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My fiance of almost four years left me 5 months before the wedding (self.asktrp)

submitted by tomanold

My fiance and I have been dating for 3.5 years and have been engaged since September. The wedding is this September. We have the venue, the church, the photographer booked and she bought her dress. We met in graduate school and share the same profession. Our relationship has always been great. We rarely fight, we have the same values, same hobbies, basically everything that each of us wanted in our significant other we have. But last Thursday night everything changed. She told me she was freaking out about the wedding. She says she loves me, that I make her the happiest girl in the world but that romantically we dont have it (it is true we don’t have much sex only about once a month but we dont share a place at the moment and we visit each other at our parents houses). She says she needed time to think if this was really what she wanted for the rest of her life. We agreed to give her space and not talk to each other. We met today and she called off the wedding and gave me my ring back. The hardest thing Ive ever been faced with. She was the love of my life. My last four years have revolved around her for her to just end it 5 months before the wedding is heart wrenching. She says she feels no passion and just sees us as great friends. That there is something missing. That she wants to feel like a woman. Explaining that we dont fight because there is no passion. I pleaded to her to fix it and move in together, have a weekend getaway but she refused. Ill have to move on. I wish she wouldve told me this earlier. She was the one pushing for the ring for the wedding. I dont understand how this can happen so quickly. One day we are looking at houses to move in the next she only sees me as a friend and wants to be single.


[–]rockmasterflex 154 points155 points  (1 child)

We agreed to give her space and not talk to each other. We met today and she called off the wedding and gave me my ring back.

She did somebody else, enjoyed it thoroughly, then presented you with your ring back to spare you the trouble of marrying a hoe.

That she wants to feel like a woman.

Literally textbook you weren't man-handling her enough.

Somebody else did you a favor and helped you dodge a shitty marriage.

[–]The__Tren__Train 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yep, she fucked someone else for sure with that "space".

Sorry OP.

You should be thankful though. This would have cost you big time later down the road

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 105 points106 points  (40 children)

My last four years have revolved around her

I found your problem.

We agreed to give her space

When a girl asks for "space" give her so much "space" she feels like Neil Armstrong.

She says she feels no passion and just sees us as great friends. That there is something missing.

What's "missing" is Chad's cock, between her legs.

That she wants to feel like a woman.

Translation: she wants to go ride a mile of cock.

Explaining that we dont fight because there is no passion.

That is pure, 100% unadulterated bullshit. My plates and I don't fight because they are too busy being "retard happy" because they're getting hit right by a man who knows how.

I pleaded to her to fix it and move in together, have a weekend getaway but she refused.

So....much....cringe.....

Ill have to move on.

Hey! Finally, you got one right!

I wish she wouldve told me this earlier.

Women never tell you that shit. You either give them the Tingles, or you don't, and once you don't, you're TOAST.

She was the one pushing for the ring for the wedding.

Dude. You are a thousand percent lucky that she did this now, rather than after the wedding, etc. Hell, maybe you guys can even get your deposits back.

I dont understand how this can happen so quickly. One day we are looking at houses to move in the next she only sees me as a friend and wants to be single.

It didn't happen quickly. It happened over time, but you didn't notice it. How old are you guys? I'm guessing mid-20s, at the youngest. At any rate, if you don't want shit like this to keep happening to you, you need to get your shit straight on "Amused Mastery" - think 'Sean Connery as James Bond' - and abundance mentality. Keep yourself occupied, and go start chasing other women. The best way to get over one woman is to get on top of another one. You're going to feel like shit for a while, but it will get better with time.

Oh, and whatever you do, don't take her back. It'd be the worst thing you could do. If she turns up tomorrow on your doorstep and says "Oh, tomanold! I was so wrong! How could I have done this?! Please! Take me back!" what it really means is, the new guy she was fucking denied her the branch swing.

Anyway, good luck. You're going to need it.

[–]ramaga 37 points38 points  (1 child)

Oh, and whatever you do, don't take her back. It'd be the worst thing you could do. If she turns up tomorrow on your doorstep and says "Oh, tomanold! I was so wrong! How could I have done this?! Please! Take me back!" what it really means is, the new guy she was fucking denied her the branch swing.>

The OP should have your advice tattooed on his palm so he can see it all the time and hopefully internalize it. Taking a woman back, especially under the circumstances OP describes, is like trying to shove a dump back up your ass. He needs to walk away from that steaming pile and NEVER go back.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Big time. But as you can clearly tell, he is buried under several layers of Blue, with the heartache as the cherry on top. Homeboy has a LOT of LURNING to do.

[–]Algernoq 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This happened to me at age 24. LTR > engaged > drop in SMV > break-up > rise in SMV and dread > oh nooooes take me baaaaack > LTR > drop in SMV > branch-swing

The game never stops.

