What are the main mistakes to avoid to not be beta? (self.asktrp)

submitted by kanteroalberda

TRP community has different opinions on almost everything, so its kinda difficult to figure out what is right and what is not sometimes.

So, the question is, what are those major mistakes everyone must avoid when communicating with women (ons or ltr)? What it looks like - balance between TRP mindset (being sexual, confident, understanding your value) and normal member of society (not playing tyrant game, not being super dark triad, being caring for some degree etc)?

[–]boredathome19 96 points97 points  (4 children)

Don't be needy. If they give you shit or legitimately are not interested in you, you should not give a fuck. You can't argue attraction and you shouldn't care about one girl being not interested.

Also stand your ground /keep frame. If they have real arguments and you see that your opinion on some topic was wrong you can admit being wrong, but don't cave in just to make them like you. I literally had a girl text me "i hate you" one night because she saw me walking with another girl only to invite me to her place the next afternoon.

[–]Droogas 85 points86 points  (2 children)

"Women will forgive you for being a dick but they will never forgive you for being a pussy."

[–]Zoddo 7 points8 points  (0 children)


[–]dark_g 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Talleyrand said it more diplomatically, women often forgive a man for abusing an opportunity but seldom for refusing to take one.

[–]Lambdal7 74 points75 points  (5 children)

  1. Show interest without breaking frame. If you have shown to have value and she gives you IOIs, then you show some interest, then her hamster goes wild. Showing interest is one of the most alpha things you can do, because uou put yourself out there to be rejected, laughed at and judged. Be aware to not give away all your power, just show some interest. She will probably reject your advances or be evasive at first to test your frame and see if you an angry beta, or she will show interest back. This is 50% of game.
  2. Get abundance. Don’t get numbers of 1 girl per month. Get 20 per month. This is 40% of game. You need volume. The remaining 10% are all the other small things.
  3. Do not rely on extrinstic validation. You need to stop trying to prove to your parents, friends, strangers on the internet and do things that make YOU happy.
  4. Have a mission and work towards it.

[–]lifeisweirdasfuck 15 points16 points  (0 children)

^ This is literally everything you need to know to game women.

Keeping it simple is the best thing.

[–]Flintblood 6 points7 points  (3 children)

You 3rd item can be more complex sometimes. I recently asked someone to go to an Asian desert place that she had told me about. She said she had plans for that weekend. My first thought was β€œyou have plans the WHOLE weekend β€” next” and decided to soft next and limit communication unless she initiates. Some would say that letting that one instance bring doubt is acting beta. Another would say that asking for another time, asking again, is beta.

(She’s mainland Chinese that has lived in US for maybe 5-6 years. Maybe culture of expectations is still a factor.)

[–]AmazonAlphaMale 6 points7 points  (1 child)

soft next and limit communication. so did u radio silence until she double texted you. or how did u reply

[–]Flintblood 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not really. I texted to ask about something mundane, the name of a place she recommended when we last were hanging out. Otherwise just pleasantries irl until she initiated talking to me beyond that.

She’s cool and super smart, but there hasn’t been time invested like that yet. Only one time we hung out for dinner, split check.

We are classmates and sorta work together, so I think it best to steer clear. I’m only doubting myself regarding opportunity identification. Otherwise I’m outcome independent on this one.

Given her culture I don’t know if she expects men to make all the moves and IOIs. But I am soft nexting for now and leave the ball in her court.

[–]VolatileEnemy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's okay to get rejected a few times at first. It's okay to ask again for some other time.

Obviously if you keep getting excuse and no alternative times she's not interested. Next.

I wouldn't really go after asian girls though, they have weird cultural/religious things going on.

[–]jchrist98 39 points40 points  (4 children)

Stop chasing girls. Chase success instead, and once you catch it, girls will be the ones chasing you.

[–]Enzymatic98 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My man.

[–]imtheoneimmortal 2 points3 points  (0 children)

but sad thing is that some people will chase your success not your person

[–]ich_bin_doch_geil 1 point2 points  (0 children)

True. 100%. Cant get them off my jock nowadays

[–]TheLongerCon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t see this at all, I know plently of guys who are successful and terrible with women. Fact of the matter is, attractive women don’t approach men that much, so you’re going to have to learn to initialize things if you want to get attractive women.

[–]myaccountforIRLstuff 42 points43 points  (5 children)

  1. Don't waste your life away doing pointless shit. Every second matters.
  2. Don't be dependent on anybody else. Whether it be for money, sex, friendship, whatever it is. Don't ever let anybody have the power to make you feel worthless without them.

