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Relationship issue because of my girlfriend's past. Asked r/relationships how to save my relationship and got flamed for slut shaming. (self.asktrp)

submitted by gordonramsey5

Here is my original post to that joke of a sub before they locked it for very clearly expressing my views towards women who casually have sex with men outside of relationships.

"I've been dating my girlfriend for about a year and a half. We never talked about past partners or previous sexual encounters despite her trying to because I knew they would bother me. But one day while she was out, I was looking on a bookshelf and found a note of hers, that had every sexual partner she'd ever had. Dates, times, details and descriptions, the works. She had only lost her virgnity about 2 years before dating me, but it was to a random person she met on Tinder. She dated him for about 4 months. Between then and meeting me, she had sex with about 20 people. 15 of which were in less than a year, leading up to meeting me. During this time she had had multiple casual sex hookups with guys from tinder. Guys she met at parties and slept with that night. Sleeping with multiple guys in the same time frame. Then to top it all of she had a train ran on her at party after she went just to have sex with an ex who invited her; barely even any time at all before meeting me. The details had things about who was the best, who had the biggest dick, which ones were jerks, which ones she'd fuck again, how she loved fucking black guys because of the skin contrast and taboo. How hot some of them and the sex were. I've only had a handful of partners in my life, the majority being in relationships. She views sex as just something fun, whereas I see it as a bonding experience and something that should only be shared between 2 loving people. And now all I see is her getting a train ran on her at a party, having multiple people inside her in just a few hours, and its not only disgusting to me, it goes against everything I view sex as. I believe in the partner-to-partner one-on-one thing, not just letting whoever wants it take it. Before I found all this, I loved her 100%, but after finding it, it feels like something has broken. It hasn't been the same since. I wanted to break up with her that night, but I didn't. Because I know outside of all these things I do love her and if she hadn't done any of these things she would be perfect for me. We've talked about it multiple times, and she seems to not regret any of it yet says she wishes she could take it back if I could love her 100% again. She's cried every time we've talked, saying she's sorry and she doesn't know how to fix it, she's not that person anymore, even if it was hot for her then it isn't now that she's with me, etc. And I feel bad, but I just don't see how she couldn't think of any of this before doing it. I want to be with her, but I feel like this is the hole that's going to slowly sink our ship. Is there a way to fix this?"

You can also view my comment history if you want to read my replies and thoughts or the entire thread itself.

I genuinely want to know if there is a way to save my relationship or if it will not be worth it to try and salvage it. All relationshits did was have women tell me to leave because they wanted to defend a woman for 'exploring her sexuality' in an effort to validate their own promiscuity.

I know most people here might also tell me to leave, but based on most comments I've already gotten and my experience with women in general, I feel like leaving my girlfriend who I otherwise have a perfect relationship with, is only going to be exchanged for women with even worse pasts and poor judgement calls.

In search of somewhere to get advice where I wouldn't just get flamed by slutty women to defend another slutty woman, someone messaged me to attempt a post here. So I'll ask you guys, is there a way to overcome this or is this relationship that I really, really do not want to lose, doomed to fail?

Update: So my plan for now is to keep her but stay as emotionally unattached as I can. I don't think I'll ever be able to move past this, but at least this way I'll have a girl while I find someone better or until she gives me another red flag to leave, hopefully the former. Thank you guys for your advice. Its probably not going to last much longer as I'm losing my interest in her with every day.


[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger 141 points142 points  (0 children)

You made a girlfriend out of a fuck-only chick.

Fix that.

[–]onmyownpath 58 points59 points  (13 children)

BRO - Train...at a PARTY

It's not like she hooked up and had a threeway with friends. She was fucked by a group of guys at a party. Goddamn.

There are two things here:

1) You are a pussy and she knows it. This is a little slut-bag of a woman. This woman WANTS to be USED and DOMINATED. She enjoys being a fuck toy. But - I don't think you have what it takes to get there for her.

2) You either need to start setting up more exciting sexual situations or she WILL cheat on you eventually. After a few years of you being a boring pussy, she will cuck you with other men.

There is no win for you here. Either way she eventually cheats. One thing I can say for certain, you need to up your SMV big time.

[–]InformalCriticism 20 points21 points  (1 child)

I'll come at this a little bit less conventionally.

I'll just assume you haven't read up on TRP, but I have to use some of the vernacular.

If somehow this woman is perfect for you, which she isn't, then you have to understand she isn't perfect for you right now - in her sexual prime. You have to wait for her to hit what we call "the wall" after she has ridden the "cock carousel".

I can't promise she won't have any STDs or a couple of kids by then, but at least she will be desperate enough to settle down with you, right?