[–]floriemorie 9 points10 points  (2 children)

When a girl asks for "space" give her so much "space" she feels like Neil Armstrong.

this is gold, gave me a good laugh

[–]Borsao66 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agreed! 1000x

[–]Wel108 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I died laughing. Everyone at work just stared at me.

[–]soccerbum312 3 points4 points  (2 children)

My LTR asked for "space" and your definition of Neil Armstrong space is exactly what I'm giving her. Thus far she's only texted me once this week saying "I hope you're having a good week!" I didn't even reply.

[–]Caucasian-African 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She wants to be buddies. She wants to feel ok about what she did, ... Barf.

Sounds like you know how to handle things... Unlike OP.

[–]Borsao66 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Neil Armstrong"

I literally LOL'd in the hospital waiting room. Good one man!

[–]Caucasian-African 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She needs space? She thinks of you two as really great friends? That's so rude, it's almost hostile. She could have had the decency to at least mention she had been having doubts.

You must give her more space than she is asking for. Accept what she said, and give her what she wants. Cut her off for months, not just weeks. You'll feel worse if you remain her "buddy". Trust me.

[–]tomanold[S] 2 points3 points  (23 children)

We both are turning 28 this year. It sucks cuz now all my friends are married and with kids and here I am having to restart when I thought I was finally going to be able to settle down.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 57 points58 points  (3 children)

Dude. It doesn't suck. You're lucky this happened before the wedding.

now all my friends are married and with kids

So what?

and here I am having to restart when I thought I was finally going to be able to settle down.

It doesn't stop when you get married. Marriage is TRP on "hard mode". You need to process what happened. In the mean time, get over to the main sub and read - and implement - the side bar. Skip the misogny and the anger but LURN about self-improvement, and How Shit Works with women. In 6 months or so, you're going to think, "FUCK! Thank God I didn't marry Susan!"

Go. Read. Learn. Implement.

[–]edwardhwhite 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Read Vasilyzaitsev's stuff it is gold

[–]SW9876 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Teachers pet

[–]Ohdeaththrowaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gets the As asshole.

[–]FinickyFizz 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Dude. Settling down with a girl and having kids, that can happen anytime. You are the only person that matters in the world. And get that straight in your head.

[–]tirpt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. That's an important mindset. But it takes a while to get to the point of truly believing this. You're the most and only important person in the world to you. You can let others ride along, these people can be of great value to you too, but in the end it's always the man in the mirror that matters the most!

[–]idgaf- 9 points10 points  (0 children)

My friend, you have both been sold a big lie by society.

It sucks cuz now all my friends are married and with kids and here I am having to restart

Really ask yourself how you arrived at this perspective. Is it your personal dream to start a family? Or is it the constant conditioning you received growing up, saying that marriage + kids = happiness. When you picture yourself with a wife and kids, do you also picture all the approval you'll get from family and friends?

Feel lucky that your ex-fiancé had a deeper connection with her own emotional reality. See, she bought into the same fantasy equation that marriage + kids = happiness, but underlying she knew something was missing. That something is her unspoken, evolutionary reality where she needs a dominant man more than anything else. A guy strong and horny enough to fuck her more than once a month, who has bigger dreams than a safe life with marriage & kids. A guy so far above her that he can find a more attractive girl at the drop of a hat.

That she wants to feel like a woman. Explaining that we dont fight because there is no passion. I pleaded to her to fix it and move in together, have a weekend getaway but she refused. Ill have to move on. I wish she wouldve told me this earlier.

Translation: she wants to feel completely dominated and in awe of her man. She wants to fight so she can know her man is a winner. She wants a man who never has to plead for anything. She wants a man who doesn't have to be told what to do, for no conqueror has ever conquered because he was told to.

Good luck man she has done you a huge favor.

[–]HelloImRIGHT 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Dude, your friends wont admit it but I guarantee they all wish they were bachelors again.

[–]Clint_Redwood 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I'm going to expound vasiliy's statements;

Explaining that we dont fight because there is no passion.

That is pure, 100% unadulterated bullshit. My plates and I don't fight because they are too busy being "retard happy" because they're getting hit right by a man who knows how.

You absolutely do not need fighting to have passion. That is complete bullshit. I ended my 4 year engagement almost a year ago today and have hit TRP teachings hard. In a year I've had countless girls crazy for me and none of them ever fight with me. This chick is straight up BS you.

Dude. It doesn't suck. You're lucky this happened before the wedding.

You have no idea how lucky you are that she gave you the mercy option. Take it as a gift, because it is a huge fucking gift.

It doesn't stop when you get married. Marriage is TRP on "hard mode".

If you think your life was about to turn into rose peddles sprinkled in fairy love dust then you had no business being engaged in the first place. you think you were blindsided now? Imagine what it would have been like after she had legal claim to 50% of your net worth.

