Wife cheating - is it worth a divorce? (self.asktrp)

submitted by trpsavedme

I was introduced to TRP about a year ago. Married 24 years. 4 kids still under legal age. Wife is college educated but has been a stay at home mom.

We got into swinging 3 years ago (yes, I know...). Worse - it was only her doing the swinging. I was never into it and never did anything with another woman.

We quit around the time I discovered TRP. I have been taking control but she is resisting HARD. 4 months ago she decided she did not want to quit the lifestyle so she began to ride the cock carousel and has been with 9 other men in the last 4 months. I have not agreed to this and it has brought up some difficult arguments.

I have kept frame because I know how crazy it would be if I did not. The only thing keeping me around is the financial ruin I face.

I have consulted two attorneys. In our state her affairs will not be considered as grounds for any sort of punishment. Both said the same thing - I am screwed financially. After child support and almost a guaranteed 30% of my income going to alimony I will be left just above poverty - barely able to provide for my own needs.

My question - For those who have went down this path.... Is divorce worth financial ruin for the next 10 years?

EDIT: Some have sent me messages. Here is additional information:

Married right out of college. I was the only other man she had sex with. Warning signs include her getting breast implants, lipo, face stuff and a tummy tuck. She also started hitting the gym every day 18 months ago. She is a total MILF. Ace in the hole -- she took pics of nearly every experience. It can't be used in court but I can use it to SHAME her.

The pics are my last resort. As things are right now she would never want her family or our children to know what she did... I may have something useful in my toolbox.

EDIT EDIT: I have read every comment and responded to most. Everything points to one fact - I am truly screwed. My financial future is completely in her hands. If she chooses, I will work my ass off for the next 10 to 15 years and barely live. She will get money, the house and the kids.

This is basically what two different attorneys told me.

DO NOT GET MARRIED. I never would have guessed it could happen to me.

[–]1Terminal-Psychosis 85 points86 points  (49 children)

Ignore her and start fucking other women. Also get separate bank accounts and rooms.

[–]trpsavedme[S] 22 points23 points  (44 children)

I think I like this plan. She can still divorce me but... maybe I can move some cash money around.

[–]Addictedtoiron 30 points31 points  (8 children)

It's easy for people say get divorced and be freed, I know, I did that but I don't have children. If you're facing a 10 year financial wreck and you're almost 50 already it is better to plan you freedom in the long run. I'd suggest you do what many couples do, stay together for the kids until they're big enough. You have an advantage though, you can fuck around. This is a good thing. Become the new TRP man be an example to your kids and seek the sexual gratification you want outside marriage like in the old days. Prepare yourself for all outcomes, even if she comes seeking a divorce. Look into making a trust fund to protect your assets.

Now one important thing: if you're going to get stuck with her. Get her to work asap. Your kids might be big enough to not require a full time mom. Get her working. Manipulate her, tell what she wants to hear, no matter what, make her get a fucking job. This will save you big money in alimony. For longer she works less you will have to pay in the future.

Take care of yourself, continue improving, getting stoic, TRP. According to your own words you are lying to yourself because:

I have kept frame


Emotionally, I am a wreck

Are mutually exclusive. Put your shit together man!

[–]trpsavedme[S] 2 points3 points  (6 children)

I have kept frame in the sense that I don't argue with her. When throws out a shit-test I handle it well. If I start to lose it I make a plausible excuse and get away from her.

She knows I do not like what she is doing, but I can also see TRP working on her.

[–]jcrpta 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Keeping frame has to come from a position of strength.

The tiniest, tiniest speck of weakness in your position - whether it's in your tone, your actions or whatever - and your frame is jeopardised. Suddenly you're not being the strong man, you're being pathetic.

It is incredibly difficult to fake because women can sniff that out a mile away. So if you're faking it - sorry, but she almost certainly knows full well.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

To even talk about any kind of frame in OP is laughable when he's living with her knowing that she's cheated on him. There is no frame at all to jeopardize.

[–]AnarchyBurger101 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Take up "jogging", jog to the local pool hall/ beer hall 30-45 minutes away, kill 5-6 hours, maybe pick up a floozie, jog back to the 24 hour gym, wash the hoochie smell off, work out, take a steam/sober up, and jog back. ;)

[–]Addictedtoiron 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Basic TRP knowledge: You can't change her therefore you must change yourself. Lift, get hobbies, review your wardrobe, play dread, get plates.


She knows I do not like what she is doing

What she should know is that you don't give a fuck anymore.

[–]1Terminal-Psychosis 10 points11 points  (27 children)

Cold and cunning is the way. Don't let on at all that your mattress is full of cash. Cash probably is the way. Don't know how to open an account without using your own name, that's very risky, if at all possible. The courts have their ways of finding hidden funds (unless you're rich enough). And god forbid SHE finds it. :( Be clever.

Like Mr. Iron there says, stay emotionally detached as much as possible. That way lays ruin. Just do what you gotta, no qualms, no guilt, to get yours and take care of your kids. That's what she's doing, and you are irrelevant. She does have a hammer over your head though, so yah, be clever.

[–]TitsAndWhiskey 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Buying gift cards and loading them up as part of weekly shopping trips is a time honored method. Make sure your itemized purchases can't be tracked via a loyalty/rewards app. Taking cash out for normal weekly expenses is also generally ignored up to a reasonable point.

Or so I been told.

[–]trpsavedme[S] 4 points5 points  (22 children)

Thanks, Terminal... I have started today pulling money away. It has to be cash or gold/silver. I can hide that stuff. If I delay the divorce long enough I can sock away a goodly amount (~ 50k or so)

[–][deleted]  (5 children)


    [–]1Terminal-Psychosis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Probably smart advice.

    [–]RPthrowaway123 1 point2 points  (3 children)

    I was wondering this myself. How far would it be possible for them to trace it?

    [–]bustanutmeow 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    Well his username from his pc would be a good start, Pretty easy to get. If i was him, after i got all the info i could from this post, I would wipe the HDD, As a start, and get a new /u/name that i would use in incognito mode or a vm.

    [–]RPthrowaway123 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Encryption would be an alternative for the HDD. Using a VPN would probably help too.

    [–]chortle-guffaw 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    I agree with what others have said. This is not a good long term plan. But, I do think this is an excellent short-term plan. Ease into the divorce. Give yourself a couple of years to sock away some cash.

    If you haven't already, start paying all the bills, preferably electronically. You'll know that money is going to essentials. Give the wife an allowance just enough to take care of food and day-to-day expenses. At the very least, she won't also be stashing away large sums of your cash.

