I raised my voice with a woman at work to shut her up and she instantly behaved and warmed up to me. Is this normal with entitled women? Did I do wrong? (self.asktrp)

submitted by bradix1

She’s on my team (under me). She’s lazy. She’s insecure. And she has this tendency of wanting to give her opinion and expecting others to listen to her no matter how very little she knows.

Point is, she’s been dragging my balls for a while now. My manager gave me partial free-rein in my team and this useless bitch has been trying to bust my balls at the slightest chance to do easy jobs.

It’s like she wants the cool projects but refuses to do hard work. Yesterday I was talking to a coworker about a potential new thing and this woman was commenting on the convo.

She basically wanted us to not do the job or do it in the easiest, ugliest possible way because she’s useless. I tried to reason with her, but it didn’t matter. I kept discussing it with my coworker and finally she interjected saying “why don’t we just discuss this with our manager?”, hoping he’d side with her.

I had it. She was essentially trying to get us to stop discussing it just for the sake of it that, when she mentioned my boss in an attempt to go over my head, I lost it.

I restrained myself from going off on her with rage, but I raised my voice and told her to shut up and let me speak. And it worked.

Bottom line, I thought she was gonna go off on me behind my back, as she usually did, but she didn’t. For the first time in months, she kept her head down, went back to work, and didn’t even show the slightest sign of anger towards me.

What’s even more weird is that she fucking warmed up to me after that, by herself. What did just happen here? Why do I have to be like this? Why do acting calm and accomodating is rewarded by bitchiness, while being a hard ass puts them in their place?

[–]jshtx2117 32 points33 points  (2 children)

Her "spots" haven’t changed, she is manipulating you.

[–]bradix1[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I thought this as well. My reasoning is that she's trying to slowly put me back in my place, but it won't work, this was a long time coming. I tried my best to talk things out, but even my own manager told her "her voice will be heard" in an attempt not to come off as an ass and dump the problem on me, so it's up to me to stand up for myself and shut this shit down.

When the meeting was over, she even said I'm not doing that thing, I'm telling you right now.... I should have replied with "you'll do as you are told", but that's what she wanted, so I calmly said that "no worries, if you don't have time, we'll reassign some of your tasks to Steve (the other team member), and I said it right in front of Steve, to humiliate her.

However, if there's something I learnt from this is that you need to stand up for yourself, especially if you have some space to do it. If she was my boss' daughter, that would be a different matter, but I'm senior there, I'm her team lead, and she's been with us for less than two years. Just because my manager doesn't want to impose himself, doesn't mean I have to bend over for her.

[–]maxrp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

so was all this in front of other people? audience?

[–]theJMD 48 points49 points  (5 children)

I've noticed often when you have an outburst of anger with people, they recognize it as a sign of strength, and tend to not fuck with you anymore. Otherwise they will realize you're a pushover, and continue disrespecting you.

This works in all relationships, friend, boyfriend, mom, sister, etc. Be real with them. Anger is not BAD. It's just an emotion.

[–]_MysticFox 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Isn't losing your cool, losing your frame?

[–]beta_no_mo 20 points21 points  (0 children)

There's a difference between flying off the handle (breaking frame) and asserting yourself, especially against a subordinate. Notice he didn't say something passive aggressive or look to someone else to confirm that she was being rude ("do you believe this shit?") or get butthurt.

He simply asserted his anger with her rudeness and told her to stop because she was trying to force her frame into a conversation that she wasn't involved in.

[–]tankrepititionpug 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Depending on frequency. Too much and you are losing control of yourself

[–]theJMD 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's rather simple to display frustration while maintaining composure.

[–]Arabian_Wolf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well my older brother went in outburst of anger against me for holding grudges against me and “disrespecting” him, he wants to be treated like a father, hell like a god.

All in all, that happened since 4 months ago, didn’t speak to him since, he never make eye contact with me if we meet up, and being avoiding me, have bottled up anger myself against him, very dense anger that shows on horrible revenge fantasies I’m having.

That’s how I swallowed the pill, maybe it’s not a Redpill, more of reality shock, been improving myself since and using my anger on lifting and reading quality books.

[–]Arabian_Wolf 13 points14 points  (0 children)

You remind me of a woman I used to work with at a pharmacy.

She was taking advantage of other male pharmacists to bring her medications while she sits, tried it with me, I only bring it to her once then I gave her a resting bitchface look and refused to help her.

Later on, she started smiling nervously when she sees me and the roles reversed (she started bringing ordered medicines to me).

[–]Zanford 21 points22 points  (0 children)

This is how it works. You might've aroused her too.

In sexual situations you may see LMR melt away by doing masculine things - like you slam a bedroom door closed, or throw crap off the bed onto the floor, suddenly she's all over you.

In a work situation, tread a little more carefully, esp if white knights might be in earshot, but women are still women, we're all just apes in suits and dresses in the office, and TRP does still apply.

[–]LateralThinker13 9 points10 points  (0 children)

As long as the anger is real, instead of just a whiny outburst, it's akin to realizing, "Oh crap, I pissed daddy off enough that he's stopped yelling and is thinking about grabbing his belt. I better STFU and be good."

[–]Metalageddon 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Of all evil I deem you capable: Therefore I want good from you. Verily, I have often laughed at the weaklings who thought themselves good because they had no claws.

