55
56

Found gf of colleague on tinder, do I tell him? (self.asktrp)

submitted by awayverysoon2

Obviously I swiped left, though I took a screenshot of her profile before doing so. I’m not best friends with this guy, but we occasionnaly hang out. The guy has a big mouth, but becomes very tame when he talks to his gf on the phone (I’ve never seen her irl).

My fear is that by being the messenger of bad news, I’ll get associated with it causing my good intention to backfire. Besides, if he’s Infatuated by her, his mental gymnastic skills might be powerful enough to believe her potential bs explanation, putting the blame on me. Other than that, I respect the guy and I think he deserves to know (even tho I’m certain he’ll give me shit for being on Tinder)


[–]no_condoments 228 points229 points  (19 children)

Maybe say "Hey, I saw your ex on Tinder" or something like that. Then if he says "oh, we're still dating", you can just act awkward or confused and leave it alone.

[–]thisiswhyicant 73 points74 points  (5 children)

This would be the way to go if OP is worried about telling the guy the truth. Either way he deserves to know.

[–]lostbuthopefull 42 points43 points  (0 children)

genius haha. that couldn't not work

[–]RedHoodhandles 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Excellent machiavellian way of handling it.

[–]jackandjill22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Perfect.

[–]Whodatunkit -2 points-1 points  (5 children)

Worst advice ever. So what, are you now going to be the THOT police? Do you know how many guys and girls have signififucks on tinder? Lots of them. I find it creepy you even what to say anything. What other stuff are you meddling in? It's simple. Dont say a damn thing. Who the fuck cares? TRP explains this all. The fact you get the most upvotes is striking. So. Go ahead genius....be a white knight for the dude. When you get fucked over, eat it and enjoy it.

[–]Serious_Tour 15 points16 points  (3 children)

Worst advice ever. So what, are you now going to be the THOT police? Do you know how many guys and girls have signififucks on tinder? Lots of them. I find it creepy you even what to say anything. What other stuff are you meddling in? It's simple. Dont say a damn thing. Who the fuck cares? TRP explains this all. The fact you get the most upvotes is striking. So. Go ahead genius....be a white knight for the dude. When you get fucked over, eat it and enjoy it.

I'll bite. There was a thread on r/23andme where some girl found out her mom was a sloot. The point is we can either live in a world where 1-outta-10 random bros have your back or none do. All it takes to create such a world is 10% of men being honest and doing unto others as you'd wish others do unto you. :)

[–]Whodatunkit 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Her mom is not some coworker jack nobody. Your job is to improve your professional relationships. This guy dont mean shit to you. Why is it so hard for boys to see that. Men, know you dont stick your neck out for nobody because you're saving it for somebody. That somebody damn sure ain't this nobody.

[–]Serious_Tour 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Men, know you dont stick your neck out for nobody because you're saving it for somebody.

I agree with this part. I'm in the camp that recommends to message him anonymously. There's no reason to voluntarily get yourself into unnecessary drama. It's the truth that matters, not the white-knighting aspect.

[–]Mescalean 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This mans got it.

This everyone hug and circle jerk think isn’t the way of the world

[–]TopOccasion29 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agreed...OP should just keep it moving. If it was my best friend then i would let him know...but not a co-worker (Also keep in mind OP isnt close to the coworker and hasnt seen his gf irl)

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[deleted]

    [–]QuintonRammedMyPage 5 points6 points  (2 children)

    No need to bring excess drama into the situation. The goal is to just let the guy know that his girl is on tinder.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–]SlappaDaBayssMon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      It's about how much you're willing to risk yourself by doing so. It's the same reason you don't get physical with people on drugs.

      Like, have you ever had a boss who reacts poorly to bad news? Same type deal. He's already going out on a limb but getting involved.

      [–]a_crapybara 31 points32 points  (0 children)

      I think the reasons you've listed for being cautious are valid. I think you can go either way with this without losing any sleep, so I'd go with your gut on this one. When I was younger I'd probably let it slide. These days I'd probably tell him. G'luck and let us know what you decide.

