52
53

LTR letting me cheat to continue relationship (self.asktrp)

submitted by ironrape12

First time being in this position.

Got into a LTR couple months back (after careful vetting for 8 - 10 months)

Sweet girl, but I continued to see other people and instead of breaking it off she just trusted I stay loyal.

Tried to break it off a couple times explaining to her that it’s better and she wouldn’t have it.

Blocked her on everything and told her that unless she can deal with the fact that I have needs that need to be met, this is not going to work.

Been a couple days and now she replied saying:

“You know how you said either deal with it or leave and I want you in my life.”

Do I take advantage of this or just let go?

Edit: I wasn’t sure if this was a smart idea or not, but after reading a couple comments I realized I have made it this far, so why not push further?

I’m not an “Alpha” or anything like that YET. I’m just a guy following the same advice as you lot.

I would still like to receive more useful information on making this situation in my favor.

Thank you all!


[–]Aralant 152 points153 points  (3 children)

Women would rather share an alpha than have a loyal beta this is not a new phenomenon.

[–]Helpcalculus 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Yeah, looking at his last post, I don't think he is that alfa to be shared among numerous women.

[–]redvelvet_oreo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Remember a womans perception of an alpha male is one thing. Being Alpha all around is another thing. His actions and game makes her perceive him as alpha.

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper 85 points86 points  (11 children)

Had to call in more air strikes on dumb comments. This is what you get when the retards at the back of the class try to instruct, instead of shutting up so you can hear the professor.

She just submitted. She has come to grips with the fact that equality is a lie, and double standards are the natural order of the human race. She has agreed to submit to your rule in order to be with you.

When women submit, you reward them for it. You don't punish them by demoting to plate status, or questioning their motives like a starving dog that growls at you over the food bowl you just gave it, unable to believe that you aren't going to take it back. (Men who can't believe women would tolerate polygyny are men who have never truly held a woman's fascination. Thus, starving dogs.)

Now, you must reward her by helping her to cope with the jealousy. Use consistent demonstrations of affection and ownership to demonstrate to her that sharing your attention doesn't mean losing it. She is your dog now, and good dogs get petted.

Eventually, if you play this game right, she will come to accept this as the new normal, and be able to be social, even friendly, with your other women. Don't focus on the threesomes. They'll happen, they are a perk of this, but they are not what makes this work, or the great goal.

The goal is you as the unequivocal head of the relationship structure. It is the state where your rules, not society's rules, determine what is normal and expected within the relationship.

[–]ironrape12[S] 19 points20 points  (8 children)

Finally!

I’ve heard of married red pill men achieving this and I just needed some guidance.

I don’t quite understand the “reward” part?

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper 35 points36 points  (7 children)

Glad you asked.

There are two varieties of game... indifference and control. TRP encompasses both, but we teach and emphasize "indifference" much more because control is for LTRs, and, in case you haven't noticed, our civilization isn't exactly swimming in LTR-worthy women. A major part of this is that women are not behaving in a submissive fashion.

So, when a woman submits to you, this is the desired behaviour. If you want to see more of something, you must incentivize it. The retards at the back of the class would have you punish her instead... they are projecting their fears onto her, and wish to punish her for being the source of that terror. But of course, if you punish people for doing what you want, you are working against your own interests. But, of course, the reward cannot take the form of capitulation to her whims, or other shows of weakness, because women cannot respect weak men, and cannot love or desire men they do not respect.

So how and when do you reward her?

The "how" is easy. She has already told you what she considers to be a reward.

"... and I want you in my life."

She wants your presence, your attention, your affection, and your care. You can now dole these out as rewards for good behaviour.

So when do you do this?

When she submits to your control and lives by your rules. The more she does this, the more you switch from pretending indifference, detachment, and outcome independence, to visibly investing in her, giving her affection, and considering her welfare.