Now, look at yourself, do you think you deserve those leftovers? I can tell you this, if you try to make it work, I mean, even that phrase is just absurd if you're talking about relationships; if you have to make it work it doesn't work! And the alternative is that she cheats and sneaks around on you while you blissfully work to make a positive life for you both. Maybe she turns on you when she finds someone more exciting and legally eviscerates you, takes your children and your home if you're foolish enough to sire offspring with her.

I mean, how bad does your self esteem have to be to subject yourself to that much risk and that much torment? Women in their sexual prime will fuck men between the ages of 18 to 40. You have over a decade, I'm assuming, to reach your relationship goals.

Look, I tell junior guys in my career fields this piece of advice whenever I can, "never get involved in a relationship, romantically, until you can do so while you are entirely financially stable." Roughly detailed, that means don't let her move in with you, don't get her used to you buying everything for her, don't get her diamonds (ever), just be as independent as you can before ever touching a long term relationship. You need to realize that there are women who will throw themselves at an accomplished man. If you're not that good looking or out of shape, start fixing that, and just tell yourself every day "it's okay to be lonely for a few years", because that's how long it takes to become a stud.

Most of these guys who are offending you and pissing you off, telling you that you can't handle this woman... They're absolutely right, but I prefer talking to you outside the TRP box, because TRP transcends the visceral language that gets fired off around here. The reality is that you're just ignorant of the true nature of women, and you've been lied to your whole life growing up, same as all of us.

I think your first and biggest obstacle right now is you think there's something special about this girl. You're fucking wrong. There is nothing special about this girl, and the sooner you realize this, the sooner you can start thinking clearly about your own well being.

If you hang on to this girl, I promise you your life will be hell for the next 7 years, give or take. She'll find someone she thinks is better than you. Maybe she'll come back after she gets tired of that alpha dick. She is a morally bereft hedonist, and you think this is just something you can "fix"? Get the fuck out of here, man. Stop treating yourself like a fucking asshole and have some standards in your life.

The first step to communicating this is ending that god-awful relationship.

As long as you are in this LTR AFTER learning her dirty little secret, she will think less of you. The logic here is that you say you won't tolerate it, but your actions speak louder, brother; you are teaching her there are no consequences for her previous behavior. If you don't leave her, she will walk all over you, maybe inch by inch, maybe brick by brick she'll knock you down, but she will treat you like trash if you don't leave her. You have given her the only thing she wants from you, and that's commitment. By not leaving her, you're telling her that there's nothing she can do to make you leave her, and the sooner you do that, the more respect she will have for you.

It's fucked up. Welcome to life.

[–]hawkeaglejesus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This comment should be its own post. ♂

[–]knightSwolaire 18 points19 points  (0 children)

OP please update us when you have dumped her.

[–][deleted] 36 points37 points  (9 children)

She's a whore, not a housewife. Your disgust has merit.

Check out this post by tits_out The Art of Whore

And since you went to relationships, you should probably read all of this too

[–]gordonramsey5[S] 7 points8 points  (8 children)

One of the problems I'm seeing though is that they all seem to be whores and that there are no housewives.

[–]1TopTRP 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Sure, all women have the same general set of tendencies, that's why we use the term AWALT.

Given the right circumstances, a woman's behavior tends towards certain predictable actions.

Having said that, there are plenty of women who DO manage to limit their sexual partners to men they are in committed relationships with rather than getting train run on them at parties.

Your girlfriend is broken dude. She is unfit for a committed relationship and your gut is telling you that. The feeling is not going to go away so LISTEN TO IT.

There are 3.5 billion women out there. Find someone who lines up more with your values.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

They ain't all this caliber of whore, buddy. Trust me.

You of all people, with really high sex standards, happen to get with a truly huge slut. And now you are questioning your next move?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Out of the beautiful women out there I'd say it's about 50/50 or maybe 60/40 or 40/60 as the case may be.

You need to re-train your eyes. The typical male-eye is inappropriately trained to see slutty before classy. Class is defined as "energy on reserve" or maybe "character on reserve." Slutty doesn't have any reserves.

So another problem is you're likely putting yourself in places where you're going to meet slutty and not classy. This is why slutty-ass whores seems like all you see.

Sluts expect to be able to manipulate the shit out of men solely based on showing flesh or rubbing up against you or any physically seductive move. They're beautiful and they expect you to crack under their beauty. Don't. Sure, they'll skip you and move along to a blue pill guy - but who cares? She'll shower him with delights at the price of misery. And then she'll hit the wall. And when she does she sure as hell won't be your problem.

If you can't say no to sluts, your life is going to be hell.

[–]thebrandedman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Location and timing. You can find girls less used than this. There are whores, and then there's dirty whores. This girl is a dirty whore. Any girl who has a train run on her at a party is not relationship material. You deserve better, and you should go get it.