      [–]TheLongerCon 54 points55 points  (2 children)

      Just send it to him anonymously. Especially since you took a screenshot, he’ll instantly know what’s up.

      [–]The_Redmen 13 points14 points  (1 child)

      Without OP saying anything and just sending the picture she could potentially make an excuse saying someone must have taken a screenshot a long time ago of her tinder and make a BS story up.

      [–]TheLongerCon 20 points21 points  (0 children)

      If he's stupid enough to believe that someone would do take a old screenshot of his girlfriends tinder and send it to him, he deserves to be cheated on.

      [–]latinasonly 23 points24 points  (1 child)

      simple.... "hey bro i saw your girl on tinder, i think you should know"

      say this coming from the frame of looking out for a brotha...

      ​don't trip if he gives you shit or gets insecure... hopefully in time he'll come around to our way of thinking.

      keep that frame rock solid and look out for your boys , homie

      [–]TopOccasion29 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      Isn't it best to ignore this particular situation. Op isnt close to the coworker and hasnt even seen his gf irl.

      [–]dontgiveupcarib 16 points17 points  (2 children)

      Anonymous email

      [–]ricoue 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      best option. write a short line or two explaining.

      [–]L1amas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Honestly just the screencap should be enough.

      [–]ThaBeaverCleaver 15 points16 points  (5 children)

      Are you sure she's active on Tinder though? Some people just never delete their profile.

      [–]KinkysMT 19 points20 points  (0 children)

      If you don't use it for one week (some people says two weeks) your profile is not shown anymore.

      [–]askmrcia 1 point2 points  (3 children)

      That's not an excuse. She can just delete her profile. Leaving it open whether she's on it or not is telling me she wants an instant insurance policy as soon as her current relationship goes south.

      [–]clausternn 1 point2 points  (2 children)

      Of course it's an excuse. It doesn't tell you what you said at all.

      That said, since as the other guy said inactive profiles aren't shown... in that case then yeah she's up to no good.

      [–]askmrcia 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      There's no proof that inactive profiles are shown or not. Just speculation.

      There's nothing stopping her from completely deleting her profile. It's left open for backup

      [–]clausternn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      What's "stopping her" is that people forget these things man. It's normal. Specially dumb girls. It's perfectly easy to just uninstall the app.

      An easy way to check this is to fake a model's tinder and try to match with her.

      [–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 15 points16 points  (0 children)

      MYOFB. This guy sounds like a beta herb and you work together. If this can in any way fuck up your life, then keep your mouth closed.

      [–]fashfront 26 points27 points  (0 children)

      Of course you tell him

      [–]bigfatdubsack 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      Colleague leave it or do it anonymous, if it's a close friend do tell them

      [–]KinkysMT 4 points5 points  (1 child)

      Tell him.

      When I was with my ex, I installed tinder to look for a 3rd girl for a threesome, had it installed for a week. A friend of my ex was in town for the weekend and looking for dicks, she didn't wait a second to take a screenshot of my profile and send it to my ex.

      [–]clausternn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Did you find the 3rd girl? That seems very difficult to do on tinder.

      [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorFieldLine 13 points14 points  (2 children)

      No, don't get involved in other people's business.

      I think he deserves to know

      He might not want to know.

      [–]latinasonly 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      OP doesn't need to get involved, he can just point out the girlfriend on tinder, and let the friend decide what hes gonna do from there.

      [–]FwoGiZ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      EXACTLY my thoughts.

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)

      [deleted]

      [–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock 4 points5 points  (1 child)

      Bro knighting is stupid. Another form of virtue signaling.

      [–]TopOccasion29 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Agreed

      [–]Batmanforreal2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      If you somewhat care for the guy, do it.

      [–]PR0JECT_XIII 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      Never be the bearer of bad news

      Play the perfect courtier.