For example, if you wish to train her to deal with your polygyny calmly, then give pets, praise, and affection as rewards for staying calm and well-behaved when she sees evidence of it... and withdraw these if she throws a tantrum instead. The whole reason women get jealous is that they fear the loss of your attachment. If this fear makes her try to control you, you withdraw. If she manages to suppress it, or to articulate it to you without being demanding, controlling, or aggressive, you provide affection and comfort instead. Over time, this helps you to alleviate the fear.

Your goal is not to create a beaten down, miserable wretch, but a trusting and adoring pet.

I cannot give you the details of how to do this, because they have to be tailored to your particular pet. But what's important for you is to understand the idea. You are training a dog. How do you train a dog? By associating positive feelings of affection, praise, and approval with the desired behaviour.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 12 points13 points  (0 children)

^ This needs to be a top-level post on the main sub.

[–]ironrape12[S] 9 points10 points  (4 children)

That’s actually how I got into this situation.

When she started getting “frustrated” I would flip the script by withdrawing attention and she would come crawling to me for another opportunity to prove she was worth my time.

Today we had a conversation about how my needs aren’t going to be met by just one woman and she took it very well.

She did cry a bit, but I’d hug her and tell her that it’s fine and she’d calm down and explain that she understood that I have needs that need to be met and that she’ll try harder to relax.

Any signs to watch out for?

Thank you for your time.

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper 2 points3 points  (3 children)

She did cry a bit, but I’d hug her and tell her that it’s fine and she’d calm down and explain that she understood that I have needs that need to be met and that she’ll try harder to relax.

Okay, there's a number of obstacles here, and you're going to need to be proactive about them.

Female jealousy is not inherent the way male jealousy is, but it can be very strong because it is a combination of some heavily-reinforced cultural attitudes. You need to have an answer for all of them.

  • Fear of abandonment
    • Women cheat all the time, but they are emotionally monogamous... most of them can generally only harbour romantic attachment to one man at a time.
    • Sex tends to create emotional attachment in women.
    • Female solipsism causes women to think that these two things are true of men as well.

Thus, she thinks if you have sex with other women, you will be become attached to them (rarely true), and that if you become attached to them, this will cause you to stop caring for her (almost never true). You will need ways to counter this fear.

  • Public shame
    • Other women HATE HATE HATE women in polygynous relationships for the same reason that slave owners hate abolitionists... they do not want a captive population being exposed to the idea of other options.
    • They will vigourously push the narrative that she is a low-value woman, with low self-esteem, who must be desperate, because she stays with a man who "mistreats" her.
    • They will focus their attacks on her, not you, because they have nothing to threaten you with... it is her reputation they will attempt to destroy.

Thus, being in this situation opens her reputation up to attack. You will need ways to protect her from this form of bullying.

  • Script disruption
    • Women measure their success in life by its resemblance to the end of a romantic fairytale, such as Disney movies.
    • There are no Disney stories about King Soloman's horde of wives.
    • This can cause persistent beliefs that she has failed at life, especially if she is being bullied by other women.

You will also need ways to counter this kind of negative self-talk.

This will require great skill, and you will probably not be successful with every girl you try it on, even if your game is razor-sharp. But if and when you consistently counter these three forces, you can not only suppress jealousy but actually cure it permanently.

[–]ironrape12[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

  1. Fear of abandonment is what I’m currently working on. LTR will find messages of other women being called the same pet names I call LTR and it triggers her.

  2. I can handle the online shaming and bullying towards her, but I can’t be around her 24/7?

  3. Honestly did not understand your final point on script disruption? -I need to make it seem that it’s a Disney movie to LTR or else she failed?

Thank you for your patience.

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper 2 points3 points  (1 child)

#1. Create some shared secrets just between you two. All lovers (both in the physical and in the emotional sense) develop private languages and idioms. I never try to reuse these.

You will also need to figure whether telling nothing or telling her everything about your other encounters works better.

#2. You need to prevent her social network from finding out until she has become comfortable enough with her situation that she can brush off criticism because she knows what's going on works.