[–]RedPillN00B 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They aren't, no matter how hard this forum tries to convince you of it. Whether you choose to stay with one because you believe that absurdity is your choice.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (2 children)

That's the MGTOW route - a dangerous path to flabby man tits, dry spells that may or may not end (they won't), video games and whining about how women are evil. Take the high road - read the subject matter, learn the basics, improve yourself, understand women and how to deal with them and then move onto bigger and better things.

[–]mechdemon -5 points-4 points  (1 child)

aw, the monkey doing his dance at the pussy pedestal is so cute.

OP, it was said earlier in the thread: You can't turn a ho into a housewife. Either start treating her like a ho or hard next her. These are your options.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This guy is MGTOW in a nutshell - no hobbies but gaming, women are evil creatures and anyone who enjoys sex is a slave to pussy. Right Henry?

[–]notmyusualreddit 11 points12 points  (3 children)

I've been on tinder for years now and had my share of goofy chick's having their fun. I go along with it and we exchange stories.. and especially when you joke and ask about slutty things "their friends" have done, then you really hear some shit.

But your chick is a contender for a top slut award. Those are not all that common of things, especially not for 1 or 2 years.

Has the average 32 year old cc rider had a 3some? Ya most. Have most 32 yr olds had a train of random buddies ran through them? No. And somehow yours did it all in a year.

She is a unique case OP. Move on. I wouldn't even try to get any depraved bs out of her during the goodbye sex.. she's going to shoot you down and it's going to hurt you even more.

[–]JourneymanTRP 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I once met a girl who actually willingly told me the story about these 3 mexican dudes she banged in a row and how they each were outside waiting and taking their turns and then the 4th guy came in but he was extremely old and saggy so she drew the line there.

[–]sd4c 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Has the average 32 year old cc rider had a 3some? Ya most. Have most 32 yr olds had a train of random buddies ran through them? No.

And this CC rider is only 20 years old.

[–]hobohunter24 9 points10 points  (1 child)

And every woman who does the same will agree with you for their own sake but the statistics of successful marriage rates for high partner count women say all that needs to be said. Disagree with me for not wanting to buy the cow when everyone else got milk for free all you want but you can't disagree with facts and numbers.

No matter what you end up doing, you are the fucking man for saying this on a sub like r/relationships. Holy shit, props to you. Currently at -9 points. Lol.

Also, I've been banned from that sub on two different accounts, including this one. Wonderful place.

[–]BestSC86 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I got banned for a month on that disaster of a website for disagreeing with a horde of women whom were telling a young dude asking for advice on meeting quality women during the day that under no circumstances should he EVER approach a women except in a bar or club or after introduction by her friends.

The comment which brought the house down was a simple comment saying that seemed horrible advice since there is no way in hades that every relationship in the world started in a bar fueled by booze. Especially since there is a fairly large contingent of women in most towns and cities whom hardly ever go to those places except on rare occasions.

The harpy which initiated the banning claimed that approaching a women outside of those venues was tantamount to rape....(she later admitted during discussion that she had had several failed marriagesLTRs but now had found her BB). Of course, pointing out that perhaps choosing her mates while drunk was probably what lead to so many failures didn't help the situation much.

[–]jcrpta 17 points18 points  (6 children)

You, dear chap, have one-itis.

You have found yourself a girlfriend and a little voice in the back of your mind is saying "don't lose her don't lose her don't lose her".

That little voice has convinced you that your girlfriend farts rose petals, which I promise you she doesn't.

That voice is borne out of a fear that you'll never get laid if you lose her.

The thing that's upsetting you is that since reading that note, another voice has piped up. A voice that says "Whoah, hold up, what sort of a girl are you dating here?". And try as you might, you can't ignore that voice, even though you're terrified that listening to it means (at most) dumping her; (at least) progressing very very slowly and carefully, with half an eye on the exit if she shows the slightest hint of getting bored and fucking someone else.

The biggest irony is that if any voice causes this relationship to collapse, it'll be the "don't lose her" voice. That voice will tell you to do anything to keep her. It'll tell you to buy her flowers, chocolate, and if necessary lie through your teeth, telling her that it doesn't bother you when you both know it does. Chances are she'll see right through all this and it'll scare her off. And if she doesn't see right through it, it'll eat you up inside until the resentment boils over unpredictably.

The bad news is that you will never be able to view your relationship - certainly with this girl, very possibly all relationships for the rest of your life - in the same way. Accept this, it's the new normal.

The good news is that you've learned a salutary lesson; one that a lot of men either never learn, or they learn after ten years of a miserable marriage. Women will quite happily have sex if an opportunity that's up to their standard presents itself, and they will seldom lose sleep over the number of partners they've had.

