How to become more “Masculine" (self.asktrp)

submitted by Threwuhway

I'm currently reading “No more Mr nice guy" and have come to the conclusion that I'm not very masculine. I've always liked fishing and cars, but was never into competitive sports and have trouble hanging with the boys and find it easier to make friends that are female or gay. I was raised by a single mother and talking with a group of girls is far less stressful then a group of guys. How do I become more masculine? I would love to fix cars but I'm in my late 20s and can't go back to school. I also live in a big city and don't have driveway to park and tinker.

Any suggestions or experiences would be GREATLY appreciated!!

How do I find my Masculinity back!!

[–][deleted] 66 points67 points  (34 children)

You have to feel it, in your body. Let go of insucurites and what others tell you to be. and then feel your energy in your body , that feeling will let you know what kind of man you are....that feeling is your guide. Do what makes you feel like a beast.

[–][deleted]  (30 children)


    [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Yea,, letting go of insecurities...takes time...but If your trying...you will get a return on your investment.

    Don't avoid your insecurities, face them, be hoenst to your self and then Question them...

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)


      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Balance, and inner security (being centered).

      The balance is inside you underneath the social programming.

      [–]CaptainBW 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I'm glad this is the top comment. It made me smile and the tip of my dick tingle. Once you feel this energy OP, you'll know it, and to embrace it is to truly live. Channel your

      S E X U A L E N E R G Y












      [–]bannedfromWTFmod 25 points26 points  (1 child)

      Fixing cars: dude I'm in your age bracket with no formal training in cars and I just watch YouTube videos and I recently took apart my work truck and did a lot of repairs on it. You could get a cheap 500$ beater to practice on.

      Focus on taking from your stomach with a deep voice

      Have good posture.

      Dont make erratic movements. Walk with a slow but purposeful walk, be confident.

      [–]frequentlywrong 34 points35 points  (5 children)

      Take up MMA. You will become more masculine by doing the most masculine thing there is: fighting other men.

      [–]VirginPlaya 56 points57 points  (4 children)

      What about fucking other men? That seems pretty masculine too.

      [–]borp900 15 points16 points  (3 children)

      Por que no los dos?

      [–]VirginPlaya 19 points20 points  (0 children)

      Sorry, I don't speak mexican.

      [–]theBlueProgrammer 7 points8 points  (1 child)

      ¿Por qué no los dos?


      [–]borp900 8 points9 points  (0 children)

      Uh gracias mi amigo

      [–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 11 points12 points  (3 children)

      I would love to fix cars but I'm in my late 20s and can't go back to school.

      Are you saying that you can't go back to school because you're in your twenties? If so, then that's a lame excuse, bro.

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)


        [–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        Overcoming hardship to accomplish your goals will build masculinity faster than anything else.

        If working on cars is something that would bring you happiness, find a compromise in your schedule. Make it work. Attend night classes. Budget your time. That's a surefire path to strength of character.

        [–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

        Lift, take cold showers, stop masturbating, surround yourself with alphas or at the very least not women.

        [–]truedemocracy3 16 points17 points  (4 children)

        Lifting weights regularly will help boost testosterone.

        Find something to compete at. Doesnt have to be sports if you dont want. Just something with a clear winner as a result.

        Be self sufficient. This is where most millennial men fail. This doesnt mean "I make a lot of money as an engineer I can buy whatever" it means if you want a table to eat dinner on you know hot to literally build that table, catch your dinner, skin and cook it, etc. You chop your own fucking wood. You fix your own house issues when something goes wrong (except electrical dont fuck with that). You dictate what happens, you dont operate on someone elses schedule

        [–]moltenw 4 points5 points  (3 children)

        That sounds like a lot of wasted time learning things you can make other people do for you instead (if you have the resources).

        I'm a millenial, maybe that's why I don't get it, but time is limited, and why waste it learning shit you're only gonna use once in your life, and without a doubt you'll do worse than professionals unless you spend a lot of time, and them at that point - why waste so much time on something that gives you so little benefit? And at what point do you stop?

        This sounds like a stupid redpill circlejerk neckbeard fantasy comment that just makes you all happy reading it.