    Perhaps documenting her indiscretions will help when the day comes to divorce. Maybe you can use that as leverage to make sure she doesn't get sole custody, which I think would cost you more.

    [–]1Terminal-Psychosis 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Oh hell yes, document EVERYTHING. Talk to a lawyer about what counts as important and what is irrelevant too.

    Also excellent idea about cutting off her cash flow, but I'd wait until I got a decent nest-egg built up before changing things up.

    It took OP years to get into such a fucked up situation. He can afford to be clever and cunning for the time it takes to get himself some financial security stashed away.

    When he has that it will help him enormously, in coming from a place of true power, when he starts laying down some boundaries on her unacceptable behavior, or if he decides to cut his losses.

    [–]Redrog1 2 points3 points  (11 children)

    Bitcoin can be useful too. It's the easier to hide but be careful because it's not anonymous unless you do it right so inform yourself before going this route.

    [–]needathrowawayplease 5 points6 points  (4 children)

    Except bitcoin is speculation. Gold doesn't have the volatility bitcoin (currently) does.

    [–]Redrog1 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    Everything is speculation, even staying in cash.

    It's true Bitcoin is more volatile for now and given it's short history has more unknowns, but that also means the potential for a bigger upswing. Nevertheless my point is that, if done well, it's the easier to hide and move around, it's impossible to stop at borders...

    [–]frequentlywrong 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    Don't be crazy. Bitcoin is a horrible store of value which is what OP is looking for. It is also difficult to get by cash. It is a great way to transfer money, but a terrible way to store money. Gold coins are a much, much better option.

    [–]long-lostfriend 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Precious metals are a good option, if you can successfully keep them off the radar.

    [–]long-lostfriend 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Cryptocurrency guy here. If he is wanting to invest in something he can hide away and hold, I would recommend looking into Bitshares platform. There are "bitassets" that are market-pegged to currencies.

    Buying BitUSD carries all the advantages of bitcoins (anonymous and untraceable) without bitcoin's current volatility. And, if and when he chooses to tap into that, it is pretty easy to convert back into something more familiar to the general population.

    Having been divorced raped myself about 7 years ago, I plan on writing some kind of "how-to" to help out men who see the writing on the wall and want to hide funds away in preparation for the axe falling.

    [–]1Terminal-Psychosis 1 point2 points  (5 children)

    Stupid to put all of 50K in there though. Isn't nearly stable enough (yet?). Still a viable option for some quick and (when done right) untraceable spending "cash" though... say a few hundred for online shopping?

    Don't know any way to get even a few thousand out quickly AND untraceable.

    Are there markets that buy / sell gold reliably that are untraceable? Probably at a premium, but that still seems more realistic.

    [–]trpsavedme[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    Frankly, putting cash and gold inside a sock and then inside a gallon ziplock bag and burying it is better than what I was doing up until a few hours ago.

    [–]1Terminal-Psychosis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    heh heh.. well there ya go. Just make sure you bury it in a place you can get to. If things go REALLY bad, theoretically, you could get kicked out of your house and not have access to the back yard anymore, and the gold stash. Women get restraining orders based on lies all the time. Be clever.

    Good on ya for thinking in the right direction Mr. Me. Hope you get some security built up for yourself, no matter how.

    [–]AnarchyBurger101 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    There are options other than gold. An old 1988 commercial panel van does not look like a lot of cash on paper. Unless you buy about $400-$600 worth of used, but good condition and working tools. Say just chainsaws to start. And start stuffing them in that panel van. Some snap on tools, blue point tools, maybe an air compressor powered by a gas engine, and a regular genset, etc, etc.

    You're gonna pay maybe 40-50% markup at a pawnshop, swap meet, or whatever. But, you can sell that stuff for about 66% what you paid for it no problem. It's sort of like pimps buying pawn shop gold jewelry. Except, even if someone knows you have all that crap stashed in a storage garage somewhere, they ain't gonna give a shit. You can get better deals at estate sales, garage sales, etc.

    To most people it just looks like you've gotten the DIY bug, or have turned into an "old man with a garage full of tools". BUT, tools don't change a whole hell of a lot. A 1940s air tool will still work about the same as something off the shelf, so there's not much depreciation. Only issue is corrosion, and for some items like chainsaws, you have to prep em for storage so rotten gas/lube doesn't foul the works.

    Battery power tools, the packs will shit out after about 5-6 years in storage, and the newer tech will displace the old stuff in just 2-3 years. Kinda not worth it, unless, you actually use the shit.

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Local coin dealers, but there's a threshold above which they have to report the transaction. You get your best deal at a precious metals refinery, but all the PMs are tracked now.

    [–]long-lostfriend 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    If you are buying in smaller increments at a time, you can buy from almost any online retailerwithout making huge waves. Pay with a money order (that you can sometimes get for free at a local check-cashing outfit), and voilá, no paper trail. Just have it sent somewhere besides your residence and have a reliable place to hide it off the grid.

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Prepaid Visa cards or postal money orders? They're lighter and easier to hide than gold and silver, and you don't have to worry that they're going to lose half their value (or more).

    [–]cascadecombo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    bearer bonds.

    [–]Dnuts 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    A safety deposit box could be an excellent way to hide cash.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    If she wants to divorce you, is it still going to be the same financial outcome?

    [–]Endorsed ContributorAFPJ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Nothing fixes the dysfunction of America like $10-15K in cash and an unplanned vacation to Mexico.

    A trip during which you could return safely or get abducted to a sunny country without extradition ;]

    [–]machimus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Exactly. This situation works both ways. In fact, look at all the freedom he has to spin plates now! Is a congratulations party in order? Maybe!

    [–]Stories_of_Red 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Yeah, because his life is so going to be better continuing on with this shitshow, rather than dealing with the cancerous tumor that is his wife.

    This is the underpants gnome approach to a cratered life:

    1) Move clothes into spare bedroom/open checking account

    2) ?

    3) Profit!

    [–]jcrpta 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Nothing wrong with it in principle, but you absolutely categorically HAVE to have step 2 planned out in advance - personally I would say that you make sure you have enough cash saved up that you can put down a deposit on somewhere to live (rental is probably quicker than buying) so you can put the wheels in motion to move out properly the day after you've moved into the spare room.

    [–]1Terminal-Psychosis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    The point is to start working for yourself in this situation. The whole emotional turmoil is a distraction, but making a plan of action is vital, and being clever about it is key. It is a dangerous and volatile situation.

    OP is already in pretty damn deep. Last thing he needs is a cave-in before he gets some kind of security built for himself.