[–]gordonramsey5[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children)

I'm not afraid I won't get laid, I'm afraid they are all the same. Sleeping with everyone I mean. I get not all of them would be ok with having a train ran on them ubt I feel like after I get out of college its going to be slim chances of finding any girl who didn't do casual hookups/arent in double digit partner counts.

I do have the don't lose her voice, partly because before knowing these things about her, I loved her 100% and our relationship was great. And then something just broke. I wanted to genuinely see if there was anything that could patch that hole but I don't think there is one. So yes, I am afraid that I am going to lose a girl that is otherwise perfect for me just to swap her out for a girl that does gangbangs instead of trains.

Atleast in my defense, no I won't be buying her any chocolate and teddy bears, and have even expressed my disgust at her and refuse to dispute my standards by telling her that its ok.

[–]knightSwolaire 11 points12 points  (0 children)

"otherwise perfect." dude listen to yourself. she's a big time slut. its over.

[–]jcrpta 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not afraid I won't get laid, I'm afraid they are all the same. Sleeping with everyone I mean.

On the whole, they are.

There are exceptions. Many women find they battle with their weight at some point in their life; some have already started that battle. They will be exceptions.

Some women fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. They will be exceptions.

Some women will be lazy with contraception and have kids at a young age. They will be exceptions - or at least, they will be once they get preggers.

You'll note that pretty well all the exceptions are women whose opportunities are drastically reduced. That isn't a coincidence.

[–]aznredpill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bro, ur golden. u have no idea

If ur still in college atm, you can still find someone legit during or shortly after college. All you gotta do is approach girls that are quiet, studious, and conservatively dressed. If you graduate, you still have a couple years to go back to campus and "speak to a mentor professor about career stuff" and approach girls.

You have it so good.

[–]Askeiu 0 points1 point  (1 child)

For fuck's sake dude, just break up with her. Don't make her miserable. Your views on sex are different, but she's not wrong. She doesn't deserve to have the partner she loved and supported degrade and insult her because of his personal hangups.

You're not "right." She's not "right." You're incompatible. No need to be a dick to this girl.

[–]mksu 2 points3 points  (0 children)

found the cuck

[–]nastynickdr 6 points7 points  (4 children)

Do you plan on marrying her? Having kids with her? If yes, thats the kind of behaviour you expect from the mother of your kids? The role model for your kids? If you knew your mom did what your gf did, what would you think of her?

Mommy, how did you meet daddy?

Oh, mommy was in a proccess of discovering herself, having sex with countless random men she met on the same day, but your father, number 28, ah he was so special...

[–]gordonramsey5[S] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

I did plan on it before I found all this out, and I had the exact thoughts you've just outlined. I don't see at all how I can be 'special' if its something she just gave up to every guy she's met, or how being in a monogamous relationship can be special to someone who's let multiple people fuck her in one night.

All relationships sub did was tell me I was an idiot, and 100 slutty women told me they are perfectly capable of still having passionate, emotionally bonding sex with their current SO/100th 'special' partner.

[–]nastynickdr 12 points13 points  (2 children)

You feel like a fool, because you feel like you are paying a high price for something cheap. You are the one comitting, marrying, having to put up with drama, family problems and all that crap, risking losing 50% of your assets, while others just enjoyed the good part.

How would you feel if you paid $10000 for something that everyone else paid $10?

But in the end, its your decision. You either accept it, or you dont. Its your decision to make, and you dont need to explain it to her or to anyone. Dont discuss it with her, try to "make her see your point of view", it wont change anything. She cant, she just did what she "felt" it was right, and since she is faithful to her feelings, she is right and you are wrong. Either way, never stop improving yourself, be the highest quality man you can be. (among other things, a high quality man values his commitment, a high quality woman values what she has between her legs)

[–]Serrano- 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You mean how would he feel paying $1000000 for something that everyone else got for $0.

[–]sd4c 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How would you feel if you paid $10000 for something that everyone else paid $10?

This. Break up with her, then see if she will let you keep sexing her without having to talk to her, take her on dates, not be exclusive, etc like the other guys. If she won't, then she values them more, and you are the chump paying 1000x more in time and emotional investment, than they did.

If she will, then she can be your friend again. A "best friend", as you say, wouldn't charge his buddy the same price for a ride downtown. Right now, by staying exclusive to her, you are kinda saying you don't mind paying extra. Let your best friend know you don't wanna pay full price, and if he lets you have a few rides, give him the money.

[–]rpogami 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The whole train thing is utterly revolting to me to me too. You should end the relationship.