 

Everything vasiliy has told you is spot on. Your story pretty much parallels mine from a year ago. I ended it with her but the situation sounds the same. Feel free to message me if you need any advice or help.

[–]ApexScorpion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My story is similar to yours also but slightly different.

[–]The-Ban-Hammer 3 points4 points  (4 children)

It sucks cuz now all my friends are married and with kids...

And I guarantee you that one or none is having any meaningful sex anymore. Probably all of them have become "yes dears."

I understand wanting children but watch how many of your "so lucky to be married and have kids" friends will be pegged in divorce court. It's coming.

[–]GC0W30 2 points3 points  (3 children)

And I guarantee you that one or none is having any meaningful sex anymore. Probably all of them have become "yes dears."

If you wanted to really blow OP's mind and had a magic wand, you should show him how many of his friends with wives and young kids are cheating... and how many of them are already cuckolds, working their life away in order to support another man's kids.

[–]The-Ban-Hammer 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Exactly. There is no fairy tale ending. Not ever.

[–]GC0W30 0 points1 point  (1 child)

The only way for everyone involved in a marriage to be happy until the very end is if the car with "Just Married" on it is instantly crushed flat by a falling train on the way to the hotel they're starting their honeymoon in.... and usually not even then.

[–]YoureAfuckingRobot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is some cold hard truth. Lol

[–]BaltoSquadGuy 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Yeah, and when your friends are stuck at home with their two kids while their wife is out "working out" with her personal trainer, you'll laugh from here to the bank as you're going where you want, when you want with a girl ten years younger than you.

[–]thisisathrowaway2703 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love this comment so much.

[–]Endorsed Contributorbalalasaurus 6 points7 points  (1 child)

It sucks cuz now all my friends are married and with kids and here I am having to restart when I thought I was finally going to be able to settle down.

You sound like a woman.

[–]GC0W30 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A woman complaining about a non-issue, too.

Any guy with a half-decent job can find a chick who is willing to wife him and start spitting out babies.

[–]Smigg_e 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like you attracted more to the life you think marrying her will give you and not the one she actually will. Dude, I know you don't realize it now but any girl out there could give you that. Not just her.

[–]Caucasian-African 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm in my 40's and i still havent started 😛, though I have seen 75% of my contemporaries' marriages either go to shit (no sex, insane wife, hot wife turned land-whale, etc.) or to divorce.

Trust me, brother, you feel like a cold turd, but she really did do you a favor... A friend of mine with 2 kids had a wife who divorce-raped him about 1 year ago. They had 2 kids, and she worked no real job. He makes 100k and I make 65k, yet after divorce and child support, I'm rolling in money compared to him!

Imagine this heart ache, but add on having children you love being taken from you, knowing your wife is banging another guy, and having to pay for the whole shebang! Really let that sink in. We now know that is what would have happened

Drown yourself in the sidebar material on TRP, and take solice in knowing we are surrounded by men here who have a handle on women. I say "we" because I'm not one of those men yet...but I'm going to be.

We don't hate women here, we just aim to accept and understand them as they are.

[–]antariusz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right, she met you because you were a safe beta for her to settle down with, sounds like she wanted one more ride on the CC, to relive her college days. You should be thankful she clued you into the red pill truth in time.

[–]jimmAo 0 points1 point  (4 children)

When a girl asks for "space" give her so much "space" she feels like Neil Armstrong.

can you expand on this? I don't get it (english is my 3rd language)

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon. It's a cultural reference.

[–]jimmAo 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Yes, I know he went to space, but what is that implying? Just give her as much space as she wants?

[–]jaynort 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No. Completely disappear. No contact. She asks for space, give her an excessive amount of space. She only wants you out of arms reach but nearby for contact at her whim. Instead, you simply fall off the face of the earth for a while.

[–]Caucasian-African 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, he will give her so much space (he will be so far away from her), it will be as if he is an astronaut!

[–]nastynickdr 17 points18 points  (0 children)

"Romantically we dont have it" = She lost the tingles for you, plain and simple. And when a woman "needs her space to think", she wants to fuck another dude or is already fucking another dude. Dont be surprised if she appears with her new BF a few days after.

"My last four years have revolved around her for her" -> this is entirelly your fault, and one of the reasons she lost the tingles for you. You have to have an interesting life and be attractive to keep the tingles. You should have your goals, your mission, be the man, own your shit.

Consider yourself lucky that she ended it before the wedding. You BEGGED her to move in with you, thats beta as fuck. No wonder she lost her tingles. Now go improve yourself. Start by reading no more mr nice guy, and if you want a healthy LTR, married man sex life primer. Dont get into another LTR being the needy beta that you are right now or you are gonna get screwed again. Everything you stated here is well explained in these books and the sidebar.

