So for a bit of backstory, I (M-24) have been in an LTR with my gf (F-21) for almost 2 years now, and recently I’ve been feeling more and more distant from her, seeing as how I don’t have any real sexual interest towards her as i used to. She’s gained a small amount of weight (although she wasn’t exactly skinny to begin with), and she constantly complains about wanting to go to the gym or working out, but when I offer her the chance to go with me together, she usually doesn’t want to go.
She’s loud, brash, and often tries to assert her opinion over mine, and sometimes if she doesn’t get her way, it’s a whole other shit show. It’s this kind of attitude that makes me think she’s just an immature little brat, and it really dials down my sex drive, being belittled, disrespected, and sometimes yelled at for no particular reason. She says I have anger problems, even despite the fact that before dating her, I was not an angry person. It’s her pointless arguments for who’s trying to wear the pants in the relationship that causes me to get angry. We’re always butting heads because she’s a self-described “dominant” person, because apparently people walked all over her when she was younger, and now the only way she can get relief from that part of her life is asserting her dominance over another person, primarily me.
So recently, we took in some friends that needed a place to stay. They’re pretty open about their sexuality, often making sex jokes around us (but we’re cool with it). They’re pretty intimate with each other, usually cuddling up on the couch just chillin, calling each other cute names more often (she calls him daddy when we’re not around). They’ve been together just as long as we have, but their relationship is a little bit worse, as she has admitted to her getting smacked sometimes. The thing is though, when i took a long, hard look at the difference between their relationship and mine, I actually just stopped and realized just how wide the divide is between me and my own gf is when it comes to intimacy, at least in comparison to other couples;
When we go to movies, she’ll sometimes be affectionate, like holding my hand or laying her head on my shoulder or something. When we go out, she doesn’t really like PDA, even around friends. Sometimes I’ll sneak in a kiss or something when I get a chance. She’ll usually never just cuddle up on me in bed or on the couch unless it’s for a specific reason, like her feet or legs are cold or something, and if I’m doing something like playing games, watching a show i like, or just doing something i like in general, she’ll RARELY join in or comment on whatever I’m doing/watching. She has little real interest in what I like, but she expects me to appease her own desires. It’s that kind of solipsism
In short, I don’t really have any sexual attraction to her anymore because she doesn’t treat me and my opinions with respect, often judging and criticizing me over little things like just simply having a beer after work, overdramatizing and calling me an alcoholic simply because i choose to have a drink or two occasionally. I find myself constantly fantasizing about other women more, fantasizing about not just having sex with them, but also how it would be like dating them. Masturbation has become almost as common as I did it to me as when I was single, and when we dohave sex, it’s not usually more than 15 minutes, usually in a few positions. When she tries to initiate, she usually just goes right for my dick and starts playing with it. I know some guys like that, but I told her she needs to try rubbing other places like my chest or legs or something. She still hasn’t done anything like that.
Is this it? Am I officially in a dead bedroom, and by proxy, a dead relationship? What can I even do at this point to help my gf that doesn’t really show signs of wanting to be helped? We’ve broken up a few times over stupid arguments but we usually end up just getting back together. I’m tired of fighting to keep my opinion on the table and being judged without any real legitimate reasons. I just want to be respected.