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I’ve realized that I might be the beta male (self.asktrp)

submitted by PhilosopherDudee

College freshman, girls don’t take me seriously, my guy friends think I’m a joke. I do mma and started lifting but I guess I’m still socially awkward. I have a weak frame and don’t know what to do.


[–]murilo 109 points110 points  (8 children)

Read the sidebar on the TRP subreddit. You do MMA and are lifting weights, which is a good thing. Do you want to be perceived by people as a weak individual? No. You’re an Alpha male. Man the fuck up. From now on, you’re in control. You are your own succes.

[–]Dabunghole 33 points34 points  (2 children)

^ only comment you should read

[–]markpf73 13 points14 points  (1 child)

And be thankful you just figured it out at age 18 and not 40.

[–]yahyasafe7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

jesus so accurate, figured it ou at the age of 22

[–]criveros 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Working out or mma doesn’t make you alpha without personality. Personality is more important.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]criveros 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    For sure.

    [–]mark2262 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    How should you actually act in real life scenarios based on these things?

    [–]murilo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Completely depends upon the situation. There is no 1 rule that applies to all situations. However there are certain alpha qualities that will shine through in every situation. Look them up in the sidebar, or google them, and try to approach things differently with these key things in mind.

    [–]Zahlix 98 points99 points  (4 children)

    Jordan Peterson Quote:

    "Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today"

    • keep lifting hard (+ eat right)
    • keep doing mma (make male friends)
    • join a social club (I highly recommend a Toastmasters club)
    • study hard for your degree
    • always say yes when being invited to a social event (unless it is something stupid)

    If you treat those 5 points as holy, you will improve every single day. Those tiny increments in physique, willpower, social skills and education will turn you into a smart, self assured, socially experienced and good looking young man.

    Don't look for a easy fix - everything worth having in life is hard to come by.

    [–]Code-Master13 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Those tiny increments in physique, willpower, social skills and education

    This, right here. Tiny increments, a lesson I wish I had figured out long before I did. Your improvements will come slowly over time, so slowly that you will not notice it on a day in & day out basis. Keep working, after some time has passed, you'll look back and know you're better than you were.

    Learning how to program was my biggest teacher for this lesson. Each day it felt like I was just as bad at it as yesterday, but if I look back a month ago, two months ago. I can see the difference. I'm better than I was. I'm now doing things I never thought I'd have the skill to do, implementing a business idea I've had on the burner for years.

    Now that I'm here, it's not good enough, I want to be better, I want more. Keep grinding, those who go through the process, especially when there isn't any perceivable reward, difference, or progress, will get the big reward at the end of it.

    [–]shubhaivi 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    I felt motivated after reading this. Thanks!

    [–]yahyasafe7 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    That's solid advice right there. Thank you.

    I've never joined a club before and am pretty awkward around people. Don't seem to be able to "have fun" if you know what I mean. I've got all of what you said right except the club thing, the missing piece.

    However, I'd also add that you found a passion to pursue, some hobby that requires hard work and you keep at it and become really good at it.

    Thanks again!

    [–]DaParish9 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    You have to "let go". Unless it's absolutely socially retarded shit, say what's on your mind. Be vulnerable open up to people and ask questions about them. Dance. Let loose and just vibe with people.

    [–]jebemtvoju 23 points24 points  (1 child)

    if only there was some place of accumulated knowledge on this subject

    [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    There is , read Jordan Petersons book ; 12 rules of life . Download from libgen.io

    [–]5xEBITDA 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    Read: The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi

    [–]spider514 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Men aren't born they're made by the harsh battlefield that is life.

    [–]Kenny_Twenty 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    Listen, start sparring. Whether it's BJJ, Muay Thai, Boxing, or even good ole Wrasslin; spar in your training. Become comfortable with combat with other men. It will change your confidence and social orientation drastically. People will just begin regarding you differently. Watch, it's gonna be crazy. You're already in MMA so you're off to a great start. Roll with blue and white belts and keep lifting. Squat nice and heavy. That also helps significantly with jiujitsu.