    [–]4Stayinghereforreal 32 points33 points  (24 children)

    We got into swinging 3 years ago (yes, I know...). Worse - it was only her doing the swinging. I was never into it and never did anything with another woman.

    Not swinging. Your wife is having sex with other guys. You are paying the bills.

    Of course you divorce her. You are already ruined financially. It is only divorce that will provide you the fresh start.

    [–]trpsavedme[S] 8 points9 points  (23 children)

    Financially, I am doing well right now. Emotionally, I am a wreck. Now, I can drive a Lexus, live in a nice home and take my kids out. Both attorneys said the same thing - I can kiss those things goodbye.

    The fresh start will only happen after 7 to 10 years. Is it worth shutting down life for that long?

    [–]Huffnagle 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    Money is not life. It's nice, enough to eat is important. Life is life, time is life. You won't get time back.

    And broke guys can get laid.

    You're in a shitty position, no doubt.

    So... Miserable with money in the bank, or free with big bills? I'd choose the second. I did choose the second when I divorced my first wife and I was glad I did.

    [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

    You can always leave the country.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    last resort

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Fucking first resort in OPs case.

    [–][deleted]  (10 children)


      [–]trpsavedme[S] 4 points5 points  (8 children)

      These are some scary stories. I feel so angry at times that I often think sitting in jail is better than working to support her habits.

      [–][deleted]  (5 children)


        [–]trpsavedme[S] 4 points5 points  (4 children)

        I am in therapy. A female therapist. She basically thinks I need a divorce. She thinks I will be happier without the wife.

        I wanted to see what other MEN think. I don't have many male friends and even if I did - I am not sure I would share all that has happened.

        [–]Fuk_Boonyalls 7 points8 points  (1 child)

        Get a male therapist asap.

        [–]JayViceroy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Seems the female therapist suggesting divorce isn't all bad. If she suggested marriage counseling that would be bad.

        [–]MightyTaint 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        I'm a man. I basically think you need a divorce. I think you will be happier without your wife, even if you take a financial hit.

        [–]diablo_fuentes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Aaron Clarey actually had some wisdom (from someone else) about the matter.

        [–]AnarchyBurger101 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        Hard to go to jail when you're out the the country "finding yourself" and building shelters for war orphans on the weekend. Sure you might be banging hookers and day trading during the week, but those back stateside don't need to know that. :D

        [–]fortifiedoranges 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Sometimes it is. But only after you try everything else first.

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        You can still rent in a nice area. You can still drive a used lexus.

        Yes, the divorce is worth it over a wife riding the cock carousel, come on. Find your self-respect.

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)


          [–]MightyTaint 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Not at this point. If he fucks around, it will offend her, and she'll bang one of her many suitors extra hard, all while planning how she's going to financially fuck him for wounding her ego.

          [–]Endorsed ContributorAFPJ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Your life is already shut down: paralyzed by fear. Time without money isn't life shut down - there are so many broke people living amazing lives. The moment you learn to be happy without money is the moment you learn to be happy.

          [–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (6 children)

          Go for a legal separation, not a full dissolution of marriage. Create a life away from her. Go find new pussy, rebuild yourself. She has you by the purse strings, if you leave she'll get the kids and suck on your alimony. Talk to one of those attorneys about getting your own place and setting up shop. Maybe she'll be stupid enough to bring around one of her cocks while the kids are home and you can use it in court to show she is inviting strange men around the house and putting your kids at risk, making you look like the more responsible one. Women are often favored in court, but many superior court judges are wising up to female bullshit and giving fathers more rights.

          You need to start right now doing everything you can to show that all you care about is the wellbeing of your children. If she goes out to party document it, if she leaves them alone document it, if she brings over cock document it, if she gets liquored up document it. Spend as much time with your kids as you can. Spend all your free time not spent working or lifting with them. Take them places. Be the dad of the fucking century. But DO NOT attempt to keep them away from your wife. Judges fucking loathe parents who attempt to estrange children from the other parent.

          She is the one ruining the bond between you two, she is the one who doesn't love daddy anymore and always wants "new friends", she's the one more concerned about being a cum dumpster than holding her family together. You are the fucking father, you are the man. You will put your foot down and slash the throat (metaphorically) of anybody who attempts to harm your family.

          [–]jupc 5 points6 points  (1 child)

          The only difference between a legal separation and divorce is that a legally separated person is not free to remarry. All the property division, spousal and child support is ordered by the court.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          The point is for him to leave without actually upsetting the current financial balance of things. Truth be told his wife will cost less currently as his wife than as an ex wife. Right now he only pays to keep her alive with what she and the kids need, alimony and child support is going to give her way more budget than she spends now. So if he keeps paying the mortgage and buying groceries while renting an apartment there's no reason to split community property, unless she decides to file for the divorce. AFAIK legal separation places a bookmark so to speak on community property and marks a date of separation in case OP hits the lottery afterwards or something.

          Regardless, my advice was just for OP to begin demonstrating his awesome single dad skills while the wife demonstrates her slutty single mom skills for the inevitable court date.

          [–]Maikumizu 12 points13 points  (6 children)

          After reading everything in here...

          She won't stop fucking other guys and you're not okay with that, Both parties can fuck other people and not be grounds for financial settlement, you have money.

          She's going to fuck you financially anyways. Withdraw some cash and hit up the clubs/bars and find a 30 something wanting to get with a rich dude in a Lexus. It's still your money, and you need it now.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 5 points6 points  (4 children)

          I am starting to see the wisdom in this plan. I am not rich. A Lexus is only $15k more expensive than a Ford.

          [–]Maikumizu 9 points10 points  (3 children)

          They don't know that and they don't care. You're not a 20 year old driving a 25 year old civic.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

          True. I need to think more TRP.

          [–]Maikumizu 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          Top of the dickchain bro. Something from past beta you clicked something off in her head. Forget about whether or not you're going to get fucked now or later and talk with your lawyers to find the easiest way out. Your planning has to be revolving around recovery at this point. You see the only door to take, walk through it and accept that the next 10 years is going to suck financially, your goal is to make it suck less by making more or doing the most to protect what you have.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Thanks. Good advice.

          [–]Neuermann 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          What would happen if he started blowing through his money? Not completely, but just spending more of it on going out and living it up? Would that make the alimony payments less? (Less money, less income, less to take?)

          Like you said, if he is going to lose it, why not lose it himself rather than her stealing it?