[–]TRP VanguardCyralea 16 points17 points  (0 children)

You were a good Beta Bux at a time when she wanted Alpha Fucks. Her rational brain succumbed to the pressures of her lizard brain, as they always do. It's why we say AWALT.

She did you a really huge favour by dropping you now, rather than post-marriage. You're out a much smaller chunk of change than had you married and impregnated her.

Spend some time reading here. Your self-improvement journey starts now.

[–]Clapboom 14 points15 points  (0 children)

She did you a HUGE favor. You would have never survived a marriage.

[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger 16 points17 points  (1 child)

You owe your fiance. Big. Hell, you should probably even be her best friend and walk her down the aisle at her real wedding.

A lot of stupid women out there marry guys who are great on paper, that they really like and get along with -- but the sexual attraction isn't there. They end up in unhappy, sexless marriages, resent their husbands, feel trapped, lash out, destroy the friendship, and either file for divorce 3-7 years in or stay together for the kids but remain eternally unhappy.

Women don't have good judgment, foresight, or introspection. The reason she realized her lack of sexual attraction to you was not introspection, like she claimed. She probably met another man and felt something she'd never felt before with you: real, genuine, lusty sexual attraction. While yes, her interpersonal relationship with you is better than it was with that other man, without sexual attraction, a relationship can't be healthy. Immense sexual attraction is supposed to be the foundation. The entry level requirement before you ever become exclusive. But so many people discount that. They figure if they get along as people and have a strong emotional bond, that's important, and the sex will come later.

The sex does not come later.

I know it sucks ass that your fiance needed to get boned by a man she actually desires in order to realize something she should have realized 4 years ago, but she saved you from a lot of unhappiness.

[–]ApexScorpion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol I'm tempted to be a dick and ask my ex for a wedding invitation so I can laugh at the next guy she's fooling.

[–]Snufek 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You are a lucky motherfucker! Imagine if she did it 5 months after the wedding. You said you're - 28. You have at least 40 years of awesome life left! I'd advise you to read the sidebar and never contact her again. Never.

[–]MarlboroMan62 10 points11 points  (2 children)

picture this ... you marry this woman you have invested so much in .. and soon, she realizes married life is not a fucking disney movie and there are no fucking blue birds singing outside the window every morning, no one is farting rainbows and butterflies and blah fucking blah.

so you bust your fucking ass to make her happy, maybe she gives you a child cause she thinks that will help and wham ... she cries "im not happy" and she bends you over in divorce court and all her cunt friends are on the sidelines in cheerleader outfits screaming "you go gurl!"

if you have a child, divorce court will fuck your ass balls deep

i think you have a new perspective on things, now is a good time to go back and read the side bar. did she find someone else? who knows and who fucking cares. the only thing that is important is that you know that you should never invest yourself like that to a woman ever again.

these other cats are correct .. you have dodged a bullet.

if you ever get into another serious relationship, you have to ask yourself "what would I do if this ended today?" ... you have to ask this everyday ... and always have a plan B.

it did not use to be this way, but that the way it is now, adapt to your social enviornment. the only people that are cheering for you to do well is you and most of the guys here.

hell, move the girls in on a trial basis if you have to, fuck the dog pee out of them but keep the dread game going .... dread game works. it doesnt make sense but it does.

no woman has a golden pussy and there is good news ... 17 year olds are turning 18 everyday. they truly are making new pussy everyday

women are not going to invest in you like you will in them ... write that on your bulleton board and look at it every day

i just got out of my 2nd marriage, judgement was signed off last friday. (no children involved) when i entered the marriage, i kept a plan b and plan c going all the time. when the marriage started to fail, i simply implemented these things and kept my composure. i never shed a tear, just a bit pissed at myself for gambling on what turned out to be a cunt.

[–]soadaa 1 point2 points  (1 child)

"what would I do if this ended today?". This is how I try to keep my relationships now, where before I never asked this question to myself because I assumed things wouldn't end.

[–]supremesamurai 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This fucking philosophy is spot on w women. They will leave you at the drop of a dime. I too run this through my head each day.

[–]edwardhwhite 9 points10 points  (4 children)

When one door shuts, a million more open. There is a lot of good advice here and some bad. Some dudes are really mad and can't get out of it. But there is a lot you can do.

Right now cut her off. Functional talking for logisitical stuff only.

You need to be a monk now. Start with reading a book called No More Mr. Nice Guy. And start lifting. It is a hard but rewarding path.

[–]tomanold[S] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

no more mr. nice guy by robert glover? I'll definitely be spending time on here and read up on other things.

[–]edwardhwhite 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes. Reread it, I do. I struggle with a lot of the same stuff. Its probably not approach anxiety if you are interacting with women enough to get the attention. I have also been showered with attention but don't give myself permission to have what I want sometimes.