    [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Plenty of guys feel what you feel. I was broken about that same feeling for a long time. But there comes a point where you can't compare yourself based on other people. You have to suck up all the knowledge, go out there and do your best. You have to satisfy your own litmus test of your personal best. It is not about how others treat you. You can at any time move away or abandon other people at your will; you can never abandon yourself though. Your bitch ass will always be there when you wake up- so make the best out of him with what talents you are given.

    [–]DaveyOneBite 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    You notice it, now fix it. Gym/MMA is a good start. I suspect you are either short or are a tall lanky string bean. Remedy for either is the same and that’s keep working your ass off in the gym, eat more, put on muscle.

    Also Don’t dress like a bum, fix your posture, speak clearly and look people in the eye when you do.

    [–]mrpoopistan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I do mma and started lifting but I guess I’m still socially awkward.

    Precisely how do MMA and lifting connect with not being socially awkward?

    My advice is that you start watching people who possess what's called "command presence". The good thing is that command presence is eminently teachable -- it's literally a survival skill for cops.

    Your first failure, I guarantee, is that you keep thinking respect is just something you meter up, like gaining levels in a video game. It's not. Respect arises from quiet or unspoken signals. Done right, you get all the respect in one shot, no questions asked.

    People watch you. All the time. They watch how you watch them, and how you watch them is the first signal that helps them decide whether they're going to respect you or not.

    If you shy away from eye contact or maintain it too long, they catch that. If you're smiling with your eyes instead of grinning like an idiot, they catch that. Slouching? Strutting? Moving slow or fast? Those are all little cues that people catch the minute you enter a room.

    It takes practice. You'll know you're getting it right when people start hurling little shit tests at you about your confidence, because those are little cyclic redundancy checks meant to suss out misreads and fakes. You'll know you're nailing it when the shit tests go away and strangers start introducing themselves to you because you seem important.

    [–]yahyasafe7 6 points7 points  (3 children)

    Been there bro.

    I don't advise you to do this, but I took a very radical action towards this cuz I lowkey don't give a fuck.

    Pull from your social circles and go monk mode for a couple of months. The guys/girls who disrespect you cut them altogether and make new ones with new pages setting your terms and shit. Don't be completely isolated, keep hanging out with your old friends, but the ones that seem less disrespectful than the others.

    I have done this and it worked like a charm. Now I either have close friends that I make self-deappreciating jokes with or others that keep their fucking distance and know what they're up to.

    [–]PhilosopherDudee[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    These guys are my roommates tho...

    [–]yahyasafe7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Yeah dude, it fucking sucks big time... I can tell you a story of me and my roommates that hopefully would comfort you.

    I used to rent a flat with two guys and we all were classmates. So we were seeing each other's faces everyday. One would think that's great but no. It was horrible for me.

    I did so many mistakes. The first was letting the second guy in. In the beginning I was living only with the first flatmate and then he suggested that the second guy comes in because they're really good friends and shit. I don't know the second guy and being the useless beta bitch that I was, they talked me into doing it and I agreed.

    Saved a lot of money but holly shit if I didn't become their bitch.

    These guys being good friends were always ALWAYS having fun doing shit together such as watching funny YouTube videos or playing videogames or watching movies. None of these activities I was ever invited for. They'd do their thing and totally ignore my presence. This disturbed me but I was too beta to even verbalise my uncomfort.

    They never listened to what I had to say. Whenever they were discussing something, it was only them. Even though I'm with them in the same room or whatever, they never include me in the conversation. When I try adding something to the convo, they literally just nod it away and never reply.

    Bro I can tell you. It was a fucking disaster. I felt being stepped over and they never paid attention to me.

    So what I did, being the original tenant with my first roommate and after agreeing on this before the second guy come in, I waited for the first semester to finish and then I kicked him the fuck out.