[–]Flintblood 6 points7 points  (4 children)

This is a great framework and philosophy from which to work. If I were to do it all over again, I would start with this and then work digesting the sidebar, lift of course, then make experiences - and then think about women.

[–]myaccountforIRLstuff 0 points1 point  (3 children)

How old are you?

[–]Flintblood 0 points1 point  (2 children)

30s. Why?

By starting over, I mean going all the way back to high school, early high school and changing my behavior and priorities.

[–]myaccountforIRLstuff 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Same here. I was wondering because I'm in my mid twenties.

If I could go back to middle school, high school, early college... I would do so much shit differently.

Oh well. No better time than now, I guess.

[–]Flintblood 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You got that right. It’s never too late to turn around so long as you’re not in your deathbed.

I definitely would spend more time single, more time with my bros, and more time improving myself. I would also nix the idea of caring what a particular female thought about me unless she was my supervisor and it was work or School related.

[–]TheBadGoy 16 points17 points  (7 children)

The main mistake I see betas do is not talking to more than one woman at a time, also there is no such thing as a normal member of society.

[–]VolatileEnemy 0 points1 point  (6 children)

This is a bit silly to say, to act like as if you can just talk to so many women at once, is not easy. Obviously if they had plenty of women to talk to, they wouldn't be betas.

It would be like saying "oh you can't get sales in your store? Try getting more customers"

[–]TheBadGoy 1 point2 points  (5 children)

Betas are the ones that end up in the friendzone or end up getting cheated on. Incels or "Omegas" are the ones that can't approach or get laid (ex.Elliot Rodger)

[–]VolatileEnemy 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Bit silly to categorize so intricately. Most young men have trouble with women. Most will experience a breakup or getting cheated on. And almost 100% will experience a friendzone once in their life.

Approach anxiety completely normal among virtually all men. It's pre-programmed. Can't get laid well depends on your circumstances and some get lucky while others do not.

The goal here is to improve your chances through game, skills, and self-improvement.

If you are a beta who is talking to a lot of girls because you've been friendzoned so much well then you are just wasting your time talking to all these fruitless girls. If you have no girls to talk to because you nexted them all when they won't deliver the goods, then you may be alpha all you want, but you could still be achieving very little.

If you are ABLE to talk to a lot of girls with high potential (because they show interest) if you just flirt a little better or act a little more alpha, then you are already not a beta, so what's the point of saying that? Again that's like being a store owner with lots of customers already. But if you don't have that, then how is saying they should get more customers any helpful?

[–]TheBadGoy 0 points1 point  (3 children)

What the fuck are you even talking about. I'm answering your question. What are some mistakes a Beta makes, and I say not talking to more than one women at once. Then you come at me with some reddit tier condescending shit. Look at all the posts at asktrp, most of them are " I have oneitis, or I am in the friendzone" and I'm giving you the fucking solution, talk to more than one woman at a time.

[–]VolatileEnemy 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Your solution is worthless... Most of those asking questions here have oneitis or in friendzone BECAUSE they cannot talk to multiple women who show interest in the first place.

Something they may not have thought of is: just next them and stop obsessing over them, so that you can focus on something else.

However, telling them "yeah go find more girls" that's like... wow genius, I never thought of that, that's right go find more interested girls, it's that simple, so easy! Who woulda thunk it?

[–]TheBadGoy 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Oh ok. "Hey Mr. Beta how about you leave that oneitis and drown into your inceldom?" Your solution is equally as worthless

[–]VolatileEnemy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The point is they next them and go for other girls or do some self-improvement for a while. Not inceldom.

But I am realistic in that, they may not find other girls for some time, but they should try.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 13 points14 points  (0 children)

TRP community has different opinions on almost everything, so its kinda difficult to figure out what is right and what is not sometimes.

Some messages are consistent.

So, the question is, what are those major mistakes everyone must avoid when communicating with women (ons or ltr)? What it looks like - balance between TRP mindset (being sexual, confident, understanding your value) and normal member of society (not playing tyrant game, not being super dark triad, being caring for some degree etc)?

Most men are 99% beta when dealing with women - caring about her, and most especially caring what she thinks, aka putting her on a pedestal.

Attractive men are 90% alpha, with enough beta thrown in that she's not actually terrified.

Some degree of tyrant game and being dark triad is maximally attractive.