        [–]truedemocracy3 1 point2 points  (2 children)

        Lmao got news for you buddy - almost everything is a waist of time. Weightlifting is absolutely a waste of time in a society where physical labor is non-existent. But guess what? It will help you earn respect from your peers or favor from women more so than some job writing code ever will

        What you are is making excuses. Again that's a very millennial thing to do. Learning new things and skills is very healthy for the brain, gives you more confidence and less reliance on others in day to day life, and hell you might even enjoy it.

        You may not understand that as a millennial, but the truth is most millennials aren't masculine.

        [–]VirginPlaya 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        Argument against your weightlifting claim.

        No one lifts weights to be stronger at their physical job. People lift to "look better" and or "cooler".

        In that case lifting is not a time waste because that's the only way you can become sexier (minus the diet and surgeries).

        [–]truedemocracy3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        That's my entire point

        [–]Roadhouse1984 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        There is a lot at stake for defining what is masculine or alpha....marketers will say you will become more masculine by buying their products. The state will say you will become more masculine by serving in the military. Women will say you will become more masculine by paying child support, "doing the right thing" etc.etc. HR will say you will become more masculine if you work hard and effectively and don't ask for a raise. TRP guys will say you will become more masculine by doing what they are doing or what they wish they would be doing.

        That being said I am not saying that it's all subjective and you are at the apex of masculinity if you are jogging at a walking pace, with your shirt tied into a bra, with your accessory dog, swinging your arms back and forth in a T Rex pose...not very masculine.

        I have my own idea of what is and isn't masculine and it will generally overlap with the consensus definitions here in TRP: i.e. strength, frame, a mission in life, ownership and agency in one's well being, not putting pussy on a pedestal, etc. If you subscribe to this same set of masculine values then as suggested you are well served to practice MMA starting with BJJ. Another cornerstone is to find doing something you are good at and like doing that also solves a problem for others. For the vast majority of people this is called a "job". Others can frame it as a sort of mission. If you have something worthy of entrepreneurship pursue that but ensure good execution of it (I for one at the time do not). Ideas are easy. Execution is the hard part.

        No one can determine what that mission will be for you. It will depend on what brings you joy. If you want to be a blacksmith you will not be of use to anyone else unless you are an absolute master (but how do you make money until then?). If you want to work on an oil rig but hate the work schedule and isolation from the rest of society then you are useful and will make decent money without any kind of previous skills or credentials...but will you be happy doing this? So find that happy medium for you. Sounds like you have something in mind already as far as fixing cars.

        Do not ever bring up your age as an excuse not to do something. You are a man and there is no reason you can't continue to improve your strength, intelligence, mental toughness, and overall health until you die. You are in your 20s and pulling excuses from nursing homes. This is the only part of your situation that is shameful. You have every chance of acquiring any hard or soft skill you want but you have to out in the work.

        [–]mojokabobo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        Tilt your head backwards, and say "ding dong bing bong King Kong". Put your head square again, and enjoy your new and improved deep voice.

        [–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 9 points10 points  (11 children)

        Maybe you are gay as well if you connect better with feminine men and females? Did you think about it?

        Also I don't give a a fuck about cars or soccer or mostly anything else which is considered to be "masculine hobby" with the exception of fighting. It's your own lifetime. Spend it any way that makes you happy.

        Regarding your wish with cars, you'll have to find a way to make it possible. Depending on what exactly you want the way is different. If you want to work with cars you could very well just walk into a garage and ask what you hypothetically needed to do to work there. Here in Germany the answer would be to become an apprentice somewhere and learn the trade.

        It might also be possible to work sort of a part time internship at a garage by "cool guys" who are also in it for the passion. Offer your work in trade for knowledge.

        If you just want to do it as a hobby, just rent some space. If you cannot find anything in town, rent it in the suburbs or wherever. Other people take long drives for their passion as well. Think of hobby pilots or even about me. I travel long ways to fight at tournaments or call fights at events on weekends.

        You could even move out of the city and commute to work, and rent a house with a garage.

        If you seriously want things, there's always a way. Impossible most if the time just means "I don't want to try that hard".

        [–]Roadhouse1984 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        As long as he is plugged into a woman or wearing socks...by definition he cannot be gay.