#3. No. It's about getting her to be able to reject the "Disney Paradigm". She needs to be able to feel successful as a girl without relying on it, which is mostly about your ability to appear really high value in her eyes, so having feels like "winning", even if the deal is on your terms.

[–]ironrape12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  1. Good stuff. Already taken care of the secret languages and inside jokes we both personally share.

If LTR finds out again and it triggers her, what then? Continue hiding or straight up tell her what’s going on?

  1. LTR only hangs out with me and a group of girls she just got messed up with for a school project. We only hang out twice a week. She’s usually at home.

  2. Continue improving as a man and in her head it will be worth it since I’m so high value (to LTR).

I noticed that she’s just in love with the idea of starting a family with me. Would that be considered part of the “Disney Paradigm”?

[–]somebullshitrp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is great, I agree that this needs to be a post on the main sub. This gives a lot more detail and insight into how to successfully manage several girls without lying to them about what you're up to (fucking other women).

I've been moderately successful at this, but I always feel like I'm experimenting with techniques, vs. being more directed in my approach.

[–]Ruby_Red_Pill_Maker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

FUCK YEAH!

[–]WolfofAllStreetz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Whisper is correct on all fronts here. MRP dude over here, I have more partners I did then when I got married, wife is aware and fine with the situation. Hell she joins in. Takes the right person to manage the situation however.

[–][deleted] 64 points65 points  (11 children)

There are plenty of women who can be more than happy being monogamous to a man who is not monogamous to her.

[–]account_rp 4 points5 points  (4 children)

Are you sure that they're not fucking other guys?

[–]RedHoodhandles 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Can you be ever?

[–]CaptainBW 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You can never be sure. And if you have proper Frame and internalize the lessons here, you shouldn’t give a fuck what women are doing when they’re not around you. You can only control yourself, not other people.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you are worried about that, keep them as plates and then you won't care.

[–]ironrape12[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t have enough time in the day to worry about such nonsense.

My goal(s) are enormous and require all my focus. Thinking of her only annoys me and slows me down.

[–]Odawg225 1 point2 points  (5 children)

Can anyone second this?

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, it's called "my life".

[–]Tuplad 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 2 points3 points  (0 children)

how many side chicks of married men wait forever for him to 'leave his wife'?

[–]1morescoobysnacks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are some women who will do it for awhile. It'll always fall apart at some point because doing what Whisper said isn't worth the effort. It's a full time job balancing that. You can just fuck multiple women and not commit and not have to deal with any of this horse shit.

[–]mrHappyPotatoe 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Dude. You just got golden ticket so many in redpill are after. Ffs dude take it. Lol. Played your hand well. Can you keep playing?

[–]NutritionalBoy 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What do you mean?

[–]mrHappyPotatoe 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Girl is okay with his man having side chicks. He can build a harem.

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

[removed]

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[removed]

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

    [removed]

      [–]wataDs 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      I do this often. Dont lie but dont give away info. If she likes you a lot she wont want to know but your guys' status will imply it. Ask her "so youre okay being fwb?" If she says yes you may resume with a clean conscience.

      [–]jessne1 12 points13 points  (1 child)

      “A woman would rather share an alpha than to be saddled with a faithful beta.”

      [–]hownao 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      this is all you need to know.

      [–]RedLegendx 26 points27 points  (3 children)

      Just plate her ?

      [–]help21s1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      ^^^

      [–]Give-us-another-one 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      This ^

      [–]SheenCharlie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I second this

      [–]2comment 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Ultimately, a relationship if playing the rules you both agree on, overtly or tacitly. Not what society says is proper.

      [–]chachaChad 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Do I take advantage of this or just let go?

      That's a YOU question. Do what you want.

      Personally, I would use this opportunity to shape the relationship into exactly what you want it to be. Be nice about it but explore who you want to be. Have sex with her when you want and then have sex with other girls when you want. Fuck, have her find you new pussy to fuck. See how far you can take her. It's her job to enforce her boundaries.