[–]Nodeal_reddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This Book changed my life. It was such a kick in the nuts.

[–]Borsao66 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, 3.5 BILLION other doors. And you're right, she spared him an ass reaming of epic proportions.

[–]quicklogaccount 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I am terribly sorry for you. I've been there, I've done the same, she didn't leave me though, and now I'm left to do the bidding.

There are a few things you should be doing now.
1 - Improve yourself, for yourself. Go and do stuff that will raise your self esteem. Do NOT indulge yourself.
2 - Aim for greatness, set new goals now that your life doesn't revolve around anything else but yourself.
3 - This is non-negotiable. If you're not lifting already, you will. If you are, you'll embrace the goal as aesthetics and get yourself some nutritional guidance, and follow it.
4 - Do not vent to common friends about it, spare your friends from hearing about it.
5 - Once you reach your goals set in 2, or at least once you rest assured you are way better than you are now, you're entitled to think about getting her back, only to find out she's not enough for the better you.

[–]FalkorD 7 points8 points  (1 child)

It doesn't seem like it now but she gave you the best gift of your life by leaving you. She has already cheated on you or has the guy picked out she's going to fuck.

Read the sidebar. Lift. Go no contact. If you ever contact her again you will only lose more respect in her eyes. Let her hamster spin wondering why you're not trying to win her back. Improve yourself.

As you get swole and become more RP she will eventually come back to you after having ridden about 100 cocks wanting another chance. The greatest feeling you will ever have is when you tell her to fuck off and then go screw one of your plates.

[–]MarlboroMan62 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Let her hamster spin wondering why you're not trying to win her back"

... This! ... this! ... this !

[–]Endorsed ContributorUEMcGill 7 points8 points  (0 children)

These guys all are telling you how you dodged a bullet, and you did, but what no one has told you is why.

Women generally are not overt communicators, so instead of saying things like "You don't turn me on" she says "I want to feel like a woman". " She says she loves me, that I make her the happiest girl in the world but that romantically we dont have it " is the LTR equivalent of "I love you but I'm not in love with you". She is telling you she sees the two of you as just friends to spare your feelings.

Finally, we say in all of the Red Pill, but especially in LTR and Marriage Redpill, ignore her words and watch her actions.

Her actions are she moved out, gave you back your ring. Sound like someone who wants to spend eternal bliss with you? She's being kind to you by letting you off easy.

I tell all the married guys this, it starts with you. You made your world revolve around her and she doesn't value you because of it. Fix your problems, more alpha, less beta, lift, finances and purpose, otherwise you're doomed to repeat this.

The universe makes a new 21 year old everyday, it's a world of plenty, go forth and spin plates!

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

[–]Nodeal_reddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish someone had told me this when I got broken up with for the first time. I look back now and realize how big of a faggot I was. Mesh.

[–]abdada 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Man you dodged a bullet.

[–]deville05 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Dude. Good for her. Why should she settle for a guy who isnt interested in fucking her? How can you not be interested in fucking your fiance? Whats wrong with you?

But truth be told.. This is really good for you. If you can channel this into being the best version of yourself you can be.. Your life will completely turn around. Right now sulk, be sad, get angry.. But channel it in the right direction and get over it. Good luck

[–]Endorsed Contributorbalalasaurus 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Man, you sound like a lucky guy. She just helped you dodge a massive bullet.

[–]Beachbum74 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Time to focus on you, don't worry about her.

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

[deleted]

[–]tomanold[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

we are both pharmacists we just got our jobs last september so we were waiting a little bit until we purchased a home together. Our plan was to move in april or may.

[–]GC0W30 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Knowing that you're a pharmacist, you're going to be knee-deep in gold-diggers as soon as you go back on the dating market.

Tell women right up front that all of your dates are going to be dutch to dislodge as many gold-diggers as possible from your life.

[–]keepmymangoqueen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude you're fine. You will have a good job, you're in your prime. Start lifting and slaying pussy. Even if you're 'not that kind of guy,' you need to become good at seduction to keep a woman in the future. This is an area of weakness for you and it's up to you to resolve it.

Don't get hung up on her

[–]HelloImRIGHT 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Damn, sounds like she's someone else's problem now. Hey, atleast she was honest I mean - she's not "doing" anything to you. It would have been more of a dick move for her to not say shit and keep going with you not being the man she wants.

You're full of blue bro.

My last four years have revolved around her

That had to be exhausting for her.

The hardest thing Ive ever been faced with.

I hope you didn't tell her that. Pain is an intrinsic part of life, get used to it, accept it.

I pleaded to her to fix it and move in together

Never plead.

Look, I'm not trying to be a dick. This is the way things are, and she did you a favor. I know it hurts, but use it. The gym is full of broken hearts get in there. Leave this girl alone, and if you work on you, work on being a man, she will come back and it will feel amazing to ignore her.