[–]ColmM36 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can't give any advice that either hasn't been given already, or can top what's already here, but condolences. Similar situation recently, all I could think about was my girl being gangbanged casually, loving every second of it, etc.. I started to lose my mind. But you can't fix this. Can't make a housewife out of a ho.

Since then, I've spun plates, not got too invested with any one chick. Things aren't the same. I'll never have a relationship like I did, and as much as it saddens me, it's what I have to do to protect myself.

Anyway, I'll leave you with a Charles Bukowski quote that doesn't help any, but let's you know that you're not the first to feel this way.

"I want so much that is not here, and do not know where to go. "

[–]knightSwolaire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No regrets on her part. She's riding the CC, the cock carousel. Don't be the beta bucks boyfriend here. She'll not hesitate to get gangbanged again should the opportunity arise.

Dump her immediately. Nothing worth saving here.

[–]Docbear64 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I mean you've heard she's a whore about 53 times in this thread so no need for me to repeat but let's really look at what you're asking OP. You love / loved an image of your girlfriend that wasn't true. yes you enjoyed her personality but had you known she was as sexually adventurous as you found out she is you would have never got into a long term relationship with her like you have .

the pain doesn't come from the fact she is sexually adventurous , it comes from realizing the person you loved or image you had of the person you love was a fabrication .

No she didn't lie to you but as you express here her sexual history / perspective is in direct contrast with yours.

My suggestion would be leave her not because of her sexual past but because you can't unread the shit you have read. will you be able to wipe the idea of another guy fucking her out of your head? will you be able to contain your jealousy if she is looking in a black guys direction a tad too long for your comfort? Will you think about how she's hard other guys fuck her harder and dirtier than she has with you ?

Don't think about her for a second think about yourself, is staying in a relationship with her good for YOU ? Because if you lie to yourself and say things are ok when you start having little pissy arguments and feel insecure every time you see her you will be imprisoning yourself in an uncomfortable relationship and you will grow to resent her .

Do what's best for you , she pursued the life she wanted and got what she desired so you should do the same. And don't entertain that bullshit that perhaps you're " Giving up on the perfect woman because of a minor flaw" that comes from not understanding that women are a dime a dozen , you absolutely can find someone else who makes you just as happy, and your current relationship has been fractured , you learned to vet your next girl a little better.

It's not comfortable / happy advice but you have to be Honest with yourself .

[–]4D6N2 2 points3 points  (1 child)

There is no fixing it. That's girl talk for a girl's thought. You are entering into her frame. You can't "fix" past actions. You can't "fix" a slutty partner. You can only choose whether to associate with them - which your (healthy, rational) instinct toward self respect will not allow you to do in good conscience. So here's how you fix it: follow your instinct and drop the bitch. She isn't sorry she did it. She's sorry you found out. For 99% of women's lives, there are no consequences for their dogshit decisions. Sounds like your snowflake never thought being a shameless whore would effect her life aside from allowing her to taste dozens of flavors of cock. It's time for you to change that. Ignore the puppy dog eyes and tears. And when she tries to use sex to rope you back in, I hope your self respect causes you to feel the same disgust you felt when you read her list of cocks she's taken. Go fourth, and do what must be done. And welcome to TRP. I wish you a fulfilling and speedy path to RP actualization.

[–]sd4c 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ignore the puppy dog eyes and tears

Someone remorseful will do something to make amends. Such as offer you to know her whereabouts at all times, move, publicly acknowledge her misdeeds, or to pay for a therapist. She won't do any of this, because she's not really sorry.

[–]RedPillAccount69 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey if you break up with her PM me her number in case I'm passing through town.

[–]MOCKxTHExCROSS 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How did you stack up compared to the 20 other dudes on the list?

  • Were you the best?
  • Or are you just the only one who hasn't left yet?

[–]michael_wilkins 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Look on the bright side, you got lucky, you were the first to freak out about her past.

If she'd had a boyfriend in the past do the same, you would never know.

Finding a Girl that has the same views on sex as you, and has always had those views, will be very difficult.

[–]mksu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yea just imagine if she was a bit self aware, she would probably drag OP into 10 years of marriage and kids and let him think she had 3 long term boyfriends before him until she cucked him with the black coworker.

[–]mksu 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You even asking what you should do shows that you are attached to her, I don't even blame you, one and a half years is some time already.

Just get rid of her and move on with your life, none of this hamstering about keeping her just for sex bullchit. You don't need a fucking crutch. Do it fast and clean.

[–]DevilishRogue 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You already know the answer, you've just come here for justification.

[–]Apexk9 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You already know the answer.

