I'm currently 33 years old and have never had a girlfriend. I literally have payed hookers for hugs, kisses and sex. For the last 12 years I have been living in social isolation and before that I was no star in social situations either. In short: I basically lived inside a prison of my own making with the exception that inside a real prison you might get a beating now and then.
Depression and social anxiety are no strangers to me. And I'm sure there are other psychological consequences that I'm not fully aware about.
On a daily basis I struggle with just being outside. There are girls everywhere. And I am extremely desperate and frustrated. I want to make some sort of contact, but I can't. Hiding away has been my life for the last 12 years. Literally waiting for the day to end, so I can sleep and don't have to think about my situation for 8-9 hours while sleeping.
My social skills are almost non existant. I do not have family or friends. Weirdly enough I do not really desire male friends. Desperation for some female contact has taken over any other desire. It has become the one and only thought on my mind, for every waking moment. I am aware this is not healthy.
I tried professional help against all my better judgement. It's not an option. Many reasons for it. No point in explaining those reasons.
I am aware that girls do not make my life suddenly be better. I do not expect that.
My biggest problem is that I have no clue on how to meet girls. Cold approaching is a big topic on this part of Reddit. However, I cannot for the hell of it imagine myself doing this stuff in my current situation. I have social anxiety and even looking in the direction of a girl can freak me out. Talking is even harder. And I really wouldnt know what to say anyway. All openers seem weird to me. Even saying 'hi' seems inappropiate and weird in many cases. (Im not from USA, just to make that clear)
I have been thinking about cold approaching for years now. I get stuck on the question of where I would even make my first attempt. Let alone try to say a single word. I just don't think it is "normal" or if it is, I cannot even imagine it in my head.
Join a club or get a hobby is what is said on some places. What club? What hobby? Where to find those things? I do not know this. I really do not. I might be stupid. It is frustrating. What kind of club or hobby can someone like me join to get a chance at a girl? No point in joining a chess club.
I tried online dating. Send hundreds of messages, tried different things. Those girls don't even bother sending something back and if they do I have no clue on what to say to make them send a second message. Waste of time. I guess I have to spend a year in the gym before having any chance at all. Statistics say plenty of couples meet eachother on dating sites. Is this bullshit or am I missing something?
Just getting a single date would be a massive win for my situation. It would show me that at the very least there is some hope.
One of the main reasons for living in isolation for this long is my desperation and frustration involving girls. This problem needs to be handled. It needs to be handles as quickly as possible. Everytime I try to change my situation I eventually end up running back to my "little prison". A person can only have a certain amount of willpower. Spending years on first doing other things before going after girls is just not possible. I give up much sooner than that.
Ideally I would like to find some "quick and dirty" solution just to keep motivation up. Something to lower the desperation temporarily, so I can focus on a long term strategy without burning away all my willpower. However, there might not be such a solution. I don't know.
It cannot be rocket science.