallying my scores , my life, my money, my happiness, or w.e . I do what ever I believe will put a smile on my face and do what it takes to keep a smile on my face

[–]Zanford 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds like stress / tension / anxiety in general, which you are projecting / externalizing / dissociating back onto TRP.

You are focusing too much on outer game; the surface 'tricks' like openers and frame. Focus on inner game - improving your true self. That's clearly what you need right now.

Look up serious meditation. Sounds like new agey woo, and I never got into it, but there's some science behind it now.

Also, exercise, especially heavy lifting, has AMAZING mental benefits, esp for stress. And obv getting jacked would decrease social anxiety round girls.

Some guys go through a stages of grief type thing when they discover TRP. They mourn the loss of the unicorn fantasy, and get a rude shock from the real world.

Well, that's why it's called TRP. Remember the metaphor's origin: the Matrix where Morpheus shows Neo the horrible reality of the in-universe future. Neo literally barfs. he goes through an existential crisis and depression. It's a rude awakening. How does he get through it? By intense self-improvement and a new sense of purpose.

Basically you have to go through the stages of grief.

For me it went down easy. As someone familiar with ev psych, it just made sense. It was liberating. I realized I could have my cake and eat it too - the more I acted like a humorous jerk around girls, or sexualized interactions, the more they LIKED it. When I started floating BDSMy practices to girls, every single one was eager to play out secret spanking fantasies or dress up in lingerie and fetish costumes for me. Girls are freaky, man. I just want a nice BJ then I can get back to work or watchin' movies or the gym, but girls have no end to their appetite for extra dominant-submissive sex and roleplay and stuff.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

[–]bigbodybuilderr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How do you look? Are you ugly? Do you even lift? Do you actually approach women or do you keep lying to yourself?

I have a buddy, one of the most handsome guys ever but hes lying to himself. "oh im just gonna dance", "lemme use the bathroom", "lets get drinks first" "the music sucks" "no girls here". The only times hes gotten laid was because of me, the times where i've introduced girls to his pussy ass.

The redpill is overrated. If you lift, dress proper and open your mouth, theres a good chance you'll get laid

[–]Endorsed Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 3 points4 points  (0 children)

" I used to be a needy guy " proceeds to write a needy annoying posts begging sympathy from strangers asking for value and not providing any.

Nope you haven't taken the Red Pill.

Blooper finds red pill and keeps on bloopn also probably doesn't lift.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Be less dependent on the outcome.

[–]Mr-Ed209 0 points1 point  (0 children)

'I do horrendous socially.*

I'm not saying that the Red Pill is bad for me. It just made me stress out a lot more about my image on others.'*

I think in a gist you lack 'congruence'.

How do you know you're congruent? It's something that's impossible to describe but it is something you can feel when it's happening. It's why living a good enviable life should be your goal. To become 'congruent' that you are chasing aspirations and creating a cool life that people want to be apart of. You reach congruency when life is going good. Maybe you just got a new cool job in a new city and happened to hit it off with some cool new friends who invited you to sweet parties. Where, you effortlessly chatted up 2-3 girls one night and they all enthusiastically slipped their number to you. You also were aware that several other chicks in the room were eyeing you up and it made you feel like the shit. Your focus wasn't being 'alpha' or holding frame (although maybe your new found understanding of those concepts helped). It was your congruence, being a new guy about town and having a positive energy that attracted people towards you. When that shit happens, it's easy to think, TRP is shit, who needs it, it's all nonsense anyway because you were doing so well by just being yourself and being a nice guy.

But then your job ends up turning into a suck fest. Your best buddy who got you into all these parties moves away and you're suddenly left without any energy so to speak of in your life. Now you're striking out with girls in the clubs and you can't figure out why. That's when you come to TRP to learn. But you want results fast, so you read about frame and status and how to fake it and then become frustrated more so when you have to spend energy thinking through these concepts when trying to feign small talk with plain Sarah at the after work happy hour. She's nowhere near as hot as previous chicks you've banged but you feel, what the hell. It should be an easy lay.

Then she shoots you down. She's not making it easy for you. Doesn't show you any IOI's and drifts away to talk with others when you try and tell her stories about the stuff you did when you used to be cool. You grow tired because it didn't work and you couldn't enjoy any conversation naturally. Because in your head you were too caught up in looking for an IOI and how to escalate and wether you were coming across like a needy bitch.

So the solution is therefore to be congruent. The lack of women in your life is merely a symptom of a bigger problem that is you not living purposefully. Go build it and they will come.

[–]Iconiker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you're reflecting on where you think you are, vs where you can actually be in a few years. If you focus on the recovery plan, there's so much great progress ahead of you to take on.

Of course it feels horrible when you become aware of shortcomings in your own life...but learn that if you didn't become aware of it now, it would have been so much worse. Just get the basics down for a good life (consistent sleep, working out, other improvement concepts here), and after you establish your own baseline, then can begin the adventure of theredpill.

You don't want to chew too much and choke on the knowledge. Piecemeal it out and take small steps. Those small steps everyday will be major strides 1 year from now.

[–]mrHappyPotatoe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Watch the movie the big lebowski. Try take life like he did. You dont have to work that hard on frame if you just shrug say meh and go do yyour own thing anyway. Maybe lebowskis attitude doesnt fit yo maybe something else does. Just keep crashing and burning till you find the frame that fits your personality. And yes... Dont overanalyze. If you keep your mind occupied with your personal stuff ( maybe gym, hobbies so on) you can lower the brain hamstering.

[–]redpilledcuck 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you just need to get laid a few times. Once you get a few notches, plates or even a girlfriend all that shit goes away and you can act more naturally. You'll be more comfortable sexually.

[–]PhaedrusHunt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Boo hoo, I woke up and don't like it and want to go back to sleep! Whaaahhh!

[–]1walawalawa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ignorance is bliss....you didn't know what you didn't know and it was all "luck" and "Hope" in my Blue Pill days.

Now that I understand the Red Pill and Game I can't unsee certain things.

Now i'm conscious of every interaction. I just texted a girl to meet up and teased her then offered her logistics. She was busy.

I begin worrying: "Did i text too much?" "was i too anxious???"

In other words, I've progressed to the point where i can be objectively conscious of what I'm doing. That's good.

Now start to enjoy your interactions the way I am...just have fun.

You get blown out...ok. You over-text? Next time you'll learn...you miss an IOI? She needs to play a role too...etc etc etc.

As long as your overall mentality is one of abundance you're progressing.

[–]MyFavoriteDude 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I still can't get laid. I just learnt to stop pursuing girls that aren't interested in me. I actually got laid in my blue-pill days, very few times.

I doubt that you can't get laid, although it is possible. Maybe you can't get laid with supermodels, but you can get laid. There are a lot of desperate women out there and a lot that love dick (from anyone). Unless you are deformed or a burn victim, you can probably get some pussy and you know it.

[–]AmatureProgrammer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just curious but how did you manage to diminish your anxiety?

[–]Reven311 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I imagine you live in a really left-wing city with mostly liberal young people around you. GTFO if you want a better life. You're pounding a square peg in a round hole. Go someplace like Tennessee, Nashville is really fucking nice and the people aren't assholes.