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Not sexually attracted to my LTR anymore, and her attitude isn’t helping. (self.asktrp)

submitted by shuritsen

So for a bit of backstory, I (M-24) have been in an LTR with my gf (F-21) for almost 2 years now, and recently I’ve been feeling more and more distant from her, seeing as how I don’t have any real sexual interest towards her as i used to. She’s gained a small amount of weight (although she wasn’t exactly skinny to begin with), and she constantly complains about wanting to go to the gym or working out, but when I offer her the chance to go with me together, she usually doesn’t want to go.

She’s loud, brash, and often tries to assert her opinion over mine, and sometimes if she doesn’t get her way, it’s a whole other shit show. It’s this kind of attitude that makes me think she’s just an immature little brat, and it really dials down my sex drive, being belittled, disrespected, and sometimes yelled at for no particular reason. She says I have anger problems, even despite the fact that before dating her, I was not an angry person. It’s her pointless arguments for who’s trying to wear the pants in the relationship that causes me to get angry. We’re always butting heads because she’s a self-described “dominant” person, because apparently people walked all over her when she was younger, and now the only way she can get relief from that part of her life is asserting her dominance over another person, primarily me.

So recently, we took in some friends that needed a place to stay. They’re pretty open about their sexuality, often making sex jokes around us (but we’re cool with it). They’re pretty intimate with each other, usually cuddling up on the couch just chillin, calling each other cute names more often (she calls him daddy when we’re not around). They’ve been together just as long as we have, but their relationship is a little bit worse, as she has admitted to her getting smacked sometimes. The thing is though, when i took a long, hard look at the difference between their relationship and mine, I actually just stopped and realized just how wide the divide is between me and my own gf is when it comes to intimacy, at least in comparison to other couples;

When we go to movies, she’ll sometimes be affectionate, like holding my hand or laying her head on my shoulder or something. When we go out, she doesn’t really like PDA, even around friends. Sometimes I’ll sneak in a kiss or something when I get a chance. She’ll usually never just cuddle up on me in bed or on the couch unless it’s for a specific reason, like her feet or legs are cold or something, and if I’m doing something like playing games, watching a show i like, or just doing something i like in general, she’ll RARELY join in or comment on whatever I’m doing/watching. She has little real interest in what I like, but she expects me to appease her own desires. It’s that kind of solipsism

In short, I don’t really have any sexual attraction to her anymore because she doesn’t treat me and my opinions with respect, often judging and criticizing me over little things like just simply having a beer after work, overdramatizing and calling me an alcoholic simply because i choose to have a drink or two occasionally. I find myself constantly fantasizing about other women more, fantasizing about not just having sex with them, but also how it would be like dating them. Masturbation has become almost as common as I did it to me as when I was single, and when we dohave sex, it’s not usually more than 15 minutes, usually in a few positions. When she tries to initiate, she usually just goes right for my dick and starts playing with it. I know some guys like that, but I told her she needs to try rubbing other places like my chest or legs or something. She still hasn’t done anything like that.

Is this it? Am I officially in a dead bedroom, and by proxy, a dead relationship? What can I even do at this point to help my gf that doesn’t really show signs of wanting to be helped? We’ve broken up a few times over stupid arguments but we usually end up just getting back together. I’m tired of fighting to keep my opinion on the table and being judged without any real legitimate reasons. I just want to be respected.


[–]btrpb 185 points186 points  (2 children)

Your whole relationship is in her frame, on her terms, and now you are basically her bitch. If you can't see this you haven't read or understood the sidebar.

Seriously, you just need to dump her and then take a serious look at yourself.

[–]1DonaldBaelish 81 points82 points  (1 child)

How To Spot a Newfag 101: LTR posts like this one.

[–]babybopp 46 points47 points  (0 children)

She has zero tingles for him. He is her bitch boy without guts to leave. Needs to read sidebar. He is already in the anger stage. Just a matter of time before he finds out she is fucking chad from downstairs

[–]DaftOdyssey 50 points51 points  (0 children)

As I see it, you're under her control. If you don't like/prefer that, dump her. You're only going to be more miserable if you stay and drag this for a long time.

After breaking up with her, work on yourself. If you're physically fit, concentrate on working on your mentality. Read the sidebar. Study it rigorously. Know that shit to the T.

I would strongly recommend on working on your frame and how you stay in it no matter who you're with. This could make any "dominant" chick into your submissive slave.