          [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (6 children)

          Nothing is worth the humiliating hell you are going through. I suspect you are only doing it for the kids at this point, but this is a time you have to think about yourself. You aren't doing them any favors as a role model right now.

          The best thing you can do is get out of there. Chances are when you get out of the situation and have some time to think, the answer will be as clear to you as it is to us internet strangers.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 7 points8 points  (5 children)

          Thanks. I am thinking I need to get out, but losing access to my kids and having a much lower standard of living is tough.

          I am approaching 50... If there are any younger guys reading this - DO NOT GET MARRIED. If you want children... you're screwed.

          [–]TattedGuyser 0 points1 point  (3 children)

          Dunno what state/country you're in, but gather evidence of her infidelity. Might just be the edge you need to come out ahead.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          In my state infidelity is not considered when it comes to financial settlement. That's why I went to a second attorney. Good news is I could also cheat, but that's not what I am looking for.

          [–]4Stayinghereforreal 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          but gather evidence of her infidelity

          No fault. Courts don't give a damn.

          [–]RiseAboveRuin 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          While your situation saddens me, this is a story of personal growth and success. You have crushed the inner beta and turned your life around. I love what /u/Terminal-Psychosis said and I don't think it would be too hard to do. Start going to the gym 5x a week. Do a normal bodybuilding routine. Workout with 110% intensity and eat at least 200g of protein each day[this is extremely over simplified I know, I've been a personal trainer for 4+ years though so if you need guidance just send me a PM]. If you aren't getting dates now you certainly will be in a years time. Stay strong brother. And for gods sakes separate yourself from that poisonous woman. If not with a divorce at least separate rooms or houses for sure.

          [–]aboveaveragebabydick 12 points13 points  (4 children)

          Never get married. Heard that. Thanks for sharing your story, jesus christ we live in a fucked up society.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 9 points10 points  (3 children)

          we live in a fucked up society

          Yep. Her hamster is running 1000 MPH. She feels justified in all her actions.

          [–]exbp 3 points4 points  (2 children)

          The parallels between this and drug addicts are not a coincidence. You're dealing with someone who's gotten high over and over again without you. At this point she might even believe that only a new man can provide the excitement, so no one guy will ever keep her going.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          This is a very good point.

          [–]KyfhoMyoba 5 points6 points  (3 children)

          My wife suggested something along those lines, but I believe it was a false effort. I think she would be very upset if I actually did it, but I need to call her bluff.

          OP, I have seen many posts either in TRP or elsewhere on reddit from guys in similar situations - the relationship is opened, the wife of course gets tons and tons of male attention and the husband is left holding his dick. However, as soon as the guy starts to get a little action, or even interest from another woman, the wife goes nuts and comes up with all kinds of reasons why he shouldn't get any strange. As anyone who has ingested TRP knows, this is classic Dread Game. Here's a great example of how it goes right: http://www.getbig.com/boards/index.php?topic=519110.0;wap2 I understand that this won't happen for you - your wife is too far gone, but that is the dynamic you're looking for.

          I started going to the gym recently and it did get her attention. I think if I upped the dread game either she would quit or I would get laid.

          You're goddam right. This is the smartest, most Red Pill advice on this thread. OP, you need to study Dread Game. Search the posts of /u/BluePillProfessor, also, get on over to /r/marriedredpill. Dread Game is at its core self-improvement.

          Deny her those options by being better than what she can get. Then when you are better than at least those nine other guys, fuck women that are better than her. If she is insecure about some physical quality she has, make sure the women you fuck have those. Like if she is concerned about her age, fuck younger women. Concerned about her breasts being too small, fuck busty women. Etc. Fuck other women to prove to yourself pussy is cheap, to make her attracted to your ability to get women, and to make her jealous.

          Look. Your marriage - as you knew it - is over. All your focus and attention should be on how you will live your life NOW, not in the past. Forget about that.

          When I would tell her how bad her fucking hurt me (without whining too much) she would fuck me raw. THAT became almost an addiction. She would say anything and do anything.... ATM? Yep. Nothing was off limits.

          The good news is that she'll probably go back to that once you alpha up - which means that you will be demoting your wife to the status of plate.

          Everything I suggest she turns down. Her only suggestion is for me to take a hobby or something stupid.

          You are trying to negotiate desire. This cannot be done. Women talk, men do. Demonstrate, don't explicate. Do you read therationalmale.com? I recommend reading every post AND every comment. It'll take a while, but the knowledge is invaluable. (don't give up gym time for it, though)

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

          One of the best responses. Thanks! I had been using the gym at work but just asked me wife to add me to her gym membership. She is all jumpy about it. LOL

          [–]soccerplusaviation 3 points4 points  (3 children)

          Is there any state or any country in the western world where infidelity will at the very least in some way punish the women?

          [–]jupc 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          There are still some US states where you prove fault.

          Compared to no-fault, each party can spend up to hundreds of thousands of dollars and 3-5 years legally trying to investigate through discovery to build a case to 'out-fault' each other, thus squandering assets, extending the time it takes to get divorced, and increasing the amount of fighting, litigation, court costs, and attorney fees.

          [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (5 children)

          Wife cheating - is it worth a divorce?

          Yes. Didn't even need to read your post.

          Forget emotions, forget time invested in this relationship. Think logically about it.

          [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

          Financially is logically.

          I would rather have a cheating wife (being able to fuck around as well) while being well of financially than get the divorce, work as her wage slave (in return having less chances at getting laid because more work and less money) while also giving her the chance at finding another provider in the meantime.

          If he stays with her for ~10 years until the kids are 18 she gets squat and will drop from the luxurious lifestyle that OP is providing her into nothingness. Bonus points if he doesn't indicate he's planning to get divorced just play the long con, say everything is fine, let her fuck around as she wants and then have her drop into instant poverty on the 18th birthday of the youngest child.

          [–]TitsAndWhiskey 2 points3 points  (3 children)

          If he stays with her for ~10 years until the kids are 18 she gets squat and will drop from the luxurious lifestyle that OP is providing her into nothingness.

          She will get alimony. Most likely permanent at that point. Best thing he can do is the long con. Start hiding assets, lose the job, get her working. Make it look like tough financial times on paper.

          You have to be smart about it, and you have to be a good liar. And it will take time.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          Why does she get money if she isn't raising kids with it? That one's new to me.

          [–]jcrpta 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          Depending on where you are on the world, there are two financial elements involved in a divorce.

          The first is child support. Obviously she only gets that if there are kids.