      [–]Irtotallynotrobot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Keep in mind, dating websites tend to keep using people's dating profiles after they've uninstalled the app. Pumps up numbers. AWALT but no reason to jump to conclusions in a situation you have no stakes in.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

      [–]latinasonly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      wholeheartedly agree

      [–]furcryingoutloud 9 points10 points  (4 children)

      If it were me, I would ignore it. Each man has to learn for himself. It is not my job in life to warn anyone about their SO, girlfriend or hoe. Besides the fact that it can turn ugly for you, and you win nothing by doing it. Nothing. Better to act ignorant. That's just me though.

      [–]account_rp 7 points8 points  (2 children)

      This could be how he learns. I recommend telling him as it is the right thing to do and I would want to be informed in the same position.

      [–]furcryingoutloud 8 points9 points  (1 child)

      You see, you are correct as well. There really is no wrong answer. Both angles are debatable and neither is wrong. Each person has to choose his path on this and like I said before, I've got enough to worry about without worrying about gate keeping someone else's pussy. He chose her, he deals with it.

      Then again, you would be so surprised how many men will fight you over a woman's virtue and claim she's that special snowflake and you're just trying to tear them apart. She would never. Dude, just too much potential drama for me to even consider entering their world long enough to even just tell him.

      I'll buy him beers as he gets over her, or not, not my problem.

      [–]account_rp 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      You can't make the choice about the situation if you don't know what's going on.

      [–]uniquan -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      I share the same sentiments.

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Print the screenshots and mail/send him anonymously.

      [–]MisunderstoodAsian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      It's not your shit, so why do you have to wipe it up?

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

      [–]clausternn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      What's your story?

      [–]Xoramung 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      My fear is that by being the messenger of bad news, I’ll get associated with it causing my good intention to backfire.

      EXACTLY! don't do it.

      [–]M23W0OH7FV2t 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Sod all -- it is their business; not yours.

      [–]bikermonk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      He is wasting away his precious life with this girl. Id say you will do a huge favor to him if you tell him. You wanna do this personally or as an anon, thats upto you. But Id say please do it.

      [–]flatox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Just make a 10 minute mail and send him the screenshot, if you really feel like you should.

      [–]oristar223 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      dude. Don't meddle. You'll thank me later.

      [–]ChinmayT2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Not your job. Just avoid.

      [–]omega_dawg93 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      not your girl... not your problem.

      mind your damn business and worry about YOUR girl being on tinder (or not).

      if he can't manage his own affairs, it's not your job to inform him that his gf is searching for cock... it's his job to make sure his woman is acting respectful to him.

      [–]FwoGiZ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You don't know what their deal is. He's not your close friend. I would mind my own business.

      [–]bluechipmonk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      No man, don't bother. I know a lot of girls that have Tinder but they never use it.

      [–]Rollo_Mayhem3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      None of your business. Don't get mixed up in this. If it were your best friend(s) then they would know you're looking out but this guy is not a close friend and who knows what she's doing. Leave it alone.

      [–]EdvardMunch 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      A lot of girls delete the app thinking it deletes their profile; you sure its not that?

      [–]volvostupidshit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I thought Tinder only shows your profile if you are active on that moment?

      [–]oytrp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Cons: Dude gets pissed at you, calls you a liar, forger, jealous etc. Things get awkward at work

      Pros: ???? Maybe you feel good about yourself?

      [–]HurricaneHugues 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Shes gonna say that its because she never deleted it. Hes gonna believe her and will start avoiding you because everytime he will see you it will bring him bad feelings about the possibility of his princess being a whore. He might even hold a grudge against you.

      You dont have enough proof. You shouldve matched with her and smashed

      [–]Peter_B_Long 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Maybe she deleted the app when they got together but didn’t delete the account

      [–]yungbuster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Bruh i would just show him and walk away and say its none of my business if wants to talk about it, anyone who does otherwise is a fucking pussy.