        [–][deleted]  (9 children)


          [–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 3 points4 points  (8 children)

          I'm bi for feminine trans essentially lol.

          wat? So you like tomboys?

          [–][deleted]  (7 children)


            [–][deleted]  (5 children)


              [–]666Evo 2 points3 points  (4 children)

              He wouldn't say no to a chick with a dick.

              [–]EmotionalChicken 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              No such thing, only dudes with tits

              [–][deleted]  (1 child)


                [–]666Evo 4 points5 points  (0 children)


                [–]LandIsForThePeople -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

                Fucking phaggot

                [–]Casd12 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                You dont have to like everything that is considered masculine to be masculine. Its more or less about your attitude, the way you act, your appearence etc. A skinny kid who doesnt have a deep voice can make boxing feminine, while a really fit person with a deep voice can make ballet masculine. Its how you bend things to fit into your frame.

                [–]garbagejooce 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                I would love to fix cars but I'm in my late 20s and can't go back to school. I also live in a big city and don't have driveway to park and tinker.

                This would not magically make you a man. This is not a causative relationship. Masculinity can take different forms. A skinny rocker can be masculine (think Keith Richards) just like some beefy rugby player. The point is, it’s not the superficial shit that makes you masculine. They’re just symptoms of already being masculine. It’s about having confidence, which comes from knowing and accepting yourself. You need to figure out (not on a superficial level) what your purpose is. Once you have that and are taking steps to manifest it, you stop needing external approval because you know, unlike so many other lost zombies, the path you’re on is the one you want to be on, and walking it has fuckall to do with anyone who might disapprove of you. This is masculinity. And once you achieve this inner peace and confidence, you’ll naturally start gravitating towards activities that people associate with masculinity because they are pleasurable to a masculine man. Like lifting and taking care of your health because doing so trains your discipline and strengthens your ability to achieve your purpose. Or fixing cars because man is a creator.

                [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

                Say 'no homo' every time you touch your penis.

                [–]301niko 1 point2 points  (0 children)


                [–]yahyasafe7 2 points3 points  (1 child)

                Bro I feel you. I have been a nice guy since time immemorial and it hurts to see that reality don't really take nice guys into perspectives... But anyways. That's the way it is.

                I can't tell you that I'm totally over being nice to people, but over the past month or something, I surely did some progress.

                The first thing I started doing is to give a straight blatant BIG FUCKING NO to people. Usually, if I don't disagree with someone, I'd try to elaborate on what they said and make it sound as if it makes sense to me. That's not the way to do it. If you do not agree with what the other person is saying, even if it is a problem that touch them deeply in dem feels, tell them NO. YOU'RE MISTAKEN. Of course in a polite and respectful way, not in a conscending and arrogant one. I practiced doing this regularly and it worked. Just say no, I don't agree with watshu just said. No that's wrong. No that's stupid...etc etc. Learn to be direct and to not let people tell you their stupid shit.

                Second point is: learn how to make people feel shit about themselves. I mean, seriously, sometimes, when some hoe or some dude tells me something that is really weird and fucked, I just turn a blind eye as to not make them feel uncomfortable and feel uneasy about who they are. Stop doing that. If someone tells you something that you find cringing and stupid or weird, bro let them know. Tell it straight to their faces and let them handle it. I mean think about it, look over the past conversations you had with your acquaintances and you'll see they won't give two fucks to tell you that you suck at something or that what you did was weird or whatever. Learn to do that. Here is an example. Some girl I hanged out with told me that some guys are calling these weird cringing nicknames and she thinks it's fun. Bro I looked straight at her and said, "And do you think that's funny? That actually sounds cringing as fuck". Literally. She just looked at me in amazement and said, "Yeah... Well... I dunno". That's it. I showed that she can't just say anything and get approval. I asked her many questions about her life decision and she answered them directly and I kept telling her "why? How? What made you think that? Nah that's wrong"...etc etc. So that's basically it.

                Learn to place yourself first. Let everyone know that they can't just whatever the fuck they want and go on have a nice day. Let them know that you're there and you have something to say. Stand up to people who you fucking hate and don't like. Ignore them. Make them feel like shit for being who they are. If you find something weird ask them directly, "Shir why are you doing this? Do you really believe that? Don't you think that's bullshit?"