          The second is alimony. This has nothing to do with kids; it's arguably a throwback to a hundred years ago when a divorced woman would be unlikely to be able to remarry, couldn't work because women simply didn't work and there was no such thing as social security. I understand alimony quite often ceases when the woman remarries, but frankly this woman doesn't sound like she's going to remarry any time soon.

          [–]TitsAndWhiskey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Because that's how it is in a lot of places.

          Honestly, I don't think anyone who hasn't gone through a divorce should be weighing in on that option here.

          [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

          Grabbing all sorts of info from the replies, here is what I recommend:

          Don't even talk about divorce to her. Do not let her see anything or any indication of divorce

          Hide them assets.

          Get her ass to work ASAP.

          Delay the divorce: say you 'want to work it out.'

          Delay the divorce pt 2: Try to delay it so a few kids are at legal age.

          Monk mode

          Spin up some plates after monk mode.

          Basically, I think if you can change the playing field for now, it will help you in the future if you can delay the divorce. Two key points would her be working and getting a few of the kids out of the house. I think this will lessen the damage financially. Let's, face it; divorce IS GOING TO HAPPEN...you just need lessen the impact.

          Good luck and keep us updated.
          *Disclaimer: I'm not an attorney. Don't take my advice. *

          EDIT: Formatting and added one line.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

          Great summary. The only thing I would add is to get myself in shape but I am guessing you just forgot. Seriously, I like the delay the divorce part.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          Monk mode is part of getting in shape.

          I feel for you dude, hope everything works out. I'm married, but have a divorce back up plan ready whenever shit hits the fan. Thats not to say I won't get fucked, I just hope to lessen the fuck.

          I'm in total agreement with DO NOT GET MARRIED advice.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          A divorce back up plan is smart, but like you suggest the likelihood of getting fucked is high.

          The longer you're married the more fucked you get.

          If the wife quits her job to stay home with the kids - multiply fucked by 100

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Exactly. I'm fucked either way..I've come to accept that. Its just a shame I was a huge BB when I met my wife in college and still a BB up until about two years ago. Now, I've come a long since and regret my decision for marriage. I'd say the only thing about marriage that is worth it is my one and only child.

          But that's not to say if I had a time machine I would go back in time and would never marry whatsoever.

          Again, good luck.

          [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (7 children)

          Start funnelling as much money as possible in to gold coins or try and send some money offshore.

          How are your assets tied up?

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 2 points3 points  (6 children)

          This has been a big recommendation today. Quite the eye-opener. Most of our assets is in real estate. We have a couple rental properties that are paid off, but in both our names. I have some cash savings that I will slowly bleed out - and either keep as cash or gold/silver. I am just not sure where to hide it.

          [–]Endorsed Contributorfnordsnord 0 points1 point  (4 children)

          Gym locker. Not nearly as secure as a safe-deposit box, but will not show up when a private investigator starts chasing your money.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

          I figures I can sock away $300 per week. It may raise her alarms a little, but I could swing it + more on any kind of vacation or holiday. Not sure I want that much sitting in a gym locker. But, it's a good idea for the beginning. Thanks!

          [–]Endorsed Contributorfnordsnord 1 point2 points  (2 children)

          Maybe a safe-deposit box in your name only (short term) and then, if things get bad, put in in a gym locker, with a friend, or in a hole someplace. Because lawyers and investigators can FIND those things.

          [–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (41 children)

          I have kept frame

          i actually had to laugh. realy? you kept frame? she fucked NINE other men without your consent and you are still married.. no you actually plan to stay married to her after SHE FUCKED NINE OTHER MEN and you talk about keeping frame.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 6 points7 points  (38 children)

          My thought process: A woman that will do that to me will have ZERO problems telling the police that I threatened her or pushed/shoved/choked her. Maintaining frame keeps me in the house, out of jail and near my kids.

          [–]NeopolitanAfterglow 2 points3 points  (1 child)

          It floors me how many people seem to think "holding frame" means avoiding confrontation at all costs.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

          OK. Some great ideas. I do have access to cash investments. I can siphon that off into a hole in the ground.

          Use our living expense money to buy a nice escort. Heck, I can do that every week. I think she will divorce me if I do that but I can't live like this so I may as well go out swinging.

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Build up good will with your kids now.

          Remember to delete this post, delete this account, your search history. Delete and destroy any evidence that you're trying 'cheat her' financially. Good luck.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Remember that a divorce filing usually comes with a financial restraining order against both parties that prevents (in theory) shenanigans with mutual finances. And right now all your finances are mutual. Once your divorce is final, maybe you come into some cash some how.

          I'm just saying.

          Seeding this post with misinformation (to prevent doxxing of course) and deleting this reddit account (to prevent doxxing of course) would be smart things to do as well.

          [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          Bare minimum:

          1: Separate bank accounts. Don't wake up one day to discover your wife roommate cleaned out the accounts and cashed out your retirement.

          2: Build a bug out bag. Hide it at your office, hide it in your garage, bury it somewhere, I don't know. It'll have some basic necessities- any life-critical medication you may need, clean clothes, some cash money, ect- for if shit hits the fan and your wife feels particularly empowered one day and just kicks you out.

          Some more:

          1: Unless you simply cannot live with your roommate to the point that things are violent and you descend into shouting matches, I advise you to not divorce her, only as a point of interest for the kid's well being. The post script no one talks about when they say that kids are statistically better off with divorced parents than if their parents are together is when they're talking about mutually abusive relationships. There are no favorable statistics associated with kids raised in one-parent households, its only advantageous as a point of being less bad than with two parents who don't know how to deal with each other.

          2: If you have any reason to believe your roommate is demonstrating abusive behavior, start documenting all of it. You may even want to consider bugging your house (not your bedroom) to document it. Assume that if you can't document it, it never happened so far as a court is concerned, even if she won't necessarily be held to that same standard.

          [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          Shit like that makes a man research hit men on onion sites.

          [–]Endorsed Contributormordanus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          Your relationship with this woman ended the moment you let her fuck other men. You showed her that you were too weak to stop her and too weak to find someone else. She will never forget how this made you look so stop trying with her.

          In my opinion you should make her work. Tell her that if she is going to fuck around in the relationship then she can bring her own money to the table and stop providing anything for her that isn't absolutely needed. Be a husband in name only to her because she is a wife in title only to you.

          [–]rp_aware 2 points3 points  (1 child)

          I would say you have an opportunity here to basically do what she's doing. Keep the marriage together, hit the gym, and go find your 9 lays in the next 4 months.

          Edit: further to that, you'll be creating dread and competition anxiety. It may bring her into line.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          It may bring her into line.