If you get married have kid's and the sex dries up what will you think? If she gets some big black coworker how you gonna feel when she works late knowing that the workplace cheating taboo layers on the black taboo will make her pussy wetter then Niagara Falls?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"She's cried every time we've talked, saying she's sorry and she doesn't know how to fix it, she's not that person anymore, even if it was hot for her then it isn't now that she's with me, etc. And I feel bad, but I just don't see how she couldn't think of any of this before doing it. I want to be with her, but I feel like this is the hole that's going to slowly sink our ship. Is there a way to fix this?""

She regrets you found out. Also, it is very convenient to say she is different now. If she is, then why did she keep these notes to look over later.

This is all bullshit from her. It all happened within a short time before you met her. She is still a slut. Sorry.

[–]byers18901 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's time to move on man. After that bit of shenanigans you might be ready for MGTOW.

At any rate I am terribly sorry to hear about that. And your girl.

It sounds like she is a nympho. Some girls once they turn it on have a damn near impossible time turning it off.

Again I'm sorry to hear about your situation. If it were me, I'd bail. You can't go LTR with a girl like that. It is too big an opportunity to get hurt. I imagine you hurt a lot already. But imagine if she cheats on you in a year or two or right before you pop the question.

You should really considering severing the loss here. Wishing you the best man.

[–]McCoop_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not sure if you are still reading responses, you can do better than this chick. You won't forget about this, it will bother you and mess with your relationship. "Am I satisfying her at all in bed?", "Will she look somewhere else to find satisfaction?" There are better girls out there - probably not on tinder. Regardless you may need to step up your bedroom game to help solidify the relationship with the better girl when you find her.

You had plenty of answers before you posted here, and you knew what we would say. Your gut is telling you something and you already know what you want to do so do it. Break up.

[–]aznredpill 1 point2 points  (0 children)

please for the love of fucking god read everything in the sidebar.

[–]rp_phoenix 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She has zero respect for you. You should've ended the relationship the moment you discovered that note.

[–]claptilley 1 point2 points  (0 children)

1) By being here. By asking these questions. You are opening a blunt can of worms. These blunt and strong worded responses are the stark reality you want to ignore. This is your gut feeling. You have a choice to call us dicks or you could listen. Read the sidebar. Realise no one is going to say what you want to hear. I will purchase you a copy of "The Rational Male". Message me your address. 2) By dating her, you are telling yourself this is what you are worth. The negative feelings you have are the desire to be worth more. It's excruciating. These guys won't tell ya that. The reality that I'm a bitch. But since accepting that. My real journey began. Hit the gym. Lay the video games down and read. Learn stoicism. Then incorporate it.

Do it for you. Love yourself enough to not settle. Good luck.

[–]WillWorkForLTC 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No kids? No? Then GTFO before you raise someone else's.

[–]muddynips 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The fact that she not only made a sexual checklist, but felt the need to keep it after dating you for over a year tells you everything you need to know. She may be "perfect" besides being a slut, but to her you are a journal entry.

Normally I'd say yea, continue to fuck her as you emotionally detach, but she's capable of some seriously high-risk sexual behavior. How much you value your dick is really up to you.

[–]CRAIBaby 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're a smart guy (I don't give that compliment much, but I can see it from your posts). I'm sure you're going to figure it out. Just do not underestimate your emotions and your inner hamster.

Read TRP, think things through, take things with a grain of salt. Then read more. Read books, live, experience. Filter out the Real. Be ready to change your entire view about life and your own existence.

Feel free to PM me for advice, I like smart people.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You committed to a slut, fix up fool. They criticise you because they're all sluts who know they made the same mistake. The girl you're dating sounds like a girl you'd fuck and chuck, as all those guys evidently did before you

[–]blackhawks93 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bro the secret is don't make a big deal out of partner count. Now she will try to lie to the next guy about her number.

[–]Snooze212 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thing is man, in this day and age, it wouldn't suprise me if the MAJORITY of women had done stuff like this... and worse. Everyone reading this right now who has a GF or exes etc. they could have just not told you about this stuff and been really fucking filthy in their past. You'll never, ever know. I say have a good time with her, but game other women saaan.

[–]quicklogaccount 1 point2 points  (3 children)

/u/gordonramsey5
Dude, I've faced a very similar issue. Too many comments here, hope you read it.

I'll start by the end of it. There is no way out of being disgusted by it. It won't ever fade, it won't ever go away. Your relationship is doomed, you'll never be as connected to her as you were (or you'll hurt yourself trying to until you eventually build some emotional barriers to prevent further damage or pain, the kind of barrier that will make you damaged goods).

The issue with RP lies with accepting it's premises without understanding it's goals. The goal here is making you break up with her. To make the goal easier for you to achieve we'll tell you she's a whore, which might not be true (although you have a very compelling case of one in your hands). Whether she is a whore or not, whether she's good or not, it won't change the fact you should end it.