      Remember to reward the fuck out of her every time you make progress. Pretty soon you'll be banging chicks in front of her and she'll be bring home her friends for you. That shit happens. Make it happen for you.

      Of course, if that's all too much for you, move on.

      [–]zboo1h 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      You could have a good situation on your hands there. Depends on whether you believe her or not. And you definitely either do or don't believe her, no need to try and explain it.

      [–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I maintain 1-3 "OLTRs" at all times. I do not lie to the women about it, I just explain early on that I'm not monogamous and that's how it is. Nor do I rub it in their faces that I'm dating others (although in some cases I have dated two women who know each other - roommates, and women who later became roommates at my suggestion).

      The OLTRs voluntarily give up dating other men in exchange for more "privileges" - first priority w/r/t my time, etc.

      So long as you are honest and she understand what's up, then that's fine.

      [–]TheLanternFlame 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Isn't she one of those plateable ones? Is she's willing then go for it. Good for you!

      [–]OzzyGangrel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      This exact thing happened with my current LTR, although i told her right from the start i wasn't monogamous. It took her a few days until she reached that same conclusion.

      If she is LTR material and you like her, keep at it.

      [–]mozofila 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      This reminds me of Juan from vVicky Christina Barcelona. Nice job

      [–]ironrape12[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      *high fives

      [–]Kommanderdude 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You sir are currently winning at life. May your good fortune continue. Keep this attitude. Don’t become attached to her. Also be prepared for her to do anything and everything she can sexually to lock you down in monogamy.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      marry her

      [–]DeontologicalSanders 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You're making a huge presumption.

      You're assuming she meant "I want to stay in your life, and I'm willing to let you have sex with other women to get that", when all she actually said to you is "I want to stay in your life". She's baiting you with ambiguity to get your attention back on her.

      [–]Big_Daddy_PDX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      It’s a setup from her to keep you distracted from leaving. That sounds like she’s low value. I was in a similar position and my Ex-wife distracted me with a steady diet of young single pussy and regular threesomes. 10/10 would NOT do that again waste of time.

      [–]Abnull 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Take advantage of it. What harm can it do? You can always leave her later.

      [–]1zero12three -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

      Take advantage of it if you want to. Don’t ask us about every little shit, it’s your life ffs.

      [–][deleted]  (3 children)

      [removed]

      [–]1Shyrk 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      If this girl is willing to accept his non-monogamy, then you are no one to judge their compatibility. She has done that more thoroughly than you ever could, already.

      [–]360_no_scope_upvote 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      How one woman acts with her alpha does not directly translate how she will act with other future men. Women change personalities like hats. You're taking this one example and being blue pill about it.

      [–]zaze12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      This is not asktoniceguypill.

      [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (8 children)

      I know I'm gonna get hate for this but I wouldn't take advantage of it. Yes, she can't unconditionally love you like a BP imagines it. But she is still a human being with real emotions and taking advantage of her desperation is inhumane.

      [–]ironrape12[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      Read the side bar.

      [–]wobbleelbbow -2 points-1 points  (6 children)

      There is 99 percent chance she already had side dicks inside of her. When a woman tells something like this, the relationship is over at that moment.

      [–]ironrape12[S] 5 points6 points  (5 children)

      Disagree.

      She is satisfied with me, that is why she is reacting this way.

      Otherwise, she’d be breaking up with me.

      This is NOT an open relationship. This is me demanding my needs be met and if she doesn’t comply she can leave. Ultimately, it is her own choice. I can’t make her do a damn thing.

      She knows any wandering is only going to be reciprocated with punishment; my complete abscence.

      [–][deleted]  (3 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]ironrape12[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        You are furniture at best.

        [–]wobbleelbbow -1 points0 points  (0 children)

        Well, there are always exceptions.

        [–]assholeofthesky -1 points0 points  (0 children)

        Do I take advantage of this or just let go?

        You're an idiot, she's giving you freereign to go and fuck other people.