                Seriously. What people love is being direct. Being nice means giving approval to whatever people are doing.

                [–]yahyasafe7 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                When you start standing up for yourself, confidence will eventually build up on its own. You'll find that actually giving shit to people isn't as dangerous or anxious as it may seem when you're a nice guy. it's actually fun.

                To be honest, I learnt this behaviour from a friend of mine who's way too narcissistic. This guy would literally comment on my fucking accent in English lol. Like why are you saying "Mcdonalds" and not "MACdonalds". "Why are you dressing like this?" "Why did you just tell me this?"

                Once, a girl, just out of the fucking blue, told me that she's traveling to London this summer to spend her Erasmus semester there. We didn't talk in weeks. And then she just tells me this. I was like "Wow wtf she's definitely into me". So I went on being the nice guy that I am and gave her AAALLLLLLLLLL THE VALIDATION AND ATTENTION that she was seeking. I said, "Oh! That's cool! That sounds really exciting! Londing is amazing! Blablablabla"

                She said yeah well I know and it practically stopped there.

                My narcissistic friend heard about this and told me straight away, "Bro you're way too nice to people. You should have told her right away, 'And why are you telling me this?'"

                He has a point! It doesn't make a fucking sense! Why the fuck would she tell me that? We haven't spoken in a while and we weren't that close even when we were talking. And he went on telling me, "She's obviously seeking validation. Girls have no confidence in themselves. They gain it from validation given to them from their environment. She just wanted to use you to feel better about her pathetic self and you gave her that right away on a golden plate, and that's where you fucked. Now you're the beta bitch whom she'll only talk to when she feels better about herself".

                Bro that struck me like a thunderbolt. Did you notice how my friend didn't just tell me "Oh well, that's alright. Next time will be better aight?" He directly made me feel like shit for being nice. And that's it. In a fucking nutshell. Verbalise your thoughts and don't let people's reactions or feelings get in the way of what you'll say.

                [–]kiwifx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                Be around guys. For me, that's my 8 hours at work - I've traditionally worked in jobs around hard men and they act as a surrogate for no father figure.

                If you're making great money in a job that doesn't give you that, then you're gonna need to find it outside work - all the suggestions for MMA are great - especially the competitive nature.

                If you're interested in cars and any sort of DIY, there are usually 'Men's Workshop' type groups in most places - a sorta workshop where local guys can hang out, talk work on projects - be it woodwork, fixing a car or whatever.

                [–]red_matrix 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                LIFT WEIGHTS, read The Iliad, stop watching porn (and masterbating if you can), eat clean: if you have a shitty diet you are probably throwing off your hormones, keep alcohol to a minimum or eliminate entirely (same goes for drugs).

                [–]Aralant 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                It's your hormones, masculine men don't try to be masculine we just don't enjoy doing things typically not masculine.

                Change your diet, more lean meat and green vegetables. Go easy on the milk. And avoid soy like it's the plague a big source of soy is Asian foods.

                Lifting weights will help boost your testosterone but if you have low t already lifting is gonna be a big drag on your life enjoyment and will feel more like a chore than a relaxing sanctum.

                The biggest thing id say is compete. Get into every competition you possibly can. At work, work harder than everyone else. Stare other men down to the point that they look away in shame. Play video games if you have to but whatever you do you must challenge yourself to be better than your peers.

                [–]Kardlonoc 0 points1 point  (0 children)


                This book talks about the "absent" father figure. In your case literally, but Bly talks about how its become generational due to our civilized world separating children from fathers. That for a time men brought home the bacon and women were expected to raise the children. No other time was like it and it created generational scars inso much boys never really connected with their fathers, instead they know what it is to be good mother and to be loved as a mother. It does go into what is needed to "steal the golden thing" to begin a journey into masculinity.

                I think even on this subreddit you going to have a tough time to defining entirely what masculinity is truly. It is...doing classically. Men are doers they get things done. They hunt the thing, kill the thing, run the thing down, travel the distance, learn the the world, etc.

                But its better defined as not the difference between a man and a women (what they can do and not do, which is nonsense) but the difference between a man and a boy. Betas whine, MR. Niceguy expects feelings returned, Friendzoners are being too polite and don't make their intentions clear. A lot of men acting not like men in a grown up world but children in a certain sense. They are insecure and embarrassed, equally needed validation from women (AKA their mothers/females because thats who raised them) and yet blaming same women for not reciprocating in whatever sense.