Your disgust might be rooted in a tonne of things. On your difference of morals, on some underlying insecurity, on some fears, on your past, maybe she's not being a good partner and you have an obsessive personality prone to see all the issues in one place and be blind to the rest, maybe you're a pussy and can't handle a gal with high drive. Whatever.
The core here is, it doesn't matter, for this time and moment, what is causing your disgust. Whatever it is, your relationship is doomed. It might be by your fault, hers, or maybe no one is to blame. But you gotta end it.

Don't take me wrong, you NEED to do some self figuring out and find it, it's a weakness you should get rid of it. But you won't possibly be able to do it while in a relationship with either the cause or a totem to your disgust. Don't try, it's not one of those cases where you might be the first man to manage to pull it through. The right thing to do while in a relationship is trying to make it work and to do it you'll need to walk in the opposite direction of figuring yourself out, at least for a moment. Sorry dude, the goals incompatible.
Some men feel that they managed to do both, but they've "left" the relationship by being emotionally distant or (inclusive or, they probably did both) cheating, which sux and makes them pussies that couldn't afford to end the relationship at the first place. And most likely, they just managed to make themselves damaged fellows who can't trust women nor connect with them.
Some other guys just accept they'll never figure themselves out and live a short life due to depression, live on anti depressants, or stuff like that. They get used to it, they repeat a mantra of "I'm happy", but they're walking corpses hoping a zombie apocalypse will give them their time to shine. Some have kids that they raise to have daddy issues, that stuff.

It's better for her if you make the decision now, because you won't waste her PRIME time, and for you, because it'll spare you from suffering, possible stalling your improvement and inevitably either living on anti depressants or breaking up later.

For serious. End it.
The sensible way to end it is in a not very emotional moment, after the crisis has ended (it won't be over for you, you'll pretend it is), you sit her down, tell her it's not working for you because you're stagnant and you don't see a future together, even though the present is nice (it won't be, you'll lie). Don't mention going no contact.
It has to be around her peers so they can support her. After it, you don't contact her. When she reaches out to you, and she will, you tell her, even though it hurts (you might be feeling relief though, in which case you will be lying, but I guess it'll be painful for you) you are sure it was the right decision and you need to give each other some time and space.

[–]Ratcheta 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I like your approach to this. The bandaid rip of calling her a whore and telling him to dive out may work on some, but that's a great way to get bitter over it and more easily give up on subsequent attempts at other relationships. This may be long and drawn out, but it allows the whole range of emotions so he can leave being satisfied that this girl was not really for him and he can easily find another once he figures himself out.

[–]quicklogaccount 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've overstretched my own relationship because it turns out she's not a whore, but the relationship was still doomed.
I should have heard this advice. I took six of her prime years, and she stepped the gas right to an early wall some years ago because she felt she'd be able to bring us together (lock me) doing so.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good comment.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh my god, OP sorry you wifed a disgusting whore

[–]DotishGuy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Get an STD test bro

Nothing good ever comes from a girl who had a train run on her.

[–]HarleyWalker 2 points3 points  (0 children)

black guys

On top of everything else, fucking run.

[–]joshuatipps 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I understand your fear mentioned earlier that you won't be able to get a girl that doesn't have a sexual past that disturbs you in some way. Believe me when I say, AWALT, but some women are better than others. Please, for me, don't do this to yourself. This women I'm sure is fun, and have your fun, but think about your future. Do you want the mother of your kids to be that kind of women? I am probably the biggest supporter of forgiving a girls past trp has ever seen, and yet, that doesn't mean you should abandon reason. Actions still have consequences. This woman has betrayed you in her own way.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The fact you're making this post says a lot. Leave her. You're young and don't need to be in a relationship.

[–]RXRob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are only two types of women in the world. Those that you fuck, and those that you marry.

[–]huge_gap 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Welcome.

[–]prodigy2throw 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been on this sub way too long to believe that shit? How these guys always randomly stumbling onto their girls hoeish ways by "accident"?

Either y'all dating some lazy as liars or its all trolls

[–]itsbooming 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like Op needs to step up to the plate and marry that woman.

It's going to be one hell of a bachelorette party :)

All jokes aside, OP do you have any Sicilian grand father's?

[–]SneakyTouchy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Men don't get advice from that sub. They get shame with the intent to conform weak men.

You're right. People with habits rarely ever break away. Whether it be weight, smoking, drinking or blowing dick out of dependency, they can stop for a while and be a good girlfriend for a year but they usually always fall back to their old ways.

A person is their past, and you will eventually be hers. Keep pulling for new girlfriends. The hunt never ends.

[–]sd4c 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the RL thread, you said:

I really don't see how it can mean anything at all to someone who can do it with multiple random guys in one night.