[–]blackhawks93 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She found someone else. Cut all contact and block her on everything. Try to get all your money back for everything and if you can't get refunded, send the bill to her parents and ask for your money back. Never talk to her again and if her parents ask say she broke it off.

Be more dominant and care less about their feelings. You should be #1 in your world, not her. Also unicorns don't exist, there are millions of women just like her, many hotter.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It cannot be stated enough. When she comes back around for stability and to give you all the reasons why you're perfect for each other and she tells you how much she screwed up... And that you should get back together. "Please, pretty please!" ...don't fucking go for it.

What's happening now is she's 'exploring' her options. This means she's getting whatever depraved shit out of her system that she's been repressing while trying to be your good girl. She'll either get tired of being used like a slut, or if she lined up a 'better' guy than you then she'll chase him for a while and inevitably get burned.

Get it in your head that this is what's happening and move on. Move on before she comes crawling back to you because she misses the security and all the 'sweet' stuff you did for her. It's an insult of the highest order.

I have been there. Just got the apology text about a month ago. Be prepared and cut contact. If you even think about getting back with her she'll never respect you again.

[–]ECTD 2 points3 points  (0 children)

she isn't attracted to you anymore, and that's why she left. Harsh reality. Time to get over it. Sulking about it will do nothing but create a loop of shitty feelings. Get rid of some of your old cloths, sell shit she left, buy new and nice cloths, work out more, create a few routines, find a few hobbies, and realize that you're a great man, capable of great things, and you don't depend on anyone. While doing that shit, you'll feel good and want some pussy, so fuck some chicks and make sure you wrap it up. Don't contact her ever again unless you want to feel like a piece of shit

[–]The-Ban-Hammer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When a woman wants a "break" or "space" and has an all-of-a-sudden "I don't know if we're sexually compatible" moment, it's because she just fucked someone with whom she is compatible.

She may come back to you after "Mr. Sexual Compatibility" only wanted her as a cum dumpster, not someone to marry. That "marriage guy" is you.

[–]Pillredpopper 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Man, these stories never get easy to read. Be prepared, the pill is bitter. No texts, phone calls, Facebook, get all of her info, photos, social media all of that out of your life. There is zero contact with her from now on. She is about ride the cock carousel. Get all of these images out of the way now: she's going to blow guys in their cars, in the alley, and get jackhammered into her mattress by every guy that treats her like a piece of meat and nothing else. Its what she wants right now more than anything, and there is nothing you can do.

I say this because the quickest way to take the pussy off the pedestal is to realize what's actually going down. It doesn't feel good, but idealizing her any further is only going to shackle you down.

You need a strong monk mode to learn and re-wire your thinking. Lift, improve and live for you.

If she comes back around in a few months to a year ( and they often will if you handle the breakup like a man and disappear) Don't even think about it, she's just returning and looking for a beta bux "now that she's ready" ie, she's had her fill of alpha cocks and now wants resources. At 28 her value is going down, and yours is going up. Keep that in mind. AWALT brother, hang in there.

[–]Nodeal_reddit 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Wise words, OP

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very wise

[–]50pluspiller 2 points3 points  (0 children)

God damn man... You should be celebrating and happy!

You just got out of the worst mistake of your life.

Go fuck some new bitch and be happy.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Whats the 'ask'?

[–]redpillnexus 0 points1 point  (1 child)

He's asking for advice.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, he's telling a story. What's his desired outcome?

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She says she loves me, that I make her the happiest girl in the world but that romantically we dont have it (it is true we don’t have much sex o

You're beta as fuck and she wants more alpha.

She was the love of my life.

But without much sex? What the fuck are you thinking?

She says she feels no passion and just sees us as great friends. That there is something missing. That she wants to feel like a woman.

This girl is staggeringly honest and is doing you both a great service. You should thank her. She's right.

She was the one pushing for the ring for the wedding

Haha women are great like this. They push so hard for commitment, and when they get it they get cold feet. Learn this lesson, and learn it well.

This girl has figured you're below her, and she's probably right.

I dont understand how this can happen so quickly.

It's been building for about 12 to 18 months I'd guess. Weirdly you agreeing to commitment probably spelled the end of her attraction. You tell yourself you're busy with wedding plans, but really the spark is gone, am I right?

Read the sidebar. Alpha fucks, beta bucks. Get yourself in shape and focus on sex instead of marriage. Be a fucking man already.

[–]FrameWalker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Read the sidebar. You were all comfort and no tingles. You were a commitment slut. Male female dynamics require lots of sex and you failed.

don’t have much sex only about once a month

Don't feel too bad though, these days perfect dominant positive male masculinity can improve your odds but there's no guarantee of a loyal wife. They're not wired for it

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My brother u/uemcgill has done a service in telling you why you dodged a bullet.