          I started going to the gym recently and it did get her attention. I think if I upped the dread game either she would quit or I would get laid.

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          You can look at relocating away from a no-fault divorce jurisdiction.

          [–]KyfhoMyoba 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Not in the USA. All states are no-fault. Nine are community property, LA, TX, AZ, NM, NV, CA, WA, ID, WI.

          [–][deleted]  (1 child)


          [–]trpsavedme[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I appreciate the sound advice. I have been taking notes from the best responses.

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          You need to get divorced. Your wife is abusing you mentally which is just as bad as physical abuse. Get out and start the healing process.

          [–]GenericallyEpic 1 point2 points  (8 children)

          You're fucked beyond hope for the next decade. Start hitting the gym as hard as possible. Acquire a hobby that improves yourself, raises your happiness, and keeps your mind off this shit. Get all your assets in order. Try to sell what you can that could go to her in a divorce. Get evidence against anything she could throw in court, like hitting, raping, etc. God help you if you got a joint bank account. You're worse than nine other men to her. She settled for a cuckolded beta buck at this point. You pay the bills, raise the kids, and she still is getting to fuck alphas. Have you gotten a DNA test on your kids? It's better if they aren't yours at this point. Get some fucking value. when you're better than the other guys, then you start playing the dredge game. Fuck other women. Deny her sex. Stop being her time, money, and effort slut.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children)

          Fuck other women. Deny her sex.

          I love this idea. She still wants safe married sex from me. Sometimes I struggle to perform with the thought of another mans cum running out her mouth (got the pics). She complains hard that I deny her... this may be the best idea yet.

          [–]GenericallyEpic 1 point2 points  (6 children)

          Holy hell, you got the pics... Do you also have a picture of your nuts from when they were still there? Joking aside, it is a real shame infidelity doesn't matter in court for your case. As for fucking other women, don't commit to this idea until you have value. She has better options right now and you threatening to leave is giving her those options that she wants. All women (including animals) are constantly looking to trade up. Deny her those options by being better than what she can get. Then when you are better than at least those nine other guys, fuck women that are better than her. If she is insecure about some physical quality she has, make sure the women you fuck have those. Like if she is concerned about her age, fuck younger women. Concerned about her breasts being too small, fuck busty women. Etc. Fuck other women to prove to yourself pussy is cheap, to make her attracted to your ability to get women, and to make her jealous. Here's some links for improving your value in general: http://www.djbible.classicalgasemissions.com/book_of_pook.pdf

          As for your performance issues, this will help you perform. http://www.pdf-archive.com/2014/06/11/daniel-rose-sex-god-method/daniel-rose-sex-god-method.pdf If you want the cheating option, drink a "Sip N'Syrup" or "Purple Stuff." With the drinks, it's cheaper and you won't cum for about 2 hours (you will be softer than normal, but enough to perform). One method to making her love you again is through her pussy.

          For your financial situation: http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2wtsri/self_made_millionaire_in_3_years_part_1/ see this man's posts. Try to take care of it underneath your wife's nose while you still have cash and credit. Try to also make some smart investments in stock.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children)

          Whoa! Great response. The only guys she fucks are dudes that are 24 to 29 years old. It's not easy for me to compete with age, but I can't get my body back into shape. Also, the young guys only want her because she is a MILF. They will not be willing to stick around. So I do have that going for me.

          I see my steps as: 1. start putting cash away. 2. get into shape 3. dread game

          [–]GenericallyEpic 0 points1 point  (4 children)

          Yes, you can get into shape. Stop making excuses. Get a personal trainer to teach you the basics, when you perfect your form go off on your own. Hell, boxing will give you a hobby, get you in lean shape, give you a goal, and it isn't boring. Devote one hour every couple days. Give it 4 to 6 months and you will see improvement. You don't need to be ripped, just be better than your average fitness for your age. But yeah, those are the basic steps. But make sure your value is high before dread game. Also, learn your judgement better because your taking advice from some random geek you meet on the internet. By the time you complete the second step, you need to take charge and plan your own life.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

          Thanks, GenericallyEpic. I certainly pick and choose what advice I follow. You're does make good sense.

          [–]GenericallyEpic 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          No problem, but you look like you want validation from me. You fully swallowed the pill? You shouldn't give a fuck about anyone's opinion who can't increase your value. Read the side bar and visit the trp married subreddit too.

          As for "I do have [commitment] going for me," no, you don't. The more committed you are, the less attracted she is. They fuck an uncommitted cum dumpster without investing time or money. You're fucked, committed, sexually frustrated, and have wasted your time and money for her cum guzzling lifestyle. There's a clear winner here.

          You are right in that she won't immediately leave you: women never trade down in lifestyle and prefer upgrades over age. For example, I'm 25 and if I fucked your wife and wanted her to leave you, she won't. You have a job, I'd be lucky to get an unpaid intern position. However, if I inherited my family's wealth and homes, you can bet your kids that she'd instantly leave you. This is why you need hobbies, value (dredge game), fitness, and cash outside of your family and job. This prepares your state of mind emotions, self-worth, and wallet against the devastating effects of a divorce, and lowers your risk an early divorce rape before you become self sufficient. (Make sure you delete your history of this.)

          [–]KyfhoMyoba 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          There's a clear winner here.

          And it isn't OP.

          (dredge game)

          I think he means Dread Game.

          [–]GenericallyEpic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Exactly the implication I was going for.

          [–]masterrod 1 point2 points  (2 children)

          You had 24 years of marriage, and your wife got bored basically. She may have even said to her self, "Is this all that there is" too many times.

          She was probably upset that you guys decided to swing, but you weren't willing to fuck another lady. So she was just being the man in the relationship since you wouldn't be. It is possible that she wanted to feel something, by watching you sleep with another lady. The reason this matters is because she agreed to fuck other people but you didn't. So how can she trust you to be man? Or more importantly trust any feeling she has for you? I also doubt this is the first time this has happened.

          There's really not aren't a lot reasons to get divorced from you story, unless she's asking for it and you can't handle he handle her sleeping with other men. Especially, since you tacitly were ok with "cheating" to begin with. So it's really hard to say you should just divorce her over doing something you agreed to doing.

          I think the best thing to do is to reconnect with your life purpose, and work on your self for some time. Maybe consider a separation. Your story makes me feel like you've lost your way a little bit. And it's understandable. There's nothing to be ashamed of about this. Do your duty as a father, and then try to reconnect with her when you feel stronger. Contrary, to what you might believe 24yr bond isn't going to just going evaporate. I'm sorry this is not a reason not to get married.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          I ended the swinging stuff when I engaged TRP. She brought it back up many months later and can't seem to let go of it.