But most men can most benefit from not being beta. Caring for/about her and her opinion of you and other things, being considerate, listening to her stupid problems, taking her too seriously, being afraid of her or her reactions = all bad. Don't be needy, don't need anything from her. Have other options and find a way to let it be known that you have them. Be the prize and don't deviate from this for a second. Escalate. Lead. Don't tolerate shitty behaviour - she has to know and feel deep down that she's lucky to have you. Show her you're like this by sometimes walking away. Don't ever be upset or angry, this just means you've lost. It's much more attractive to laugh, tell her you don't need this shit and walk than it is to argue, fight, complain or look upset.

In short, when bad stuff happens from her (and it will), act like it's a road block. Do you stand there shouting and complaining at a road block telling to fucking improve? No, you go find a better road and don't give it a moment's more thought. Treat women the same way in all that you do.

Oh, and expect nothing from them, because other than sex that's exactly what you'll be getting.

[–]2chazthundergut 7 points8 points  (0 children)

  1. Prioritize your happiness over hers. Always.

  2. Chase the crown. Never chase a bitch.

  3. Grab your nuts and go for it.

[–]Buchloe 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Mistake #1- not reading the side bar

[–]Fulp_Piction 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A list of traits isn't going to help you much, go out and make mistakes until you can answer this question on your own.

That being said, probably this https://www.therationalmale.com/2014/11/14/mental-point-of-origin/amp/

And stoicism.

[–]mrpoopistan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm not a believer in don'ts, so I'll put my answer in the form of what you need to do rather than what you need to avoid. Avoiding things isn't as easy. A juke move to the right is harder than maintaining forward momentum (and sometimes, avoidance is unavoidable, too).

1) Outcome independence.

People can smell it on you when you're worried about how something ends. Think of the wrecked emotional state of a degenerate gambler, for example, as they sit there awaiting the outcome of an event they cannot control.

The same thing applies when a guy is really invested in a girl. Women can smell the fear and loathing on the guy as he hopes for everything to turn out well.

When you're not outcome independent, you also become a target. No one pulls the swimming trunks down on the confident kid who'd just walk around with his dick hanging out. They attack the kid who they know will freak.

2) Command presence.

When you enter any space, you need to look like you're in charge of yourself. You should be alert. You should be scanning all the people in the room.

Adapting command presence (which is a police/military concept) to a social space, you should be looking for people to engage with. If you recognize someone -- even if you don't really know them that well -- move toward them and say hello. Other people in the room will see you do this and register that you're confident and sociable.

3) Stay in frame.

People who want to fuck with you will try to get you out of your frame. If you're joking and having fun, they'll be the sour fucks just to get you out of your frame.

Forget that shit. You live in your world, and other people are welcome to come along for the ride. Those who can't be bothered to line up with your frame aren't your problem.

4) Care about what you care about.

And if you have nothing to care about, start exploring the world until you do.

One of the biggest benefits of caring about something is that it will depriortize chasing women. You'll hear PUA types talk about making it seem like your busy in order to not come off as needy. The simplest way to accomplish that is to actually be busy.

It also helps to excel at whatever you do, or at least want to excel at it. Invest time and effort into excelling at things. People will see that about you and respect it.

[–]imtheoneimmortal 5 points6 points  (0 children)

making experiences, find mission, why you should lift&meditate
find motivation at first.


[–]boardrider73 5 points6 points  (1 child)

That's A LOT of info. Check out Corey Wayne's videos on YouTube and read his book. Stuff helped me a lot. Good luck

[–]Fun2badult 10 points11 points  (0 children)

This. Corey Wayne’s stuff is good. Read his book 3% man. It’s free and you can find it in ebook. He gives a lot of good advice which I follow and works. Also not being emotional is one of ways not to be a beta.

[–]UnbreakableFrame 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Don't use asktrp to attempt to skip the hard work entailed being RP aware. Actually read the sidebar. There is no shortcut to understanding these concepts enough that it actually changes your life.

[–]NiceTryDisaster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry but to answer this one would have to summarise half of TRP. No one has that much free time here to do that. Browse the main subreddit. You will be able to answer your own question within a few weeks

[–]adeptintact 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anyone that wants to red pill should follow CH's 16 Commandments of Poon. It incorporates all the major tenets of how to be: https://heartiste.wordpress.com/the-sixteen-commandments-of-poon/

[–]HurricaneHugues 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Read the sidebar

[–]Quaternionz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

#1 mistake is not lifting.

[–]abdolfhitcoln420 -1 points0 points  (2 children)

There’s no such thing as beta and alpha males

The wolf study has long been debunked

[–]wobbleelbbow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are beta alpha traits though. And that's important

[–]RedPillD 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What are gorillas?