I'd like to help, by telling you some more about what that bullet was. You identified the bullet, right in your OP. Here it is.

She says she loves me, that I make her the happiest girl in the world but that romantically we dont have it (it is true we don’t have much sex only about once a month but we dont share a place at the moment and we visit each other at our parents houses

You didn't have sex with her very often, or often enough.

She says she needed time to think

When a woman wants space, it's over.

She says she feels no passion and just sees us as great friends. That there is something missing. That she wants to feel like a woman.

Translation: I love you but I'm not in love with you. I don't fuck you, and I don't want to. I'm not sexually attracted to you. I don't find you sexually attractive.

Archwinger was right. You owe her big time. She saved you a lot of pain down the road.

[–]Reddened 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's got to feel like a major kick in the balls, however I get the impression that you have read very little to no material from the sidebar or this subreddit in general, otherwise after reading your own post there would be very little mystery to you as to what happened here.

At first once you start reading TRP material you're likely going to feel angry and frustrated at yourself for driving your relationship to its end, but the good news is that she ended it before you got married, bought a house, or had kids. Now you can focus on improving yourself to the point where you won't be so fixated on the loss of one woman that doesn't even value you. Once she sees the new you she may even find that she wants to be with you again-this should not be your motivation to improve- and then you'll have the satisfaction of ignoring her because you don't give a fuck about her anymore.

[–]TheThirdT 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She has done you a tremendous favor. Not sure what your question is, but if it is "what should I do now?" then read the sidebar and start living your life.

[–]PantsonFire1234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dodged a bullet bro. You will realize that one day.

[–]redpillnexus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's rough man. Four years of your life down the toilet. I can't even imagine how shitty that must feel. Stay strong. And lift.

[–]spicy_fries 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dont understand how this can happen so quickly.

It just takes one episode of Sex in the City...

[–]Carbone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Be sure that one of her slutth friend told her : you sure you want to settle down NOW ?

[–]Nodeal_reddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You dodged a bullet for sure. Much better now than 7 years from now when she's banging some bartender and walking out the door with half your savings. But good for you for turning to TRP, because she was basically telling you that's exactly what you need to do. Sounds like you need to spend some time reflecting on yourself and then make a plan to fix it.

[–]Apexk9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

BTW if you put deposits on things sue her for the full amount that you lost ad a result.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"My last four years have revolved around her"

This is where you fucked up.

[–]3rt41 0 points1 point  (0 children)

On the bright side, you dodged a bullet and you are out of this without any financial backfire.

Take all of this as a lesson for the future, but right now remember that your present in this situation could have not be brighter

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The relationship is over. It's gone. Start making moves to improve your life. I repeat, the relationship is dead

[–]Wel108 0 points1 point  (2 children)

OP your situation is worse than mine was recently, I just had a LTR that i too thought was who i was going to settle down with. I already had intentions of doing so. Like you, my world revolved around her, and hers mine. It was mutual, we were like best friends. Long story short, she didn't call anything off, instead i caught her texting someone else. Then all the lies started rolling in, similar to yours. "I want to feel like a woman, i need space, I need to find myself. You weren't there for me, we stopped having sex." etc.

When this first happened to me and i posted my story on TRP i got blasted the way you have, don't take it personal. I'm going to tell you what I've done, the mistakes I've made since then, and the improvements I've made since then.

I did the same thing as you, begged her back, tried to meet, fix it, etc. She denied me and I was heartbroken. So i immersed myself in TRP side bar, I've lurked in top posts, and comments by Mods. I became obsessed with wanting to realize what I did wrong, and how to improve myself so that it would never happen to me again.

I hit the gym, 5-6 days a week, joined a UFC gym. Gained about 15 lbs After 3 weeks. I joined Tinder and began going ham on chicks. My emotions were everywhere. I felt like a bad ass, a little bitch, depressed, needy, angry, back to depression.

The more i read TRP, and truly understood what i did wrong, the more I rationalized the fact that I could fix this. It was all pride. Because now I "knew how to be a valuable man." So i decided to call her after a month of NC. She answered, we spoke, we met up, we fucked, we layed in bed, she cried, etc. She told me she missed me.

I thought, "damn i have her back." So I told her it wasn't too late for us, i told her we could still fix this. That's when i lost everything i had gained. She immediately said no, and she withdrew all her feelings she had just showed me as if a fucking light switch had just been turned off in her brain i shit you not. She left, we spoke that night, typical take care shit and haven't spoken since. That was like 3 months ago.