  • Nietzsche

One of the first lessons my dad and grandad beat into me. People don't care about pushovers, they live for a benevolent, and dangerous, God.

You did well OP. Ask yourself, do you respect an obsequious bitch? Or do you respect the guy who can crush you but rewards you when you do well.

[–]BEWARE_OF_BEARD 5 points6 points  (2 children)

i'm a relatively new doctor, PGY2. After i started chewing into nurses asses for not doing their job, attitudes changed. Now, when i come onto the floor, they're all begging to show me how well they did.

In short. Just be confident and project a dominant demeanor. Everyone will line up.

[–]Future_Alpha[🍰] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Ah shit. I'm a new med student. I'm curious to hear more. Why where the nurses not doing their job? Are you at an academic or community program? How is it working with nurses? Do they make your job hard?

[–]BEWARE_OF_BEARD 0 points1 point  (0 children)

in short, they weren't properly educated to care for the particular patient, even though they were on a floor that regularly cared for a case like this. Its a private hospital, but academic, housing multiple residencies. Things are better after you let them know where they went wrong.

[–]mrHappyPotatoe 11 points12 points  (0 children)

U dint do wrong. But raising a voice is only good to some degree. I guess you held your frame and did it right. Considering how she reacted.

I guess she got wet.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

A woman popped off to me and I told her to stow it I was clearly keeping my anger in line. Later I said that I realized stow it wasn't the best way of handling it, but she laughed it off and said sometimes she's just a bitch that needs to be put in her place. Truth be told she was line for discipline before me for non-compliance. Make sure you don't swear and you have more latitude if your in the right

[–]deadwoodcylon 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Be careful. You may have made an enemy. Be cordial but watch your back, cover your ass, document everything, always have witnesses (team meetings versus one on ones)

[–]ThickDickWarrior89 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Had this happen to me before. When I was 21 working at a fucking bank this older bitch probably 35-40 ( I don't fucking know) kept making smart ass remarks. I don't remember what she said that was the last straw for me but I said come here let's go to the back, I need to have a word with you.

She tried to resist saying what? I'm right here I said no let's go to the back. She came back there and I told her in a stern voice that I have boundaries and the way she speaks to me is unnnacceptable. Although you typically can't reason with women whatever I said worked because after that she was very nice, almost fearful to piss me off and even developed a weird crush on me. She wasn't attractive at all btw an hb 3-4 is being polite.

We did have a solid 8 with a banging body that was married that later made advances towards me. She started by saying we should exchange numbers bc we work together. I said whatever, was single back then and didn't realize her motives at the time. Then when we would work together on saturdays alone she would bring movies for us to watch. It felt awkward to me bc I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable like I was creeping so I kept my distance (I didn't fully grasp my relatively high smv back then.)

Anyway- ff all the bullshit she got a new job, so naturally I stopped seeing her at work. The other co-workers made jokes that she liked me but I was fairly naive back then and thought she couldn't possibly bc she was married so it wasn't even worth my time. So anyway, 1 random fuckin Saturday when I'm working she hits me up and is like hey can you do me a favor- wanted me to delete a fee on her account.

I was like sure (didn't give a fuck, wasn't my money) she said- I'm gonna bring you breakfast. What do you want? I said no you don't have to do that it's fine. Went back and forth a few times then finally agreed cuz my boi who was working was hungry and I was just gonna give it to him.

So she comes in, I actually put her to work and have her do some things for me that she knew how to do that I didn't and by the way she was dressed very sexy. I had never seen her dress like that before while she was working and she very well could have to some extent. Anyway she gave me a hug and I felt immediate sexual tension.

She had good facial aesthetics and body was super fit. Waist was small and ass was a good combonation of fat and muscle. She had on some purple blue jeans that looked like they were sprayed painted on. When she left I told her give me a hug again bc I wanted to touch her.

My buddy was impressed, it was just kind of like a fantasy to me. I had a gf at the time so when I previously said I was single I meant that I was not yet married (to a different woman). So afterwards the girl texted me and said- you were looking good in that beanie today with a smiley face. I knew exactly where she was going.

Looking back I should have just fucked her bc she got a divorce anyway but even though I didn't know the guy or give two shits about him the principle of the matter that she tried me while married sickened me (at the time) .Her husband was 120% beta so he was bound to lose a nice piece of puss like that anyway. At the end of the day- oh well

abundance mentality

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You gave her the tingles.

[–]maxrp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is she getting equal pay as the men though? This is all that matters.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You don't apply sexual strategy in the workplace.

Meaning it doesn't matter if you give her tingles or whatever stupid shit is being said here she's an employee first in this situation. In a leadership position you treat men and women the same. You don't apply TRP principles on women at the workplace.

If you actually want to learn how to deal with employees in a leadership position search Jocko Willink on youtube. He is an ex navy seal commander that now teaches companies about leadership.

[–]AlphaGrad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I second Jocko Podcast.

[–]AstuteBlackMan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Consistent anger is bad. It means you should remove yourself of that woman. If a woman is making you angry to where you have to shout for more than 30-60 seconds you should drop her.

[–]DatingCoach111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The ability to self express equals fearlessness. Humans respect others who are not afraid. My ex girlfriend was the same...bitchy, dominant-driven, and manipulative until she said or did something that reallypissed me off.

She was the sweetest thing the next day.

You did good.