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Does anyone else see the use of the word 'independent' in a woman's dating profile a huge red flag? (self.asktrp)

submitted by ntnclvr

I think most men are not looking to control a woman, or be 'the boss' of everything, but when I see the word independent in the first sentence of a dating profile, to me it reads, 'pain in the ass that is not worth my time'

I know it can mean different things for different people, financially independent, not looking for a clingy guy, etc. But like I said, to me it reeks of waste of time on a person that will take more and give less.

Thoughts?


[–]Mastros34 24 points25 points  (2 children)

It's called them projecting. If a woman has to say they're independent it means they're either a) trying to follow the trend of all the independent woman or b) trying to weed out the beta's upfront aka men who message her saying "I love a strong independent woman" just failed her shit test, what she really wants is someone to tease her about it. Either way remember it's all about woman's actions not what they say. Same reason why woman who say they're not looking for sex are looking for exactly that.

[–]mrrooftops 6 points7 points  (1 child)

This. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_projection

I would add that points 'a' and 'b' are both in play but the latter is definitely not a conscious scheme. In my experience, I only see it as a red flag because she will try to make emotional gestures of independence in any kind of relationship when the situation clearly doesn't logically demand it. Otherwise, they are needy puppies. The old adage is clear here, "If you have to say it..."

Next time you see 'independant' in a profile, read, 'selfishly vulnerable'.

[–]drallcom3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, it's a) and b).

Plus c) Ignore their profile text

[–]Refigerator1043 21 points22 points  (0 children)

It's always hilarious when a girl who has a government job and can't change a flat tire calls herself "independent".

[–]Ricardo2991 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I'd say it's yellow... Don't take anything written in online profiles too seriously. It could just mean she has daddy issues, or bad previous relationships... ;)

Seriously, don't worry about what it says. I just tease her about that line when ever she acts needy or needs help.

[–]momomotorboat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd go with this. It should not be ignored. If that's the only concerning statement in an otherwise good situation, I wouldn't worry. I always cringe when I see it, but once in a while, a woman will say that and it's actually accurate. But, only once in a while.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Giant hamster. I've seen women on alimony, women on govt. support, women getting jobs by affirmative action claim they're strong and independent. Don't stick your dick in crazy. Definite red flag.

[–]LifeMedic 3 points4 points  (0 children)

irrelevant adjective applied to a woman. I have never met an "independent" women, whether they self-labeled it or not, they were always held up by a man or society.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I find girls with online dating profiles a red flag itself.

[–]TheBadGod 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It means she's clearly not.

"Your criticisms of others are a reflection of your own faults."

"I'm an independent woman and don't want to play games with some momma's boy" becomes;

"I'm having a rough time being strong and happy alone. I just want to be a kid again and do silly stuff with friends."

I rarely believe any information offered to me unsolicited.

[–]apachemd 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Definitely. Others: spunky, strong, feminist, alpha female, feisty, strong, challenge

[–]Planner_Hammish 1 point2 points  (0 children)

or my personal favourite: "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best".

Has spoiled brat written all over it. Constant shit-tester; maybe good practise to strengthen your frame.

[–]Onemanwolfpack23 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Lots of red flags, that is definitely one.

[–]3rt41 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When i see this is almost like the "best single mom evah!!" , i just swipe left.

[–]Rorta 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Like a lot of things on dating profiles it has next to no real meaning whatsoever and is a prime example of a woman following a trend.

Just like single girls on dating sites who put "Just looking for friends, honest!" in their profile it has no weight attached to it whatsoever. Make a joke out of it.

[–]PantsonFire1234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well it's a definite indicator of a woman that will shit test you madly. The fact that she wants to refer to herself as "independent" hints at possible heartbreak in her past. Alpha widowed.

[–]ntnclvr[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for all the comments! Interesting info and perspectives!

[–]nastynickdr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah big red flag. But if you are just looking for plates, fine.

[–]PM_ME_UR_GRUNDLE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do I see women using the word independent to describe themselves as a red flag? Yes.

They are probably just trying to cover their dependency issues.

[–]bertmaklinFBI 0 points1 point  (0 children)

independant = difficult

[–]BetaMaleFeminist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you looking for a girlfriend on fucking Tinder? If so, do us all a favor and go slam your dick in a car door.

If you're just looking for some easy pussy, well congrats on taking the shortcut. Other than "don't stick your dick in crazy," there really aren't "red flags" for plates. Just wrap your willy, and remember kids, the girls who type "not looking for sex" usually do so with a dildo in one hand and a selfie stick in the other!

[–]speed3_freak 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't pay attention to what women say, pay attention to what they do. It's not a red flag, it's just a word that they think looks good on their profile.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Never listen to what women say, more so if what they're saying is about themselves...specially on a dating profile.

[–]NotUpToAnythingGood 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I follow the rule that if you have to say it, you aren't.

The strong, independent woman statement doesn't do anything for me. If anything, it makes me hesitant to contact them. I have no desire to deal with that drama. Such a person isn't a good fit for my life.

[–]horsefootball 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Independent when used by a woman when it comes to her personality means she's going to do what she wants on her own. She don't need no man, so it's an immediate disqualifier and makes my life easier.