I was back at square one, and immersed myself more in TRP. I read No more Mr Nice Guy. Married man sex life primer. Book of Pook. Read the blogs of: /u/IllimitableMan, /u/Rollo-Tomassi, /u/TheFamilyAlpha, and lurked on their post and comments. Continued in the gym, gained another 20 lbs. I'm now 190lbs 10% body fat. I have boat now, new job, kayak. I don't go on any dates that aren't beneficial for me. I've turned my life around. I can't tell you that I feel that she did me a favor, because in a perfect world i would've already been that man. But because this happened to me, I learned what I needed to do, for ME. I found what made me happy, I realized where I was lacking in life. It's true what the MODS say, she won't see you as anything more than a beta now, especially if you've begged her back like I did.

The best advice i can give you right now is this, don't let her hold this power over you. There is a huge chance she's going to casually contact you to see what you're doing, how you're doing. Grab your fucking balls and realize you're better than that. Don't let her do that.

I promise you that 5 months from now after you too have changed your life, the one thing you will regret MOST is the way you conducted yourself at the end of the break up, NOT that you lost her. My only regret right now and what still haunts me, is how beta I acted. Don't let any bitch have that power over you, ever. That feeling is much worse than losing any female.

[–]TRP Vanguard: "Dark Triad Expert"IllimitableMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So i decided to call her after a month of NC. She answered, we spoke, we met up, we fucked, we layed in bed, she cried, etc. She told me she missed me.

Must've nailed her like a boss.

I thought, "damn i have her back." So I told her it wasn't too late for us, i told her we could still fix this. That's when i lost everything i had gained. She immediately said no, and she withdrew all her feelings she had just showed me as if a fucking light switch had just been turned off in her brain i shit you not. She left, we spoke that night, typical take care shit and haven't spoken since. That was like 3 months ago.

The moment you let your desire manifest as neediness she dried right up again. Women are ruthless and what they say now won't mean shit tomorrow, because what they say only matters while they feel it. When they feel a way counter to what they felt when they said X, X no longer stands. Being emotional thinkers who are driven by emotion and say things out of emotion, women are as fickle as the passing of their emotion. And it is because of this that women's words are next to worthless if not completely; it is this absolutely horrible trait that makes them inconsistent and hypocritical.

We have to be mean to women because that's the only way to keep them interested. Treat them like cunts and they adore you, let yourself fall in love and they think you're a bitch and leave you with jack shit.

[–]ApexScorpion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm right there with you, man. Mine wasn't as severe as yours or OP but the pain of how I acted at the end of the relationship was the source of my anger phase, about 80%. Her? About 20%. I went beta and I still detest that shit. I need to ease up on that actually, you do too. We didn't know any better. Just like OP. Gotta learn some way.

[–]tomanold[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

its just amazing how a girl can buy a dress for her wedding and be so excited to buy a house together one week before asking me for a break. It is like the "on switch" she had for three and half years was just randomly turned "off". She could have at least talked to me and given us a chance to work things out. Figure out what we could do to turn each other on, but she just dipped.

[–]Wel108 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I felt the exact same way as you. "Why didn't she tell me what her parents were saying, why didn't she talk to me about what she was feeling." etc etc.

The answer is because they themselves don't know and they just expect you to somehow just know. If their life is going bad, and you're in their life, guess what? It must be because of you. Not because of them. They're just emotional and lack logic, as soon as you digest the fact that they can't really control that side of them, it makes you realize why you need to be a different kind of man.

[–]Qorion -4 points-3 points  (7 children)

Omg OP, I am so sorry.

It's ok. No matter what, things always work out in the end. Maybe just not how we envision it to.

All I can say at this point is to be thankful it happened sooner rather than later and be optimistic that your future will hold something greater.

Stay strong!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol, what the hell is this?

[–]Endorsed Contributorbalalasaurus -1 points0 points  (5 children)

Are you in the wrong sub?

[–]Nodeal_reddit 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Things work out in the end = outcome independence.

[–]Endorsed Contributorbalalasaurus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol sure.

Outcome independence is a product of controlling the outcomes to the best of your ability. By accounting for what may happen you become secure in your knowledge of what will happen.

Saying 'things will work out in the end' is female thinking. It presupposes some invisible force responsible for the resolution of possible future conflict. Saying things will eventually work out is what women do.

A real man prepares for eventualities. In doing so he becomes outcome independent.

[–]Qorion -1 points0 points  (2 children)

I know I know!

I couldn't help it - it's not a TRP response but it was genuine for what it's worth :/

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

his emotions are why he's in this mess. He needs a good dose of kick in the ass.

It's too bad he has no one in his life to deliver this message

[–]Endorsed Contributorbalalasaurus -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It's worth nothing. You want a hug box? Go to 2X or relationships.

[–]DrNextAHoe -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Lucky you.

[–]anotherswingingdick -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She was the love of my life. My last four years have revolved around her for her to just end it 5 months before the wedding is heart wrenching

you're a faggot. Tell ==her== to post here; she's got more testosterone than you.