          [–]masterrod 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          She's just missing that feeling. The fact is she's telling you, that's a good sign. I can't tell you what to do, but I suggest working on yourself.

          [–]aguy01 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          What would OJ do?

          [–][deleted]  (1 child)


          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          this is a last resort option but it should be pointed out.

          If he's Canadian and in Ontario this is what he should be doing, the family courts there will turn any man into a mess.

          [–]thenarrrowpath 1 point2 points  (18 children)

          Start banging other women. Play her own game.

          If she pushes for a divorce....

          Sell off your assets and/or sign them away to your mother/father/sibling/trusted friend, either quit your job or ask for a pay decrease. I would squeeze her out. Sabotage your own boat (your income/assets) so when you sink she'll have nothing to scavenge for. If she could get a job and you quit yours, you may be able to get alimony from her!

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 1 point2 points  (17 children)

          Like many people that are in a 20+ year marriage - there is very little that is not jointly shared. We have even shared the same bank account for the last 15 years. Unfortunately, we have no financial secrets. I do have access to cash/savings and will start pulling money out of there.

          [–]jsalathe 0 points1 point  (16 children)

          Borrow against your properties and siphon that off to, but to cash, not a bank or investment account. You can start putting some in offshore accounts like Cayman Islands or Switzerland. The problem here is that it is illegal and has the potential for prison if a trail is found. If you do this, take cash on the plane, no wire transfers.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children)

          I need to avoid the blatant illegal behavior. It's tempting but it will only make things worse.

          [–]frequentlywrong 1 point2 points  (5 children)

          If you need a place to park money in - buy rare gold coins. No paper trail, easy to hide and can store a lot of value in a small package. Plus they are actually a good investment in the current financial market. These guys can give you a lot of advice if you call them: http://www.usgoldcoins.com/

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

          checking it out. I pulled out $300 cash and will buy a little silver. I plan to do this every week. Any more and I may not be able to just explain it away. I will take out a couple thousand over spring break... anything that gives me an excuse to pull out cash I will take double and just act like I spent it.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Definitely buy gold and silver. Funnel as much cash as you can get away with. Buy them in cash, leave no paper trail.

          [–]KyfhoMyoba 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          Avoid 'rare' coins. The value of the rarity will go up much less than the raw metal will. A $100 1 oz silver coin has about an $80 premium over the melt value. If silver triples in price, the premium over melt will not triple, it will remain roughly the same, ergo, spend the premium on more metal.

          [–]frequentlywrong 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          And where is that information from. I don't think you are correct at all.

          [–]NeopolitanAfterglow 2 points3 points  (2 children)

          Sometimes a person's sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others. That appears to be the case here.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)


          [–]1BrunoOh 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          For what it's worth, we do feel for you. Take some solace that by posting this you may have prevented something like this happening to someone else.

          [–]praiseth3sun 0 points1 point  (6 children)

          Financially, start moving your assets. Get your shit ready for a divorce, because she might be thinking the same thing too. You're going to take a financial hit either way, either paying for her lifestyle with your money and time, or alimony and child support. It's up to you which is more humiliating.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children)

          Hard to move assets since most of our investments are in real estate. About the only thing that brings smile to my face is to get fired before the divorce. Maybe if I have no money she will have to move in with her parents... she would hate that. I don't mind my family so I could live in poverty with family versus living in poverty on my own.

          [–]1RPSigmaStigma 3 points4 points  (4 children)

          You could anyways move to another country. Preferably one with decent women. I hear Finland is nice, and most people there speak English. Or maybe a South American country. I'm pretty sure the US isn't going to extradite you over unpaid alimony.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          The thing is she can sue you there if she finds out where you went. With children this is a impossible plan.

          [–]1RPSigmaStigma 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Depends on the laws of the country. But yeah, the kids thing does complicate. He would basically have to leave them behind, which I guess isn't what he wants to do.

          [–]Chaohinon 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          This makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. I've been burned pretty bad, but not "swinging" while my husband of nearly a quarter century pays the bills and raises the kids bad. Fuck.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          Yeah... I never expected it. I guess I should not have let her get a bunch of plastic surgery. Looking back that ought to have been a warning sign.

          [–]whoops_fap 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          Why can't you buy a bunch of merchandise that won't lose its value, hoard it, get divorced, then sell that shit? Isn't this basically like laundering the money (while taking a pretty big hit) but still not nearly as bad as losing HALF of your shit in a divorce.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          I am going to do just that. Buying gold and silver is tops on my list.

          [–]MightyTaint 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Make sure to announce it publicly at every opportunity!

          [–]favours_of_the_moon 0 points1 point  (3 children)

          She needs to do something to make it up to you.

          What does she need to do to make it worth your while?

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          Ha! I have brought this up and she asked for a list. Everything I suggest she turns down. Her only suggestion is for me to take a hobby or something stupid. After reading all the comments - I am very screwed.

          [–]favours_of_the_moon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Sounds like she thinks she's got you over a barrel.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          Cheat her financially but delete all evidence of doing so. Delete this Reddit account after you do.

          [–]randarrow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          You can't win a messy divorce, but you can make sure she doesn't win either. Start shutting down your life before the divorce. You going to lose the nice car? Lose it now. You going to lose the nice house? Lose it now. You doing to lose the job? Lose it now. You going to lose the 401k? Lose it now. Get happy in your new found lower-income, but drag her down with you.

          She can't get blood from a turnip. If you resume the nice lifestyle later, she can take you back to court. But, she will have to fix her life first. Better to lose everything and start from scratch now, rather than later.

          Usual advice applies: hit the gym, record everything, get a witness, lawyer up, do not leave the house until divorce is final, don't let her leave the house with the kids (get a court order to keep them here, remember this will trap you too).

          [–]slater2j 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          Make her get a job. It will be easier on the wallet after divorce.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          I have already been pushing for her to get a job. I think she is liking the idea because it gets her a larger social circle.

          [–]slater2j 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Ok, we'll cutting up her credit cards will help the push.

          [–][deleted]  (3 children)


          [–]trpsavedme[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          The thing is other than her fucking around - she is a good mom. I am not going to catch her doing anything wrong by the kids. She likes riding the CC and she feels that after I opened her up to it that she is entitled.

          Plan: 1. continue to hide money 2. get back into shape 3. be better than the other guys (if possible) 4. dread game 5. fuck other women. pay for it if necessary 6. stay married as long as possible

          [–]MightyTaint 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          after I opened her up to it that she is entitled

          So you're the one who first suggested she have sex with other people?