                In that sense, you don't need cars. You do whatever you like and you do it well. But I will tell you “No more Mr nice guy" probably in the first steps is not giving a fuck. When you have zero fucks to give then you should start caring again.

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Fuck team sports... how many of your high-school classmates or gym contemporaries could run a marathon tomorrow if they had to?

                I am going to post on the importance of homo-social/fraternal organizations later this month, but in the meantime, find a cafe full of grand-dads and just listen.

                If you are lifting and moving in the appropriate circles, the rest will honestly take care of itself in time.

                [–]Austin2Leader 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Join the Gym. You can thank me later.

                [–]Killing__Time_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Find role models.

                [–]mrHappyPotatoe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Go luve in the woods for some time.

                [–]Yetna 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Bro you have to increase your testosterone.

                [–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                but was never into competitive sports and have trouble hanging with the boys and find it easier to make friends that are female or gay.

                Cars could work. Get into cars and hang around with like minded men.

                . I was raised by a single mother and talking with a group of girls is far less stressful then a group of guys.

                Men have different rules, but more consistent and logical. Mostly based around respect.

                . How do I become more masculine? I would love to fix cars but I'm in my late 20s and can't go back to school. I also live in a big city and don't have driveway to park and tinker.

                Just fucking get on with doing what you want to do in life, that'll make you a man. The more barriers you destroy on the way, the more masculine you'll be.

                [–]bigdale001 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                You need to read Rollo Tomassi "THE RATIONAL MALE" and books by ROOSH V. All those other books are TRASH. Learn about Hypergamy and spin some plates bro...

                [–]printshopblues 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                How do I find my Masculinity back!!

                Did you ever have masculinity? I'd categorize my masculinity into two categories: physical masculinity and intangible masculinity.

                My physical masculinity is from doing what it takes to score a goal. I like this metaphor because sports reflect the roots we have to be "men". You perform within constraints, you confidently exert yourself within those bounds toward a goal, you improvise, you use your body, you use your mind to enhance your technique.

                My intangible masculinity comes from asserting what I want and what I don't want. Many young men gather in groups because they don't have independence. Independence is different than reactively going your own way. Independence means asserting yourself when you have a known position or stance that differs from your surroundings. Sometimes you simply aren't going to know everything about every situation, and young men find their way into lying like they have a clue when they don't :)

                [–]the_real_lunch_box 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                read sidebar. lift. lift and lift some more. read the sidebar again. This takes time years in fact. baby steps.

                [–]matrixtospartanatLV 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                If you feel like a bitch it may be because you have the hormones of a bitch.

                You live in a big city. Go to a male clinic and have your test levels checked and evaluated.

                Late 20’s? If you are anywhere below 600 you need to google, “Foods that boost testosterone.” Next, google, “Exercise/activity that increases testosterone.”

                Don’t do TRT unless/until you fully educate yourself about the risks/rewards, because there are large amounts of both.

                [–]zeekt12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Practice nofap. By retaining your semen, you’ll be flowing with pure masculine essence and vitality. Day 6+ and you’ll feel like so fucking powerful.

                And obviously, lift.

                [–]mynekmybakmykittykat -1 points0 points  (0 children)

                Join the military. I'd do it quick, because it's turning into a bigger fag party every day.

                [–]bosshawg502 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

                I keep seeing cars mentioned. Man it's a great way to build relationships with masculine guys. You NEED to go to your closest drag strip and check it out. You get the masculine car thing (as long as you aren't a Honda kid pussy, you better be talking about muscle cars or forget it), and also if you get into the racing side of it, you get the competitive nature. Racing is VERY competitive but an absolute blast. The guys with the fastest cars always have the best girls because winning=high SMV=good job to afford race car= personal drive

                [–][deleted]  (6 children)


                [–][deleted]  (5 children)


                  [–][deleted]  (4 children)


                    [–]Iwannachokekatie 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                    What's masculine about fixing cars?

                    [–]rijeka1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                    That’s one of the most stupid comment I read here. Get over yourself man.