[–]xddm2653 50 points51 points  (3 children)

Then leave.

[–]GucciGangBucks 12 points13 points  (2 children)

I don’t read the long ass paragraphs anymore. The answers are so obvious these days it’s crazy.

I’m not happy, I hate my life, I hate my LTE, etc. just leave this shit is so simple.

[–]It_just_got_Worse 15 points16 points  (1 child)

I hate my LTE sometimes as well...that bitch never gives me signal

[–]GucciGangBucks 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Then switch your carrier holy shit. I’m tired of these blue pill betas always having AT&T when better carriers are out there. Switch to google fiber already I’m tired of the bitching.

[–]CalvinRichland 76 points77 points  (0 children)

TLDR: fat girl LTR is obnoxious bitch but you stay.

[–]kabuto_mushi 30 points31 points  (0 children)

You're 24, you still have so much time to eject and craft a gorgeous frame for yourself. Do yourself a favor and leave today. Take it from someone who suffered in a relationship just like this one.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Problem: LTR has gotten chunky and mouthy.

Solution: Dump her.

[–]RedHoodhandles 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Have you even read one sentence of the sidebar or whatsoever?

I'm gonna be blunt here. You're GF threats you like a little bitch because you are a little bitch. End this shit show and start to become a man (or be butthurt about mine and other comments and delete your post like the other fags that come to this sub, looking for a quick solution).

[–]sixseven89 48 points49 points  (0 children)

Break up nigga

[–]jagdecat 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Had a girl like that. Discovered I was the problem. I wanted her to like me and keep liking me. I did everything by the feminism book. Her fault and I'm apologizing for it, im bringing her presents when she didn't even wish me on my birthday, cheering her up when she's down, missing work when she wanted to hang out, even pulled a few strings and got her a job which paid double her previous earnings. Guess what. She didn't like me more... She got worse. . As did her treatment of me.

Discovered TRP and fuck! Discovered the blue beta I was and took 3 months but let her go. Slow poison. Slowly withdrew, first the presents, then the meals, then my time and then myself completely.

6 months later and Wow! Does TRP works or what.

My 2 cents - read the sidebar and work on being a man.

[–]sehns 22 points23 points  (1 child)

You are in the right place. However, if you had been here long enough you would know that based on all the information you have presented you do not even need to ask this question. You would be kicking that bitch out the door so fast her head would spin.

Breaking up is never easy, it requires a large amount of effort. You seem like you're a bit low on will power so I'll give you some assistance. Stop taking her shit. Do not let her get away with another fucking thing. Hold your frame. Shows over. If she doesn't comply then tell her to leave. Watch and learn how she becomes more attracted to you when you do this and see how redpill really works. Use all these fights as a reason to break up without being overly nasty about it - remember, a real man doesn't need to be a bitch. Just stay calm, in control and have her move on.

Do not be lame and attempt to reconcile this relationship, it's much easier to find a better person than it is to change someone.

[–]earthmother92 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Finally someone who doesnt criticize OP but advises him.

[–]TrenGod37 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I used to have this same issue back in the day. It’s funny to read this now knowing what I know. And how I have posted similar stuff back then, to seeing the issue from a different perspective.

You’re in her frame. Completely and You give way too many fucks. And this is all your fault because you allowed it. She disrespects you because you allow her to. She doesn’t respect your opinion because your a shitty leader and the sex is shitty because you are.

Start by STFU. That’s the single best thing you can do right now. It will take time to really get down pat. But stop Participating in the bickering, arguments and allowing her to piss you off.

When she starts. You stop. Stfu and go do something else. There’s no point at this point going any further because you’re in so deep that stfu is something you need to get down first and foremost before you can make any further progress. In the meantime, work on improving your smv.

[–]underd0g- 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This post seems to be your way of talking yourself out of breaking up with her. You’ve already broken up before.

You’re wasting your time dude.

[–]TheTrenTrannyTrain 13 points14 points  (0 children)

If you're not sexually attracted to her, you might as well be her girlfriend. Break up.

[–]Morphs_ 10 points11 points  (2 children)

It's kinda funny, reading your story the solution is dead simple.

She has not attraction for you and you likely grew complacent in the LTR. You lost the power struggle which makes you weak and insufficiently masculine.

I've been in one of those LTRs, but was smart enough to have it last for 2 months only.