    The second guy on his first month was super friendly and always asking to do shit. Then he was ignoring me. After I took the decision to kick him out, he started being friendly again, but I pulled so fucking hard on him he doesn't even talk to me anymore until this very moment. He started initiating some random conversations, ask me about schoolwork....etc and my response was always, "Uh-hum". Especially if the topic is not interrogative.

    When I moved out of that flat and had to live with other roommates, I learnt how to establish my boundaries. I'm usually very silent in the room as I'm either on my PC or phone. So I keep my attention away from him and whenever I needed him I talk to him. Otherwise, I'd never initiate conversation unless he did (which he will eventually)

    Start your relationship with your roommate with an act of kindness. This will give him the impression that you're a good guy hence he'll never doubt you. Then never do anything to his favour unless it helps you first.

    Never fucking ever go too personal with your roommate. Omfg. Never talk to him about your inner struggles or let him open up. This will create tension because if you do that, you're practically "close friends" and close friends are expected to do favours without counting, sort to say. Limit the conversation to how shitty the weather is or how was his day, if you care much.

    When you're aloof and kinda cold with them, telling them later, not now, sorry I'm busy, okay? a simple yes, no, their frame will bend under yours and you'll lead a life with them where you're just two strangers living together and that's about it.

    [–]friendandadvisor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Evaluate whether or not they are worth your time. You do not have to 'hang around' with them just because they are your roommates.

    [–]JustChopItOff 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Consistency. Keep lifting. Keep training. Avoid injuries at all costs. This is only temporary.

    [–]screechhater 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Keep at lifting. Record your progress.

    Eat for bulk - what is your weight and what must you eat gram wise to gain muscle ?

    MMA. Hmm. How about joking a BJJ group and make some acquaintances?

    Are you involved in the freshman planned activities ?

    There is a lot of advice here, read it and slowly absorb. Whatever you do, kill the neediness and learn to embrace being alone.

    The best advice is get active in your interests and move forward.

    Lifting and MMA are a great start. Thorough consistent workouts will put you miles ahead of others, but it does take some time. It will show in about 90 days. Don’t forget the diet and sleep equation.

    Read Book of Pook

    [–]friendandadvisor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    First step: Stop trying to 'make friends'. This sort of thing has to happen by itself. Stop thinking of yourself as 'socially awkward'. It doesn't matter. Follow your interests. When you do that, you will run into other people with these interests, and, as long as you don't run them off, you will become 'socially active'.

    [–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 1 point2 points  (5 children)

    I do mma and started lifting

    How long?

    [–]LiveAFTSOV 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    thats the real question - no one would be feeling this way after 3+ months of consistency in those fieldds

    [–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Exactly

    [–]PhilosopherDudee[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    1 and 1/2 on and off

    [–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    on and off

    That's the problem. Learn how to apply discipline.

    [–]Bruchibre 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    First impressions have long life so if you have been seen as a clown at the beginning, it's going to be hard to be taken seriously in the long term. I know what I'm talking about...

    [–]PhilosopherDudee[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    You’re right, I might just have to cut off the dorm girls and just go monk mode.

    [–]Bruchibre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Maybe some partial monk mode? you can always adjust your behaviour and things will change slowly. You don't need to be radical.

    [–]GrimTRP 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Gain some respect. Get some amateur fights. Wrestle someone at a party. Hangout with the top dogs in your gym.

    [–]abudun79 -1 points0 points  (2 children)

    Are you a fucking snowflake, so that the sidebar does not apply to you? Or are you such a fucking retarded cunt, that you believe people will repeat the sidebar for you?

    It's obvious that you suck, so better take things serious and get started using your brain.

    [–]justdontfindme 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    Chill, give the dude a break, at least he's being honest.

    [–]abudun79 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I'm also being honest, and I don't believe that more sugarcoating is what anyone needs.

    [–]genesisofman -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    That sucks