      You can still fuck her after if ur that savage...

      [–]Nikelu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Anonymous screenshot. /thread

      [–]ironrape12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Women have each other’s back.

      Why can’t men do the same?

      I understand you don’t want to mess up your professional relationship, but this guy is going to get played hard if you don’t do something.

      -send picture anonymously and attach something like “you know what to do bro”.

      Boom. You gave the guy more help than anyone could (cautiously) do. It’s all in his hands now.

      If he’s still with her - BETA BITCH, leave it be.

      If not - you did a good deed and didn’t suffer any repercussions!

      We teach a lot about “being a man”, but we forget that we didn’t get here on are own. It was through the help of our community that got us here.

      And the same people saying “don’t help him how does it benefit you!?”

      BIG FUCK YOU to you bitches because your asses would be crying for help if this was you.

      Peace.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Send anonymous email. I know you want to. I want you to want it. Do it for meeeeee!

      [–]1z1z2x2x3c3c4v4v 0 points1 point  (5 children)

      Since telling him does not benefit you in any way, and seems to run the risk of backfiring on you... then you don't do it.

      I respect the guy

      You respect a guy whose girl is cheating on him... You need better role models.

      [–]ricoue -1 points0 points  (4 children)

      why would you stop respecting a man because his woman is a slut.

      [–]Chad1738 0 points1 point  (3 children)

      Because he was stupid enough to ltr a slut haha

      [–]ricoue 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      maybe he didn't know. Not all women are obvious sluts that dress skimpy and twerk in clubs, some are dressed like your high school teacher and never set foot inside a club.

      You're better off on that incel sub than here.

      [–]Chad1738 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Haha someone is triggered. I love women, but you must learn how to vet properly if you are going to ltr a woman. You have to look at all the aspects of a woman. The more experience and smarter you become with women, the better you will get at pointing out red flags and seeing signs that she is a slut(which they all will give off if she is a slut). Don’t be naive and try to be a white knight for someone you don’t know vs someone who is actually here to try to help you.

      [–]ricoue 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      How old are you?

      [–][deleted]  (5 children)

      [deleted]

      [–]MisterDSTP 8 points9 points  (4 children)

      Too much time on your hands bro

      [–][deleted]  (3 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]MisterDSTP 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        It should be a big deal.

        Go lift.

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

        [deleted]

          [–]MisterDSTP 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I actually thought you meant after work all you do is watch anime and lurk the internet

          [–]Zanford -1 points0 points  (0 children)

          Send it anonymously. You'll need PROOF, ideally a screenshot, and maybe a blurb (send an email from an anonymous account with the screenshot as an attachment) to help explain how, if he's so inclined, he can quickly create a Tinder profile and find her profile himself (i.e. what age/location/etc she put down)

          [–][deleted]  (2 children)

          [removed]

          [–]ananyo007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Don't talk about fight club.

          Don't talk about fight club.

          [–]returnofthemackX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          TRP is amoral

          [–]kellykebab -1 points0 points  (0 children)

          Why would you help some dude who would give you shit for being on a dating app like the other 99% of young people?

          [–]nummas -1 points0 points  (0 children)

          Good friend Yes. Colleague not so much.. Possible shit storm that may risk your career.

          [–]2niczar -1 points0 points  (0 children)

          Are there any benefits to you telling him? Will it make him like you, respect you, give you money? Do you owe him anything? On the other hand, are there any potential risks, like those you mentioned? He might simply feel humiliated, and you'd be the source of his humiliation, instead of being grateful.

          There's one instance I'd consider telling him, it's if he were to confide in him about her being a pain in the ass. If he confides, that means he's open to you talking about it. Other than that, it's probably intrusive and may backfire. But give him some room to deny it. "You know, I saw a chick who looked just like her on Tinder. I though it was a lookalike but dude, now that you're telling me this, I think you should keep an eye out."

          Overall, I'd just keep out of other people's dirty business though.