[–]redrogue12 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I'd say he even knew the solution but wanted validation.

[–]volvostupidshit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She really is the girl in this relationship.

[–]VillagersUnite 5 points6 points  (0 children)

First paragraph was enough. You know what to do. Get out. Improve yourself and try again with someone new. Fuck her.

[–]Hanarable 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You should’ve been teaching her long before it got to this point. For example why did you allow for her to get fatter? You’ve got to make it clear to woman that you don’t like fat girls and if she decides to continue gaining weight you’ll be forced to drop her. Same with the overtalking you and everything else you mentioned.

[–]Code-Master13 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ya.... You need to get out of that.

[–]stylesm11 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Geez man, have some self respect and stop being your girlfriend's bitch, sounds like she's not attracted to you either, go game other women

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

[–]volvostupidshit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup. Unless they really are your type.

[–]shuritsen[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Thanks for all the help guys, It’s gonna be a rocky road to being where I want to be, but at least now I know what I need to do. I’m a bitch. And the first step is admitting it. Now for the second, third, and so on. It’s high time.

[–]sehns 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Come back and give us a report after you've thrown her out.

[–]Endorsed Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hey Red Pill my penis doesn't want to put semen inside a giant sack of shit if a human being.

[–]On_The_Tweek_Again 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeaaaa... Get out of that shit.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dump her, fix yourself.

[–]momomotorboat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ok, at the very least be grateful you're no longer attracted to her and not out here begging. Also the fact that you're not married to her, that's a blessing. You're at least waking up.

Besides that, everyone else is right.

[–]1RPLawyer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dude... Just...

Sidebar. Sidebar sidebar sidebar.

This is just some victim puke. Of course she wears the pants in the relationship because someone needs to and you're obviously not! She acts the way she does because she doesn't respect you. Because she has no reason to. You are a bitch. You were probably hoping for a quick solution by posting here. Something like "do X then Y and she'll start to act like you want to". It doesn't work like that, man.

You need to read the sidebar ASAP and some books. If you want to stay in the LTR for now, read Married Man Sex Life Primer. Whatever you do, you need to read No More Mr. Nice Guy and When I Say No I Feel Guilty. Oh and hit the gym. Get that testosterone flowing again. In your next post, tell us your stats. And that next post should be about you, not 90% about her like this one. That's part of getting out her frame.

You got a lot of work ahead of you.

[–]ElOweTea 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lift.

[–]Nergaal 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Protip: read the bar on the right

[–]MisplacedSanityP 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I usually don’t respect the whole transgender thing, I’ll be sure to use your proper pronounce of she, her, and hers though. Mate, you’ve become the woman of the relationship. Cut it off, move on. Normally I would say try something nuclear to fix this, but the women clearly has BPD. This will not be fixed. So cut it off, slowly grow your balls back, and focus on yourself. Figure out what kind of girl you want or if you even want a LTR, a lot of guys on TRP go for the forever single life. If you do want a LTR, make sure to vet next time thoroughly. It’s important to take responsibility for not seeing this earlier. Either way, fuck off out of this relationship.

[–]voxiqs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Start dreading her until you find another chick or just leave bro. The former is probably going to give you better experience with woman and the latter will give you a clean slate. Either way she steps in your frame or you get another girl to do it. We all start somewhere, now read the fucking side bar. If you keep constantly increasing your smv she will start to do it herself or lose you.

[–]HIJKelemenoP 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Leave.

[–]Jay-G 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your problem here is not that you are not attracted to your LTR anymore. Your problem is that you have been a beta bitch and let her control the relationship. She is the Alpha between the 2 of you. You come here wanting a quick fix to a problem that has been going on for a long time. You can't eat krispy kreme's and cheetos for 2 years then go to a personal trainer one day and ask for a solution to not be fat anymore. Don't deal with a shitty woman. Ever. Be ready to walk away from any relationship. You have gone down the wrong path for too long, it is damn near impossible to fix this situation at this point. You need a hard reset. Leave, and try again on the next one.

[–]NazoXIII 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Then eh... here's a thought, hand her a pink slip and play the field.

[–]htowntrav 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lift. Dread game. Read sidebar. Dump her. Your time is too valuable to waste on this anchor of a woman. Realize the value of self. Go improve your life. Go have life experiences.

The time you’re trading for sitting on the couch eating and watching movies with her could be better used. Stop trading your time for something that’s not making you better or giving you good stories and memories.