It can't. The reason you're hurt is because:

1) She's had a lot more sexual partners than you have
2) You equate sex with love, probably because it's a rarish commodity for you

The first one is hard to fix. It will take a lot of time to get to the partner count needed to become less invested in sex. But you can get there and it will help. Once you've bagged 20+ cute chicks, you'll feel a lot better about casual sex. You'll realize that her giving you sex isn't the big sacrifice of a relationship. Her spending money on you, doing nice things for you like cooking and giving massages, her being exclusive with you- that is the real gift. Sex doesn't mean much to most women, because it is so easy for them to get. They project this onto men, have a hard time understanding how hard it can be even for a decent guy to get laid sometimes. She literally can't understand your discomfort. A guy can. I do.

Stop equating sex with love. Or even words ("I love you") with love. Pay attention only to ACTIONS.

-Does she do nice things for you without being asked?
-Is she loyal to you emotionally (no guy friends)?
-Is she loyal to you sexually?
-Would she be willing to have children with you, without being legally married (marriage is presently an unfair agreement for a man)?

AWALT, so my suggestion is to build trust. There is only one way to do that: verify. Do your part of the realtionship. And give her amazing sex. But give her opportunities where some girls could/would lie. And find out for yourself, if it's true.

Often when a girl lies about where she is, it's not necessarily physical cheating, but just feeling another guy out for LTR material. But any lie, once verified to be a definite lie, is immediate terms for dismissal. Break up, don't contact her even as a plate until you have at least two more of equal value spinning away.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You didn't love the real her. You loved what you thought she was and what she presented herself to you as: a lie.

You are perfectly within your rights to not to want to be with someone with such divergent morals and view about sex. You will likely never get this out of your head or be able to trust her. I couldn't and I'd end it and not tell her why. Just ghost. No closure, no getting mad.

Here's the thing, being this promiscuous for a woman is stupid risky and indicates that she is likely a bit nuts. Also, since sex is no biggie to her, guess what? Sex with you really isn't a big deal either. Also, if she wants to cheat on you, then it isn't a big deal to her either.

Almost all men would feel the same. That gut instinct and feeling of disgust is there to protect us. It evolved. That is why it is so universal and strong.

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (3 children)

Either move on or get over it. She may very well not be the type of chick who would want black dudes to run a train on her anymore. It's a little ridiculous to assume that the fact she did it years ago means she still wants it. Especially if she's been with you awhile. People rarely change, but it does occur. I wouldn't bet on it though.

If I were you, I'd stay in the relationship assuming everything else is good but be wary for shit behavior or any other type of AWALT nonsense. Don't get too invested.

[–]gordonramsey5[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

My plan as of now was to keep her but try and stay emotionally unattached. I figure at least this way I'll still have a girl while I see if it's possible (but not likely) to move past this with her. And if I decide its not going to happen with time, or she gives me any other red flags, or what I would mostly want to happen, I find someone better, I'll just leave her right then.

[–]graffix13 2 points3 points  (0 children)

or she gives me any other red flags

There is NO OTHER bigger red flag than this. None. Sounds like you're just making excuses to stick around.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This chick is a little bit like someone who abuses hardcore drugs. Some swear off it and never use again. They eventually beat the cravings and become a functioning adult. But judging by the drug and drug rehab industries, ALOT of them don't. They'll always have the cravings and eventually cave.

If you really love this girl, i'd tough it out for now. But be very wary of the cock carousel behaviors coming back (going out clubbing with the girls, being distant, lying ect).

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

while I find your views of sex rather prudish and frankly, unrealistic, this girl is definitely an over the top slut. I wouldn't want to try to settle down with a slut of her caliber, that's for sure. There are lines we have to draw in life lol

[–]0kool74 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Hmmmmm.............I don't know about the rest of you but this reeks of a troll post to me. It's like a repackaged version of Rollo's Saving The Best post. However, in the event you're not a troll /u/gordonramsey5 .......

KILL YOURSELF!!!!!!! Yes....you read that right. Kill yourself. You are useless, pathetic, and totally worthless as a man from either a blue or red pill standpoint.

Then to top it all of she had a train ran on her at party after she went just to have sex with an ex who invited her; barely even any time at all before meeting me

The fact that you would even consider keeping someone around that did something like this.....you need to get your balls and your dick chopped off and turn tranny. You are not a man at all.

and if she hadn't done any of these things she would be perfect for me

But she DID do all these things. And yet your dumb ass is keeping her around. As soon as you saw all this, you should have dropped her like a hot potato.

In search of somewhere to get advice where I wouldn't just get flamed by slutty women to defend another slutty woman

Actually as pathetic as you are you deserved to get flamed by them.