          [–]blarggggggggggg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Child support and alimony won't last forever. It is completely worth it to sacrifice your personal financial well being for 7-10 years for a chance at happiness for the remainder of your life. Why be unhappy forever, just to live in a big house with a Lexus? Just to afford the latest smartphone and all the cable channels in the world?

          Material wealth and possessions are not the be all end all of existence. Get the fuck out of this toxic relationship, do the best you can by your kids, and invest into yourself - eat well, exercise and stay (get?) fit and healthy so you are best able to enjoy the future.

          Get a cheap studio apartment, go into monk mode and do some serious study of stoicism and general self-improvement.

          [–]darkflame420 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          Start shaming her now? We await your picture post.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          LOL! Seriously, she looks good.

          [–]alpha_n3rd[🍰] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          Wait till the kids turn 18 then skip country

          [–]2secret_barber 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          In our state her affairs will not be considered as grounds for any sort of punishment.

          I have never heard of such a thing. You should be able to deny her alimony because of adultery. What fucking state is that? I would get more legal opinions.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          Yep. Talk to an attorney or search for your state along with alimony and adultery. In my state adultery has no impact on alimony. Zip. Maybe why my wife is so free with the pics. That or her hamster is just running itself to death.

          [–]2secret_barber 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          What state are you in?

          [–]TitsAndWhiskey 0 points1 point  (3 children)

          Sent you a message, but I just wanted to float one particular idea out to the community at large.

          One thing that can save your ass on alimony (and possibly help with CS) is if she manages to snag herself another provider. It's very difficult to directly engineer such a thing, but if she really is as good looking as you claim, maybe there's some way to encourage another BB to take her off your hands. Decrease your value as a provider while he increases his in her eyes. Let the branch swing happen.

          Just a thought

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          It's a good plan, but she only hooks up with younger guys. 12 to 15 years younger! Only young single men that are good looking.

          It's very unlikely any one of them will want a LTR with her + kids.

          [–]TitsAndWhiskey 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          Is she still of child-bearing age?

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Not really.

          [–]jcrpta 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Get yourself Athol Kay's books and work on your MAP.

          The idea is you improve yourself to the point whereby your wife has a simple choice staring her in the face - shape up or ship out. And if she ships out, you will be in a much stronger position to find someone else.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Don't know how legal stuff work in your country but here what I would do. Cut the funds, cut the freakin funds. I mean she is a stay at home mom. You have full control over the money and from what I get it's why she is keeping you around. If you don't want to give her she won't get anything. And then if she is the one asking for divorce you can claim that she was cheating and ask the custody of the kids. She should get nothing that way.

          [–]locomotronn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Man this really sucks for you, I am 19 but I am already thinking of vasectomy cause of shit like this..

          What is OPs best option I am curious? He seems to not be able to move the money anywhere.

          Wouldnt it be better to just spend all the money now and have the time of your life than lose it to her when you get a divorce? Not a fact just a question

          [–]AlphaAccountant 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          I'm not sure how feasible this is.

          What about waiting till the kids are taken care of and leaving the country?

          You obviously need to have some money put away. And skills that are easily employable elsewhere. But basically, your pre-retirement could be in a jurisdiction that doesn't have an extradition treaty with the USA.

          The big negative here are that you most likely won't be able to ever come back, and see your kids. But it's an option worth thinking about. Especially if you can ruin your wife's reputation, your children may be open to accepting the truth and keeping contact/coming to visit you from time to time.

          [–]autowikibot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Extradition law in the United States:

          Extradition law in the United States is the formal process by which a fugitive found in the United States is surrendered to another country or state for trial or punishment. For foreign countries the process is regulated by treaty and conducted between the Federal Government of the United States and the government of a foreign country. The process is considerably different from interstate extradition, or interstate rendition, as mandated by Article 4, Section 2, Clause 2 of the United States Constitution.

          Image i

          Interesting: Extradition | Political offence exception | Extradition law in the Philippines | Harok family murder

          Parent commenter can toggle NSFW or delete. Will also delete on comment score of -1 or less. | FAQs | Mods | Magic Words

          [–]AnarchyBurger101 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Maybe go off on a trip to "find yourself" say, Thailand, Australia, Argentina, Peru, and maybe forget to come back home at some point. Oh yeah, and clean out the bank account on the day that you leave. :D

          It's an EXTREME pain in the ass for someone to divorce you for abandonment when you're out of the country. And even worse, to determine alimony payments, child support, or serve a summons to appear when someone is in a jungle teaching dink dinks to build solar arrays, and digital communication networks and has no verifiable source of income, or proof of life for that matter. :D

          [–]slurmfactory 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          That sounds awful but to each his own. how is that a marriage?

          [–]Wrong_Opinion 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          Have you considered leaving the country?

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          No. I have children.

          [–]Dark397 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          My friend, a lot of great advice in the comments. Also look into some good asset protection lawyers, they could guide you how to set your existing wealth in a manner that reduces her chances of fucking you up.

          [–]thelotusknyte 0 points1 point  (12 children)

          What would happen if you just didn't pay? Would you go to jail?

          [–]1oldredder 1 point2 points  (11 children)

          not even an option: any money says a judge can have your wages garnished at the source so you'll never see the money to not pay.

          [–]thelotusknyte 0 points1 point  (10 children)

          OK I see that, what's your profession/skill?

          Edit: cuz I got an idea

          [–]1oldredder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          The longer you stay the worse it will get. May as well get out now.

          I can only say swinging can't lead to a reliable marriage.

          OR... you can give zero shits about her, act like there is no marriage and fuck all the women you want, even in front of her because she deserves no respect whatsoever.

          [–]NSA_web_spider 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          You will be amazed how fast 7 years goes by.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          A lot of states have clauses for adulterous parties which makes it hard if not impossible for them to receive alimony. Document yourself NOT being OK with it and her doing it anyway, and there ya go.

          [–]trpsavedme[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Not my state. Verified by two attorneys. I also looked up what they told me and confirmed. Adultery is not considered for alimony. Not considered at all in my state unless the children were ever in harms way. Thankfully, they were never in danger.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I've seen a lot of comments telling you to hide cash.

          This is a bad idea. If her lawyers find it in a divorce, you're going to get screwed.

          The only way out of this is:

          1. get her to get her own job so that she is financially independent of you.

          2. stick it out with her, as your slutty "roommate" till all your kids move out. (i.e. kick your kids out at 18)

          3. sell the house, split the cash, and ditch the bitch.

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