[–]jeffwingersballs[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

ghost her immediately.

[–]Original_Dankster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She’s loud, brash, and often tries to assert her opinion over mine

In short, I don’t really have any sexual attraction to her anymore because she doesn’t treat me and my opinions with respect

Your dick is trying to tell you something your brain is too stubborn to admit. GTFO

[–]gulag_disco 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you just need to vent then fine, pour it out in asktrp, but you can’t really be surprised by the answers.

Do you know what dread game is? Do you actually lift? Do you withdraw attention when she acts up? Did you read the fucking sidebar?

At best, you’re in damage control, but the ship will eventually sink, it’s just up to you as to when and how much you want to suffer. Make your preparations, work your ass off in the gym, get a hobby that makes you look like a badass. Stop taking the easy way out.

[–]furcryingoutloud 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OP, did you by any chance read your post before posting it? Your post reads like a bible verse for the clinically pussy whipped. What exactly do you want to achieve here?

Your answers are all in your own post. Dead bedroom, no sex, you don't want to bother with having sex with her. But then your laziness, cowardliness, and I don't know what other words to use to get you to understand that it's been over for a long time. Not only that, this is the wrong forum for this type of question. Try deadbedrooms or realitonshipadvice or some other place where your request for sympathy might fall on an ear that might give a shit.

Otherwise, look to the right here and start reading. Come back with some questions after you leave your unicorn.

[–]EddTheEdducator 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tommorow when you come home you show her who wears the pants. Bend her over doggy style and wrap your belt around her neck, pound that cookie until she calls you daddy. Make sure when you ask whos cookie that is she says yours daddy.Fuck her as relentlessly as possible, say the most obscene shit you can think about, spit in her mouth if you have to. Dont you dare cuddle her afterwards, go play video games or do something else by yourself.

If she doesn't comply then your relationship is dead and its been dead for a while. If you don't have the heart to do the above then thats why she doesn't respect you and most likely wasn't going to comply anyway

[–]DiggerClam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Who needs a backstory. Break up and move on.

[–]thefuture_of 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You shouldn't be living with a girl unless you want to have kids . Your way to young. Think about an LTR when your like 30. You will have more sex with her after you dump Her and start treating her like a plate.

[–]thefuture_of 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your 24 world is your oyster son . Don't let this cunt ruin the best years of your life.

[–]thefuture_of 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Girls that age will respond better to alpha traits . That's why your friend who dominates his missus and she calls him daddy is doing well . If you can't see your self being more alpha you gotta embrace your beta ness and work on your money game . Of course dump this brat ASAP . Your in prime time to get your money game right . You could buy a house and have it paid off by LTR time which is around 32 is for you, when girls get to 27 they will respect your provisioning ability way more and behave accordingly . If you stay in this LTR or any LTR you are reducing your income and life building potential . Basically this alpha seeking brat is stealing your potential to be very happy in your 30 s with a way higher quality women . Don't kid yourself , you cannot fulfil your income business and career potential with a whining slag running your life . She sucks your time, energy , attention , potential , money but she doesn't suck your dick. An LTR will also make you fat and lower your testosterone. Even if you have to sleep in your car , move in with your parents and let down your friends you need to end this ASAP. She won't care as she is already fucking other guys by the sound of it. Break up and report back will ya . Also read rational male preventative medicine , the sex God method ( steal it from internet ) . and My life as a pimp.

[–]thefuture_of 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What that guy said she's BPD. Dump her before she stabs you with a pair of scissors and tells the police you raped her . Dump ASAP. this bitch could really fuck your life up in a hurry .

[–]BuckNekkid18 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wall of text = next

[–]ScamcoSpy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bro I didn't even finish the second paragraph. Dump her now

[–]BraindeadIQ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not gonna get better, stay and be miserable or end this and start building yourself, focus on YOU YOU and only YOU.

Stop focusing on girls for little bit, hit the gym, meditate, learn something, hit up your guy friends.

[–]holyshocker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fag

[–]Hunter2isit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seriously is this sub the red pill or is this sub /r/whineandbitch

read the sidebar

[–]RadioPimp -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Stop watching so much porn. You think you can do better than her. You probably can’t.

[–]volvostupidshit -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You don't talk like that to a bro, ever. Call her a girl or a gay but never tell him he can't do better.